BREAKING NEWS - AUGUST 2006
August 31, 2006
Lionsgate Fall/Winter Preview
I have way more Fall/Winter previews left than I realized. Well, today I give you the
Lionsgate Fall/Winter Preview. What's up with Lionsgate
only offering two horror flicks for the rest of the year?? Y'all are slippin'!
The Weinstein Company Fall/Winter Preview Update
I've added previews of DOA: Dead or Alive and Killshot to my
Weinstein Company Fall/Winter Preview. Go ahead and
prepare to watch DOA clean up at the Oscars. And by "clean up" I mean watch some of the crew
members clean up trash after the show is over as they desperately pray this film hasn't completely killed
their careers.
On DVD This Week
Hey, check it out! I've created a brand new DVD Preview page so that
I can keep y'all updated on what DVDs are being released each week. Go ahead and read the page
RIGHT HERE and marvel at how nice and neat everything is.
Fall/Winter Updates and Corrections
The 20th Century Fox feature Idiocracy will
open in limited release on September 1. There are no current plans for it to open in the Memphis area. Looks
like this one is basically headed to DVD for most of us. Bummer.
The Fox Searchlight feature Trust the
Man will now open in Memphis on September 15 rather than September 1. It will show exclusively at
Studio on the Square.
Universal's Children of Men will now open
on December 25 rather than its original September 29 release date.
Paramount's Starter for Ten has been pushed
back to the first quarter of 2007. Excuse me while I wipe this tear from my eye.
The Weinstein Company's STORMBREAKER is now called
ALEX RIDER: OPERATION STORMBREAKER. This is to prevent any confusion over any Stormbreakers that might not
be operations involving Alex Rider. I, for one, am thankful for the clarification.
Coming Tomorrow
Whew, I think I've posted enough updates for today. Despite rumors to the contrary, I'm only human. Check for
two updates tomorrow - in the morning I'll have another Fall/Winter preview for you, and I might even have my
little John Karr rant ready.
Then check back sometime after noon to read my review of Crank. I can't post my review until after
12:00 PM Central, but don't worry; it'll be posted shortly after that - in plenty of time for you to read it
and decide whether to see the movie or not.
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August 30, 2006
Warner Brothers Fall/Winter Preview
Check out my Warner Brothers Fall/Winter Preview. There are a
few that I'm really looking forward to - especially The Fountain. Read my
preview to get a good idea of what you might want to consider
avoiding and what you might want to pencil in on your "must-see" list.
Coming Tomorrow
All right, I'm coming at you hard and heavy tomorrow. Here's what I'll be posting:
- Lionsgate's Fall/Winter preview
- This week's DVD releases
- This week's theatrical releases
- A little rant on that John Karr freak
- Some corrections to previous previews
Yep, it's gonna be busy. So just go ahead and enjoy the Warner Brothers
Fall/Winter Preview today and then get some extra sleep tonight so that you can handle tomorrow's gigantic
update.
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August 29, 2006
REVIEW: Snakes on a Plane
"For the average movie the following statement would be at least somewhat of a compliment (or less of an
insult), but in regard to Snakes on a Plane, it's a
disappointment - the movie isn't as bad as I was hoping it would be."
Snakes on a Plane is one of those movies that you either
get or you don't. The day my parents or grandparents go see a movie like this is the day George Clooney
figures out how to not look like a smug, egotistical jerk. But I'm the kind of guy who can thoroughly
enjoy bad cinema when it's done right - or wrong, as the case may be.
So did Snakes on a Plane work within its premise?
Somewhat. But I didn't think it was as good (er, bad) as it could have and should have been. Read
my review for my take and for some hilarious ways I think
the movie could have really achieved its purpose.
Plus, you simply don't want to miss my Black Snake Moan joke in the Odds & Ends section. Trust me;
it's one you'll want to share with all your friends.
Coming Tomorrow
I assure you the Warner Brothers Fall/Winter preview will be posted tomorrow.
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August 28, 2006
Movie Horror Stories
Let's just face facts here - I am the most accurate movie reviewer in the country. There. I said it. Have
more people heard of Roger Ebert? Probably, but that tool burger gave The Usual Suspects 1 1/2 stars
because he couldn't keep track of the plot. He then turns around (11 years later) and gives
Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties 3 stars. Sorry, but anybody who
rates Garfield twice as high as The Usual Suspects
automatically loses any sort of claim of speaking for the people.
However, despite my alarmingly high accuracy, there are still a few moviegoers out there whose tastes aren't
quite as distinguished as mine, and therefore, this sometimes might mislead them into disagreeing with my
particular take on a movie. Pick your jaw up off the floor. It's rare, but it happens.
So ladies and gentlemen, I give you When Trusting Johnny Betts Went
Wrong.
Also, I thought I posted this other horror story a while back, but apparently I didn't. It's not majorly
horrific, but it concerned Renee enough to write me about it. Find out what marred a recent movie
experience in Pirated Music?
And let's round everything out with A Close Encounter of the
Stupid Kind.
Coming Tomorrow
Well, I did go see Snakes on a Plane this weekend as planned, so keep an eye out for my review. Also,
I'll deliver the Warner Brothers Fall/Winter preview. If you think YOU'RE excited then just imagine what
I'm going through. Will I get any sleep tonight? Perhaps not.
