BREAKING NEWS - MARCH 2005
March 31, 2005
Movie Minutiae: When Suggesting a Horror Movie...
Let's face it, something that scares us when we're 5 years old might not necessarily seem as scary when we're 25.
Check out my When Suggesting a Horror Movie... article for a quick
reminder on why we need to be careful when recommending movies to our friends.
March 30, 2005
Preview: Into the West
For those of you who don't know, Into the West is a 6-part mini-series by Steven Spielberg that tells
the story of the Wild West from the perspective of two families: one of white settlers and one of Indians.
From what I can tell, the story will cover a period of about 90 years. If you've paid any sort of
regular attention to the Movie Mark, then you already know that I've hyped up the fact that Josh Brolin has
a role in the mini-series. Good news - I've found out a little more about his character.
Josh plays Jedediah Smith - a famed mountain man who led the first party of settlers into California. It looks
like he's going to have a pretty big role in the first episode. Out of curiosity, I decided to do a little
research on "Jedediah Smith," and it turns out he was actually a real guy. In his lifetime, Smith traveled
more extensively in unknown territory than any other single mountain man. He became the first American to travel
overland to California through the southwest. He was quoted as saying, "I wanted to be the first to view a
country on which the eyes of a white man had never gazed and to follow the course of rivers that run through
a new land."
I initially assumed that Into the West would be mostly fictional, but after checking out the updated
website it looks like it's at least making an attempt at some sort of historical accuracy. If you're interested
in finding out more then check out the Into the
West website. It has a couple of teaser trailers, quite a few pictures, a more detailed synopsis, and
a pretty informative timeline.
It's my goal to make the Movie Mark the #1 source for information regarding Josh Brolin's role in Into the
West. It's a lofty goal. Some may even call it insignificant or pointless. But it's MY dream, and I think
I can make it happen.
Into the West premieres June 10 on TNT.
March 29, 2005
Review: Mansquito
"If they really wanted to salvage this toilet log, then they would've called in Johnny Betts for the final
confrontation. I would've entered the scene in slow motion, wearing my trademark leather jacket and
sunglasses. I'd unleash a barrage of stinger missiles right at
Mansquito until I knew for sure he was dead. Then I'd walk
over to his lifeless body, turn to the camera, flick my cool guy toothpick in slow motion and say, 'Sucks to
be you.'
I'd then walk over to Corin Nemec, punch him in the face for failing to save the world, and say, 'Parker
Lewis just lost.' Roll credits. That's the way to do a cheesy movie.
As it is, Mansquito is basically a failed He-Man bad guy. I
can see him squaring off against Buzz-Off in what would come to be known as 'one of the worst He-Man episodes
ever.'"
Johnny reviews the horrid Sci Fi Original Movie Mansquito,
starring Corin Nemec of Parker Lewis Can't Lose fame. Chalk this up as another really bad movie that I
watched so that you don't have to. No need to thank me. Just doing my duty.
March 28, 2005
Review: Guess Who
"Guess Who would have benefited from a little more edgy humor
examining the interracial relationship and the conflicts between the two backgrounds. Maybe we'll see that in
a sequel. I'm predicting right now that in a couple of years we'll see Guess Who 2: Guess Who's Back
Black where Ashton takes his girlfriend to meet HIS parents. Throw it into the heart of Mississippi, cast Billy
Bob Thornton and Delta Burke as his parents, and you've got some serious potential."
Johnny reviews Guess Who, starring Bernie Mac, Ashton Kutcher, and
Zoë Saldaña.
Coming This Week
The Mansquito review WILL be posted tomorrow. I'll be seeing The Upside of Anger tonight and will have
the review posted before the end of the week. There is a screening of Sin City this week that I'm unfortunately
gonna have to miss due to a prior commitment, but I'll most likely go see it this weekend and report back by Monday.
Yes, this means I'll have to skip the free screening and actually pay to see it. Believe me, this won't be easy.
And don't worry, I haven't forgotten about my Best Buy article.
The Movie Mark Message Board
Join the Movie Mark Message Board and join in the fun. Business
has picked up in the last couple of weeks. But it's mostly guys doing all the talking, so I'm gonna extend a special
invitation to all the ladies out there to join in and give us a much needed female voice.
