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BREAKING NEWS - JUNE 2005June 30, 2005Review: Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy
"The thing that really upset me was that they didn't bother to work any bad shark puns into the mix. This movie
definitely needed a scene where our heroes have a face-to-face confrontation with Shark Boy while walking through
a DARK lab. Forysthe could've pulled out his shotgun, squinted his eyes, and then deadpanned, 'Time for a
little dancin' in the SHARK!' as he opened fire. It would've ruled. You know it, and I know it.
Johnny Betts reviews Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy, a truly bad movie
that never fully reaches "so bad it's good" status. But you gotta love the premise of combining shark cells with
human cells to try to kill cancer cells but accidentally creating a shark/human hybrid instead.June 29, 2005Review: War of the Worlds
"War of the Worlds isn't a movie full of plot. It's pretty much, 'WE NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THE ALIENS WHILE THE ARMY UNSUCCESSFULLY TRIES TO FIGHT THEM!' Oh, and yeah, Ray really does love his kids, yippee. But this is about aliens kicking some Earth booty for awhile. And while that concept might not necessarily be something by which we should be entertained, I still had a lot of fun watching it."I'm not sure if I've pointed it out yet, but I was unable to attend the War of the Worlds screening due to a softball game. A fact which I am not bitter about. Not in the least. I'm just happy that Stephanie and Mr. Shade were able to watch it. And I'm equally happy that their consciences aren't being weighed down by the fact that I'm still having trouble getting the knife out of my back. Oh yeah, Stephanie has reviewed War of the Worlds, and that's what this is all about! Check out her review. She liked the movie. More than going to my softball games, apparently.June 28, 2005Trailer: King KongBut the trailer has finally been released, and I have to admit that upon first look my interest is piqued. This just might work. I don't anticipate getting any life-changing messages from it, but it looks like it'll be plain ol' popcorn-munchin' fun. Or corn nuts. Hey, wait a minute! Everybody knows the term "popcorn movie," well, I think I'm inventing the term "corn nut movie." It'll refer to a movie that's cheesy, B-grade fun. Now I don't know if anybody specifically eats corn nuts while watching cheesy movies, but with my new term I believe they'll feel obligated to. Man, this is awesome. OK, so King Kong looks to be a good "popcorn movie," whereas the most we can hope for in regard to the upcoming Fantastic Four is that it'll be a good "corn nut movie." If nothing else, it'll at least be advertisement for foam rubber (thanks to the Thing's stupid looking suit). And the most all you readers can hope for is that I'll quit doing my "biggest dork on the face of the planet" impersonation. Check out the King Kong trailer. Update: War of the WorldsStephanie and Mr. Shade attended the screening though (stabbing me in the back in the process as they obviously have no interest in the well-being of my softball team), and both of them said they'd give it 4 marks. I'm kind of sad because in a way I really wanted this movie to suck a lemon so that I could laugh at Tom Cruise. But hey, I can laugh at Tom Cruise anyway, so I suppose it doesn't hurt to have an entertaining, special-effects laden Summer movie to enjoy in the process. Stephanie's review will be posted tomorrow. And since I'm kind enough to give Stephanie the spotlight tomorrow (plus, I've agreed to help her caption some of her pics), I'll post my Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy review on Thursday. I've already started writing the review, and I have to admit, it's pretty darn funny so far. I can't wait to see what else I can come up with! Contest: Batman BeginsJune 27, 2005Contest: Batman Begins1 Cellphone charm 1 Paper weight 1 Light Key chain 1 poster I might also be able to offer an extra poster to a runner-up. If you want a chance to win this prize pack then send me an email at johnny_betts@hotmail.com with the following: Your Full Name Your Address Your City, State, and Zip A brief statement about why you love or hate Johnny Betts and/or The Movie Mark. That last part is mainly for my own ego (or for you to knock it down a peg or two). One winner (and a possible runner-up) will be drawn from a list of all the entrants and your info will be sent to Warner Bros. who will then be responsible for sending the prize pack. Good luck, thanks for participating, and hurry up! Dear Oprah, Please Shut UpI think Oprah's just upset that somebody didn't bow down to the Golden