Oh, and there are only a few passes left for the screening of Hollywoodland. If you want to attend
then you better go ahead and sign up now.
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August 25, 2006
The Movie Mark Invites You to a Free Movie Screening of Hollywoodland
Are you anywhere near the Memphis area, and would you like to see a FREE, ADVANCED screening of Hollywoodland?
Well, thanks to your friends at the Movie Mark, you have the ability to do that.
CLICK RIGHT HERE and fill out the form. The first 100 people to sign up
will receive a pass. Thanks for participating.
What: Advanced Screening of Hollywoodland
When: Wednesday, September 6th at 7:30 PM
Where: Malco Paradiso in Memphis, TN
Who: You and a guest
Why: To be cool and see it before everybody else.
How Much: FREE!
If you'd also like to see a screening of the new Jason Statham action flick Crank then please
send me an email and let me know. I'll hold a pass for you.
The screening is next Thursday, August 31 at 10:00 PM at Malco Cordova. I'll have more details next week.
Coming Next Week...
All right, so some of you want to know where the reviews are. Well, here's the deal... the only movie being
released this week that I really wanted to see was Invincible. Unfortunately, it wasn't screened in
Memphis! The movies that were screened this week (Fried Worms, Idlewild, Beerfest) were all screened while I
was out of town, and I ain't sheddin' a tear over missing any of 'em.
Also, I'm sad to report that Nicolas Cage's new horror flick Wicker Man won't be screened in Memphis
next week. I'll be seeing Crank on Thursday though, so there's that!
I didn't have time to post a lot today (hey, life gets in the way sometimes) so here's what I GUARANTEE you
I'll post next week...
- The Warner Bros. Fall/Winter preview.
- Snakes on a Plane review (barring anything that keeps me from seeing it tomorrow).
- News of the Hollyweird.
- A bizarre new hate mail.
- At least three new Movie Horror Stories (apparently I owe somebody because they trusted my judgment
regarding Lady in the Water).
I'll also try to add a few more entries to the Scott Baio list, and maybe I'll get you that Night of the
Snakehead Fish review. Have a great weekend. Rest up because I'll be throwing a lot at you next week.
Unless I get lazy and make up excuses.
Contest Winners
LADY IN THE WATER
Grand Prize: Stephanie Miller
Runner-up: Adam Quigley
ANT BULLY
Grand Prize: Jada Harper
Runner-up: Steven Noren
More prizes to come next week.
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August 24, 2006
The Scott Baio List
I was listening to a little cast commentary on my Undeclared DVD last night, and hottie Monica Keena and
Seth Rogen revealed that Keena's character Rachel was originally supposed to wear a Scott Baio shirt in one of
the episodes, but Baio refused to give clearance to the use of his image. They made fun of him for this and
joked about how you'd think the guy would want to be seen on TV again. True dat! The first thought that came
to mind was, "What a tool." Scott Baio thinks he's too good to let shirts with his face appear on network
TV?
Of course, this spurred another idea. Everybody knows about the Chuck Norris Facts list, right? Well, allow
me to introduce you to my very own Scott Baio List. Somebody had to do it. I'll get us started with just a few
today, and I'll add to the list as we go along on this journey we call life.
SCOTT BAIO FACTS
- Scott Baio does not sleep. He waits. Tables.
- Scott Baio does not leave tips. He accepts them. After you've finished your meal.
- Scott Baio can't divide by zero, but he is familiar with the number considering it represents his
current income.
- When Rice Krispies see Scott Baio they don't say, "Snap, Crackle, and Pop" - they laugh and say,
"Don't worry; he can't afford us. He'll buy an off-brand."
- Scott Baio admits that he'll occasionally catch himself singing the Charles in Charge theme
song ... at YOUR party or event for a small fee.
- Scott Baio can once again be seen on TV screens this Fall when he starts his new job cleaning TV
screens with a squeegee.
- Scott Baio doesn't read scripts he... oh wait, there's no joke here because he doesn't receive
scripts.
More to come...
Coming Tomorrow...
I'll try to have a few more updates for you tomorrow, including the Warner Bros. Fall/Winter preview, a
sign-up for some free movie passes, and a little news of the Hollyweird.
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August 23, 2006
What's Wrong with People? Walking Billboards.
I'm fresh back from St. Louis, so you'll have to give me a little time to get back into the flow of things. Allow
me an observation today...
I know t-shirts with messages on the front are all the rage these days, and that's fine. People want to be cute
and showcase their personality with a shirt. You've seen 'em; shirts with messages such as "Tell your boyfriend
to stop staring at me," "I lost my phone number, can I have yours?" and the like. I can't make fun of these
shirts too terribly much because I do like to wear my shirt that says "I always carry protection" and it has
arrows pointing to my biceps. What can I say, a shirt that accurate is a must purchase!
But honestly, folks, there are lines to be drawn. Case in point - there was a guy at the zoo yesterday that
was wearing a shirt that makes you scratch your head and ask, "What's the purpose? What good is he trying to
achieve?" Granted, his appearance led me to believe that a trailer park was missing one of its residents, and
he no doubt has rocked a mullet or two in his lifetime, but still, I couldn't help but shake my head.