March 25, 2005
Mini-Review: Guess Who
OK, here's the deal - I saw Guess Who, starring Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher, last night, I
fell asleep before I had a chance to write the review, I've got the day off today, and now Stephanie
is really hungry and wants to go eat. What's a guy to do? I'll have a full review coming soon. But
if you're trying to decide whether to see it tonight or sometime this weekend, then I'll run my
random review generator to give you the general idea:
Johnny watch Guess Who. Him laugh at lots of jokes. Not always aisle-rolling, but just consistently
funny. Bernie Mac no like white boyfriend. He work good with Ashton. Ashton's girlfriend cute.
Lots of jokes regarding race relations. Afro turf. Adam and Eve. Stealing a rib from a black man.
Follows the Meet the Parents formula. Expect a sequel - Guess Who 2: Guess Who's Black -
where Ashton take girlfriend to meet HIS parents. Johnny give between 3.25 and 3.5 marks. Johnny eat
now. More later. Johnny appreciates all three of his readers understanding.
Well, the random review generator obviously needs some tweaking as it's not the most grammatically
effecient program in the world. Ah well, I'll work on it. I'll post my full review soon, and the
Mansquito review should be done by Monday also. Have a great weekend.
March 23, 2005
Review: Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
"Are you expecting high art? If so, then you really need to learn how to better analyze movie
trailers. You also need to learn how to better analyze movie titles. Armed and Fabulous? One of the
great absolutes in life is any time a movie tries to be cute and makes a play on words with a common
phrase (in this case, 'armed and dangerous') in its movie title, then you better have a tent with you
because mama, it's time to set up camp! The only thing missing here is a cameo by Adam West.
I think I'm gonna follow the trend. I'm gonna write a script about baseball called America's Pastime
where the home team loses the championship. However, they will get their revenge in the sequel -
America's Pastime 2: Payback's a Pitch. It's gonna rule. You know it, and I know it."
Johnny Betts reviews Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous,
starring the lovely and charming Sandra Bullock. It's a review
that you'll print out, show your children and grandchildren, and cherish forever.
March 22, 2005
Review: Ice Princess
Ice Princess is one of those movies I would probably skip even if
it was free, but they didn't have a screening here, so the choice was never mine to make. However, it's certainly
not a movie I'd ever pay to see under any circumstances. Ms. Cali, on the other hand, laid down her hard-earned
money to see it on the big screen. She claims it falls under the "so bad it's good" category, but she still gives it
3 marks. Granted, she makes up a reason why it avoids receiving only 2 marks, but I think it's all a cover. She's
just scared to outright admit that she loves the cheesy thing. I present to you
Ms. Cali's Ice Princess review.
Still to Come This Week
I've still got my Best Buy article to write, and I'm gonna do my best to do reviews of Miss Congeniality 2
(which was more entertaining than I expected, but hey, I love Sandra Bullock), Guess Who (which is not a
documentary on the classic Canadian rock band), and Mansquito. I'm gonna start doing more bad movie reviews
because they're the most fun. What better was to start than with Mansquito? Speaking of bad movies...
The Bad Movie Review
I've currently got a handful of bad movies waiting to be totally slaughtered by yours truly, but what are some bad
movies that YOU would love to see me review? Are there any "so bad they're good" movies that you love watching with
your friends and creating your own Mystery Science Theater quotes? What movies are badly in need of a Johnny Betts
review? Send me your ideas!
March 21, 2005
Titanic in Space?
Well, if you've been keeping up with the development of Revenge of the Sith then you may have heard George
"The Bearded One" Lucas claim that the latest Star Wars installment will be a "real tearjerker" and "Titanic in
Space." Why, oh why, did he have to say that? The trailers are awesome, and I'm extremely excited about the movie,
but I could've done without any comparisons to Titanic. I'm sure it's just his way of trying to grab the
attention (and their daddies' money) of teeny bopper girls, but still.
Oh, and Lucas is also saying he's going to release all the Star Wars movies in 3-D. Supposedly, the first one will
be released in conjunction with its 30-year anniversary, and then he'll release one per year after that. As if he
didn't have enough money. That's cute and all, but couldn't this wait until AFTER INDIANA JONES 4?!?!?!?
March 18, 2005
Review: The Ring Two
"At least the acting is strong. Naomi Watts is good as usual, but it is 12-year-old David Dorfman who steals the
show. He's even creepier than Samara. Yet, he portrays his creepiness with such innocence that I couldn't help
but feel sympathetic towards him. Good job, young man, you impressed me more than Haley Joel Osment in The
Sixth Sense. Now let's just hope that puberty's cruel hand is kinder towards you than it was to the young
seer of dead people.
