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BREAKING NEWS - JANUARY 2005January 31, 2005Box Office: Alone in the Dark
If you make frequent use of the nifty Box Office results on the right-hand side of the Movie Mark, then you might be
thinking, "Wait a minute. Where's Alone in the Dark?? I thought for sure Christian Slater would catapult
it to #1 at the box office!" If you're thinking that, then I suggest that it's about time to take the Gleaming
the Cube poster off your bedroom wall and wake up to reality. I took mine down two years ago, so it's time for
you to follow suit.It finished 14th with a total of $2,500,000. Wow. If you went to see it this weekend then I'm gonna assume that YOU were *pause for dramatic effect* alone in the dark! Bwahahaha (thanks, Mr. Shade). If all goes according to plan, I'll be using my connections (18-year-old movie theater employees whom I can still charm with my winning personality and smoldering dark eyes) to see this turd burger on Tuesday. This sounds like it's so bad that I just have to see it and review it. I just don't want to have to pay to do so. And you better believe I'll rehash the joke I just made. Hate Mail!Do you have hate mail of your own you want to send me? Shoot me an email, and I'll try to find a way to make fun of it. The Long-Awaited Corey Feldman ArticleJanuary 28, 2005Review: Hide and Seek
"I think I figured out why the movie is called Hide and Seek. It looks like the writers decided to hide about 2/3rds of the way through, and nobody bothered to seek out good writers to finish the script. They should've just called the movie Thriller by Numbers because after the big revelation, somebody just opened their copy of The Big Book of Thriller Clichés and started checking them off the list. It's just so frustrating."Johnny Betts reviews Hide and Seek, starring Robert De Niro and Dakota Fanning.Review: Million Dollar Baby
"Million Dollar Baby is simple at its core - a movie that uses
great performances to do a great job of storytelling. If you're a fan of anybody in the cast and you can handle
something with a less-than-cheerful ending, then Million Dollar Baby will keep your interest. Just make sure
you bring some Kleenex. But if you prefer to walk out of a movie whistling and tapping your feet, then I suggest
looking elsewhere.
Johnny Betts reviews Million Dollar Baby, starring Clint
Eastwood, Hilary Swank, and Morgan Freeman.Feel free to discuss these reviews or anything else at The Movie Mark Message Board. January 27, 2005Review: Phantom of the Opera
Ms Cali: I went into it expecting Moulin Rouge or Chicago,
but Phantom outdoes them all. It has the spectacular settings of Moulin Rouge, but isn't as overwhelming on
the senses. It is set in 1870 Paris, but manages to be timeless - an enduring classic.
Ms. Cali and Ms. Ang are bigger fans of musicals than I am, so I thought it was only fair to let them handle the
reviewing duties for The Phantom of the Opera. They both
enjoyed it, and they both seemed to enjoy writing the review. Ms. Ang told me there would be no pillow fights
during the writing of the review, but I have yet to receive confirmation regarding whether they played truth or
dare. Check out their review, which appears (I'm not gonna
check EVERY review just to verify) to be the longest in Movie Mark history. That's quite an accomplishment,
considering my fondness for being long-winded at times.Great. Now I have to force myself to finish my reviews of Million Dollar Baby and Hide and Seek tonight. I know only about 7 people will read the reviews, but I still carry on. Revenge of the Sith Title Crawl TextEpisode III REVENGE OF THE SITH War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku. There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere. In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader, General Grievous, has swept into the Republic capital and kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine, leader of the Galactic Senate. As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their valuable hostage, two Jedi Knights lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive Chancellor... January 25, 20052004 Oscar NomineesPerformance by an actor in a leading role Don Cheadle in Hotel Rwanda Johnny Depp in Finding Neverland Leonardo DiCaprio in The Aviator Clint Eastwood in Million Dollar Baby Jamie Foxx in Ray Performance by an actor in a supporting role Alan Alda in The Aviator Thomas Haden Church in Sideways Jamie Foxx in Collateral Morgan Freeman in Million Dollar Baby Clive Owen in Closer Performance by an actress in a leading role Annette Bening in Being Julia Catalina Sandino Moreno in Maria Full of Grace Imelda Staunton in Vera Drake Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Performance by an actress in a supporting role Cate Blanchett in The Aviator Laura Linney in Kinsey Virginia Madsen in Sideways Sophie Okonedo in Hotel Rwanda Natalie Portman in Closer Best animated feature film of the year The Incredibles Shark Tale Shrek 2 Achievement in directing The Aviator - Martin Scorsese Million Dollar Baby - Clint Eastwood Ray - Taylor Hackford Sideways - Alexander Payne Vera Drake - Mike Leigh Best motion picture of the year The Aviator Finding Neverland Million Dollar Baby Ray Sideways Adapted screenplay Before Sunset Finding Neverland Million Dollar Baby The Motorcycle Diaries Sideways Original screenplay The Aviator Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Hotel Rwanda The Incredibles Vera Drake Go here for a list of all the Oscar nominees. 2004 Razzie NomineesJanuary 24, 2005New on DVD This WeekReview: Alien Vs. Predator
