BREAKING NEWS - FEBRUARY 2008
February 29, 2008
MOVIE REVIEW: Semi-Pro
"I must thank Will Ferrell for making his movies the absolute easiest in the world to review. Do you like the guy? If so then you'll be entertained. Do you hate the guy? Yes? Then
prepare to be disgusted and spend the rest of the evening kicking yourself for wasting your time and money. Or, you know, you could just use common sense and skip the movie.
I think Chris Kattan has all the talent of this bottle of Coconut Lime Verbena hand lotion sitting on my desk, and that's why you'll never see me pay to go to one of his films.
I suggest you use similar good judgment. That being said, I could end the review right now and you'd truly be equipped with all the necessary information. But we all know I
can't help but add just a wee bit more verbiage to this puppy..."
Click here to read Johnny's hilariously poignant full review of Semi-Pro, starring
Will Ferrell, Woody Harrelson, André Benjamin, Maura Tierney, and Will Arnett.
Someone Felt the Need for ANOTHER Jeepers Creepers Film
Do you think this is what God had in mind for the human race? That we'd be responsible for making stuff called "Jeepers Creepers 3"? Victor Salva, the director of the first two
Creeper films and a convicted child molester, recently told Fangoria magazine, "It's tentatively titled Jeepers Creepers 3: The Creeper Walks Among Us. It includes a
prologue in the Old West and might bring back several characters from the first two films 20 years later. The script and story will be big on scares and give us plenty more of
the traditional Creeper creepiness, with a few more bits thrown in about what it might be and where it came from."
Sounds terrible. And very generic. I'm gonna write a comedy and then describe it thusly, "The script and story will be big on laughs and give us the traditional Johnny Betts humor!"
Can you imagine trying to sell that to a Hollywood exec? Why not just load it with cheese? Allow me to suggest an alternate title: Jeepers THREEpers: The Creeper Craps Upon Us.
You could even be extra clever with the use of the number 3 in the title, making it Jeepers THR3EPers. It'd rock.
Worst Theatrically-Released Movie Title of All Time?
So I'm watching this movie trailer (you can view it here if you like), and it's not blowing me
away or anything, but it's showing some potential for a modern day horror flick. The story seems to focus on a New York photographer who is trying to hunt down a serial killer. The
setting and atmosphere are dark, and the action moves intensely enough to give me a flicker of interest.
But then it happened. The gravelly-voiced narrator, in as serious a tone he can muster, announces the title:
The Midnight ... MEAT TRAIN!
Wow. I lost it. Just started cracking up. Seriously? Are you kiddin' me? How inept can a studio be if NO ONE had the guts to step up and suggest that perhaps this title isn't exactly the
easiest sell in the world? I know it's based on a Clive Barker short story of the same name but COME ON! That's a stinkin' porno title if I've ever heard one. Hollywood gets more
ridiculous by the day.
Breakthroughs, Starring Josh Brolin
Thanks to Julian for pointing this out to me. Click here and then look for
Josh at about the 8-minute mark.
Coming Next Week
All next week I'll be reporting from the snowy slopes of Wyoming! Don't worry; I plan to update TMM (even if perhaps not daily), and will keep you up-to-date the best I can. Look
for reviews of Blonde and Blonder, The Bank Job, and hopefully The Darjeeling Limited next week.
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February 28, 2008
MOVIE REVIEW: P.S. I Love You
"I was prepared, to say the least. I had listened to all of my friends as they practically regurgitated the tears they cried the night they unknowingly suffered through the movie
known as P.S. I Love You. C'mon, let's face it - I'm a girl, and a sensitive romantic at that. The Notebook left me not
only red-eyed for days, but filled with a sense of what authentic love actually looked and felt like. Perhaps I was looking for a Notebook 2 type sequel; if not that, then
at least something that had me using the wad of tissue paper Johnny Betts so thoughtfully snuck in his pocket for us (ahem, I mean for me, of course).
If nothing I have said thus far makes sense, please understand my bottom line is that I was simply disappointed. Waiting anxiously a whole two months to see a movie you can barely
stand to sit the two hours through is a slight let down."
Click here to read Steph and Johnny's exciting dual review of P.S. I Love You, starring
Hilary Swank, Gerard Butler, Lisa Kudrow, Gina Gershon, and Harry Connick Jr.
Please note: the quote above is from Steph's part of the review. Just in case any of you were confused, thinking I referred to myself as a girl, I wanted to clear that up. Thank
you.
Coming Tomorrow
I'll definitely have the Semi-Pro review done by tomorrow. The reviews of The Darjeeling Limited and Blonde and Blonder, however, are up in the air at this
point. Keeps things more exciting, I say. Stay tuned.
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February 27, 2008
MOVIE REVIEW: Vantage Point
"Fast. Slightly awkward. Intense. At times tedious. All words that have been used to describe kissing Johnny Betts. But they're also adjectives that
can be accurately attributed to Sony Pictures' latest release - Vantage Point. The film, much like a Michael
Moore 'documentary' being classified as non-fiction, is a paradox. Its atypical, nonlinear story structure isn't exactly fodder for mass consumption. Those
viewers who merely want to see "lots of junk explodin'" might be turned off. Yet, elements such as a pinch-faced Dennis Quaid orchestrating a high-octane car
chase aren't exactly the stuff of Academy legend."
Click here to read my full review of Vantage Point, starring Dennis
Quaid, Forest Whitaker, and Matthew Fox.
Coming Tomorrow
The exciting dual review of P.S. I Bore You! My new gal, whose name coincidentally is Stephanie, has written the bulk of the review, and she's good, folks.
I really don't have much to add to what she's said. This could be the start of a beautiful trend - let her do a large bulk of the work while I swoop in and make some
sarcastic comments. We'll see.
I might have my review of The Darjeeling Limited finished by tomorrow as well. Then on Friday, barring divine intervention and/or tragic accidents, I'll
post my review of Semi-Pro and hopefully Blonde and Blonder. It's a week chock full of reviews. And excitement. Let's not forget the excitement.
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February 26, 2008
Rascal Flatts
I know this is a long shot, but is anybody going to the Rascal Flatts concert at the Fed Ex Forum this Friday? Can anybody hook a brother up with some sweet tickets? Send me an
email and let's talk. I know of all the people who read this site there just has to be one connection that can discuss some Rascal
Flatts business with me...
Tonight's Screening of Semi-Pro
If you attend tonight's screening of Semi-Pro then keep an eye out for me as soon as I enter the theater. I just might have something for you, and chances are this "something"
won't last long...
On DVD Today
The Darjeeling Limited (review coming soon) - Three American brothers who have not spoken to each other in a year set off on a train voyage across India with a plan to find
themselves and bond with each other. Starring Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, and Jason Schwartzman.