I wanted to like The Ring Two, I really did. It has its moments,
and it's not an awful movie, but it's a disappointment, and I'm afraid that usually leaves a worse taste in my mouth
than seeing a bad movie that I have no expectation of liking. When leaving the theater I overheard one moviegoer
say, 'Man, Boogeyman was scarier than that.' I can't think of any
words to say 'You underachieved' more strongly than that."
Johnny Betts reviews The Ring Two, starring Naomi Watts.
March 17, 2005
Mansquito!
Whenever you see "The SCI FI Pictures Original" stamped to a movie, then you immediately know to bust out the
crackers, because mama, Sci Fi is bringin' da cheese! Well, it brings me great joy to announce that the Sci Fi Channel
will be serving a heaping plate of Velveeta tonight in the form of *drum roll* MANSQUITO! I kid you not.
To make things ever better, it stars Corin "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" Nemec.
The plot sounds pretty awesome: "While trying to find a cure for the West Nile virus, a scientist turns herself
and her subject into mutant insects." I challenge you to name me one other movie where humans turn into mosquitoes.
What's that? You can't do it? Yeah, that's what I thought.
I urge everybody to tune into the Sci Fi Channel tonight at 8:00 PM Central if you're interested in seeing what
bad movies are all about. I'll most likely record it and then review it soon.
Best Buy Reward Zone
My review of The Ring Two will be posted tomorrow. And then early next week (possibly Monday) look for another
installment of "What's Wrong with People?" It's been a while since I've done one, but I've recently had some problems
with Best Buy and their "Reward" Zone club. I just have to sound off on it and warn others who may be thinking of
using it. It's slightly related to movies because my problems arose when I tried to use my Reward Zone coupons to
purchase some DVDs. Sorry Best Buy, but you're about to get the Johnny Betts' Size 11 Biker Boot Experience.
March 16, 2005
Movie Mockery
It's time I take Movie Mockery to a higher level. In fact, at one time I was considering naming this site
"Movie Mockery." No need to thank me for that bit of info. It's kind of like a special feature you find on
DVDs. Anyway, you've heard of the American Film Institute, haven't
you? They come up with a bunch of "100 Lists." The 100 best movies, the 100 best comedies, etc. It's pretty hard
to take a list seriously that considers Titanic to be a better thriller than Memento. So what does
this mean? It's ripe for mockery!
But what route do I take? Do I make fun of every single choice in every single list? That'd take, oh, approximately
the rest of my life. Or do I pick one category and comment on the choices just within that category? Do I comment
on their top ten of various lists? Or are there better lists out there that would be even more fun to ridicule? Or
would it just be better for me to create my own lists?
What would YOU have the most fun reading? I'm open to suggestions and ideas. After all, it's YOU that I'm trying
to educate, enlighten, and entertain. Send me an email and let me
know what you think, or hey, go join the message board
and discuss the subject there. The message board needs
more subscribers and more particpants, so please feel free to join in and share your thoughts.
The Ring Two
It came, I saw, and well, I fell asleep. Total disappointment. Look for my review in the next day or two.
March 15, 2005
New on DVD This Week: The Incredibles
"I don't use the following term much (unless I'm referring to my biceps or my reviews), mainly because I think
it's overused to the point of losing its significance, but there are scenes in
The Incredibles that are just awesome to watch. Early in
the movie I just stopped taking notes and sat back and enjoyed the show. This is an absolute visual and aural
treat.
In summary, and I know this is a bold statement, but it's one I'm willing to make,
The Incredibles was the most entertaining 'general audience'
movie of 2004. Yes, it's even better than Spider-Man 2 because
I didn't have to suffer through Kirtsen Dunst and her woeful 'go get 'em Tiger' dialogue. If you're looking for
pure entertainment that the entire family can enjoy, then The
Incredibles is worth your hard-earned dinero."
Special Features:
- Commentary by writer/director Brad Bird and producer John Walker
- Commentary by the animators
- "Jack-Jack Attack" exclusive all new short film
- "Incredi-Blunders" bloopers and outtakes
- Deleted scenes, including alternate opening
- Making of "The Incredibles" featurette
- Seven additional behind-the-scenes featurettes
- Pixar short film "Boundin'" with optional commentary by director Bud Luckey
- "Who is Bud Luckey?" featurette
- Top secret NSA files on all the Supers
- "Mr. Incredible & Pals" cartoon with optional commentary by Frozone and Mr. Icrediblemen
- "Vowellet" an essay by vocal talent Sarah Vowell (Violet)
- Introductions with Brad Bird
- Number of discs: 2
Johnny Betts highly recommends The Incredibles. Check out
his review for more details on what to expect from the movie. The
2-disc set contains plenty of special features, making this a DVD worth adding to your collection.
