BREAKING NEWS - DECEMBER 2007
December 31, 2007
The Fried Oreo Fiasco
What better way to impress your new lady friend than by taking something with absolutely no nutritional value and making it even less so? I don't pretend to possess a vast array of cooking
expertise. I can throw some bacon wrapped filets on the Foreman Grill and keep them wedged in there for the appropriate length of time, I know how to nuke baked potatoes and
corn on the cob, and I'm able to position all three of those things on a plate in such a way that it can be mistaken for a meal. None of these faux accomplishments will ever earn me
the chef moniker, but they'll fill the belly, impressive though they might not be, and that's what truly counts. However, I do have one little specialty that most people have surprisingly
not heard of - fried Oreos.
"Fried Oreos?!?!?!" you may alarmingly respond. Yes, fried Oreos. They're a dessert delicacy, and it's the one thing I can call "my niche."
So what's cuter than showing off to your gal with a little culinary creativity? Well, nearly burning your house down probably isn't the way to go. The process of making fried Oreos involves
dipping the cookies in pancake batter and then frying them in hot oil. For some reason, the oil never did start to boil like it was supposed to. Instead, it decided to erupt into flames.
Slightly panicking, logic lost out to instinct and I hurriedly moved the pot to the sink. Here's a tip for ya - NEVER mix water with burning oil.
Stupid mistake, yes, I know. Smother it out. I got it. I just wasn't thinking. So the small flame quickly became a "Well, I'm about to watch my new house burn to the ground" fire, and
the fun began. Male and female instincts are apparently a little different in such a situation. If last night's actions are any judge then the girl is more apt to sprint for the front door
screaming, "WE'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE, BABE!" The male instinct, on the other hand, is to solve the problem. I know how much I just paid for the house, so if it was burning down then I was
burning down with it.
Thankfully, I got the fire under control and we worked together to clean up the mess the best we could. Ash remains on the ceiling and kitchen walls, and New Year's Day will now be
spent painting, but nobody was hurt nor was any serious damage done. Lessons were learned, and I can rest assured that I can remain calm in a crisis situation.
Had I pulled a George Costanza, pushed my girlie out of the way, and then later claimed I was "clearing a path," then I'd probably be back on the market today. Instead, I manned up and
took care of business. So let this be a lesson to you.
Tragedies can happen in an instant. One minute everything is perfect; the next you're taken somewhere you've never been before and faced with a situation you've never had to handle. What
defines your character isn't the problem surrounding you; it's the way you approach a solution. Count your blessings, keep a fire extinguisher handy, and cook with oil as infrequently as
possible.
Have a great New Year, folks. We're really gonna shake Hollywood up in '08.
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December 28, 2007
Johnny Reiterates That He's Still Alive
Did you really expect me to post in abundance during Christmas week? I'm "on vacation," folks, and my goal has been to relax and recharge. I've been refueling the creative juices, and
it's working. However, I did want to take the time this week to leave a tip for you... I did a healthy chunk of my Christmas shopping at a little department store I like to refer to as
Kohl's. The rest of America likes to refer to it as Kohl's as well, but let's not dwell, mmmkay? Anyhoot, in addition to the great deals I was procuring (a $50 fleece throw for only $15?
Come on!) Kohl's has a deal where if you buy $50 worth of merchandise then you get a $10 coupon off your next purchase. Sweet!
So on December 26 I skedaddled over there and decided to look for some good deals. I had my eye on a half-priced 2 lb bag of Jelly Bellies that
was originally $21. And that 180-hour Sugar Cookie candle that was marked down to $2.99? That's a little deal I like to call BRING IT ON! So on it got brought, and the two above items
did get bought! Throw in the $10 coupon and I got them both for a little more than $4. Not a bad deal.
A big ol' bag of jelly bellies is quite the delectable snack at 1:00 AM. Until 6:00 AM when you're awakened by your buddies Sugar Rush and Tummy Ache. Those things are so small that a
few handfuls seem inconsequential within the context of this grandiose thing we call life. However, each one is a little gut pellet waiting to meet up with its friends and put on a
full-blown rock concert at Stomach Arena.
If there has to be a moral to this story then it's to embrace a 2 lb bag of Jelly Bellies with all the caution you would Uncle Larry. Overall, both are harmless but are better in small
doses.