The shirt read, "Let's play carpenter. Let's get hammered and then I'll nail you." If that isn't bad enough
for you then get this - HE WAS WITH HIS WIFE AND KID! What exactly does a person hope to gain by wearing a
shirt like this in public? Do you point at it, look at the ladies, nod, and say, "Yeah? Well, whattaya think?
Not bad, huh?" I'm just baffled at what sort of mindset can allow a person to wear a shirt like that for the
whole world to see.
And with his wife and kid??? "Hey daddy, what's your shirt mean?" "Ask your mother; it explains how you came
to be." It's just not good for anybody. WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!?!
Upcoming Screenings
Good news - I'll be sponsoring two upcoming screenings - Crank and Hollywoodland. Stay tuned for
details on how to get your pass.
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August 22, 2006
Johnny Betts - Road Warrior
Truth in advertising. Not only am I a firm believer in movie trailers accurately depicting the product they're
selling, but I expect the same standard to be met in all areas of business. This particularly holds true in
regard to tourist attractions.
Prior to hittin' I-55 and blazin' a trail to St. Louis, every single piece of tourist info I could find
strongly recommended going to Ted Drewes for some frozen custard that, based on rave reviews, is apparently
made by God Himself. "This is the one 'can't miss' location in St. Louis!" the brochures screamed.
Being a fan of frozen delicacies, and combined with Ted Drewes being a stop on Historic Route 66, I was pretty
excited about what was sure to be mistaken for a little stopover in Heaven.
Well, things got off to a rocky start when I asked about a free sample. You see, the Explore St. Louis
guidebook that I was perusing used such language as "Sample our new 'All Shook Up' Specialty" and "Sample
our Cardinal Sin" (which I was scared to get details about). Words mean something to me, and "sample" means
"try this for free to see if you like it before purchasing."
I'm not gonna take out a small loan so I can pay $6 for a mixture of peanut butter and bananas unless I know
I really want it. But when I asked about a sample, the girl replied, "You can only sample vanilla, else we'd
have to make a batch of the one you wanted to try."
Oh. Well, maybe THE EXPLORE ST. LOUIS GUIDEBOOK SHOULD MENTION THAT!!!! I wanted to mention how Alton Brown
sure seemed to be able to sample anything he wanted when he did a "Feasting on Asphalt" segment on Ted
Drewes. But I guess that only applies to Food Network employees, plus, I wasn't in the mood to argue the
point.
Anyway, they should also consider having a line specifically for tourists. The employee started to look a
little perturbed at the fact that nearly 30 seconds had gone by and I had yet to place my order. When I asked
what the "Acabo" was in the "Acabo Mocha" she acted as if I just asked if she could serve it nude. "It's a kind
of coffee," she hurriedly answered as her eyes impatiently glanced at the waiting customers behind me.
Gee, thanks, couldn't have figured that much out myself, b-word! So I ordered it and moved along.
As for the custard itself? It was good, but to be perfectly honest it's no better than Sheridan's Custard in
Memphis. Heck, I wouldn't even rate it ahead of a Dairy Queen Blizzard. Tasty? Yes. The Heavenly explosion
in my mouth that would lift my taste buds to heights that all of man's technological innovations couldn't even
reach? Hardly.
And don't even get me started on what a disappointment St. Louis' stretch of Route 66 is. Apparently all the
good stuff is out West. All I saw was another commercialized street littered with Targets, Blockbusters, and
grocery stores. And the further East I got, the more I longed for a flak jacket.
Tucson's mountains? Now THAT'S impressive! St. Louis' frozen custard? Not so much.
You wanted some movie info today? Fine, here you go - being released on DVD is
Silent Hill and Kurt Russell's
Poseidon.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a free zoo to be disappointed in and then a Fogerty show that'll most
certainly rock the casbah. Even though the concert isn't at a casbah. That's just how good Fogerty is.
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August 21, 2006
Just a quick update today...
Here's the deal - the Movie Mark's out of town for a couple of days for a John Fogerty concert, and since there
are City Museums and Jesse James Museums to take advantage of in the meantime, well, I don't have much time to
update the site at the moment.
However, I will give y'all something cool to play with. Nikki Bluejeans already posted this on the
Movie Mark message board, but I know most of
y'all are too lazy to ever check that out, so I figured I'd give you the heads up here.
Despite the fact that Snakes on a Plane failed to reach industry expectations at the box office, its
website still has a cool feature that you should take advantage of while you still can...
Go to the Snakes on a Plane official website by clicking
here and you can personalize a phone message from Samuel L. Jackson and send it to friends. And it's
free! When the main site loads just click on "Get a call from Samuel L. Jackson" and follow the steps. Go
crazy.
I'll try to post more tonight, but I'm not gonna guarantee it.
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August 18, 2006
REVIEW: Little Miss Sunshine
"Don't get me wrong; Little Miss Sunshine is a fairly
entertaining movie. It's quirky, it's different, it's dysfunctional - in other words, it reminds me of my Uncle
Larry. But it simply is not the laugh-out-loud-and-roll-down-the-aisles-while-punching-your-mama
guffaw-o-rama that everybody at Sundance claimed."