Winfrey. One of the things that THE GREAT OPRAH is complaining about is that other people were in the store even though it was closed yet she wasn't allowed in. Yeah, stores do it all the time. If you're in there before it closes then some stores allow you to stay in. But they lock the doors and don't let other customers in. I'm sorry if this doesn't fit the OPRAH WORSHIP that Ms. Winfrey requires, but that's life. Poor Oprah, she didn't get to buy Tina Turner some overpriced watch. You know what? I'm offended that all those guests in her studio audience got a free car a few months ago. Is it fair that I didn't get a free car just because I wasn't in the audience? This is discrimination, plain and simple. I wanted that free car so I could give it to some rich celebrity! WHY MUST I SUFFER THROUGH THIS "OPRAH MOMENT"??? Would someone please let THE GREAT OPRAH know that the world does NOT revolve around her, that she is NOT entitled to special privileges, that others should NOT be expected to change their rules just to meet her needs, and that she owes Hermes an apology? Thanks. And I better get that car soon because I feel so humiliated right now. Coming This WeekJune 24, 2005Review: Bewitched
"It's nothing really worth the oxygen to try to convince you that it's a definite must-see at the theater, nor did it excite me enough to reel off more than four paragraphs for this review, but it's a light, silly little comedy that generated quite a few chuckles and a handful of laugh-out-loud moments. I'd say trust your instinct on this one. If you're dying to see it then catch a matinee, if you're on the fence then save it for a rental, and if you have no desire to see it then just skip it. I don't care. I ain't making any money off it."Johnny Betts reviews Bewitched, starring Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman.Contest: Batman Begins1 Cellphone charm 1 Paper weight 1 Light Key chain 1 poster Warner Bros. also told me they can offer an extra poster to a runner-up. The pictures that were sent to me were in a weird Quicktime format, so I'll try to mess around with them this weekend and post the pictures of everything on Monday just so you can see what everything is. But if you want a chance to win this prize pack then send me an email at johnny_betts@hotmail.com with the following: Your Full Name Your Address Your City, State, and Zip A brief statement about why you love or hate Johnny Betts and/or The Movie Mark. That last part is mainly for my own ego. One winner (and a possible runner-up) will be drawn from a list of all the entrants and your info will be sent to Warner Bros. who will then be responsible for sending the prize pack. Good luck, and thanks for participating! June 23, 2005Review: Land of the Dead
"I assume Romero wants the zombies to serve as a metaphor for an oppressed group that society discriminates against, but let's be honest, are undead, brain-eating creatures really the best type of characters to use to send some sort of weird message? It just felt out of place. I like my zombies dead. Well, you know what I mean. I'm not interested in learning how to coexist with them anymore than I'd be interested in learning how to coexist with a legion of cannibalistic serial killers were they to be released into society. Just blow the zombies up and move on."Johnny reviews George Romero's latest, Land of the Dead. It entertained me reasonably well, but it just felt too generic overall and was a disappointment compared to last year's Dawn of the Dead. June 22, 2005Review: Herbie: Fully Loaded
"What are you expecting? This is a movie about a lifelike car that spits exhaust in the faces of bad guys, leaks oil on their bad guy shoes, and opens its trunk, doors, or glove compartment whenever something needs to be revealed or somebody needs to be strategically hit in a slapstick manner. If those types of shenanigans send you rolling down the aisles in apoplectic fits of laughter then you're in luck. However, if you're like me and aren't quite so easily amused then you might want to veer your hard-earned dollars in another direction."Johnny Betts reviews Herbie: Fully Loaded, starring Lindsay Lohan, Matt Dillon, and Michael Keaton. The movie isn't all that great, but at least it's safe for the whole family. Plus, Lindsay ain't too shabby on the eyes.June 21, 2005Movie Horror Story: When in Rome...I've got a couple of more horror stories coming this week from Felix V, so stay tuned. Poor TomKatShould Cruise have just laughed the whole incident off and not gotten all upset about it, or did he react in an understandable fashion? I'll leave that up to you to decide, but I personally tip my hat to the film crew of whatever British show was behind this. Hilarious. And poor Katie Holmes. It looks like her fake, publicity-fueled relationship with Cruise is starting to backfire. According to IMDb, a Warner Bros. source has said she will not be a part of the upcoming Batman sequels. "Everyone is in agreement that the movie's strength is with Christian Bale, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman," the source says. In reference to Holmes the source comments, "She won't be in the sequel... the next romantic interest will be a much stronger actress. Warner is happy that people are now focusing on who'll be playing the Joker rather than Katie and Tom." Ouch. That's gotta hurt. June 20, 2005On DVD this Week: Hostage