MINI-REVIEW: National Treasure: Book of Secrets
I love my new friends, I really do, but they have yet to figure out my movie-going philosophy. If a movie is not screened in Memphis, and it's not something I'm dying to see on the
big screen, then I save my $8.50 and wait for the DVD. Well, apparently that's not how the rest of the country works, and I have to learn to adapt. So when invited to go to an evening
(gasp!) showing of National Treasure: Book of Secrets I couldn't really play the "free movie" snob card and not go, now could I? Sometimes you just gotta go with the flow. Walking
up to the box office and paying for a ticket was a weird feeling, but I felt better once I got inside and was mobbed by moviegoers seeking my autograph. Johnny Betts at the movies on a
regular night when there were no free screenings?? It was a shock to their system, no doubt. Much like if Josh Brolin took his kids to the local metroplex on a week night to watch
Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Anyway, as a quick reminder, here is the opening paragraph of my review of the original National Treasure:
"If you're planning on seeing National Treasure then please do me a favor right now. Get a pen and paper. What? Yes, a pencil is fine. Ready? All right, now write 'plausibility' on
the paper. Done? Good. Now go find a window and open it. I'll wait. Got it? Cool, now throw that piece of paper out the window. Done? Excellent, now you're ready to enjoy the movie."
All right, well, for this movie I would like to make the following addendum:
Now go outside, pick up that piece of paper, and find a fireplace to burn it. Done? Good. Now take the ashes, put them in a chest (along with a heavy rock), and drop the chest to the
bottom of a very deep lake. Or the ocean, if you happen to be near one.
All of that is an unnecessarily long way to say this movie has a strong fear of logic. Side-Hug Sam and I attempted to dissect the silliness of the most extreme cases of movie
irrationality, but we both realized it was, much like Michael Moore on a treadmill, an exercise in futility.
I enjoyed the first one much more. I don't know if it was the familiarity or the gaping plot holes, but Book of Secrets grew tiresome fairly quickly. Prior knowledge of
the film's 130 minute runtime did me no favors. The film is LONG, and you feel it. Once you find yourself trapped in a 15-minute discussion regarding who is going to turn a log wheel
or how everybody is going to jump off a moving platform, well, you'll be reaching for a remote that will not be there. Unless you bring a remote to the theater with you, but I'm afraid it
won't work.
I didn't hate it, but I can't give it much more than an "it was a'ight." It's the kind of film best watched in the comfort of your own home when you can make frequent use of your pause
and fast-forward buttons.
Look for a fleshed out review on Monday. I warn you - it's going to basically be a re-working of what I just said. Deal with it. Man, I guess I need to finish reviews of Golden
Compass and Juno as well. All right, we'll get this freight train moving. Hop aboard, punch your ticket, and enjoy the scenery. Man, I'm a dork.
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December 21, 2007
MOVIE REVIEW: Margot at the Wedding
"Writing a Noah Baumbach script is very simple. Engage a group of losers in conversation, throw in a crude comment from out of the blue, let the cretins go back to their original
conversation, and watch the tweed-wearin' prospectors start to mine for philosophical gold. I could write a scene involving a family at dinner, let one of the children bust
out with, 'Did you know Santa urinates through his nose?' and a handful of movie snobs would attempt to describe the deep meaning behind the statement.
Margot at the Wedding is 90 minutes of such ridiculousness, and I couldn't have despised it more if it had its name legally
changed to Rosie O'Donnell."
Johnny reviews Margot at the Wedding, starring Nicole Kidman, Jack Black, and Jennifer Jason Leigh, and
ensures that he should not hold his breath waiting for writer/director Noah Baumbach to send him a dinner invitation.
I've gotta be honest with you, folks, it's been a while since I've really let loose. I've either liked most of the recent movies I've seen, or I've felt little more than uninspired
indifference. But if Margot at the Wedding is to get credit for anything then it should be for managing to bring back the old
Johnny Betts, with biker boots a' kickin' and guns a' blazin'. Sure, I hated the movie, but the review sure was fun to write. Consider this my Christmas gift to you. Unless you were
involved in making the movie or are a member of Baumbach's family. In which case, I hope you don't know where I live.
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December 20, 2007
Count Your Blessings and Give out a Couple in Return
How do you look for hope where desolation resides?
