"Johnny Betts is a rude 'abnoxious' jerk who needs to be 'punced' in the face."- A grammatically-challenged non-fan  

BREAKING NEWS - JULY 2004

July 23, 2004

THE MOVIE MARK IS ON VACATION!

Listen up, Hollywood, I'm giving you one week off, and that's it. I'll be back on Saturday, July 31, and I'll be back with a vengeance!

I didn't get to finish my review of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, but I will give you the gist:

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle is quite a strange movie. It has its funny moments, but overall it's just too inconsistent for me. This is the type of movie that appears to have been written by a couple of guys stoned out of their minds, with the intent of having people watch it while equally wasted. I was never bored, but quite often I was left shaking my head and wondering, "What in the world is going on?" This is one of those movies made for people who like crude, goofy movies with a strong basis in illegal substances. All others, especially the easily offended, should stay away.

I'll end up giving it either 2 or 2.5 marks. The full review is coming soon.

New today is Ms. Cali's review of the Alfred Hitchcock classic, Rope.

I'd like to send a big thanks to the Wake Up Crew from Rock 103. They plugged my site on the air today and quoted from my Catwoman review! The word is spreading...

See y'all in a week.

July 22, 2004

Catwoman

Catwoman is a CAT-tastrophe! It put me in a CAT-atonic state! It could really prove to be CAT-aclysmic to Halle Berry's career! My cousin was so bored he almost took a CAT-nap!

Are you rolling your eyes and shaking your head yet? Good - point proven. Imagine 105 minutes of the above, and you've got Catwoman. Your tolerance for really bad movies is the best judge on whether you should sit through this. This movie is best seen by males who want to hoot and holler whenever Halle Berry struts across the screen and then make their own jokes whenever she opens her mouth. If you love bad movies then this is best seen in an empty theater, with plenty of rowdy friends, and only after paying as little money as possible.

Johnny Betts reviews the stink-fest that is Catwoman, starring Halle Berry, Sharon Stone, and Benjamin Bratt (Lou Diamond Phillips version 2004).

July 21, 2004

The Bourne Supremacy

"If you loved 'The Bourne Identity,' then I see no reason why you won't enjoy 'The Bourne Supremacy' as well. I doubt I'll add it to my DVD collection, but the action is plentiful enough and the story interesting enough to keep a casual moviegoer's interest. However, if you have a picture of Matt Damon that you punch on a daily basis, or if you just have absolutely no love for the "spy thriller" genre, then you might want to skip it."

Johnny Betts reviews The Bourne Supremacy, starring Matt Damon and Joan Allen. Tonight is the Catwoman screening. Folks, this is gonna be fun.

July 20, 2004

Who Wants to Sponsor a Dream?

A lot of times when I'm watching a movie on TV, I get easily distracted and try to think of a great, world-changing idea. But then, like last night, I'll be watching something like Ray Liotta's 1998 "Phoenix" (pretty decent flick) and Brittany Murphy will appear on-screen with dark hair and I'll think, "Whoa, she needs to go back to dark hair! She looks hot!" Then I'll start thinking about how cute her mouth is, which will then cause me to think, "She has nice lips, just like Bridget Moynahan." Then that'll cause me to think about I, Robot, which in turn will cause me to think about my review of I, Robot. THEN I'll go reread my review and laugh and laugh and pat myself on the back. At this point I've totally forgotten about whatever great idea I was coming up with, so I just start playing Xbox and drop the whole thing. Yeah, so I'm a crazy cat, what's new?

Anyway, I actually have a great idea, but unfortunately it won't be easy to materialize. I would like for the Movie Mark to become the first movie webpage to watch a movie in every state and document it. Ideally, I'd take a survey and get a list of the best two or three theaters in every state, and then I'd see movies at each of these theaters and report my experiences.

I picture rollin' into every town with the red carpet laid out, fans surrounding the theaters and screaming my name, and receiving plenty of comps. I could report on who has the best popcorn, who has the most innovative features, who has the most comfortable seats, etc. Not only would I like to review the actual theaters, but I want to report on the entire movie-going experience as well.

Then I'd rank every state to let all of you know the best and worst places to see movies. Unfortunately, I work a 40-hour week in addition to working on this website and don't have a lot of free time to gallivant from state to state. So here's what I'm looking for: 1) A multi-millionaire who would love to sponsor my dream (I'd give you free publicity on the site), or 2) Theaters in different states to rally behind this idea and pay for me to fly to your town for the weekend and watch a movie.

So there you have it. If anybody here has friend who is a multi-millionaire, then pitch this idea to him (or her) and let me know what he (or she!) says. I know this has about as much chance of happening as me starring in a third Star Wars trilogy, but I wanted the Movie Mark to at least be the first movie webpage to actually propose the idea. That way, when somebody with no responsibility comes along and does something like this I can say, "They stole my idea, you know," and all you fine folks can back me up.

Propaganda 9/11

I do not like Michael Moore. I think he's a publicity hound who is only interested in pushing his agenda no matter who he hurts or lies about in the process. I have no problem with holding government and politicians accountable. But I'm one of those guys who believes in doing it in an honest, factual manner. That's why I don't care for Moore. A quick Google search will open you up to a world of documentation regarding his inability to keep the facts straight. He makes the grave mistake of letting his desire to promote his personal agenda override any sense of creating a fair and intellectual debate. It's a method that would cause a typical college student to flunk an Oral Communication class.

All that being said, I have no desire to see Moore's latest documentary because I have no desire to make a hypocrite richer than he already is. Ms. Cali, however, loves controversial movies and decided to see it. Here's her review, and my subsequent comments, of Fahrenheit 9/11.