"Some of these critics like to go to Wal-Mart before a movie like this and purchase the biggest, most industrial strength Nitpicker they can find. You didn't know that was an actual tool? Oh yes. They're owned by every single uptight critic who white-knuckle clenches his Movie Snobbery PhD degree at all action and thriller movies. Don't listen to 'em. Hostage is a movie for movie fans, not movie elitists."Special Features:
On DVD this Week: Cursed
"Cursed, huh? Well, that appropriately describes what a lot of moviegoers
did when the final credits started to roll. This has to be one of the most irrelevant, insignificant movies to come
along in quite a while. There's not a single thing I can recommend about this movie. Not a single thing. It offers
absolutely nothing new or original to the werewolf genre. Why even bother?
Coming This Week...June 17, 2005Malco's 2005 Kids Summer Film FestParticipating theaters include: Wolfchase, Bartlett, Cordova, Collierville, Raleigh, and Southaven. Shows start at 10:00 AM, and more details (including the schedules) can be found HERE! Oh, and for the record, despite my own actions, Malco would like to point out that they officially don't condone smuggling in your own food in an effort to battle high concession prices. Just letting you know their official policy. June 16, 2005What's Wrong With Critics?June 15, 2005Review: Batman Begins
"But the most important thing about the character is that he exists on the edge between good and bad. His parents were BRUTALLY MURDERED in front of him, so it's about time we see a Batman who is filled with a little more anger than someone who's slightly miffed that he witnessed someone kick his dog. The REAL Batman doesn't whip out a Bat credit card with an expiration date of 'Forever' claiming he never leaves the cave without it. Criminals aren't nice guys, so Batman has to be dark enough to strike terror in their hearts, and Bale is the first actor to accurately portray all three facets of the character, and he's definitely the only one who really brings the dark edge that embodies Batman. He plays it intense and to the extreme."Batman has always been my favorite superhero, and I'm happy to report that this is finally the movie I've been waiting for. Check out my Batman Begins review for my take and tons of info regarding the movie, including specs for the Tumbler. It can go 0 to 60 in under 5 seconds? I'll take one.June 14, 2005On DVD this Week: Hitch
"Not once did I find myself teetering on the edge of my seat, wringing my hands in despair because I was fearful of a disastrous outcome. But who cares? What I did find myself doing was laughing out loud quite a bit, while also trying to conceal the drool that would escape on the right side of my mouth whenever Eva Mendes would appear on screen. Woo baby!"Special Features:
Coming Tomorrow... Batman BeginsJune 13, 2005Dear Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes...Mini-Review: Into the WestThere's one scene where he gets part of his scalp ripped off by a bear, and he tells Matthew Settle (the main character who begged to be a part of Jedediah's expedition to California) to sew his scalp back on. Settle says he doesn't know how to and says maybe Will Patton can. Josh tells him he gave him an order, and if he wants to join his expedition then he'll follow the order. So Settle starts to sew. Josh is reading his Bible, clenching his teeth, trying to deal with the pain, and Settle starts whining and moaning as if he's Luke Skywalker complaining about how he was going to go to Toshe Station to pick up some power converters. Josh calmly replies, "I'm sure sorry it's hurting YOU so much, son." Hilarious. But now his character is gone, and I've lost interest. I'll continue to watch the series out of curiosity, but indeed, the smile is gone. June 10, 2005Review: Mr. and Mrs. Smith