Last Tuesday I made my way to Northaven Elementary. I have a church acquaintance who teaches there, and she asked a group of us if we would be willing to sacrifice a couple of hours
and mentor her under-privileged 5th graders. Northaven is a poor rural area of Shelby County, not unlike nearby Frayser, and according to a recent article in The Commercial Appeal,
"many of its 500 students - 470 minorities, almost all poor - depend on the school for meals, medical attention, clothing and often nurturing." These kids aren't surrounded by an
abundance of positive adult role models, and any individual attention is a life-altering benefit.
The directions I was given were accompanied by explicit instructions regarding which gas stations to avoid if we chose to venture a pit stop. Observing the "scenic" route answers
why it was strongly recommended to fuel up prior to the drive. It's a route paved with abandoned buildings, run-down fast food joints, and businesses that offer check-cashing and
liquor in one "convenient" location. It's no exaggeration to say it's about as close to driving through a Third World country as you can get around here. Unless you ever drive
through Arkansas...
The sidewalks were littered with hopelessness ... failed lives whose pride could most likely be found in the bottom of an empty bottle, where outstretched hands are looking for
financial support of a vice, and rather than a hot meal, stomachs crave the deceptive warmth of a lie.
When I arrived at the school, I was paired up with a 10-year-old boy named Sam. The rest of the kids assembled in groups, but I was told Sam needed special attention. Sam asked
the usual questions - where did I go to college, what did I do for a living, what did I like to do for fun - but as we engaged in conversation, the questions became a little more
personal. "Have you ever been to jail?" he asked me. "No, I sure haven't," I answered, knowing what was coming next. He proceeded to tell me about how his uncle, a man who up
to this point I sensed was Sam's biggest "role model," had been arrested three times. One instance included his uncle's friend shooting a policeman with a rifle.
Sam recounted the stories without a hint of this being anything other than normal. This is a familiar backstory for most of these kids. It's all they know. And while that is
very disheartening, I was encouraged by the glimmer of hope and desire I detected in Sam. While his reading and writing are not at a fifth grade level, I could see that he
possesses a raw level of intelligence and creativity. He simply needs attention. He needs encouragement. He needs to be pushed beyond his means. It's the same song and chorus
for each of these children.
My hat is off to the teachers who try to help these kids on a daily basis, but folks, putting one teacher in charge of 25 wilting, but auspicious flowers is not going
to cut it. I was mentally drained after a mere two hours with one little boy, but it was worth it, and I'm looking forward to a future opportunity. You would be surprised how
much something so seemingly simple can be so truly profound to those who have been raised to think irresponsibility is a way of life. Teach your kids that the government owes
you, and they'll never learn the value of hard work and fighting to earn what you have.
These kids live in poverty, amidst broken dreams. Dreams that, if they ever existed in the first place, have long been forgotten. But they're innocent. Though their situation
is bleak; their words express that their hope is not yet lost. Sam wants to be a cop. Or a professional football player. Or an animal trainer. Or a wrestler. He gave no
indication that he wanted to be like his uncle, and that gives me hope.
But they need one-on-one mentoring. Care and attention that their parents seem to have no desire to provide. Unfortunately, we can't force the parents to adequately do their
job, and we shouldn't demand that the government take on the role, but we can do our part to help. It's up to a few of us to step in, step up, and lend a hand.
If not you then who? Never underestimate the difference one changed life can make.
Coming Tomorrow
My review of Margot at the Wedding. It's gonna be a doozy.
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December 19, 2007
SCREENING: Juno
Remember that January screening of Juno I was set to sponsor? Well, that's kinda been pushed up to TOMORROW! Not a lot of notice. So here's how this is going
to work: if you want to attend TOMORROW NIGHT'S screening of JUNO at PARADISO then sign up RIGHT HERE. What I'll do is
send the list of names to the studio rep, they'll give the list to the screening rep, and then you'll just show up like you normally do and tell 'em you're "on the
list." You won't need a pass for this one.
So when you go to the sign up page don't even worry about filling out your address. Just enter your name (or the names
of any friends who may want to attend) and you'll be good to go. I saw the movie last night, and it's pretty good. Girls in their teens and early 20s will
especially love it.
On DVD This Week
Pick of the Week: ONCE
"Director John Carney presents the story in such a way that it feels like we're watching an extended home video. This allows for an intimacy
that you don't find in most of today's Hollywood assembly line productions. There are no "name" actors. No flashy special effects. Absolutely
no sense of pretense or ego. We're simply given a guy, a girl, and the songs that tell their story."