"Do you love movies that are filmed in a lot of dark locations with a lot of spooky music playing in the background all while characters are walking around slowly? Does this scare you and keep you entertained no matter how simplistic and silly the plot is? If so, then Alien Vs. Predator should keep you entertained. However, if you're expecting this to just completely blow your mind then I recommend lowering the bar of your expectations before entering the theater and try not to sob too much over the missed opportunities."If you're thinking of renting Alien Vs. Predator, then read Johnny's review before making a final decision.Also on DVD this week... Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Thanks to other obligations, I never saw Sky Captain. But Mr. Shade and Ms. Ang both saw it and offer different viewpoints. Check out their dual review. It sounds like it's worth a rental if you have yet to see it. Coming this week... reviews of Million Dollar Baby and Hide and Seek. Plus, more entertaining movie-related stuff. January 21, 2005More Movie Horror StoriesEmail me your movie horror story. We're getting a good collection together. Preview: Million Dollar BabyThe Movie Mark's One Year AnniversaryJanuary 20, 2005Actors I Least Want to See Ever Again in Life
Rosie Perez. It's the voice. Hands down, she has the most annoying voice in Hollywood.
I'd rather listen to Fran Drescher laugh than to hear Rosie talk. I started watching It Could Happen to You
the other day. I've never seen it before, but I like Nicholas Cage, and it came on TV, so I figured I'd give it a
look. I still haven't finished watching it. I cringe every time she talks. Sorry, but I just dread watching any
movie with her in it because I don't want to suffer through her banshee-esque vocals. And don't give me that jazz
about how it makes her unique. I could create a gimmick where I force myself to vomit after watching a bad movie
and call myself "The Vomit Critic," and hey, that'd make me unique, but that doesn't mean you'd enjoy watching a
movie with me.Actresses Who Johnny Betts Thinks Are Really Hot
Rachel Weisz. Oh man. Dark hair. English accent. She's perfectly happy in faded jeans
and a t-shirt. And she's a good actress! What's not to like? She has so much appeal that her presence alone will
compel me to one day watch Envy. That's powerful stuff, my friends.Johnny Betts Receives an Email From Rachel Weiss!From: "Rachel Weiss" (ahttnavb@tvgxmqjgrf.com) To: "Johnny_beth" (johnny_beth@hotmail.com) Subject: BdhU_¢íàlI§_ Date: Sun, 16 Jan 2005 05:40:47 -0300 _€iÀlÌ$_ _site rwln.ifuugf.com How about that? It's kind of weird that Rachel would misspell her last name, and I admit that her email address is a little strange, but I figure that just makes it harder for people to track her down. I don't know who "Johnny_Beth" is either, nor do I have an explanation as to why this showed up in my junk mail folder. All irrelevant issues, I'm sure. And I haven't quite deciphered what the body of the email is supposed to mean. But what I do know is that Rachel Weisz has found out about my site and realizes I like her as an actress, and she's so flattered that she obviously wants to support the Movie Mark. Right now, her way of doing that is by misspelling her name and sending me an encoded email from a very strange email address that shows up in my junk mail folder. Very intriguing stuff. I'll reveal more information as I figure it out. Million Dollar Baby UpdateJanuary 19, 2005Review: Assault on Precinct 13
"Professional snipers apparently can't hit the broadside of Rosie O'Donnell's monolithic buttocks from a few feet away. Oh, they hit all around their targets; they just can't hit the actual target. My favorite example is when a couple of the prisoners are outside hiding behind a snow bank. The sniper can see the prisoners behind the snow, but he responds with, 'I don't have a shot.' THEY'RE BEHIND SNOW! When, in the history of the world, has soft, fluffy snow ever stopped a bullet?"Johnny reviews Assault on Precinct 13, starring Ethan Hawke and Laurence Fishburne. He pokes a little fun at the movie, but overall, it's a solid action flick. Feel free to poke fun at Johnny for referring to himself in the 3rd person.January 18, 2005Another Movie Horror StoryDo you have your own horror story to share? Send me email and spill your guts! Your story needs to be heard. Now, unfortunately, I've gotta find a way to force myself to finish my Assault on Precinct 13 review by tomorrow. I hate when movies open on Wednesday. Screws up my week-long slacking. January 17, 2005A Movie Horror StoryFamily GuyThe Golden GlobesComing This WeekJanuary 15, 2005Review: Elektra