"It's a little slow-paced at times, and there is probably too much emphasis at the beginning on the mundanity of their marriage (they're bored, we get it), but once things start to kick in we get beautiful people, gunplay, car chases, explosions, one-line exchanges, inside jokes, and doses of humor thrown at us left, right, and up the middle. I'd also add 'out the ying-yang' but that'd be too cliché. The fight scene between Brad and Angelina is particularly funny (though probably a little too reflective of a day in the life of Ike Turner), as is Vince Vaughn's small role. You gotta love his defense of living with his mom, 'She cooks, cleans, makes my bed, and I'm the dumb guy?'"Johnny Betts reviews Mr. and Mrs. Smith, starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.Into the West Premieres! Tonight's the night! I know all you Josh Brolin fans are excited. Wooooooo! This is the first of six episodes of Steven Spielberg's new miniseries, Into the West. It'll air on TNT starting at 7:00pm Central. If you happen to miss it then you can catch it one of the other 153 times that it'll be repeated. If you only watch one episode then make sure it's tonight because this is indeed the episode that features Josh Brolin stealing the show. Take advantage of this opportunity. Coming Next Week...June 9, 2005Why Russell Crowe RulesNot too long ago Crowe criticized Clooney for cashing in on his fame by appearing in TV ads. Clooney had a very weak comeback by accusing Crowe of cashing in on his fame with his rock band, 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. Crowe's response? Australia's Northern Territory News reports, and I love this, "An endorsement for products is about money. My music is from the heart. But what I enjoyed, greatly, is nobody seemed to get the irony that one major franchise in George Clooney's life is based on the work of Sammy Davis Jr., Frank Sinatra, and Dean Martin [Clooney's remake of Ocean's 11]. Sammy, Frank and Dean were entertainers in a real sense. And Clooney climbed over their bones in order to enable him to pick up an endorsement for suits." Hahaha, that's one of my new favorite lines. You tell 'em, Russell! Look for my review of Mr. and Mrs. Smith tomorrow. And don't worry, Felix, your horror story will be posted soon. June 8, 2005Review: High Tension
"Sigh. High tension? More like high frustration. Or high aggravation. Or HIGH STUPID TWIST ENDING! Sheesh.
The ending of High Tension left me extremely angry, so I'm less
forgiving than normal. Check out my High Tension review to feel the
brunt of even more of my ranting.June 7, 2005Preview: Batman Begins
I saw Batman Begins last night. My full review will be coming soon, but here are some quick observations:1) It is far and away the best movie in the Batman franchise. Nothing else comes close. 2) Christian Bale IS Batman. I love the fact that he portrayed an angrier, more revengeful Batman. The Batman in the comic books was DARK. He was a borderline psychotic, and Bale plays the darker side of Batman to perfection. Keaton can't hold Bale's Bat strap. 3) The Tumbler rules. It serves as Batman's main vehicle and it's involved in an awesome chase scene. 4) The main plot twist is very good, and I must admit that it caught me off guard. It's executed very well. 5) The ending sets up the sequel perfectly. In conclusion, THIS is what a Batman movie is supposed to be like. Dark, atmospheric, creepy. Bale portrays Batman as a man out for revenge that you don't really want to mess with. He shows Batman's potential violent side, and I loved it. Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale are the best things that could've happened to this franchise. Let me know if you have any questions about the movie. "Bats frighten me. This time my enemies share my dread." Coming TomorrowJune 6, 2005New on DVD This Week: The Machinist
"The Machinist is a little slow-paced at times, but I enjoyed following the mystery and I kept hope alive that the twist at the end would be something really original. It isn't, however, and that made for an unsatisfying experience. The acting is solid, the atmosphere is dark, and the potential is there, so that's why I left so frustrated. With a thriller/mystery like this, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE ENDING! I was hoping for Memento, but I got something more along the lines of Secret Window. Nothing terrible, but nothing really to go back to."Special Features:
The Weekend Box OfficeJune 3, 2005Review: Cinderella Man
"This is as upbeat and inspirational as Million Dollar Baby is depressing. After watching Cinderella Man you'll leave the theater feeling good about life and being inspired to try to accomplish something yourself. For a brief second you might toy with the idea of getting your fat, chubby little legs off the couch and doing something with life other than watching movies and playing video games all the time. It may be a fleeting fancy, but the spark will be there."Johnny reviews the latest Russell Crowe/Ron Howard collaboration - Cinderella Man. Like their previous effort, A Beautiful Mind, this should rake in the Oscar nominations, and it's definitely a contender for my movie of the year.Review: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