Today Johnny continues to speak in the 3rd person and lets you know just how funny
Little Miss Sunshine is or isn't. Find out why he
doesn't think it completely lived up to the hype. Read his hilariously insightful
review right now. You're Friday won't be complete without
it.
Fox Searchlight Fall/Winter Preview
Check out my Fox Searchlight Fall/Winter Preview. Looks
like this is the more artsy, heavy division of Fox. I didn't have time to provide trailer links this time,
but the good news is that there's this little thing called the Internet where you can go and find the trailers
yourself. If you can stop being lazy for once, that is.
Let's see, what other studios do I have left to preview? Warner Bros. for sure, and maybe one or two more. You
can look for those sometime next week. I won't be previewing Sony's movie schedule for personal reasons.
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August 17, 2006
Josh Brolin, Russell Crowe, and Denzel Washington
What do the three actors have in common? They each have a third nipple. No, that's not true. Or if it is
then I certainly am not aware of it. The truth is that they're all starring in Ridley Scott's upcoming
American Gangster. Variety has just announced that Josh has been added to the cast.
According to the report:
"The movie, directed by Ridley Scott for Universal Pictures, is based on the life of drug
kingpin-turned-informant Frank Lucas (Washington), who shipped heroin back to the U.S. in the coffins of
soldiers killed in Vietnam. Lucas was brought to justice by lawman Richie Roberts (Crowe). The two then worked
together to expose criminals on the drug circuit.
Brolin will play crooked NYPD cop Det. Trupo, a greedy narcotics investigator who piggybacks on Roberts'
investigation in order to bleed Lucas dry."
Wow. Can 2007 get any better for a Brolin fanboy like me? Josh AND Crowe in the same movie?? Plus, I
love seeing Josh play a bad guy. He exudes an intensity that convinces you he could explode at
any minute. I'm sure the audience will get mad at me when I'm cheering loudly for his character, but they'll
just have to call up Mandy Moore and learn how to deal.
And I don't want to jump the gun here, but I have a strong feeling that Gangster will receive a lot of
Oscar buzz. Hmm, maybe a little Best Supporting Actor action for our square-jawed hero?
Don't forget; Josh also has Grind House, No Country for Old Men, and The Dead Girl on his
schedule for next year. It's now official - 2007 will be the best year for movies ever. No, I don't think
that's an exaggeration. Why do you ask?
Oh, and in case you're wondering - yes, I'm taking full credit for Josh's huge rise in success. The way I
imagine it is Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarantino, or the Coen Brothers must've been reading the Movie Mark
and wondered, "Man, what's with the Josh Brolin obsession? My curiosity is piqued; I've gotta cast this
guy!" Other famous directors then became privy to the hidden secret, and the rest is history.
Y'all feel free to laugh at me and shake your heads all you want, but just you watch; when Josh thanks me in
his Oscar speech I'll be the one laughing. Last and loudest. You may be partying it up right now, but
come Oscar 2007 time I'll be handing out the door prizes.
Feeling Depressed About Life?
I long to entertain and educate all of my fans out there, but I also want to help you boost your self-confidence,
should any of you need help in that area. Are any of you currently in the doldrums? Did you happen to look in the
mirror this morning and walk away less than enthused with what you saw? I'm going to do you a favor. Watch
THIS VIDEO and be content that this isn't
something that YOU have to live with the rest of your life.
Thanks to Jasper for the link. Thanks also to Nikki Bluejeans for sending me a CNN link where The Hoff says
he might not do a second season of the ironically-titled America's Got Talent because he wants to do
a show called Travels with the Hoff or some such nonsense. Sure, life might get you down every now and
then, but hey, you can always rest in the fact that at least you're not David Hasselhoff.
You can find more Hoff ridicule in the Hoff Report.
Coming Tomorrow...
I know y'all love my movie reviews so check back tomorrow for my take on Steve Carrell's Little Miss
Sunshine. I'll post Fox Searchlight's Fall/Winter preview as well. For now, let's just celebrate
the latest Josh news. It's a good day; revel in it.
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August 16, 2006
The Paramount/Picturehouse Fall/Winter Preview
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you The Paramount/Picturehouse
Fall/Winter Preview. Not a ton of stuff to get excited about, but they do have what I believe will be a
contender for movie of the year - Clint Eastwood's Flags of Our Fathers.
If you're a fan of musicals and books based on popular children's books then Paramount may be offering quite
a bit that you'll enjoy. Read my preview and see if there's
anything YOU can get excited about.
On DVD This Week
- Scary Movie 4 - The words "Unrated & Uncensored" are prominently
displayed on the DVD cover, but for some reason they left off "Unfunny." To be fair, there are some funny
moments, so this will at least make a decent rental if all you want are a few silly, short-lasting jokes. But
does anybody remember when David Zucker was REALLY funny?
- Hoot - A stupid movie about some stupid kids who want to save some stupid owls?
Sure, that sounds like something I want to invest my time in. Excuse me while I head to Blockbuster right
now! I don't really like owls. Unless they're barbecued.