For me, this is one of the most pleasant surprises of 2007, and having met the director and cast, I've witnessed what genuinely nice and passionate people they are and therefore
have no problem promoting their efforts. Check out the soundtrack as well. Fantastic stuff.
Full review.
SPECIAL FEATURES
- Musical Commentary with Director John Carney and Actor/Musician Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová
- Film Commentary with Director John Carney and Actors/Musicians Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová
- Free Music Download of Falling Slowly from the Motion Picture Soundtrack
- Making a Modern Day Musical Featurette
- More Guy, More Girl Featurette
- Webisodes - Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy
Hollywood Fears Johnny Betts
Literally. Look for the full story in Friday's review of Margot at the Wedding.
Coming Soon
It's been a while since I've posted any movie horror stories, and a few of you have shared some with me, so I shall in turn share them with the world. Tomorrow? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
Oh, and yes, I'm further delaying my "eye-opening" experience. Perfection can't be rushed.
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December 18, 2007
TRAILER: The Dark Knight
If you had any reservations regarding Heath Ledger as The Joker then feel free to put them to rest right now. The latest trailer for The Dark Knight has hit the streets, and Ledger
is bringin' it. Never doubt Christopher Nolan's casting, folks. I read an article recently where Jack Nicholson complained about not being asked to reprise his turn as the iconic comic
villain, going so far as to claim he likely would not go see the film. Yeah, sure Jack, let's have a 90-year-old Joker. Whatever. Excuse me while I shrug my shoulders and yell
a good ol' fashioned "big whoop."
For some reason my buddy Side-Hug Sam wasn't overly impressed with the trailer, and my sister Amber will hate him for this, but I think it's because we originally watched the grainy,
unofficial version. You could hardly see what was going on, and the dialogue sounded as if it were echoing through a tunnel. Having now seen it in high resolution I must say that
I'm pretty excited.
Watch the trailer here!
Random Johnny's Sister Comment of the Day
My sister Amber thinks I need a regular section on the site that showcases her random comments. What she doesn't seem to realize is this gives me a lot of leeway in taking her
comments out of context and using them however I want. For those who don't know, Amber has what some might consider an unhealthy obsession with Mark Wahlberg. And by "unhealthy
obsession" I mean she actually bought the interminably boring The Corruptor on DVD.
Anyway, a while back she told me about a movie idea she had that would star Marky Mark. I don't remember all the details, since I pretty much zone her out when she starts rattling
on like a fangirl, but I do recall the gist of the storyline involved Wahlberg killing a bunch of bad guys out of revenge or something. At one point he'd be blowing away the baddies
all with Guns 'N Roses' Welcome to the Jungle playing in the background. Wahlberg would kick open a door, yell out, "Welcome to MY jungle," and continue his mayhem.
That's cute and all, but I have a nice little addendum to this story. The camera would quickly cut to Josh Brolin on a motorcycle, sportin' a sweet 'stache and his own pair of size 11
biker boots, all to the tune of Creedence Clearwater Revival's Born on the Bayou. Brolin would show up wherever Wahlberg was dealing out his carnage, he'd slowly and calmly walk
through the rubble, and upon finding Wahlberg he'd take off his sunglasses, flick a toothpick, and say, "Welcome to my funky PUNCH!" and then totally send Wahlberg to the floor buffet.
Some of Wahlberg's friends would rush in, Brolin would kick Wahlberg's rifle in the air, grab it, turn around, wink at the camera, and remark, "I'm pickin' up some good vibrations," as he
proceeded to clear himself a path.
I don't want to be too immodest, but I'm thinking it just might be the best movie ever.
Coming Tomorrow
I'm thinking a report on my recent eye-opening experience and an exploration of this week's DVD releases will be in order.
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December 17, 2007
The Age of Maturity
This past Saturday my friend Side-Hug Sam the Legalist and I had plans to deliver gifts and food to a family our Sunday School class had "adopted" for Christmas. SHS lives in Mississippi, so
it was more convenient for him to spend the night with me on Friday night. We decided we'd make it a real bonding experience between a couple of mature adult guys. We'd have deep
philosophical discussions that would delve beneath the surface. One of the topics we explored was our observations of the high school mentality that still absorbs many people even once
they've reached their 20s.
We gloried in the fact that we were no longer enslaved by such immaturity.