Beowulf - Basically, there's a gruff-voiced warrior named Beowulf who claims to have kicked many shapes and sizes of monster posterior.
He and his men arrive on scene to save the Danes from a monster named Grendel. This doesn't sit too well with Grendel's mother who decides to start killin' and seducin'. If you want
to know more then feel free to read the poem. Starring the voices of Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, and Angelina Jolie.
30 Days of Night - After an Alaskan town is plunged into darkness for a month, it is attacked by a bloodthirsty gang of vampires. Starring a tree also known as Josh Hartnett,
Melissa George, and Ben Foster.
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February 25, 2008
The Movie Mark's Oscar Influence, Johnny Betts is Famous
  
As you can see in the pictures above, I've officially mingled with Oscar winners. In fact, Hollywood is abuzz today over "the little website that could," with some publications
giving me full credit for No Country for Old Men's four Oscars. Some have even hinted that Glen Hansard's and Markéta Irglová's
well-deserved victory for Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song could be partly attributed to "the Johnny Betts influence." The story has it that the
above pictures began to circulate, the Academy heard about my size 11 biker boots, got a little nervous, and decided it'd be best to avoid "any and all potential incidents." Don't blame
'em.
Starting at 2:30 AM I fast-forwarded through 3.5 hours of Oscar telecast, so here's a brief look at the highlights from what I watched:
Best Moment of the Night: The announcement that Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová won the Oscar for best original song. Having met them and knowing how incredibly
humble and nice they are, I was rooting harder for them than I was for No Country for Old Men. Seeing how 48 different gay songs
from Enchanted were nominated, I just knew Disney was going to come away the big winner, so I was legitimately surprised that the rightful winners' names got called. I'll admit it -
I was a little teary-eyed.
Funniest Line of the Night: After Glen Hansard's extremely genuine and humble speech, Jon Stewart saying, "Wow ... that guy is so arrogant." Great delivery.
Douchebag Moment of the Night: The rude Academy orchestra cutting off Markéta Irglová before she had a chance to say anything. Hansard was very brief, and there
was no call for that.
Classy Move of the Night: Allowing Markéta to come back and give her acceptance speech. I give the academy credit for correcting their original boneheaded
mistake.
Personal Satisfaction Moment of the Night: Josh Brolin's presence. Not only was he a presenter, but his name was also mentioned three or four times. I was
a little disappointed that he didn't get to go up on stage when No Country was announced the winner of Best Picture, but perhaps
that's the custom? For some reason I was thinking the entire cast usually joined the stage for that.
Overrated Winners of the Night: Ratatouille for Best Animated Feature and Diablo Cody for Best Original
Screenplay for Juno. All of the nominees were pretty weak, but Ratatouille is probably Pixar's worst film, and Juno
is NOT as good as everybody says. That does it; I'm writing my review. Any movie that makes up a term like "honest to blog" does not deserve an Oscar.
Biggest Missed Opportunity of the Night: They showed a couple of fake montages - a salute to binoculars and periscopes and a salute to bad dreams in movies -
as a joke about wasting time. A "'Stache Montage" of all of Brolin's 2007 mustaches would have been much better and much cleverer.
Best Speeches of the Night: I'm gonna give it to Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová. Their win is what an awards ceremony like this should be all about - a couple
of independent artists breaking out of nowhere, overcoming the Hollywood system, and achieving their highest dreams. I loved Markéta's closing words, "Fair play to those who dare to
dream and don't give up."
Coming this Week
Look for quite a few reviews, including Vantage Point, Juno, and an exciting dual review of P.S. I Bore You. I can't believe all the tears that have been shed for that
lamefest. Even my sister Amber told me she cried throughout the entire movie. So did I ... once I realized I'd just given up $5 (at the cheap theater) and 120 minutes of my time to
sit through that crap.
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February 22, 2008
Moratorium Placed on Vantage Point Review
Folks, I've tried several times to sit down and write the Vantage Point review, but I just can't do it. My heart isn't in it. For those of you who don't know, my #1 ranked Memphis
Tigers are playing the #2 ranked Tennessee Volunteers tomorrow in what equates to the biggest sporting event in the history of Memphis. Better yet - I WILL BE AT THE GAME! Now I ask you,
how on earth can I be expected to concentrate on anything else at the moment?
I hope you understand. I promise to post my review next week.
But if you're just dying for a little taste of my opinion, just enough to help sway yours, then I'll go ahead and say that the movie is entertaining. Some audiences might get frustrated
watching the same event play out through several different viewpoints, and admittedly it is a little awkward at times, but I liked how each viewpoint would offer a variety of clues
and revelations. At least they tried something a little different and found a way to keep the suspense at a maximum.
Also, the car chase at the end, though quite improbable, is just a big ol' bucket of popcorn-munching fun.
If you're really eager to see it then go ahead and make it a matinee. If you're sitting on the fence then sit this one out and make it a future rental.
But I don't expect any of you to be at the theater tomorrow evening. ESPN - 8:00 PM Central - GO TIGERS!
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February 21, 2008
Opening this Week
VANTAGE POINT
Director: Pete Travis
Stars: Dennis Quaid, Forest Whitaker, and Matthew Fox
Rated: PG-13 (for sequences of intense violence and action, some disturbing images and brief strong language)
Genre: Drama/Thriller
Tagline: 8 Strangers. 8 Points of View. 1 Truth.
Length: 90 minutes
Website: Vantage Point
Studio: Columbia Pictures
The Plot: Five different points-of-view are woven together to chronicle an attempt on the life of the President of the United States.
Johnny's Take: Saw a screening on Tuesday, and my full review will be posted tomorrow. I'm not saying anything until then so stay tuned...
CHARLIE BARTLETT
Director: Jon Poll
Stars: Anton Yelchin, Robert Downey Jr., and Hope Davis
Rated: R (for language, drug content and brief nudity)
Genre: Comedy
Tagline: Popularity is a state of mind.
Length: 97 minutes
Website: Charlie Bartlett
Studio: MGM
The Plot: Initially failing to fit in at his new public school, Charlie Bartlett (Yelchin) appoints himself as the new resident therapist, where he doles
out advice, and the occasional prescription or two...
Johnny's Take: *said in a dry, monotone voice* Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
They even rip off the whole "hands behind the head while smiling like a goofball" pose. They didn't screen this in Memphis, so the studio has no desire to prove to me whether or not my
accusation is accurate. Guess what? The trailers have given me no inspiration to spend $8+ of my own money to find out.