- RV - Robin Williams in a comedy - that's enough to warn me to save my time and
money.
Ace Ventura 3?
Yep, apparently this film is in the works, and you know what? Jim Carrey is not involved. Sigh. Why? WHY
DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS?!?!?! I just want Hollywood to die right now.
Hello? Did y'all not learn anything about the monstrous failures of Dumb and Dumberer and Son of
the Mask? Apparently not, so let me clue you in - QUIT MAKING FOLLOW-UPS TO JIM CARREY MOVIES WITHOUT JIM
CARREY!!!!! And why in the world do they wait almost 10 years after the original? Way to jump on the
product while it's hot! Perhaps there's a 9 or 10 year gestation period for ideas this bad.
I've always wondered what happened to the slow kids in high school who were in the non-honors program. Now I
know - they're Hollywood execs who pull the trigger on crap like this.
Ace Ventura 3 will supposedly revolve around Ace's son who takes over his dad's business. Yeah, I'm sure
that will be chock full of hilarity. Let me guess, Frankie Muniz will be cast as the son? And his name will
be something like Deuce Ventura? And that'll lead to about 48 poop jokes? Somebody please make it stop.
Instead of investing your money towards bombs like this, how about giving us a decent DVD release of the
original Ace Ventura? How stupid is it that the existing DVD is missing scenes that were in the original
theatrical release? What's worse is that the current DVD is missing scenes that are included in the TV
version!!! How ridiculous is that???
Drop this Ace Ventura 3 nonsense, give us a Special Edition Ace Ventura DVD with ALL its scenes,
and then perhaps the healing process can begin.
Of all the things in life I could choose to be passionate about...
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August 15, 2006
The Weinstein Company Fall/Winter Preview
The Weinstein Company Fall/Winter Preview is here! Just picture Steve Martin running around and shouting that
in a very excited manner. It adds to the experience.
There are a few that hold some interest, but there are others that simply don't have much of a chance. I've
provided links to trailers where possible. Now please go read
my Weinstein Company Fall/Winter Preview and enjoy.
As always, if you want to comment on any of the movies I have previewed then sign up to
The Movie Mark Message Board and add your
thoughts. It's where the smart, witty moviegoers hang out.
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August 14, 2006
News of the Hollyweird
- Keanu Reeves Stopped by Airport Police? It has been reported that Keanu
Reeves was stopped on Saturday by police at the L.A. Airport. The official report claims that Keanu was
stopped for running a red light. However, Movie Mark sources claim that Keanu was pulled over for having
bombs in his possession. A big no-no so close to an airport.
L.A. police were alerted to the situation by an anonymous caller who reported that Keanu had DVD copies of
Chain Reaction and Johnny Mnemonic in his vehicle.
Yes, I had to go a long way to make that joke, but I was determined to make it!
- Screech Assaulted? Dustin Diamond, AKA Screech from Saved by the Bell, has
accused a woman of breaking into his hotel room and trying to steal video games. The incident is said to have
occurred a few hours after Screech's stand-up gig at the Funny Bone Comedy Club in Omaha, Nebraska. When police
found out that the woman had attended Screech's comedy routine they decided to let her go and not press
charges claiming that she "had been punished enough."
- Hairy Pits? Actress Toni Collette refused to shave her armpits for an upcoming
role as a junkie in the movie Cosi. Miramax wanted her to shave her pits, but she refused, claiming
that unkempt underarm hair would make her character more believable. She effectively answered the question
"Can Toni Collette be any less appealing?" with a resounding "yes."
Meanwhile, Michael Moore is still refusing to bathe for his next faux documentary. It's not an artistic
statement, however. Moore just doesn't believe in personal hygiene.
Read more News of the Hollyweird RIGHT HERE!
Coming Tomorrow
I know today's update was a little light, but I was lazy this weekend. What do you want? Tune in tomorrow
for more Fall/Winter previews.
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August 11, 2006
BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Snakehead Terror
"Nothing trumpets a movie's irrelevance louder than the inability to remember anything about it a mere few weeks
after watching it. Seriously, when I started to review this I had to stop and recall whether or not I'd actually
watched it yet. I thought I had, but I couldn't remember a thing about it. I finally found my notes and after
reading through them all the craptitude came flooding back. I wish I had just kept those memories hidden in the
recesses of my mind. Kind of like the 'gym teacher incident' of '88."
Johnny reviews Snakehead Terror, starring Tron and Carol
Alt. Yet another fine example of how it doesn't take talent to write a screenplay ensues.
Universal Fall/Winter Preview
Following closely on the heels of yesterday's wildly entertaining
20th Century Fox preview, is my preview for the
films that Universal Studios is offering us for the
rest of the year. A few of them actually hold promise!
You can read it right here and totally brighten your
Friday.
Mini-Review: World Trade Center
For those of you who might have missed this the first time around and who don't feel like looking at the July
archives, here is the opinion that Ed King (yes, the Lynyrd Skynyrd guitarist) sent me regarding the film:
Me and the wife were invited by CMT tonight to a special screening of Oliver Stone's
World Trade Center. No intro, no closing credits, NO PREVIEWS ... it was a rough cut but I don't see how
Stone could make it any better. For me, the best Stone movie ever ... he could've done all of that sensational
BS he usually does ... but he didn't. Very well told, true rescue story. About 2 hours long ... I was dreading
a 3 hour bloodfest. Stone came through big time. Excellent SETS. Attention to detail. And you never see a
plane hitting a building. If you're claustrophobic, you might need to avoid it. It's like being buried under
the rubble.