So during the course of our sleepover, we decided to do what adults do - watch Smallville. As we looked at the plot description of this past Thursday's episode, we couldn't help
but laugh. You see, this was an episode where Chloe would reveal to Jimmy that she was a meteor freak, and Clark returned from the Fortress.
Yes, thank the good and merciful Lord above that we've moved beyond that ol' high school mentality.
Margot at the Wedding Screening TONIGHT
If you want to attend the Margot at the Wedding screening tonight then please just SHOW UP at the Ridgeway Cinema. Whether you signed up or not. I have 100 passes, and I seriously
doubt I'll run out. Also, I'll have passes for The Kite Runner with me tonight. So this is your chance to see TWO FREE MOVIES. Show up tonight, see Margot at the Wedding,
and get some passes for The Kite Runner to boot. Consider this my Christmas gift to you.
There's also a screening of P.S. I Love You tonight, but there's a certain cutie who is out of town this week who informed me that this is a movie she'd love to see with me. Now,
she told me I was more than welcome to attend tonight's screening, but I don't know if I could actually sit through this one twice. So I'll just watch Margot at the Wedding tonight
and save P.S. I Love You for when girly gets back. I'm pretty excited because she's agreed to watch Serendipity with me. Of course, I presented this request under the
guise of watching a romantic comedy together. The fact that Ms. Beckinsale is in it merely serves as a bonus.
Have You Counted Your Blessings Lately?
Probably not as often as you should. I experienced something last week that really opened my eyes. I'll report back tomorrow.
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December 14, 2007
MOVIE REVIEW: I Am Legend
"I spent too much of the movie asking 'why?' but the movie felt no need to utilize any of its time answering with anything other than 'because.'"
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my review of Will Smith's I Am Legend. It's not overly long or complicated, but my good friend
Side-Hug Sam was kind enough to offer his feedback to help supplement. Prepare to hear more from Mr. Side-Hug in the future, and don't be surprised if he sneaks up on ya at
a screening and gives you a very legalistic hug to the side. It will be equally memorable and disconcerting.
The Juno sign-up will be ready by Monday.
Margot at the Wedding Screening
ATTENTION EVERYBODY WHO SIGNED UP FOR A PASS! The Margot at the Wedding screening is on Monday. Remember, it's at Ridgeway at 7:30. If you signed up for a pass then just show
up at the theater and I'll have one for you. Bring extra friends. If you didn't sign up for a pass but still want to attend then just show up. I'll have extra. I'll be there
between 6:15 and 6:30. Hunt me down and tell me to give you a pass. Chances are I'll comply.
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December 13, 2007
Is Johnny Still Alive?
It's Thursday, and there have been no posts on TMM this week. Is Johnny alive? Has he quit and walked quietly into the sunset? Is this the end of an era? The unceremonious passing of a legend?
A creative dry spell?
It's December. Christmas approaches, new friendships arise, a new gal walks by my side, and underprivileged kids cry for help. New priorities take shape while old obsessions take a back
seat. Every new beginning requires a transition period. But with that transition comes renewed inspiration. Renewed inspiration fosters greater productivity. And greater productivity
delivers a happier reading audience.
Bear with me, folks. It's been a good week. Vacation days off from work. Phone calls until 2:00 AM. A time to recharge and regroup. I'm giving you a fair warning - 2008 is the year
I really make my mark. Just sit back and watch. Or read. Whatever.
Golden Globe Nominations
Well, unfortunately Josh Brolin didn't get the "Best Actor" nomination that he deserved, but two of his movies (American Gangster,
No Country for Old Men) did receive "Best Picture" nominations. Should be a fun awards season.
Coming Tomorrow
My review of I Am Legend along with some commentary from my buddy Side-Hug Sam. Also, keep an eye out for the Juno screening sign-up. Now I'm off to catch up on some of the
emails I owe you fine readers.
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December 7, 2007
MINI-REVIEW: The Golden Compass
Well, y'all know how I love to frequently roll. 'Twas working on the review last night, fell asleep in my recliner, woke up about 7:00 AM, jumped in the shower, and rushed off to work ...
forgetting the jump drive upon which my masterpiece-review-in-development currently resides. Now if you think I'm going to completely start over and re-write the entire thing then you
have greatly overestimated how much I care. I get paid the same if I post the review today or some other time. In other words, zilch. I'll finish the review this weekend and post in
on Monday. But if you're dying for a little "Johnny Feedback" (and I know you are) then here's my general feeling:
The whole "promoting of atheism" theme has been watered down greatly in the movie. I've been told it's much more prevalent in the books, but I haven't read them and can't make any valid
comparisons. It's pretty obvious that the "Magisterium" in the movie is an allegory of the church (more specifically, the Vatican). So Protestants will likely have less of a beef with
the film's veiled message than will Catholics. Just my guess. Kids won't have a clue what's going on. I'll have more to say on that later...
