Imagine the perfect movie-going experience. Clean seats. The delicious smell of fresh popcorn permeating the air. The complete absence of screaming kids. No one answers their cell phone. The opening credits read, "starring Josh Brolin." And when you leave, your wallet remains relatively unscathed.

Now back to reality. It's hard to determine if that orange glob on your greasy seat is weeks-old candy or something of a more nebulous nature. The only smell permeating this theater air is an unfortunate combination of mildew and B.O.

Those perfect seats you found in the middle of the theater? Unfortunately, they're next to the parents who decided they didn't want to pay for a babysitter. Rather than sit up front and on the aisle, they decide to subject you to their collicky one-year-old.

Naturally, you spend half the film blinded by the glowing cell phone of the girl in front of you who suffers from a texting obsession. And worst of all, you decided to spring for popcorn and coke for your date, causing your total spendings to creep past the $30 barrier.

That's the movie-going experience these days. It's enough to make a preacher's grandmother stand up and punch somebody in the tooth. If you manage to leave with either your dignity or your sanity intact then the theater just isn't doing its job.

Keep reading, brave movie-goers, and find out just how dangerous going to the movies can be.