When the first tower falls, everybody's in the shopping mall underneath and the rumbling slowly grows into
a deafening roar that's unforgettable. And you never see a plane. The entire viewpoint is from the police
crew and they have no idea what's going on ... they just know there are people who need to get out. The movie
must be pretty good. I keep thinking about it.
My initial fears about this movie have now subsided, and I'm glad to know I can go see the film without worrying
about a bunch of wild, radical, self-indulgent theories that would do nothing but annoy and aggravate me.
Thanks again to Ed King for this early review. Check out his
official website for all sorts of cool info - discographies, biographies, galleries, recollections, and
more.
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August 10, 2006
20th Century Fox Fall/Winter Preview
I don't know about y'all, but overall I'm a little disappointed so far in the movies that 2006 has offered.
Sure, there have been some entertaining ones, but there just hasn't been much that I'll be adding to my DVD
collection.
Well, the Fall schedule is just around the corner, so maybe we'll start to get some real gems now that the
Summer blockbusters are out of the way. For the next few days I'll be previewing the coming attractions
for various studios. I'll include the movie's synopsis (as provided by the studio), and I'll add my
hilarious insight regarding what I expect from each film.
I'll be quite harsh in some of my statements, but that's because I find it best to lower my expectations as
much as possible.
So please, click right here and enjoy my take on what
20th Century Fox will offer moviegoers for the rest of
this year.
Tune in tomorrow as I examine another studio's offerings. Will it be Fox Searchlight? Universal? Samuel
Goldwyn? The Weinstein Co? Check in with me tomorrow and find out!
If you want to comment on any of the movies I have previewed then sign up to
The Movie Mark Message Board and add your
thoughts. It's where the smart, witty moviegoers hang out.
FS&R - Child Rape on Screen - When is Enough, Enough?
Dakota Fanning appears half-naked in a movie and gets raped. She and her mom are happy about it and excited
at the prospects of a possible Oscar nomination. I have a problem with this. Read my new Flex, Slugs, &
Rigamarole article - Child Rape on Screen - When is Enough,
Enough? - to find out why. Feel free to add your comments and opinions, even if they won't be as accurate
as mine.
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August 9, 2006
On DVD This Week
INSIDE MAN
"Don't go into the movie looking for a rapid fire action thriller. Inside
Man's pace is more deliberate, allowing for gradual character and story development. That's a hard thing to
find in a two hour movie these days, but here's an example of how to pull it off. The dialogue is smart and
funny, the characters demonstrate believable chemistry, and the script is cleverly written. There may not be
any plot twists of Sixth Sense proportions, but it keeps you guessing and manages to serve up a couple
of surprises along the way."
Inside Man still ranks as one of the top 2 or 3 movies I've seen this
year. If you like heist thrillers then this is a "must rent."
Special Features:
- Feature commentary with director Spike Lee
- Featurette: Number 4 - Spike Lee and Denzel Washington discuss their creative collaborations
- "The Making of Inside Man" featurette
- Over 25 minutes of deleted scenes
Not bad though I'll have to pass on the Spike Lee commentary. I don't think I could handle listening to the
little weasel talk for two hours.
Also on DVD this Week:
Brick - The long-haired kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun is in it.
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector - Excuse me while I roll my eyes.
Bring It On: All Or Nothing - Oops, I just rolled my eyes again. I prefer
Ms. Cali's subtitle - "The Bringining."
Ghost in a Teeny Bikini - It's labeled a "bikini monster musical." I'm not
making this up.
Coming Tomorrow...
Tomorrow's gonna be busy. I'll preview the Fall movies that Fox has to offer, and I'll post either my review
of Snakehead Terror or my next FS&R article. Whichever one I don't post tomorrow will be posted on
Friday.
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August 8, 2006
REVIEW: The Night Listener
"As for the story, I was interested in finding out the truth behind the child's identity. Johnny told me some
people were disappointed in the revelation at the end, but I wasn't. There were pretty much two options of what
the truth would be, and so maybe 50% of the viewers will be dissatisfied. Oh well, sucks to be them. At least
the filmmakers did a good job of keeping me guessing."
As y'all know, I wasn't able to attend the screening for The Night
Listener due to the fact that I was obligated to school everybody in softball. So Stephanie handles
the review for this one. Apparently she wasn't too wild about the
homosexual overtones. Can't blame her.
Pulse Clips
As you may or may not know, we have another horror movie opening this weekend - Pulse. Unfortunately,
it's not being screened, and therefore, it won't be getting a Movie Mark review. However,
click here for some clips if you're
interested in finding out more.
Still to Come This Week...
Well, unfortunately the 10:00 AM Monday press screening of World Trade Center was not convenient for me,
and I was unable to attend. So I won't be reviewing it this week. Though I will repost Ed King's thoughts
again for those who want a reminder of what to expect.