"Some of the dialog was in the realm of the Proust-quoting teenagers of Dawson's Creek. It wasn't as bad, but it was still much more than any 16-year-old would think up. Not to mention the dialog for 12-year-old, leukemia-stricken Bailey (Jenna Boyd). Sure, she has had to grow up fast because of her illness, but no one talks like that. I guess it's all aimed at getting people to fail the Tamblyn challenge, which Johnny's sister Amber sadly did. 'A kid with leukemia, that's sad!!' Granted, but the words of wisdom were just a little too wise for me to get pulled in."Due to Johnny's softball commitments, STEPHANIE watched and reviewed The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. So did she fall in love with this chick flick? Not exactly. Check out her review for a full report.June 2, 2005Russell Crowe Vs. Craig Bierko?Now most people would whine and cry about Crowe's methods of acting, but what about Bierko? "He really did create a laboratory environment that was incredibly helpful to me," Bierko said. "You have to allow yourself to be caught up in it, and then you have to let it go. And it's a very tricky thing to do. There's not a lot of actors who do that anymore. This guy is helping you — helping you want to kill him." So what's Crowe's response to all this? Well, according to IMDb, Crowe said, "Craig Bierko has an imagination. His recollection of the experience is significantly different from anyone else's. I spent my 40th birthday party on a satellite connection with my wife and child in Australia. Sorry I didn't invite Craig. I didn't think it was relevant. The fact is, he hadn't done enough work and he had to be drilled and drilled, and brought up to where we needed him to be - because if Max Baer isn't frightening and isn't capable, then we don't have much of a movie. Craig has never been in this kind of situation before. It has never been required of him to put this much work and this much of himself into a role. He didn't realize what he was getting into... He realized afterwards." Real life feud, or just fuel left burning from two great performances? I say it's just a little fuel that's still burning off. The movie is great, and I'd say the methods worked. Due to the fact that I didn't get home from Nashville until 4:30 AM last night, my Cinderella Man review isn't done. But it and Stephanie's review of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants will be posted tomorrow. Please, try to contain your excitement. June 1, 2005Bad Movie Review: Falling Fire
"Who knew that an asteroid threatening to destroy the earth could be so boring? If such an event were to occur in reality, and if it resembled Falling Fire in any way, then we don't have to worry about worldwide panic. It's more likely that everybody would just fall into a stupor and the greatest threat of earth's destruction would be mankind's absolute apathy."Are you and your buddies looking for a "so bad it's good" movie that you can enjoy making fun of? Welp, Falling Fire ain't it. Chances are everybody will either be asleep before you can start your MST3K-fest or the movie will just drain you of any creativity and you'll have no desire to put forth the effort of cracking wise.UpdateWe're heading to Nashville today to catch a Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers show. If you're in the area then stop by the Exit/In and say hello. Or "you're my movie-reviewing hero and I want to be just like you" will suffice. |
HOME PAGE  Journey to the Center of the Earth Hancock Get Smart The Incredible Hulk The Strangers Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Young at Heart Iron Man Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed  Weekend Results: 1. The Dark Knight($158,411,483) 2. Mamma Mia!($27,751,240) 3. Hancock($14,040,178) 4. Journey to the Center of the Earth($12,340,435) 5. Hellboy 2($10,117,815) |
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Copyright © 2004 The Movie Mark. All Rights Reserved. No reproduction of these reviews or any of the original material on this site is allowed without prior permission from Johnny Betts. Comply or suffer the consequences of Johnny's size 11 biker boot. Wanna be a Movie Mark? Send Johnny Betts an email (johnny_betts@hotmail.com) to be added to the list or complete: The Movie Mark Questionnaire.
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