BE KIND REWIND
Director: Michel Gondry
Stars: Jack Black, Mos Def, and Danny Glover
Rated: PG-13 (for some sexual references)
Genre: Comedy
Tagline: You name it, we shoot it
Length: 101 minutes
Website: Be Kind Rewind
Studio: New Line Cinema
The Plot: Unaware that he has a magnetized brain, a man (Black) accidentally erases every tape at the video store where his friend (Mos Def) works. In order
to satisfy the store's most loyal renter, an aging woman with signs of dementia, the two men set out to remake the lost films.
Johnny's Take: This one's intriguing. The plot description is definitely unique. The trailer? It shows promise. But here's my question - can they take
a quirky concept that makes for a funny two-minute trailer and stretch that into a funny 101-minute movie? I sure wish they'd screened it so I could have found out. So if anybody...
"Can't you just pay to see it at the theater like everybody else, Johnny? All you do is whine about the movies that aren't screened here."
Thanks for the suggestion, tool burger. How long have you been reading this site?
What was I saying before I was so rudely interrupted? Ah yes, of all of this week's non-screened releases this is the one that interests me most. If you go see it then
send me some legitimate feedback and let me know if it's worth a future rental.
WITLESS PROTECTION
Director: Charles Robert Carner
Stars: Larry the Unfunny Cable Guy, Jenny McCarthy, Peter Stormare (poor guy), and Eric Roberts
Rated: PG-13 (for crude and sex-related humor)
Genre: "Comedy"
Tagline: Protecting America's assets.
Length: 97 minutes
Website: Witless Protection
Studio: Lionsgate
The Plot: A small-town sheriff (Larry the Unfunny Cable Guy) rescues a woman (McCarthy) he believes has been kidnapped, only to realize he's snatched-up
the star witness for an upcoming white-collar crime trial. Now he has to find a way to protect both of their hides from the no-good-types out to do them in.
Johnny's Take: Wow. Show of hands - who here is planning on paying money to see this at the theater? OK, will you please not tell anybody that you're a fan
of my site? Thanks.
Shock of all shocks, this isn't being screened for critics, but my astute powers of observations allow me to give you three very solid reasons not to waste your time or money on
this one:
- It stars Larry the Unfunny Cable Guy.
- It co-stars Jenny McCarthy.
- It's called Witless Protection.
They should've just called it Hollywood Gives Moviegoers the Big, Fat Finger and Then Laughs All the Way to the Bank. Rumor has it that was a working title, but that, while
deemed highly accurate, it was just a little too long and unwieldy.
There is some good news to come from this movie - it's written by the same dude who gave us Gymkata! If you have no idea what I'm talking about
then you have no idea what you're missing. Read my review and then hunt down that DVD.
All right, so Larry the Unfunny Cable Guy has now given us two movies with ridiculously-punned titles - Delta Farce and Witless Protection. Let's pitch in and help him out
with his next project. What are some other bad puns he can work into a bad movie? Email me your ideas.
Allow me to suggest a buddy movie with Cedric the non-Entertainer - Dutch O'Cassidy and the Sunburned Kid.
The Plot: A Danish/Irish immigrant (Larry the Unfunny Cable Guy) and his friend (Cedric) hear about the California Gold Rush and head out West to search for their
fortune. Can an immigrant and a black man survive in 1850s California and find their golden treasure? Will Cedric avoid racial opposition by making up a story that he just has a really
deep sunburn? What will happen when they stare discrimination in the face? Will they continue forward and make their dreams come true, or will they fail miserably and blame everybody else for
their misfortunes?
Tagline: They came to BLAME the West.
What is up with IMDb? On each movie page they have a section at the bottom that states, "If you enjoyed this title, our database also recommends:" and then three of their recommendations
for Witless Protection are Batman Begins, High Plains Drifter, and To Kill a Mockingbird. Huh? You're not gonna find three movies more different than Witless
Protection. Here's how it should've been worded:
"If you enjoyed this title then you have severely bad taste in movies and our database recommends that you watch the following movies in order to realize what a good movie actually
looks like..."
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February 20, 2008
Happy Birthday!
I'd like to wish a happy belated birthday to my new main squeeze. Her birthday was yesterday, and after dinner she was kind enough to go to an advanced screening of Vantage Point
with me. Isn't she great? I know she could've stood her ground and demanded that we do something a little more girly, but perhaps she felt like rewarding me a little for taking her to
The Wedding Singer: The Musical. I'm not quite out of the woods just yet though. I have promised to take her to see P.S. I Love You. She really has her heart set on it
so it better be good! I'd hate for her to be disappointed.
I also want to go see Enchanted with her. Plenty of y'all have told me it was great and want me to see it and provide my highly respected (and accurate) opinion. Welp, the
good news is that it's at the $2.50 theater and I can feel much more comfortable doing so.
I really don't have much to say today. If you can believe that, and I know you can't. I'm almost finished with Blonde and Blonder, and it's not getting any easier to sit through.
It's been a while since I've seen a movie try so hard to be funny but fail so abysmally. For my review I'll probably just have to bullet point what makes it so craptastic. I don't think
it's worthy of smoothly transitioned paragraphs.
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February 19, 2008
You Just Don't Find Entertainment Like this at the Movies
I feel sorry for people who aren't sports fans. I really do. When you have a team that you root for, a team to which you have a true emotional attachment, there's a joy that comes with
that that you simply will not find on your TV screen or at the local multiplex. When they pull off something truly miraculous, it brings forth feelings that no other form of entertainment
can provide. One such miracle occurred this past Saturday.
For those of you who are not fortunate enough to live in the Mid-South area, or you're just too self-deprived to relish the joy college basketball can bring, then allow me to inform you
that my University of Memphis Tigers are the number one ranked team in the nation. At 25-0, we are the ONLY team who has not lost this season. The heavyweights have lined up -
Connecticut, Oklahoma, Georgetown, Arizona, Gonzaga, USC - and we have knocked them all down. Say what YOU will, but 25-0 says it all.
Well, that march to perfection looked in peril this past Saturday. We took on the University of Alabama-Birmingham on their home court, a home court that had yet to yield a lost
this season. They were fighting for their NCAA tournament lives, and they gave us their scrappy best. As we stared at a 77-70 deficit with one minute and 42 seconds to go, I started
to make peace with what appeared to be our first blemish of the season. "OK, well, I knew an undefeated season was too much to ask for. This had to happen eventually, and at least
this will remove the burden of going into the tournament with a perfect record. That'd probably cause too much pressure and..." and then it started to happen.
With a chance to push their lead to 9 or more, UAB turned the ball over. We came down the court and Antonio Anderson calmly nailed a three-pointer to cut the lead to 77-73. "OK, huh,
well, I guess anything is possible, but this loss will probably motivate our guys to..." then UAB missed a shot. Our response? We stormed up the court, gave the ball to the man who will
forever be viewed as legendary in the annals of Memphis basketball - a man who goes by the moniker of CDR (Chris Douglas-Roberts for you out-of-towners) - and he hit a three-pointer to
cut the lead to 77-76.