Movie Review: Be Cool
Well, Johnny Betts still hasn't seen Be Cool yet, but Ms. Ang and her husband decided to check it out
this weekend, and they both enjoyed it. According to Ms. Ang, "Be Cool
has a great balance of everything to keep the movie fresh and amusing, and doesn't miss too many opportunities
to laugh at itself, or its actors, or the fact that it's a sequel, or bad toupees, or Honda Insights, or strange
furniture. The best truly funny, laugh-out-loud movie I've seen in a very long time."
If you're still thinking of seeing the movie, and you'd like a female's perspective, then check out Ms. Ang's
review.
March 14, 2005
Movie Horror Story: A Waste of De Niro
Check it out, I have another British fan! I'm really starting to take Europe by storm. Sam D. had quite the
bad experience when watching Hide and Seek recently. The
lame ending wasn't bad enough; some "chav hoods" had to make the experience even worse. Check out her tale:
A Waste of De Niro.
I know there are more of you out there with horror stories to share, so
email me your bad experience so that the entire moviegoing world
can feel your pain.
Caricatures: The Movie Marks
I'm leaving these up just in case you haven't seen the caricatures yet. I'll put together some comics soon.
I need to force myself to go up in the attic and find my old action figures.
Coming this Week
I haven't seen Be Cool, but Mr. and Ms. Ang saw it this weekend, and they have submitted a review. I'll
post it tomorrow. I'll be seeing The Ring Two tomorrow, so look for that review sometime later in the
week. Plus, I'll make up some other stuff to try to entertain you. I'll either find some legitimate news or
I'll make up another lame Top 10 list. The unpredictable factor is what makes checking out this site so fun,
right?
March 11, 2005
Review: Robots
"The problem with the Pixar clones is they sacrifice a good story for big name actors, the hippest of the hip-hop
songs, flatulence jokes galore, and really bad puns. Lots of 'em. Come on, Britney Gears? Seriously?
I can handle bad puns every now and then, but they're absolutely relentless here. One robot is called Aunt
Fanny who has a really huge robot butt. Of course, that means we're treated to a firing line of puns such
as, 'He's been rear-ended,' 'Say hello to my dimpled friend,' etc. It felt as if somebody was given a random
pun generator for Christmas and just couldn't use it enough."
Johnny Betts reviews the latest CGI movie, Robots. It's
moderately entertaining, and I'm sure kids will love it, but it pales in comparison with Pixar's greatest
achievements.
March 10, 2005
Review: Hostage
"I know it's only March, but other than Million Dollar Baby,
Hostage is the best movie I've seen this year. If you want a fun,
suspenseful night at the movies then ignore the critics whining and moaning about clichés and improbabilities and go
check out Hostage. I love the irony in the fact that half of the
negative reviews on Rottentomatoes complain about the clichés in the movie. Wow, at least THAT complaint isn't cliché
or anything. Try a little originality yourself.
Some of these critics like to go to Wal-Mart before a movie like this and purchase the biggest, most industrial
strength Nitpicker they can find. You didn't know that was an actual tool? Oh yes. They're owned by every
single uptight critic who white-knuckle clenches his Movie Snobbery PhD degree at all action and thriller movies.
Don't listen to 'em. Hostage is a movie for movie fans, not movie
elitists."
Johnny Betts reviews Hostage, starring Bruce Willis and Ben Foster.
Shannon Elizabeth Splits From Husband
Well shoot. I really thought this one would last forever. Ah well. IMDb claims that their marriage has been in
major trouble ever since her troll-looking husband (Joseph Reitman) participated in a prank on her for Punk'd.
"Friends" claim she was furious about it. Come on, is this for real? You'd think that anybody who would actually
accept a role in Cursed wouldn't exactly be the type to take herself
too seriously. I think this is a case of misplaced anger that should actually be directed towards her agent. I'm
sorry to break the news to all you fine readers; I sure hope it doesn't disturb your sleep cycle.