As for the film itself, well, it's an epic all right - an epic bore. About the only thing created within the film's first hour is a multitude of nap opportunities. Character and story
development? Fairly non-existent. Lyra is a little brat who I couldn't have cared less about, and Daniel Craig and Christopher Lee have nothing more than glorified cameos. And they're
really not all that glorified. There are a couple of cool battle scenes, including one between two polar bears, but there's not much there that hasn't been recycled from Lord of the
Rings.
The ending is pretty anti-climactic as well. I know this is part one of a planned trilogy, but The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is an example of a franchise movie that still
managed to present itself as a complete experience.
I know some of you are intent on seeing this and will likely ignore my warnings. So be it. Then y'all will probably even claim to have liked it just because you don't want to admit you
should've listened to me. Go ahead then, be dishonest. I ain't your maker.
But keep in mind this isn't exactly what I'd call a kid's movie. Unless you think your child should be exposed to a polar bear having its lower jaw ripped off and a monkey brutally attacking
an innocent kitty as it wails in horrific pain. If that's your idea of "suitable entertainment for five-year-old little Billy" then don't act dumbfounded when he's later found setting fire
to the neighborhood cats.
Johnny's Tips for High Quality Holiday Shopping
It's that time of the year again. 'Tis the season to be jolly? Yeah, we wish. 'Tis the season
to struggle through irate crowds in search of gifts that will likely go unappreciated. There's nothing
worse than putting time and effort into buying what you think is a nice gift, only to have little Billy
cry his eyes out because you got him a Go Bot rather than a Transformer (oh wait, I just had a
flashback).
Well, ol' Johnny brings you tidings of joy! It's time for another addition of Biker Boot Camp. Here are five tips to help you in your Christmas shopping.
These won't necessarily help you find the perfect gift, as that is receiver-specific, however, they will help you avoid purchasing extremely disappointing
presents.
Check out the list RIGHT HERE!
An Update on the Movie Screenings
Thanks to those who have emailed me regarding the movie passes. I appreciate your concern, and for those of you who have personally contacted me, I will make sure you get
your passes before the day of the movie. Even if I have to drive by and stick them in your mail box. For everybody else, I'll probably put your names on a list and let you pick
up your pass at the screenings. It'll all work out.
Oh, and to everybody who has emailed me in the past three weeks - I have not forgotten you! I plan on catching up this weekend and next week (since I'm taking off the entire week).
So go ahead and sit there in anticipation.
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December 6, 2007
And the Winner for Best Picture is...
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN! That's according to the National Board of Review. The movie also received the "ensemble cast" and "adapted
screenplay" awards. George Clooney won for "Biggest Douchebag." Oh wait, I'm sorry, I read that wrong - for some reason he got Best Actor for his performance in the boringly-titled
Michael Clayton. Josh Brolin got jobbed!
The big question is how much of a precursor is the NBR awards to the Oscars. No idea. You could threaten me with naked photos of Rosie O'Donnell and I still could not accurately name
a single previous NBR winner and whether said winner went on to Oscar glory. I could only pray fervently that I'd correctly guess.
Sutherland Has the Book Thrown at Him
And that book's title? How the Halls of Justice Handle an Actor with Kid Gloves. Kind of a long and awkward title, but it's apropos. Despite the fact that he pleaded "no contest"
to DUI (thus violating the terms relating to a previous DUI conviction), Kiefer Sutherland managed to avoid a possible one-year jail sentence when a Los Angeles judge agreed to let him
serve a whopping 48 days in a private jail. Sounds rough. Cocktails, no doubt, will be served.
Brad Pitt and George Clooney's Bathroom Encounter
I can set my dislike for Mr. Clooney aside and admit that the following video footage is pretty funny:
Check it out.
Coming Tomorrow
My review of The Golden Compass.
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December 5, 2007
TRAILER: Prince Caspian
Narnia is back, and it's a little more savage than you might remember. The Pevensie siblings return to Narnia, but they soon find that dark forces are taking over. They're enlisted to
help ward off an evil king and restore Prince Caspian to his rightful throne.