But never fear, I have plenty of other stuff to entertain you with, including a review for Snakehead
Terror, some fall movie previews (with my commentary, of course), and maybe even a new FS&R article.
Plus, other random stuff that will pop into my mind and wildly entertain you.
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August 7, 2006
Movie Mark Original #17
Title: Frankenfurter
Tagline: He'll get all up in your grill.
Cast: Daniel Baldwin, Jan-Michael Vincent, Vanessa Angel
Plot Summary: An ancestor of Oscar Mayer (Jan-Michael Vincent - playing John
Mayer) becomes enraged when he reads a beloved and famous movie reviewer's website where the famed reviewer
makes fun of Frankenfurters and comments on how appropriate the name is due to the fact that Frankenfurters are
indeed pieced together from various meat parts.
Mayer decides to raise an army of hot dogs by injecting them with human DNA and vows to cause anybody and
everybody who ever made fun of the word "Frankenfurter" to rue the day.
A down-and-out cop with drinking and obesity issues (Daniel Baldwin) is called on to stop the madman. It's a
case that could get his career back on track. Wiener ensues.
Johnny Betts Cameo: Johnny Betts, the aforementioned beloved and famous movie
reviewer, feels partly responsible for the hot dog mayhem, so he offers his help, knowing that his size 11
Biker Boots can effectively stomp some wiener. Betts shows up at Baldwin's office, flamethrower in hand,
and asks, "You ready for a wiener roast?" Baldwin calmly replies, "I'm gonna RELISH it." Betts nods and
adds, "I'll bring the marshmallows."
Climactic Scene: After the exciting battle with the army of hot dogs, where Betts
and Baldwin roast the entire lot of 'em, Betts taps his Biker Boots (size 11) with his flamethrower, turns to
the camera, and replies, "That's how you show a hot dog his mustard."
But Vincent hasn't conceded defeat just yet. He has kidnapped Vanessa Angel, the woman he loves. She can't
return the love mainly because she can't bear to look at his stretched face, a face that has seen so many
plastic surgeries that it appears he's been pieced together from different people. Vincent, a truly sad
and pitiful character, sings tragically how he wishes he were an Oscar Mayer wiener because then everybody
would be in love with him.
Betts and Baldwin implore him to leave Vanessa alone and to face them like a man. Vincent calmly sings,
"My bologna has a first name, it's D-E-A-T-H. My bologna has a second name, it's W-I-S-H," as he mad
rushes the two heroes, guns a' blazing. Will our heroes grant his wish? Or will they be left wishing
they'd brought more condiments?
Take a look at my other Movie Mark Originals right here.
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August 4, 2006
REVIEW: The Descent
"If you're not in the mood to see thumbs digging into eye sockets, heads being bashed against rocks, sharp
objects going through jugulars, or the cringe-inducing sight of broken bones and gaping wounds then you might
want to look for something a little lighter to satisfy your entertainment needs. If you're a self-admitted
wuss then you'll probably feel more at home at a James Blount concert. But if you like a slice of horror
served raw, gritty, and with nastiness to spare then The Descent
will highly entertain."
Johnny reviews The Descent, starring some hot foreign chicks
that you've probably never heard of. But that's good because it makes it harder to guess who will live and
who'll die!
In case you're wondering, yes, The Descent is definitely better
than The Cave.
Also Opening Today...
I couldn't attend the screening of The Night Listener last night (which makes me regret not attending the
press screening a couple of weeks ago, but hindsight is 20-20, right?), but Stephanie watched it and should
be reviewing it soon. Also, due to my commitment to other screenings this week, I wasn't able to attend
the screening for Will Ferrell's Talladega Nights, so that's why you won't find a review of it on the
Movie Mark any time soon.
Barnyard also opens today, but it wasn't screened in Memphis. Not a good sign. And why in the world
do the male cows in the movie have udders?!?!?! Huh? Wha? That's just inexcusable, and I refuse to see the
movie on principle alone! Thanks to Nikki Bluejeans for bringing this to my attention.
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August 3, 2006
BAD MOVIE REVIEW: Frankenfish
"Frankenfish is one of those movies that can only be recommended
to people who like to get together with friends and watch really bad, low-budget films just so they can make
fun of them. I just wish it wasn't stuck so firmly between like and love. No wait, that was Billy Vera.
Frankenfish is stuck between 'mediocre' and 'not nearly as bad
as most Sci-Fi Originals.' It should've swung for the Velveeta fences."
Johnny reviews Frankenfish, starring a bunch of people who might
want to look for jobs outside of the acting world.
Coming Tomorrow...
My review of The Descent and what will most likely be Stephanie's review of Night
Listener.
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August 2, 2006
UPCOMING MOVIES: The Prestige
Amidst the rabble of bad movies that Hollywood subjects us to on a regular basis; there are always a handful of
movies that rise above and strive for something new and creative. I like to draw attention to such rare gems
whenever they come along.
The movie I have in mind at the moment is Touchstone's upcoming The Prestige. Based on Christopher
Priest's 1996 World Fantasy Award winning novel by the same name, The Prestige tells the story of two
rival magicians (Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman) who start off as friends but soon find themselves battling
each other for trade secrets. Set in turn-of-the-century London, the rivalry becomes so intense that murder
eventually becomes part of the "game."