March 9, 2005
Sequels With Numbers in the Title
Can anybody explain why filmmakers think it's so cute to take a movie with a number in the title (The Whole Nine
Yards) and then for the sequel they just increase the number in the title (The Whole Ten Yards) whether
it makes sense or not? It annoys me. I'm gonna start periodically posting some top 10 (or top 5 or top 7 or how many
ever I feel like) lists, and I'll start today with a list addressing the subject I just mentioned. I must thank Ms.
Cali and Mr. Shade for their contributions to this list.
Johnny Betts Top Ten Worst Ideas for Names for Sequels with a Number in the Title
10) The Longest Two Yards
9) 13 Angry Men
8) The Eleven Commandments
7) The 7th Sense
6) Treys Wild
5) 10 to 6
4) Million and One Dollar Baby
3) 14 Going on 31
2) Suspect One
1) Eight (or 8ight)
Coming Tomorrow... My Review of Hostage
I GUARANTEE you I will have my Hostage review posted tomorrow (Thursday), and my Robots review will be
posted no later than Friday. So go ahead and prepare yourself for some good times.
March 8, 2005
Quentin Tarantino and Friday the 13th?
According to the Hollywood Reporter, Quentin Tarantino is considering writing and directing an installment in the
Friday the 13th series. Tarantino has already begun talks with New Line Cinema, and he is supposed to meet
with executives this week. That could be some seriously messed up stuff right there. It'd be interesting to see if
the chin man could add enough of his flair to actually make Friday the 13th a critical success. I'm not a
huge fan of the series, but I'm intrigued to see where this will lead.
Sandra Bullock Was Asked to Star in Million Dollar Baby
According to IMDb, Sandra Bullock was initially offered Hilary Swank's role in
Million Dollar Baby but turned it down because she wanted to
choose her own director. However, she denies this, "We had Million
Dollar Baby with someone else for a while, trying to get it made. I couldn't get it made. We tried and tried
and tried. (They were like) Female boxing movies don't sell. I was like, 'This is the most incredible piece.' I then
started doing Miss Congeniality 2 and they got Hilary Swank and they got Clint."
So she was very close to appearing in a role that won Hilary Swank an Oscar, but she got stuck with Miss Congeniality
2 instead? All together now: OUCH! I really like Sandra, so I feel bad for her. But I gotta give her credit for
having a good attitude about it. She went on to say, "When things like that happen, that's the way they're supposed to
be."
IMDb also reported that Ashley Judd was offered the role but demanded too much money. Good call on that one, Ashley.
You're not too busy doing Twisted 2: Another Red Herring are you?
Johnny Betts Makes a Resolution
I have decided to start putting my pants on two legs at a time. Whenever someone praises the humility of another
person, it's often said, "He puts his pants on one leg at a time just like everybody else." Well, when I'm dead or
retired and a couple of people show up to say nice things about me, I actually wouldn't mind being treated like I
sat upon some pedestal. Why fake humility? Let it be said, "I know it may sound strange, but Johnny Betts didn't
put his pants on like everybody else. He actually put them on two legs at a time." Thank you.
March 7, 2005
New on DVD This Week: Ladder 49
"When a movie can make a fireman weep, then I think it's done its job. But hey, if you're one of those reviewers who
thinks readers are impressed by your ability to use a thesaurus, then feel free to take your liberal arts degree to
the nearest fire station and yell out how sick and tired you are of firefighters being glorified. Let me know how that
goes. After you can type again, that is."
Special Features:
- Audio commentary by director Jay Russell and editor Bud S. Smith
- Deleted scenes
- "Everyday Heroes" featuring real stories from real firefighters
- "The making of Ladder 49" featurette
- "Shine your Light" music video by Robbie Robertson
Johnny Betts reviews Ladder 49, starring Joaquin Phoenix and John
Travolta.
Weekend Box Office
Vin Diesel's The Pacifier made $30 million this weekend. Wow. Did people not see the trailer??? Or are
Mr. Shade and I the only ones who thought it wasn't very funny? Ah well, whatever. Apparently the formula holds
true: Big Muscular Action Star + Family Comedy = Box Office Gold. Sorry folks, but the trend is not yet dead.
How weird is it that The Rock and Vin Diesel both had movies open this past weekend and neither was an action
movie? Is this the year of "expanding your range" for actors? What's next, Bruce Willis in a musical? Thankfully, no.
Bruce has a great movie opening up this weekend - Hostage, and it's not a musical! My review is coming
soon.