That's the kind of thing that'll get your Uncle Larry off the couch and dancing around. I, always the picture of poise, pointed at the TV and yelled distinguished remarks such as
"in yo face" to UAB players and fans who likely could not hear me beyond the cathode ray tubes.
But there were about 37 seconds left, and UAB had the ball. The onus was still on OUR shoulders. Failing to create a quick turnover, we had no choice but to foul UAB with 15 seconds left.
A risky proposition, no doubt, considering UAB was 19-20 from the foul line up to this point, but there was no choice. And Robert Vaden, who was 6-6 from the line and had been money all
night, was unfortunately the one shooting. If he hits both then we have to hit a three-pointer and hope for overtime. Only, he missed the first one. The second one went it, however,
giving UAB a two point lead.
No sweat.
The next nine seconds were a blur. Freshman point guard Derrick Rose sped up the court, and got the ball in CDR's hands. CDR proceeded to do what he does best - juked and jived, threw
in a few spin moves, blew a kiss to the crowd, moonwalked, did a couple of pushups, signed an autograph, and then made a layup. Oh, and he was fouled in the process. At this point I
was far removed from the couch, pointing at the TV, yelling, "THAT'S HOW THE NUMBER ONE TEAM IN THE COUNTRY DOES IT, BABY!" But we're expected to win this game at the free throw line?
Up to this point we were a paltry 11-21, and CDR was an even worse 2-5. But you know what he did? Exactly what you'd expect the best player on the best team in the nation to do - he
coolly nailed the shot and put us up by one.
UAB had 6.5 seconds to pull out a miracle of their own, and of course they put it in the hot hands of Mr. Vaden. Vaden rushed up the court, desperately threw up a wild three-pointer, and
then was left to cry over a little spilled milk as Lawrence Kinnard's fruitless putback came well after the final buzzer sounded.
I've seen plenty of great movies that I truly love, that have brought me great entertainment, but when's the last time you've been at the theater and something happened to cause you to
jump out of your seat and clap and hug those around you out of pure joy? If you answer, "during the closing credits of Date Movie when I
realized that nightmare was finally over" then I will concede the point.
Now, the poor UAB fans are not the brightest bunch of students in the world, as represented by their ingenious spelling of "Memphis" in the picture above, so they rushed the court,
apparently ignorant of the fact that if your shot leaves the shooter's hand AFTER the loud buzzing sound then it doesn't count if it goes in.
It's understandable, I guess. The last noteworthy thing the UAB team has done was beat Memphis 715 days prior to this game. It's gotta be a little tough to go almost two years without
a single signature victory to be proud of. Beating the top-ranked Memphis team would have been the defining moment of their franchise's history. However, that doesn't excuse their
fans' classless reaction after the game. They threw popcorn, whiskey bottles, roadkill that would have otherwise served as dinner, their framed GEDs, you name it, at our players.
Some of the fans, such as Prison Jumpsuit Larry in the pic above, even got in our players' faces. You gotta love the orange jumpsuit sans a shirt underneath. Folks, that's just
classy. That dude has been immortalized forever on ESPN, and I'm tempted to say it'd be quite hard for him to ever find a date again, but this is Alabama, and Billy Bob does
get lonely at night.
I guess we shouldn't be too hard on these kids. If they can't be counted on to correctly spell "Memphis" then chances are they aren't well-versed on proper public decorum. Now, one
could argue that leaving off the "h" was intentional, and if that is the case, well, then they misspelled the other word they were going for. So they're not very intelligent, however
you wanna slice that piece of pie.
As is the annual tradition, the "local" media is doing their biased best to focus the blame on the Tiger players. "They should've gotten off the court faster!" Yes, this
is true. They should have run to the locker room, showered, and headed home. But once you've got fingers in your face and whiskey bottles whizzing by your head, then you switch to
survival mode. The people suggesting that certain players should be kicked off the team or suspended for several games for what amounts to nothing are merely 5'6" wonders whose closest
attempt at playing a sport came during a three-legged douchebag race. They offer battle-shielded opinions, not battle-tested experience.
So now all eyes are on Saturday. Hopefully Memphis and Tennessee will take care of their respective business on Wednesday so that Saturday will give us a legitimate matchup of the number 1
and number 2 ranked teams in the country. All the "experts" are claiming Tennessee will waltz onto our home court and knock us off the mantle. Bring it, baby. You're in Tiger country
now.
And for all my soulless "friends" living in Memphis, claiming to be UT fans - um, so you were born and raised in Knoxville, huh? No? You just like that ugly shade of orange? Don't
worry; I pray for you every day. I'm an optimist and will forever hold out hope that you'll see the light. Even if you don't then at least on Saturday you'll be awakened. Awakened from
your little orange-colored dream season and sent straight into a brand new blue-hued nightmare.
I don't care who we play or what name is on the front of their jersey. I call 'em all the same - next.
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February 15, 2008
Contests: UFO Hunters Prize Pack and The Perfect Witness DVD Giveaway
It's Friday, and what better way to introduce you to the weekend than by giving you a chance to win some free stuff?
"By giving us cold hard cash."
Um, how about you quit being ungrateful and just sign up for the contests? Man, some people are so rude.
The History Channel is offering a whole lot of cool stuff via their UFO Hunters contest. Click HERE for more details and your chance to win.
Interested in a free DVD of the upcoming thriller The Perfect Witness? Click HERE, sign up, and wait patiently to find out if you're a winner.
Movie Horror Stories
I'll be honest with ya - yesterday was busy, and I kind of had a late night. Translation? I don't have the energy to be too wordy today. So without introducing these horror stories
with a whole lot of pomp and circumstance, I'm just gonna provide the links and let you enjoy:
Shrek OUT
Angry Mothers
"We didn't really enjoy those, Johnny."
Yeah? Well maybe I don't enjoy YOUR FACE! Did you ever think about that? No, no you didn't. Next week I'll be sure to bring an extra blanket and a bah-bah for baby.
"You're weird."
Your mama's weird.
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February 14, 2008
TRAILER: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Woohoo! The trailer is finally here, and I have to admit it caused me to slip into giddy fanboy mode. Despite Harrison Ford's advanced age, it looks like it's going to be a big blast
of summer blockbuster fun. Ford still looks the part, and the voice and wry delivery is definitely there.
Click here and check it out.