The trailer is top-notch. You can view it HERE.
With this and The Dark Knight, 2008 is looking to be a pretty sweet year.
Prior to last night's Golden Compass (which was mostly a LOTR-recycled snoozefest) screening, I saw trailers for two other Narnia-wannabes. The Spiderwick Chronicles - not
looking too good. If I were seven years old then I might be interested. Inkheart, which is NOT a sequel to Braveheart, actually looks like it has a shot to be solidly
entertaining.
POSTER: The Dark Knight
I'm sure this is a teaser poster, so I'll let you work out your feelings regarding it. My sister says the teaser trailer will be shown prior to I Am Legend. Hopefully it'll be before
the Legend screening on Monday.
Josh Brolin's Next Role
The Hollywood Reporter has, appropriately, reported that Josh
is in final negotiations to star opposite Sean Penn in Gus Van Sant's biopic Milk.
Penn stars as Harvey Milk, the country's first openly gay elected official, and Josh will play Dan White, the rival politician and supervisor who assassinated Milk and San Francisco Mayor
George Moscone at City Hall. White blamed his actions on an overdose of Twinkies.
I'm not joking.
Matt Damon was reportedly in the running for the role, but obviously everyone realized Josh was much cooler.
"Margot at the Wedding" and "The Kite Runner" Screenings
OK, I've got some bad news regarding these screenings. I was under the assumption that the studios would be mailing the passes to all the winners. Well, imagine my surprise when I got
home yesterday and noticed two packages of movie passes sitting on my door step. There's no way I have time to figure out how to mail all these passes, so we've got to figure out something
else. Do your best to make plans to attend the I Am Legend screening on Monday, and I can give you your pass then. Otherwise, email me and we'll see if something can be
worked out.
Look for the Juno sign-up page soon. The studio should definitely be mailing those!
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December 4, 2007
Weird Dreams
I had a weird dream last night. I lived in a world where people carried lightsabers. But everything else was fairly modern. There were no spaceships, or blasters, or Wookiees - just
lightsabers. However, there were some establishments that would not let you carry in your lightsaber. I went to one such place, but I had a bad feeling about it, so I snuck mine in by
sticking it in my waist band.
Unfortunately, I turned on my lightsaber to threaten someone who was gettin' a little lippy about something, and the building's lightsaber detector chimed a peculiar alarm. Someone was
immediately dispatched to find out who in the vicinity was in possession of this banned weapon. I was quickly hiding it behind a plant when I looked up to see that the person assigned
the task was Megan Mullally. I woke up in a cold sweat.
I have no idea why Megan Mullally made an appearance in my dream. There is absolutely no reason for her to reside in my subconscious. I never watched Will and Grace, and what little
awareness I did possess of that show mainly revolved around the fact that her character has one of the top two most annoying voices in television history (Fran Drescher being the other). I
don't care if that's not her real voice; she'll forever be associated with it in my mind. Can't stand the woman.
Anyway, my lil sis called and shared a strange dream of her own. She didn't give me her permission to repeat this, but what do I care? I'm looking for good material, and any conversation
with her almost always results in something worth sharing.
The gist of her dream is that Christian Bale was starring in a movie about a true story regarding a man who went crazy and started shooting a lot of people in a mansion. One vivid detail
she remembered was that he blew away some woman on a staircase and then shot an old woman in a rocking chair right in the face. The old woman apparently somersaulted in the air and landed
in a pool of blood. Next thing my sister knew she was in the house and had to get away. She says she woke up with her heart beating fast and thinking my dad really needed to get a
home security system.
Here's how the rest of the conversation played out:
Me: You really were thinking he needed to get a home security system?
Sis: GOSH YOU'RE SUCH A RETARD!
Me: Me?
Sis: No, stupid people who don't know how to get in a turning lane.
Ah, I love my family.
Funny Random Comments by My Sister
Sis: I want to see Todd Sweeney!
Me: *laughing* It's called Sweeney Todd.
Sis: Oh. Whatever. I want to see it.
Be Thankful for the Writer's Strike
You know what? I've actually been quite pleased with the current writer's strike. My DVR doesn't fill up quite as fast, and I don't feel the pressure to sit at home and "get caught up."
I've made more meaningful friendships and had more meaningful conversations in the past 3 or 4 months than the last 3 or 4 years combined.
