BREAKING NEWS - FEBRUARY 2005

February 28, 2005

February 25, 2005

"It's pretty sad that Corey Feldman couldn't even keep his name attached to this film (his scenes were cut), but it's even sadder that this movie would've actually been better by having Feldman in it. Ouch. I think that's the true hallmark of a movie's failure. If someone tells you, 'Man, you should've kept Feldman's scenes in there, it would've helped,' then you need to do some serious soul searching before attempting another movie."

February 24, 2005

February 23, 2005

February 22, 2005

• I watched Rachel Weisz on Letterman, and she sang the praises of Memphis! Woooo! She and a friend drove from New Orleans to New York, and her favorite place they stopped was Memphis. Unfortunately, Rachel has chopped off her hair, and it is literally shorter than mine now. I can only hope it's for a movie role and that she'll be growing it back soon. Hasn't anybody learned from Cameron Diaz' post-The Mask hairdo disaster?



• Joy Ride is a great thriller to watch on a cold, rainy night. It's not often I can recommend a Paul Walker movie so highly, but Walker and Steve Zahn are very believable in their roles. The DVD (which I borrowed from my Walker-obsessed sister) has 4 alternate endings, including a 29-minute ending that completely changes the movie. Give it a look.



• I finally got around to watching Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life. Well, I guess it'd be more accurate to say I finally got around to fast-forwarding through it. If you thought the original Tomb Raider was bad, then you'll have no interest in the sequel. I think I realized I was in for a fast forward fest the moment Angelina Jolie punched a shark in the face. Folks, when my 10-year-old brother turned to me, laughed, and said, "This is pretty stupid," I couldn't help but wonder exactly what demographic they were going for.



• I finally watched all of Stand By Me. I've seen bits and pieces of it, but I'd never watched it from start to finish. It's pretty good. It's notable because it's a movie with Corey Feldman that is actually watchable. Speaking of Feldman, have you read An Icon, an Industry?



• I watched Slapshot 2: Breaking the Ice this weekend. Now I know this was basically Slapshot 2: Making a Buck for Stephen Baldwin, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. I won't be purchasing the DVD, but if you're a hockey or Stephen fan, then you may get a few cheesy laughs out of it. There's no need to spend money on a rental though, it'll be airing on the USA Network for the rest of eternity.



• It cost $84 million to make Son of the Mask, and it made less than $8 million its opening week? $84 million??? Somebody needs a lesson in economics and the importance of "return on investment." I could've told you this wouldn't work. In fact, my track record is pretty good in such matters. I'm making my services available right now: if somebody in Hollywood wants to give me a million or two, then I'll let you know what movies will and won't make money. My first words of wisdom: sequels to Jim Carrey movies that don't star Jim Carrey NEVER MAKE MONEY!!!!!



• Speaking of Son of the Mask, I just re-read my review of it, and well, it was quite uninspired. But that's the genius of my review - the lack of any real excitement for the movie came through loud and clear in my writing, and perfectly conveyed my thoughts. At least that's my excuse.

February 18, 2005

"You may be wondering if the movie totally caught me by surprise and won *my* heart? Um, no. I'm already tired of writing about it. However, it is better than I expected. Granted, that's not saying much considering my expectations were about as low as Ashlee Simpson's self-esteem these days."

February 17, 2005

"Is it too much to ask that the Prince of Darkness be presented in such a way that my first reaction upon seeing him appear on screen is NOT to burst out in laughter? According to Constantine, Satan's an old guy who wears a white pimp suit and talks with a hiss and a lisp. As he was slowly lowered from the ceiling I was expecting a disco ball to follow him."

• A woman desperate to save her dying child finds herself trapped in an alternate reality as she searches for her daughter in a dangerous world of demons.
• She flees with her child, intending to take the girl to a faith healer. On the way, she ends up driving through a portal in reality, which takes her to the eerie and deserted town of Silent Hill.
• The child disappears in Silent Hill, and the mother follows what she thinks is her daughter's silhouette all over town.
• It's soon clear the town is not like any place she's ever been. It's inhabited by a variety of creatures and a living darkness that descends and literally transforms everything it touches.
• The human inhabitants - the ones who are left - are trapped and fighting a losing battle against the Darkness.
• The woman searches for her little girl while learning the history and dark secrets of Silent Hill.

February 16, 2005

February 15, 2005

"How far would you go to save your own life? Go ahead; ask yourself that question right now. Exactly how far would you go? Would you kill someone if your life were on the line? Would you cut through someone's stomach to get something you needed to save yourself? Would you watch an entire night of UPN programming with no interruptions? Would you make out with Rosie O'Donnell? The extent a person would go to save his life, an indication of how much he actually wants to live, is the underlying theme of Saw."

• Commentary with director James Wan and actor/writer Leigh Whannell
• "Sawed Off" mini featurette
• "Bite the Hand that Bleeds" music video
• Making of "Bite the Hand that Bleeds"
• Trailers and TV spots

February 14, 2005

• Salke: "What we felt was that Murder Book was a very clean and somewhat classic way to do a very modern realistic police drama."



• Fox executive vice president Craig Erwich raved about it, saying it was the best of many procedural pitches he'd heard all year, continuing that it feels like a very real, behind-the-scenes look.



• Antoine Fuqua, the director of Training Day, is set to direct.



• Josh Brolin has signed on as the lead. No other casting choices have been made.

February 11, 2005

"I laughed pretty consistently throughout the movie until they cued the sappy 'You are the wind beneath my wings'-esque dialogue near the end. I sincerely suggest that you pop the top on the Maalox or Pepto Bismal, take a good couple of swigs as Will Smith begins his extremely gay speech about love, falling, flying, taking leaps, blah blah blah, and your stomach should settle enough to let you enjoy a little more silly dancing at the end. Eva Mendes. Tight dress. Dancing. Thumbs up."

February 10, 2005

February 9, 2005

"I admit, it's not completely unheard of in this day and age for somebody to feel a little nostalgic and slip Stand By Me, The Goonies, or The Lost Boys into the DVD player. Upon completion of the movie, it's possible that someone may wonder, 'Hey, what's Corey Feldman up to these days?' The easy answer? Not his neck with movie offers."

February 7, 2005

"When Watson is forced to return home due to a family emergency, he decides to spend the night at his old home, now abandoned, in an attempt to conquer his fears. What proceeds is a movie that's light on story but heavy on fog, heavy on slow walking, and heavy on a creaking house. Seriously, after a while I started to think I was watching the movie in the hull of a ship."

February 4, 2005

"The Wedding Date wasn't very funny, and the plot was boring. I didn't care about any characters. I guess maybe I wanted Kat and McDermott to get together, but then again, he's a male slut, so my sympathy could only go so far. After the flick ended, Mrs. Shade and I went and joined our better halves to catch the end of Alone in the Dark, and we cracked up more in those 20 minutes than during all of The Wedding Date. I know that doesn't say much about Alone in the Dark, but still."

February 3, 2005

February 2, 2005

"Alone in the Dark is a disappointment, but it's in a way you might not expect. Some movies fail to live up to the hype of their praise, but this is a rare breed of movie that fails to live up to the hype of its ridicule. I wanted it to be so bad that it was good, but unfortunately, it doesn't even 'succeed' on that level. It has its moments, but rather than sustaining a constant stream of 'entertainingly awful badness,' it just starts to drag and becomes a chore to finish sitting through. Folks, I've seen Troll 2, and Alone in the Dark - you are no Troll 2.

February 1, 2005

"It's a lifetime achievement award, which is completely and utterly surreal, given I'm only 30 years old. But, you know, what has it been? Almost 17 years now. I've done quite a few films."