Opening this Week
THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES
Director: Mark Waters
Stars: Freddie Highmore, Sarah Bolger, and David Strathairn
Rated: PG (for scary creature action and violence, peril and some thematic elements)
Genre: Adventure/Family/Fantasy
Tagline: Their World Is Closer Than You Think
Length: 97 minutes
Website: The Spiderwick Chronicles
Studio: Paramount Pictures
The Plot: Upon moving into the run-down Spiderwick Estate with their mother, twin brothers Jared and Simon Grace, along with their sister Mallory, find
themselves pulled into an alternate world full of faeries and other creatures.
Johnny's Take: This is based on the Holly Black novels, which I admittedly have not read, but does this not sound a little TOO similar to Narnia? The
thing I was shocked to find out was the movie crams all FIVE books into one 97-minute movie. I have no idea how the full story can be faithfully told, but I have no emotional
connection to the books so perhaps the movie will work well as a stand-alone.
It looks like it might be good, but since this wasn't screened in Memphis I'll be waiting for it to hit the $2.50 theater or DVD.
JUMPER
Director: Doug Liman
Stars: Hayden Christensen, Samuel L. Jackson, and Jamie Bell
Rated: PG-13 (for sequences of intense action violence, some language and brief sexuality)
Genre: Adventure/Sci-Fi
Tagline: Anywhere is possible.
Length: 88 minutes
Website: Jumper
Studio: 20th Century Fox
The Plot: Once David Rice (Christensen) discovers he has the power to teleport from one place to another, he uses his ability to search for the man
he believes is responsible for the death of his mother. Complicating his mission is the existence of a secret organization who wants to exterminate people like David, which causes
the young man to enter into a shaky alliance with a fellow "jumper" (Bell).
Johnny's Take: The combination of director Doug Liman (The Bourne Identity) and writer David Goyer (Batman
Begins) gives me hope. The presence of Hayden Christensen does not. The trailer was palatable, but it wasn't screened in Memphis so I won't be offering an opinion any time
soon.
DEFINITELY, MAYBE
Director: Adam Brooks
Stars: Ryan Reynolds, Rachel Weisz, and Abigail Breslin
Rated: PG-13 (for sexual content, including some frank dialogue, language and smoking)
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Tagline: Three relationships. Three disasters. One last chance.
Length: 105 minutes
Website: Definitely, Maybe
Studio: Universal Pictures
The Plot: As Will Hayes (Reynolds) explains the complexities of his pending divorce to his daughter, Maya (Breslin), he opens up about the three other women
with whom he has had relationships -- a process that gets him to reconsider some of his past decisions.
Johnny's Take: If you look into the plot a little further you'll discover that it sounds exactly like the synopsis of NBC's How I Met Your Mother.
I skipped this week's screening so I could take my girl to The Wedding Singer: The Musical. Don't worry folks; I get my Man Card back on Friday.
Movie Mark reader and Johnny Betts fan extraordinaire, Steven Snyder, attended the screening and said it's pretty good. Feel free to look for his comments on the
Movie Mark message board.
STEP UP 2 THE STREETS
 
Director: Jon Chu
Stars: Robert Hoffman, Briana Evigan, and Cassie
Rated: PG-13 (for language, some suggestive material and brief violence)
Genre: Dramatic Dance Crap
Length: 98 minutes
Studio: Walt Disney
The Plot: At the Maryland School of the Arts, students Andie (Evigan) and Chase (Hoffman) look to impress at an underground street-dance competition by
forming a crew with the school's best performers.
Johnny's Take: Sounds and looks terrible. Why does the poster completely rip off the Honey poster (pic on the right)?
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February 13, 2008
Paris Hilton Movie Tanks
Paris Hilton's latest movie, the ridiculously titled The Hottie and the Nottie, totally Hiroshima-ed at the box office this weekend, taking in a pathetic $27,696 on 111 screens. That's
a mere $249 per screen average, making it one of the worst box office openings of all time. Ah, there's still a glimmer of hope out there.
Coming Tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll present a preview of this week's theatrical and DVD releases, along with what to expect on the Sci-Fi Channel this weekend. On Friday look for two more horror stories, two
contests, and a possible review...
Movie Mark Original #25 Revisited
Title: Nun Chuck
Tagline: Thou Shalt Have No Other Beards Before His
Cast: Chuck Norris, Beard Norris
Plot Summary: When it's discovered that the IRA (the Irish Republican Army - a militant Catholic
organization) is plotting an attack on the United States and is working with the Mafia, the President has no choice but to
call in the country's most dangerous weapon - the highly classified secret agent Tuff Dakota (Norris).
Dakota must devise a plan to infiltrate the IRA and the Mafia and thwart their plans. He must gain their trust, and
the only way he can figure to do that is by going undercover as a nun. Dakota soon learns that sometimes there are
tougher things than fighting the bad guys - try explaining your neatly-trimmed beard to the Mother Superior.
Catchphrase: Before delivering a roundhouse kick squarely to the enemy's head, Dakota deadpans,
"I'm gonna drop you like a bad nun's habit."
For those of you who don't know, a "habit" is the black robe/costume that a nun wears.
Movie Mark Original #24 Revisited
Title: MinoPause
Tagline: She's going through a MAZE of emotions.
Cast: Jane Seymour
Plot Summary: One day while searching ruins in ancient Greece, a team of archaeologists come across a lost book of
myths. One of the stories tells of a female version of the Minotaur and points to its location. Realizing the monetary rewards that would
follow the discovery of such a creature, the team sets off on a hunt.
Little do they know that the creature has hit middle age and her hormones are going crazy! What will the team do when it comes face to face
with ... the MINOPAUSE?!?!
Quit groaning and click here for more hilariously awesome Movie Mark Originals.
Folks, all of the Movie Mark Originals have now been updated with the posters that Trante contributed. It's time for some new ones! Stay tuned...
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February 12, 2008
Movie Horror Story: Mentally Challenged Part 6
I'm starting to see a trend regarding mentally challenged moviegoers. Bless their little hearts, they just need a little extra supervision and help in not being a disruption at the
theater. Today we have yet another horror story in the "intellectually underdeveloped" genre.
Click here to read about Kenny's experience.
Movie Mark Original #23 Revisited
Title: Night Walker, Texas Danger
Tagline: When the Eyes of the Danger are Upon You...
Starring: Chuck Norris, Lou Diamond Phillips
Plot Summary: Tuff Dakota (Norris) and his bearded rogueness are back in an all-new,
evil-destroying adventure! Having regained his faith in the smash-hit Tres-Pastor, Dakota is called on
yet another mission from God. This time, Dakota is led to a sleepy little Texas town that's being overrun by
vampires.
With nothing more to back him up than his trusty flame torch and a roundhouse kick from the Lord, Dakota must
defeat Cody Wyoming (Phillips), the leader of the night walkers, and bring peace back to the quiet town. Beard
ensues.