"I'm not joking about the slow motion. I thought I was watching a shampoo commercial whenever Elektra's long, shiny hair would gently blow in her face ... ALL IN SLOW MOTION! My assumption is the director thought that was artistic. Or it was just his excuse to make Jennifer Garner look all sexy and stuff. Or using slow motion was his way of taking up time that couldn't otherwise be filled because of the shallow story."Johnny Betts reviews the less-than-mesmerizing Elektra, starring Jennifer Garner.January 14, 2005Review: Coach Carter
"Samuel L. Jackson is, no surprise, perfect as Coach Carter. You wanna scare a couple of players straight? Just have Samuel L. stare 'em straight in the eyes for about 5 minutes. Jackson is so convincing as a disciplinarian that I stood up at one point during the movie and started running suicides. The taunts of, 'Look at that idiot running in the theater' and 'Sit down! Your stupid pants are ruffling and making too much noise' didn't bother me. I knew Coach Carter would be proud."Johnny reviews Coach Carter, starring Samuel L. Jackson.Reviews of Coach Carter and Elektra Coming TODAYJanuary 13, 2005Coming today... My Coach Carter ReviewMoore is in the line of Clint's ire Moore's rep told me yesterday: "Michael laughed along with everyone else..."I have no doubt that he followed up peeing his pants with a little nervous laughter.January 12, 2005Review: Racing Stripes
"Racing Stripes does children a great disservice by sending them the message that 'you can achieve anything you want as long as you put your heart into it.' That's not really true. If you're a 5'2" white guy who has been practicing basketball every day for 15 years but still can't shoot or dribble, then guess what? You ain't making the NBA, nor will you be posting up on Shaq anytime soon. I'm more of a proponent of Clint Eastwood's philosophy – 'A man's got to know his limitations.'"Johnny Betts gets cold-hearted with his review of Racing Stripes.I'll post my next entry in the Actresses Who Johnny Betts Thinks Are Really Hot list tomorrow (I want to intentionally keep Ms. Ang waiting), along with my Coach Carter review. January 11, 20052005 PreviewWB's first movie this year is Racing Stripes. I'll be posting my full review tomorrow, so there's no need to preview it. Following that is The Phantom of the Opera (it expands nationwide on Jan 21). My mom and sister loved it, and what did I do? Passed on a free screening just to watch my beloved Memphis Tigers get embarrassed on the basketball court. Oh well. Rounding out January is Clint Eastwood's Million Dollar Baby. In a nutshell, Eastwood trains Hilary Swank to be a boxer, and Morgan Freeman probably does something very Morgan Freeman-ish. I'm a huge Eastwood fan, so I'm looking forward to it. It's Oscar buzz is huge. My biggest fear is that it may not be screened in the Memphis area. Sometimes, Oscar movies like this are only screened in the top 40 markets, and Memphis is #45. Man I hope I don't actually have to pay for a movie! Time to finish my Racing Stripes review, no matter how lazy I'm feeling... January 10, 2005Can't Get a Job? Sue Somebody."A Cleveland paralegal has filed a $2.5-million lawsuit against NBC, claiming that its reality show Fear Factor permanently affected his health. The handwritten four-page filing, which contained so many typos and grammatical errors that much of it is incomprehensible, said in part: 'To have the individuals on the show eat (yes) and drink dead rats was crazy and from a viewer's point of view made me throw-up as well an another in the house at the same time.' Contacted by Reuters for an interview, the man, Austin Aitken, refused to grant it unless he was paid."Give me a break. I don't feel sorry for this guy in the least. Fear Factor has been on long enough that people should know what to expect. Plus, as soon as Joe Rogan told everybody what the stunt was, this guy had plenty of time to switch channels. What is his thinking? "They're gonna eat blended rats, that sounds kind of cool! Whoops, I just threw up. Guess I better sue." Whatever. Get a life, dude. It's bad enough that you're wasting valuable oxygen; you definitely better NOT get any money out of this.Actors I Least Want to See Ever Again in Life
Frankie Muniz. I can't stand this kid. I'd be hard pressed to think of somebody in Hollywood
less deserving of his or her success. I never did like the cut of this kid's jib, but my true feelings of pure disdain
were cemented when I saw him on an episode of Punk'd. Ashton Kutcher set it up so that Muniz would think his
Porsche had been stolen. So how did this barely-old-enough-to-drive punk react? He cussed everybody out and flaunted
his fame around like he was a real big shot and basically told everybody that something better be done because he was
the great Frankie Muniz. I've wanted to slap the kid ever since.Well, I'm almost done with my review of Racing Stripes, already a contender for my worst of 2005. I'll be seeing Coach Carter tonight. Unless I end up not feeling like it. And I should be seeing Elektra on Wednesday. Busy week. January 7, 2005Review: White Noise