People praise television for opening us to a whole new world, but friendo, there's a whole new world right outside of that big screen. There is new ground to break, new roads to trod, new
stars to count, and new races that are simply waiting for the waving of the checkered flag. Your laurels are nothing upon which to rest. Nor is your comfort anything upon which to build new
memories. Quit encasing yourself in a glass of fear.
Will you risk the whites of your eyes turning red? Worried about saying something that was best left unsaid? Just remember - the wounded soldier is the most interesting. Every scar bears
a story. Every story reveals an experience. Every experience imparts a lesson.
Above all, be passionate. In the words of Andrew Osenga, let your love rage like a lion and your heart break like a lamb. Rather than make excuses, create opportunities.
Today.
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December 3, 2007
Josh Brolin Receives Nomination
The awards season is starting, and guess who just received his first nomination? Unless reading comprehension has got you severely down then you should've read the title and pieced
together that it is Josh "Mustache of '07" Brolin himself. The International Press Association has announced its nominees for the 12th annual Satellite Awards, and Josh is in the
running for Best Performance in a Dramatic Motion Picture due to his massive amounts of rump-kickage in No Country for Old Men.
Josh goes head-to-head with Denzel Washington ("American Gangster"), Christian Bale ("Rescue Dawn"), Tommy Lee Jones ("In the Valley of Elah"), and Viggo Mortensen ("Eastern Promises").
You do realize that no one dares go mustache-to-mustache with the young Brolin, don't you?
Could this be a prelude to the Golden Globes and the Oscars?
Speaking of Josh's mustache-heavy year, I'm currently pitching an idea to Hollywood for a movie about my dad and uncle. Now there are two guys who possess 'staches that have personality!
The movie would be called Randy and Roy and would star Josh Brolin and Jason Lee as two brothers whose awesome mustaches are involved in all sorts of wild misadventures. I'll keep
everybody updated on the film's positive buzz. In other words, this is the last time you'll hear anything about it.
Johnny Betts Throws Housewarming Party to End All Housewarming Parties
I know you think I'm just employing a figure of speech in the title above, but apparently you haven't watched CNN recently. This morning President Bush issued a moratorium on all
future housewarming parties. It was quickly pushed through Congress and is in the final stages of becoming official legislation. That's just how mind-blowing the Betts housewarming
was yesterday. If you ask anybody who was there and they respond with a lukewarm, "Well, I guess it was an adequate way to waste two hours," then please understand I
instructed them to be low key. My humility prevents me from letting anyone lavish well-deserved praise upon my muscular shoulders. Shoulders that must bear this cross of timidity.
There was plenty of food, friends, family, laughter, and plain ol' awesomeness. The latter of which I brought multiple helpings. I received plenty of nice gifts, but my grandparents
(i.e. grandma did all the shopping) went above and beyond. My kitchen is now almost completely furnished because of her (I mean them). Corningware, extra dinnerware, a collander,
measuring cups, a pizza cutter, and a sundry assortment of cooking utensils. I brought the house down when I rummaged around in the big bag this all came in, looked up, and asked, "So
where's the woman who's going to put all this stuff to use?" Ah, I love being in a family of non-feminazis. It makes life so much more carefree.
This Week's Screenings
The Golden Compass and The Bucket List are both on Tuesday. I've heard the controversy surrounding The Golden Compass, so I'm kind of curious to see it so that I
can make an educated judgment. Hey, I'm spending no money on it, so if it really turns out to be "atheism for kids" then I can still sleep with a clear conscience while also letting
everybody know the scoop.
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December 1, 2007
FREE SCREENING: The Kite Runner
Movie: The Kite Runner
Distributor: Paramount Vantage
Release Date: December 21, 2007
Director: Marc Forster
Cast: International actors I've never heard of.
MPAA Rating: PG-13
When: Tuesday, December 18
Where: Malco Paradiso 7:30 PM
Who: You and a guest
Why: Why not?
How Much: FREE!
Click here to read plot information and to sign up.
FREE SCREENING: Margot at the Wedding
Movie: Margot at the Wedding
Distributor: Paramount Vantage
Director: Noah Baumbach
Cast: Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Jack Black
MPAA Rating: R (for sexual content and language)
When: Monday, December 17, 2007
Where: Malco Ridgeway 7:30 PM
Who: You and a guest
Why: Because.
How Much: FREE!
Your sign up starts here!
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