Self-Indulgent Inside Joke of the Movie: During an intense, heart-stopping showdown
between Dakota and Wyoming (who happens to be quite the pistoleer), Dakota looks up, removes the toothpick from
his mouth, detects Wyoming's hesitation, and calmly inquires, "Are you gonna pull those pistols or whistle La
Bamba?"
Signature Quote: Recognizing that the vampires he will face are nothing more than
spawns of Satan, Dakota never engages in battle without first offering up this prayer ... "Give us this day our
daily dead..."
Climax: His defeat imminent, Wyoming pleads for mercy. Dakota, more interested in
delivering his own brand of justice rather than grace, replies, "Didn't you hear? Mercy moved out of town. She
doesn't haunt this playground any more."
David Caruso Cameo: Long-haired and crazy-eyed, David Caruso is the town's most
eccentric citizen. His origins unknown and his appearance unkempt, Caruso tends to keep to himself. One day,
Dakota sees Caruso standing over a dead horse, spouting one-liners and bad puns. Dakota approaches Caruso and
asks him what he's doing.
Caruso looks up, places his hands on his hips, and replies, "It's what I like to call beating a dead horse *puts
on sunglasses* with a shtick." He quickly exits the scene, never to be seen again.
Folks, it just doesn't get much better than that! Move over Velveeta, Johnny's bringing in his own brand of cheese!
Click here for more hilariously awesome Movie Mark Originals.
Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Teaser Trailer Debut
Official press release:
FIRST TEASER TRAILER OF STEVEN SPIELBERG'S INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL HITS MOVIE THEATERS WORLDWIDE FEBRUARY 14, 2008
Trailer Airs Exclusively on ABC's Good Morning America Then Fans Out to IndianaJones.com and Yahoo! Movies
HOLLYWOOD, CA, February 11, 2008 ? Paramount Pictures and Lucasfilm Ltd. announced today that the first teaser trailer for the highly anticipated Indiana Jones adventure Indiana
Jones and the Nursing Home Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Harrison Ford in the title
role, will debut in theaters across the globe on February 14, 2008.
The trailer will air exclusively on ABC's Good Morning America that morning between 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. Immediately thereafter, the footage will be available at the film's official
site IndianaJones.com, Yahoo! Movies and in motion picture theaters. On May 22, Indiana Jones is back in a new globe-trotting adventure, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal
Skull. Directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Harrison Ford as Indy, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a Lucasfilm Ltd. Production. The movie features
an outstanding cast, including Oscar® winner Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, Ray Winstone, John Hurt, Oscar® winner Jim Broadbent and Shia LaBeouf. Frank Marshall is the film's producer.
George Lucas and Kathleen Kennedy are the executive producers. The screenplay is by David Koepp from a story by George Lucas and Jeff Nathanson.
Coming Very Soon...
A couple of contest opportunities. Stay tuned...
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February 11, 2008
Wry Ruminations for a Monday
- Roy Scheider. Roy Scheider, actor and defeater of Jaws, has died at the age of 75. Residents of Amity Island are said to be more than just "a little
concerned."
- Box Office. Fool's Gold topped the box office with $22 million. Big surprise. Hannah Montana is still
making more money than should be allowed by law, finishing 3rd overall this weekend but first in per screen average (a whopping $15,295). And what took home second place? Welcome Home
Roscoe Jenkins, starring the painfully untalented and tiresome Martin Lawrence.
What's the lesson here, kids? Forsake attempting to put real intelligence, wit, and effort behind your movie. Why should you actually work hard to be clever and creative when you can
just litter your film with shirtless hunks, racial stereotypes, and/or substance-less teeny boppers and then watch audiences arrive in droves? Welcome to the Microwave Generation, folks, it
isn't dying off any time soon.
- Blonde and Blonder. Making it through 90 minutes of this Pamela Anderson/Denise Richards collaboration has proven harder than I initially expected. I've been
watching it in about 15-minute increments. The reason for this is rumor has it that the movie was screened in front of lab rats, and brain cells were shown to die at an increased pace at
about minute 16. Some of the rats never made it past the halfway point.
By the grace of God I should finish and review it by the end of the week.
Recreating Hitchcock
Vanity Fair recently had a photoshoot in which they used modern day actors and actresses to recreate scenes from classic Alfred Hitchcock films. Of course, as you can see from the pic
above, the inimitable Josh Brolin's picture posing skills were employed. I figured Ms. Cali would love this.
Click here to see the rest of the photoshoot.
Coming this Week
I've got Movie Mark Original posters and movie horror stories galore to share with you.
I'm also going to do something a little different. There's a screening of Definitely, Maybe tomorrow that I was going to attend, but it turns out I'll be going to The Wedding
Singer: The Musical instead. "Not a fan" is the polite way to express my general feelings regarding musicals, but I love the movie The Wedding Singer so I'm going into this
cautiously optimistic.
I'll treat y'all to a full report on my experience.
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February 8, 2008
MOVIE REVIEW: Fool's Gold
"Fool's Gold is a film, while not as mind-alteringly unwatchable as a typical Cedric the Entertainer movie, that offers nothing
more intellectually-engaging than a post-closing credits discussion of whether or not Theo Huxtable has a thyroid problem. It tenders little in the way of suspense, other than
the speculation regarding just how quickly Matthew McConaughey will prance around with nary a shirt to be seen. I didn't have a stopwatch handy, but this big twist was revealed
in less than 10 minutes.
But you know what? That's all some moviegoers want..."
Click here to read my full review of Fool's Gold, starring Matthew McConaughey and Kate
Hudson.
The 10 Star Wars Toys that Unintentionally Look Like Other Celebrities
This is from a site called Topless Robot. Don't ask me about the name; I have no idea. I just know this particular list is funny, and of course, this one is my favorite:
"Apparently, Harrison Ford's rugged good looks are hard to capture in three dimensions - that's the only way to explain all the Han Solo and Indiana Jones figures that look
like everybody in Hollywood except Ford. This particular figure is a little too long-faced for Han, but just right for Brolin, the star of No
Country for Old Men. If only he were playing Indy in this year's Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, rather than that Ford mummy."
Click here to see the rest of the list. Thanks to
Guylian for finding this!
Oh, and don't forget to get me my birthday gifts by tomorrow!
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February 7, 2008
Is Josh Brolin the new Terminator?
I'd like to thank Remco V. and Dennis B. for drawing my attention to this. I have meticulously researched the rumor, and as of this writing it appears that Josh is McG's "dream
Terminator" for the upcoming Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins. In a recent interview with The 213 (never heard of 'em), McG is asked who he'd like to cast opposite
Christian Bale, and he responded, "...there's really a masculine component to the role. And there's guys out there like Russell Crowe and Eric Bana, bring a good physicality, they do what
they do, but I don't know if they're exactly right at the end of the day. (Smiles) Josh Brolin is a very exciting actor - we'll see."