Here's what the Washington Post had to say about the book:
"A dizzying magic show of a novel, chock-a-block with all the props of Victorian sensation fiction: seances,
multiple narrators, a family curse, doubles, a lost notebook, wraiths, and disembodied spirits; a haunted house,
awesome mad-doctor machinery, a mausoleum, and ghoulish horrors; a misunderstood scientist, impossible
disappearances; the sins of the fathers visited upon their descendants."
The film boasts a great cast (Bale, Jackman, Michael Caine, Scarlett Johansson), and oh yeah, I have yet to
mention that the director is only one of my favorites - Christopher Nolan. You should know him as the mastermind
behind Memento and Batman Begins.
I honestly don't see how this could go wrong. I know I'm begging to be disappointed by doing this, but I'm
gonna go ahead and pencil it in my Top 10 of 2006 list.
View the trailer right here
and see if it piques your interest.
The Batman Sequel
Did somebody mention Batman? In addition to working together on The Prestige, Nolan, Bale, and Caine will
move on and join forces once again on the sequel to the absolute best Batman movie ever -
Batman Begins. Warner Bros. confirmed yesterday that the title
will be Batman: The Dark Knight. That immediately ramps up my expectations. Also, Christopher Nolan
confirmed that Heath Ledger will be the Joker:
"I'm excited to continue the story we started with Batman
Begins. Our challenge in casting the Joker was to find an actor who is not just extraordinarily talented
but fearless. Watching Heath Ledger's interpretation of this iconic character taking on Christian Bale's Batman
is going to be incredible."
Am I completely sold on Ledger as the Joker? Not quite yet. Do I trust Nolan's decision and Ledger's ability
to pull it off? Sure. I remember tons of people thinking Bale as Batman was a bad idea and we see how well that
turned out.
Rumors also abound that the Penguin might be included and that Nolan wants Philip Seymour Hoffman to portray
him. Since Mr. Nolan and I don't converse on a daily basis, I can't confirm those rumors.
Last Night's Screening of The Descent
I just want to take a minute to thank everybody who helped make last night's screening a success.
Congratulations to the winners of the contests. I can't remember the name of the woman who won first prize in
the screaming contest, but if you're reading right now let me just say great job! You should record some tracks
for the local haunted houses to use.
And let's give a round of applause to the winner of the javelin contest - Stephanie (no, not my Stephanie, this
is a completely different Stephanie so don't accuse me of rigging the contest). This gal beat out four guys to
take home the top prize. Good job, representin' for the ladies!
When I asked how many people in the audience were fans of The Movie Mark, I was surprised at the reaction. The
screaming and applause was deafening. Granted, some people might claim it was so deafening that the theater
appeared to be completely silent, but that's just folks bein' negative.
Phrases such as "Wow, Johnny is even more muscular and handsome in person!" were overheard, but unfortunately, I
think that was a little echo feedback when I was testing the microphone. Oh well. The good news is that it was
indeed great promotion for the site. Readership spiked from 7 to 8 viewers immediately following the
screening.
All in all, a great demonstration of what it's like to be riding the short bus to success.
Seriously, thanks to Rosario, Emily, Cindy, and Lion's Gate for making it happen. You gals work your butts off
and you get results. I hope to one day learn from you.
Josh Brolin Update
The guy still rules and kicks all shapes and sizes of backside. I just thought you should know that.
Coming Tomorrow
My bad movie review of Frankenfish! Temper your excitement, folks, you only have to wait one more
day.
Johnny Betts Quote of the Day
I tried to be humble once, but I was too impressed with my efforts.
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August 1, 2006
CONTEST: Ant Bully
You should know the trick by now - just go to THIS PAGE if you're interested in
trying to win Ant Bully goods. Please note that you only
have to sign up once. There's no need to make it a daily habit.
Tonight's Screening of The Descent
Those of you who were chosen for the javelin and/or screaming contests have already been alerted via email
that you're a contestant. Unfortunately, I've already had three contestants drop out of the screaming contest
because they apparently are now too scared to do it.
"Wow, that is unfortunate for you, Johnny. Now you have to find new contestants."
Oh, I didn't say it was unfortunate for me. It's unfortunate for those who signed up to do the contests and
are now dropping out because I'm gonna be wearing my biker boots tonight. Size 11. If you're one of the
drop-outs then please see me after the screening. Amends need to be made.
For all I know, other screaming contestants might drop out as well. If you're interested in the contest then
just approach me at the front of the theater and ask if there are any spots available. I'm tired of sending
emails to people saying "A contestant dropped out, so you're now a winner!" only to have them respond, "Oh,
yeah, I'm too nervous to do it now, sorry."
I'll just start picking people from the crowd if I have to. And if that doesn't work then I'll probably snap
and just go hang out on a watch tower somewhere.
Anyway, preparing for tonight's screening has drained my energy, but I promise that starting tomorrow I'll
have new, fresh, and hilariously insightful stuff for you to read and digest.
Johnny Betts Quote of the Day
I had an epiphany once. Man, I loved that dog.
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