July 19, 2004

Technical difficulties gone

All technical difficulties are now resolved. I appreciate everybody's heartfelt concern. I'm gonna be adding lots of stuff this week, including reviews of Catwoman, The Bourne Supremacy, and Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. Also, I recently attended a screening of Without a Paddle, starring Seth Green, Matthew Lillard, and Dax from Punk'd. Very funny movie. It could be the sleeper hit of the Summer. But since it doesn't open until mid-August, I may wait to post the review when I get back from vacation.

In the meantime, if you're looking for something new to read today, then Ms. Cali has added Marnie to her classic reviews section.

July 15, 2004

I, Robot

"If you're eager for an action-packed Summer movie, and you've already seen 'Spider Man 2' then you can't go wrong with 'I, Robot' ... unless you're the type to complain that this 'desecrates the memory and vision of Isaac Asimov.' If you feel that way, then more power to you, but that's one of those things that didn't affect *my* opinion of the movie.

A solid mix of action, story, humor, and Bridget Moynahan raises 'I, Robot' above the standard 'dumb Summer action flick.'"

Tonight On...

David Letterman: Beyonce, Stephen A. Smith
Jay Leno: Ellen DeGeneres, Geoffrey Gallante
Conan O'Brien: Harrison Ford, Amy Adams, K.T. Tunstall
Craig Ferguson: Jeff Probst, Lauren Holly, Ne-Yo
Carson Daly: Chris Masterson, Imogen Heap

July 13, 2004

The Catwoman Countdown...

If you've seen the trailer for Halle Berry's "Catwoman" then you can understand why I'm excited about seeing this movie. Is it because the movie looks good? Nope. It's because the movie looks like it has the possibility of being one of the worst of the Summer, and therefore, it should be a total blast to review. Sure, I love watching enjoyable movies like "Spider-Man 2," but they're just not as fun to review as something putrid like "The Stepford Wives." Just to give you an idea why I'm so eager to see "Catwoman" check out this exchange:

Sharon Stone: For you, Patience, it’s game over.
Halle Berry: It's over-time!

OUCH! I'm so glad I'll be seeing this for free, and I promise to make y'all proud with my review. Barring any unforeseen circumstances, I'll be seeing it on Wednesday, July 21. So hold on, Bett-heads, my next soon-to-be-classic review is on its way...

July 12, 2004

King Arthur

"If you're looking for a great epic about Europeans fighting for freedom, then watch 'Braveheart' again. If you're looking for a good movie about the King Arthur legend, then 'Excalibur' is easily available. But if you have some time to kill, and you're dying of curiosity, then 'King Arthur' will keep you moderately entertained. Make it a matinee though, or wait until it's at a second-run theater if you have the patience."

Johnny Betts reviews "King Arthur," starring Clive Owen and the gorgeous Keira Knightley.

July 9, 2004

Anchorman

"If you want to see a comedy at the theater, and you have already seen 'Dodgeball' a couple of times then you could do worse than 'Anchorman.' Fans of today's Saturday Night Live and Will Ferrell will love the movie. Fans of silly comedy will like the movie. And people who only like highbrow humor will hate this movie. If you're not sure which crowd you fall in then wait to see this one on DVD."

Mr. Shade fills in for Johnny and reviews "Anchorman," starring Will Ferrell and Christina Applegate.

July 8, 2004

The "Classic Reviews by the Fresh Princess of Cali" Series

Have you ever wanted to rent some old Alfred Hitchcock movies on a cold, rainy night, but you just didn't know which ones you should get? Or have you ever been in the mood for an old classic that you've never seen, but you've often heard discussed? Well, Ms. Cali is a fan of classic movies (and Hitchcock is her favorite director), so she's decided to help you out in your future classic movie endeavors. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you... Classic Reviews by the Fresh Princess of Cali.

July 6, 2004

Johnny Betts' Movie Minutiae is Launched

What is Movie Minutiae? Well, check out this BRAND NEW section and find out. For my introductory article, I propose that every movie ticket purchase come with a pink cancellation notice. I think it's a cause all moviegoers can rally around.

Also today, I add my two cents to Ms. Cali's "Spider-Man 2" review. I think it's a great movie, but it has some drawbacks - mainly Kirsten Dunst and a shirtless Alfred Molina. This review is the first to contain a brand new feature to the Movie Mark reviews - Odds & Ends. Let me know what you think.

Plus, I get Mr. Shade off my back by adding his two most recent video game reviews: Max Payne 2 and Hitman Contracts.

Mr. Shade: I would like to add that I sent these reviews to Johnny on June 16. Make sure to send your hate mail to johnny_betts@hotmail.com.

I'm a busy man. Cry baby.

Coming soon... The Fresh Princess of Cali's Classic Movie Reviews. Or something like that. Oh, and I'll be applying for submission to Rottentomatoes this week, so wish me luck. I don't know how long it'll take me to get approval, but I'll keep everybody updated.

July 1, 2004

Spider-Man

"'Spider-Man 2' is a great superhero movie, and a great movie. While I don’t agree with the reviewers who say it’s the best superhero movie of all time, or that it’s better than the first, I still give it a full 5 marks. This is one I will pay to see in the theater again – at least once more."

Ms. Cali reviews "Spider-Man 2," starring Tobey Maguire, James Franco, and Alfred Molina.

Also, here are some other reviews I finally got around to uploading:

RETURN TO
HOME PAGE

The Dark Knight

Journey to the Center of the Earth

Hancock

Get Smart

The Incredible Hulk

The Strangers

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Young at Heart

Iron Man

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed



Weekend Results:

1. The Dark Knight($158,411,483)

2. Mamma Mia!($27,751,240)

3. Hancock($14,040,178)

4. Journey to the Center of the Earth($12,340,435)

5. Hellboy 2($10,117,815)