You can read the full article/interview by clicking here.
Now, if you had initially told me that an Arnold Schwarzenegger-less Terminator was going to be filmed with Charlie's Angels McG directing then I would have rolled my eyes (much like I
did while trying to read McG's grammatically problematic statement above) and said, "Whoop-ti-doo." However, you throw in Christian Bale as John Connor and Josh Brolin as the Terminator
and I am fully on board! As all of y'all know, Josh is on a major roll right now, but he seems to be doing a lot of "serious" Oscar-bait movies. Would he want to do summer Blockbuster
fare? I don't see why not.
I think it's interesting that the interview indicates he smiled when mentioning Josh. That might indicate that they have talked, or this could just be wishful thinking on McG's
part. No idea. I can't wait to find out more, and I'll definitely fill everybody in once I receive more info.
Happy Belated Birthday to my Sister
My sister Amber's birthday was yesterday, and I would like to take the occasion to wish her a very happy birthday. Of course, I told her in person on the day of, but I just know
she'll whine and cry if I don't make a public announcement.
When you're running late on getting somebody a birthday gift, do you know what's really funny to say if they ask if you got them anything? Here's an example conversation:
"Hey, did you get me a birthday gift?"
"Yep, got you a DVD."
"Really? What movie?"
"It's called Jack Squat."
"Jack Frost?"
"No, Jack Squat. It's a heart-warming tale about a girl who doesn't get any gifts for her birthday, and she learns a valuable lesson about being nicer to her brother all
year long."
Trust me; it's a hoot.
TRAILER: The Dark Knight, with Legos
My sister alerted me to this little ditty. Somebody has recreated the latest trailer for The Dark Knight using Legos. It's silly, and it'll make you shake your head, but I have
to admit I giggled a few times.
Watch it here.
Coming Tomorrow
My review of Fool's Gold.
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February 6, 2008
Movie Mark Errata
I'd like to thank Ms. Cali for bringing it to my attention that even though I mentioned the CNN Josh Brolin article on Feb. 1, I sort of failed to provide a link to that article.
So, click here for that article.
Ever the correcting one, Ms. Cali also reminded me that Cingular is now AT&T. I apologize for any confusion this has caused. I assure you that my email suggestions will get to the
appropriate company.
Making up Phrases, Juno Style Part 2
Welp, my first class of Juno Phrase-ology 101 was a rousing success, so I thought I'd follow it up with yet another example of how easy it is to write Cody Diablo-style.
Picture Rainn Wilson's convenience store clerk attempting to give someone advice about a friend whose feelings got hurt because her significant other has been eyeing or making comments about
other women. I imagine Wilson, wearing a pair of sweat pants with one leg pulled up to his knee, stating something along the lines of:
He dissed her, sister. But as long as his heart doesn't meander then mama needs to accept that papa goose is gonna gander.
NOW GIMME MY OSCAR!
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February 5, 2008
The Trailer Park: The Happening
On an ordinary day. Without warning. It will happen. What, exactly, is "it"? No idea. Considering it won't be released until June 13, I have yet to see M. Night
Shammalammadingdong's The Happening. IMDb's plot summary claims a "natural crisis" presents a large-scale threat to humanity. However, if you
watch the trailer then you just might be compelled to agree with me that there's nothing
natural about people limply flying off buildings and inexplicably crumpling to the ground.
Would you like a clue regarding what in the world I'm talking about? View the trailer here. Are we on the same
page now? Good.
Count me on board. I know some people are getting tired of his schtick, but I like Shymahimalayan. I'm not in love with every single hand movement the guy's made, but he's telling the
stories he wants to tell, and he's not really concerned with what the critics or studios think. He's an independent filmmaker with the luxury of big budgets. Like everybody, he's had
some misfires along the way. I don't see myself sitting through Unbreakable again, and I would've preferred a more supernatural or thought-provoking ending to
The Village, but hey, the dude puts his work out there and lets audiences decide.
And you know what? I actually liked Lady in the Water! That's right; I said it. A couple of readers claimed my
ingenious review of that one marked the first time I was off-base in my movie opinions, but of course they're wrong. I'm sorry
that I didn't march lock-step with the rest of the detractors.
Anyway, The Happening has managed to grab my interest. The cast is solid. Mark Wahlberg's presence will grab my sister's attention, and Zooey Deschanel is as cute as a
Biel on a grill, so sign me up and let's see where this Night train takes us.
Movie Horror Stories
A few days ago, February 1 if we're gonna be precise, I asked for opinions on how to make TMM a better site to meet your entertainment needs. Suggestions ranged from "shutting it down so
I don't feel obligated to keep reading it" (thanks, sis!) to "how about you read a book on how to be funny." And those were just suggestions from family members. Some of you readers
actually had some constructive thoughts, and more than one of you indicated you'd like to see more movie horror stories.
Well, I'm a man who likes to see supply meet demand. Today's movie horror story comes courtesy of Angela L. and involves a rude moviegoer who felt the need to talk on her cell phone during
a movie. Angela's story has inspired me to contact Cingular with an idea. My suggestion is they create a brochure designed specifically to be given out at the theater to moviegoers who
obviously need to switch to a carrier that offers voice mail with their plans.
That way when an inconsiderate skullduggerer (yes, I made up the word, but who else practices skullduggery? That's what I thought) starts having a phone conversation as if he is sitting
in his living room, you can just politely hand him a brochure and not even say a word. I'll let you know if Cingular responds.
In the meantime, click here to read Angela L's horror story - A Premonition.
Making up Phrases, Juno Style
I know y'all are still waiting on my Juno review, and you'll get it one of these years. In the meantime, let me point out that while yes, the movie is cute and enjoyable, the thing
that annoyed me most is the screenwriter's attempt at creating new "hip" dialogue. Come on, does anybody in real life use terms like "honest to blog"? If so then you really need some
Johnny Betts counseling. Unfortunately for you, said counseling involves a pair of size 11 biker boots, a Creedence Clearwater Revival musical backdrop, and approximately ten
frighteningly painful minutes.
Anyway, I've decided to show you how easy it is to emulate a screenwriter like Cody Diablo. I'm just gonna start making up words and terms and claim I'm being clever and demand to be
praised as a genius. Here's today's entry. Feel free to, as Donna Ree on the message board has already done, to use the quotes
on one of your many online profiles. Or just insert them into normal, every day conversations. People will have no idea what you're saying, but that'll just make them think you're
a wordsmith whose intellectual level is on a plane they can never even dream of reaching.