"Michael Keaton crawls out from underneath whatever rock he's been under, does his best 'Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense' impersonation, and dives into the world of receiving messages from the dead. Folks, you can nitpick the logic to death if you want, and trust me, most critics are. 'Why would he just put his successful life on hold and spend all his time trying to receive messages from his wife through a bunch of radio and TV static?' Dunno. The tragic death of a spouse can do weird things to people. Plus, you know, IT'S A MOVIE! And in the movie, he actually does receive messages from the dead. I guess he figured he'd try it; it worked, so he got more involved. Lighten up. It's called fiction.Johnny Betts reviews White Noise, starring Michael Keaton.Johnny Betts' Best and Favorite Movies of 2004Johnny Betts' Best and Favorite Movies of 2004 And if you want to enjoy all of my year-end lists in the convenience of a single page, then you can CLICK RIGHT HERE! Feel free to hop aboard The Movie Mark message board and discuss. January 6, 2005More Lists That I Doubt You Care AboutJohnny Betts' Worst of 2004 Johnny Betts' Best Popcorn Flicks of 2004 Johnny Betts' Best Movies of 2004 to Enjoy to Spite the Critics COMING TOMORROW... My Best/Favorite lists and my review of Michael Keaton's new thriller, White Noise. January 5, 2005Two New Movie Horror StoriesYou'll notice that she likes to use "r" before "e" (as in "theatre"), and she sometimes likes to put a "u" after "o" (as in "favourite"). Don't be alarmed - she's Australian. And apparently they do stuff like that. So please, check out the horror she has had to go through for the love of movies: Hey, Wait a Moment(o) Here Is That a Gun in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to be Watching the Film? (Warning - mature content, discretion is advised for younger viewers) Thanks Guylian, I'm sure we all, even if in a small way, can feel your pain. If you have any movie horror stories that you'd like to share, then please send them to me at johnny_betts@hotmail.com I'll also post my review of White Noise this week. If not by tomorrow, then of course it'll be up by Friday. January 4, 2005Johnny Betts' Most Surprising Movies of 2004Actresses Who Johnny Betts Thinks Are Really Hot
Kate Beckinsale. This is a no-brainer. Dark hair and an English accent? Lethal combination.
In fact, I think I'll go ahead and choose British women for my first few entries in this list. Kind of my way
of extending ye olde olive branch to all my British readers who were upset with my
Shaun of the Dead review. I'm all about improving the Movie
Mark's global relations.Anyway, Kate is looking her best in Serendipity and Underworld. I'm taking it upon myself to check out some of her other movies (particularly all new ones) so that I'll be able to keep everybody updated on her best roles. It's that sort of dedication and unselfish devotion to my readers that sets me apart from all the other critics out there. And in case you were wondering, yes, you may thank me in cash. January 3, 2005It's "List Week" at the Movie Mark!Actors I Least Want to See Ever Again
Chris Kattan. Man oh man does this guy need to be punched in the brain. The mere
mention of his name causes me to dry heave. Corky Romano? You couldn't afford the price it'd take to
get me to sit through that. Then again on the other hand, how much have you got?Would someone like to explain to me why Kattan has his own "Best of" DVD from Saturday Night Live, but Norm MacDonald doesn't? That's proof that there is no justice in the movie world. Obviously, I don't have Kattan's "Best of," but does anybody know if it's true that all you get is a case and a blank DVD? Makes sense. December 31, 2004Best/Worst Of Lists Coming...Betts' 10 Best of 2004 Betts' 10 Worst of 2004 The Most Surprising Movies of 2004 The Most Disappointing Movies of 2004 The Most Entertaining "Popcorn" Movies of 2004 The Best Movies to Enjoy to Spite the Critics I saw 75 theatrically released movies this year, so I want to be as accurate as I can with my lists. Oh, and I'm only including movies that were actually released in the theater. Otherwise, Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys would've sat atop my Worst list. Check back Monday for all the fun. In the meantime, some of you may be interested in checking out the trailer for a 2005 movie I'm very curious about - Sin City. It's a combination of interesting, different, and weird. I can't wait to see how it turns out. Check it out here. |
HOME PAGE  Journey to the Center of the Earth Hancock Get Smart The Incredible Hulk The Strangers Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Young at Heart Iron Man Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed  Weekend Results: 1. The Dark Knight($158,411,483) 2. Mamma Mia!($27,751,240) 3. Hancock($14,040,178) 4. Journey to the Center of the Earth($12,340,435) 5. Hellboy 2($10,117,815) |
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Copyright © 2004 The Movie Mark. All Rights Reserved. No reproduction of these reviews or any of the original material on this site is allowed without prior permission from Johnny Betts. Comply or suffer the consequences of Johnny's size 11 biker boot. Wanna be a Movie Mark? Send Johnny Betts an email (johnny_betts@hotmail.com) to be added to the list or complete: The Movie Mark Questionnaire.
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