"You better shut your schmarp or honest to splotch I'm gonna freckle over this table and lobe you in the hain."
Hey Academy, I'm waiting on my Oscar nomination. Thanks.
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February 4, 2008
Wry Ruminations for a Monday
- Box Office. What's up with the popularity of Hannah Montana? It grossed $29 million on a mere 683 screens this weekend. For those of you lacking the
benefit of a math minor such as I possess, that's a whopping $42,459 per screen. Wow. I know this is for kids, but are the entertainment tastes of today's children really that bad?
I recall flipping past the Hannah Montana show one day when I saw Billy Ray Cyrus disgracing my 27-inch screen. My first thought was, "Whoa, what happened to Keith Urban?!?!?!
When did he get old and fat? Has he been hitting the bottle pretty hard?" But upon realizing that it was the formerly mulleted country star, I thought, "This should be good for a
laugh." I decided to watch for a couple of minutes.
Good for a laugh it was not. Believe me; a couple of minutes were about all I could take. Yes, I understand that I'm nowhere near this movie's demographic, but watching Miley Cyrus
find a way to sing and act worse than her dad makes me relieved that I don't have children. Unfortunately, by the time I DO have children, something worse will probably come along to
take Hannah Montana's place. If it's Corky Romano Jr. then I'm just gonna homeschool my kids and force them to live in a bunker.
- Tonight's screening. Does anybody remember when good movies were released every now and then? Tonight I get to screen Fool's Gold, starring
Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson. Have you SEEN the trailers? An exhaustive alien probe looks like it'd be funnier.
"Oh Johnny, you just hate romantic comedies!"
Balderdash! Poppycock! I'll boldly admit that I enjoyed, to some degree, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, so I wasn't just completely turned off by another Hudson/McConaughey
pairing. But this looks like Romancing the Stone on cheese.
Even my girlfriend, chick flick lover that she is, expressed less than unbridled enthusiasm when I showed her the Fool's Gold trailer. "Well," she stated amidst the backdrop
of cute dimples, "it doesn't look like it'll be that good, but I'd like to see it for free if I don't have class on the night of the screening."
Luckily for her, but unfortunately for me, she has class. Sorry, but any movie that rips off jokes from Snakes on a Plane (McConaughey
learning to fly from Playstation, yukkity yuk yuk) has initially planted its foot behind the eight ball.
- Celebrity Apprentice. So I'm watching Celebrity Apprentice (what up, Stevie B?) and last week's challenge was to create a campaign that would
encourage people to donate their old Croc shoes to the underprivileged. Personally, I've never understood the fascination for Crocs. They're this generation's jellies. But anyway,
the girl "celebrities" came up with a slogan that can only be described as unfortunate: "Share the love ... the love you have for your croc." Is it just me, or does that simply not
sound right?
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February 1, 2008
Biker Boot Camp: Missed Opportunities - Series Implementing an Actor's Name
TV talk shows that implement its host's real name within the context of a cheesy pun are a bedrock example of television's historical lack of creativity.
Remember Alan Thicke's short-lived Thicke of the Night? OK, I know you don't, but you get the point. But rather than this being only utilized for
lame talk shows, I want lame scripted shows with the same format!
Can you imagine how awesome life would have been had a producer, immediately following the cancellation of Growing Pains, signed Alan Thicke to a
pilot called The Thicke of It? Suffice it to say, our childhoods would have all been flooded with just a little more joy.
Click here to check out what I think are possibly the Five Biggest Missed Opportunities in a
Series Implementing an Actor's Name.
More on No Country for Old Men
I'd like to thank my good friend Nikki Bluejeans for alerting me to this recent CNN article/interview with Josh Brolin, Tommy Lee Jones, and Javier Bardem. It features a video and the topic
of discussion is obviously the Coens' highest-grossing Oscar-nominated film No Country for Old Men.
The Drawback of Being the World's Consensus Choice for Favorite Movie Reviewer
Folks, this site has been makin' noise and stirrin' pots for four years now, and movie studios are starting to take notice. They realize that if I saturate their movie with praise
then there's a good chance all seven of my readers will rush to the theater to see it. Taking into account that the average movie ticket price is about $7 (does that seem low to
everybody else?), and recognizing that a couple of my seven readers actually have friends and/or significant others, they figure that positive press from Johnny Betts and TMM just might
net them an extra $50 to $100. So it's in their best interest to treat me with a little respect.
Now, the downside is I sometimes receive unsolicited DVDs in the mail that a studio is hoping I'll watch, enjoy, and positively review. That philosophy worked well with Robert Duvall's
Western mini-series Broken Trail. I loved it and reviewed it accordingly.
Unfortunately, I don't hold the same hope for the most recent package I receive via Mr. Postman - Blonde and Blonder. It stars Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards as two
ditzes who are mistaken for international mob killers. Yeah. Since I have yet to watch the DVD, I'll refrain from further comment. Let me just personally thank Insight Film Studios
for sending me the DVD, and I assure you that I will watch it and give it a fair and proper review. Yes, I have my preconceived notions regarding the film, but I will view it with
an open mind and give it the opportunity to win me over. However, if I walk away unimpressed then I promise you my readers will know it.
My Juno Review Is Coming...
Next week. I guarantee it.
The Future of The Movie Mark
Wednesday's announcement that the Movie Mark's existence had been extended through 2013 sent shockwaves through the Internet, causing some readers to fall to their knees and ask God
what they had done to forsake Him. Others were reported to have said, "That citified jack-a-dandy just refuses to go away." Welp, the fact remains that you're now stuck with me for
a few more years, and there's not a whole lot you can do about it.
"We could stop reading the site, Johnny."
Yeah? Well, um, your mama could stop reading the site!
"My mama never has read the site. And yours doesn't either."
Man, no need to get personal! Anyway, I've been trying to think of ways to make the site more consistent. One thing I thought might be a good idea is if I had certain articles and
topics that you could expect to see on a certain day. For example, Mondays might feature a new Movie Mark Original and Tuesdays might be "Biker Boot Camp day." Do I have the discipline
to create a schedule and stick to it? Dunno. Anyway, here are some areas I definitely want to concentrate on in 2008:
- Biker Boot Camp
- What's Wrong with People?
- The Movie Mark Comic (stay tuned, Julian!)
- Movie Mark Originals
- Movie Mark Public Service Announcements
- When Hollywood and Real Life Don't Mesh
And, of course, continued excellence in movie reviews. Oh, and the promised site revamp IS coming. It's a long process, but we have a long time to go, so just be patient. Is there
anything that you, the faithful reader, would like to see more of? Send me an email and I promise to read it before immediately
dismissing your idea.
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