March 4, 2005
Opening This Week
Unfortunately, Memphis wasn't deemed worthy enough to have screenings of John Travolta's Be Cool or Vin
Diesel's The Pacifier. Hmm, or considering the negative reviews for the two movies, maybe Memphis was
deemed TOO worthy to sit through them. That could be it! I'm somewhat interested in Be Cool because I
hear the Rock is great, but I'll probably save it for a rental. The Pacifier is one I'll try to catch
on TV one day so I can say, "Yep, I knew it'd be that bad."
The Jacket, starring Adrien Brody and the lovely Keira Knightley, also opens this week. According to IMDb:
"A military veteran goes on a journey into the future, where he can foresee his death and is left with questions
that could save his life and those he loves." It sounds interesting. And I've seen it compared to movies like
The Butterfly Effect and
ESOTSM except not quite as good. Sounds like a great rental
or cheap DVD purchase. After being disappointed with The Machinist
(after hearing it compared to Memento), I've decided to take all these comparisons with a grain of salt. I don't
want to pay $12 to see The Jacket at the theater when I can wait a few months, buy the used DVD for $10 or
less, and get all the special features that come with it. Folks, if you trust my reviews enough to decide whether or
not you want to see a movie (and I know at least three of you do), then you can trust my judgment on this as well.
Coming Next Week
I've already seen Bruce Willis' Hostage, so I'll have a review of that. And I'm supposed to be screening
Robots tomorrow. I'll also attempt a cheesy comic or two next week. The first few will be experimental, and
your ideas and suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
Mini Review: Monster
I finally caught Charlize Theron's Monster on TV, and wow, nice job of sugar-coating the life of a serial
killer. Sheesh. The movie consisted of: almost 200 f-bombs, a bunch of make-out scenes between the rough-looking
Theron and the boyish-looking Christina Ricci (seriously, she looks like a 10-year-old boy in the movie), some murders,
a bunch of crying, and the glossing over of Aileen Wournos' life. The movie tries to paint serial killer Wournos as a
victim of society who really regretted her murdering spree.
In reality, Wournos did initially say that she killed the men because they either raped her or tried to rape
her. But before her execution she finally said she was trying to make peace with God and admitted that she made up
all the stories about the rapes. She'd stand on the side of the road and act like she needed help, and then when a
man would offer to give her a ride she'd kill him and take his money. She said she hated humanity, and if she ever
got out of prison she'd kill again. Of course, the movie doesn't mention this. Leave it to Hollywood to turn a
cold-blooded killer into a victim. Granted, she had a bad childhood, and life wasn't easy growing up. But millions
of other people have bad childhoods and don't end up killing people because of it. The real Wournos told the
prosecuting attorney that she hoped somebody raped his wife and children. I wonder why the movie didn't mention
this? Oh yeah, that might hurt its agenda.
But besides the obvious twisting of the truth, there are just some extremely cheesy parts. Whenever Theron and
Ricci start to lip lock, something like Journey's Don't Stop Believing would start playing in the background.
It's so bad that it's just laugh out loud funny. I thought I was watching a bad teenage comedy. Oh, and the woman
whose Ricci's character is based on actually weighed about 300 pounds and was said to have looked like Wournos'
biological father (whom she never met). I guess the casting director thought audiences would be more sympathetic
to the tiny little Ricci.
Theron did a pretty good job, and was believable in the role, but I wasn't just blown away. The most impressive
thing is how she managed to make herself look so unattractive. But to be honest, I hope she has that out of her
system and goes back to roles like she had in The Italian Job.
If you're thinking about renting Monster, but you're not quite sure whether you should or not, then I say
skip it. Less than halfway through I was ready for it to be over. Watch for a biography or documentary on Aileen
Wournos. It'll be more informative, more factual, more interesting, and you won't have to watch two unattractive
characters making out to Journey.
March 3, 2005
Caricatures: The Movie Marks
I asked my cousin (who is a pretty good artist) to draw up some caricatures of Stephanie, Mr. Shade, and myself, and
he has finally delivered. I gave him an old high school picture of Mr. Shade when he had his mullet to use as a model,
and I couldn't wait for him to mock the mullet in the caricature. But noooo, he has to be nice and make Mr. Shade look
like He-Man. Or is that Freddy's twin brother from Scooby Doo? I, on the other hand, look like David Arquette with a
hangover. *I* was supposed to be the one with the studly caricature! Haha, oh well, thanks Brent, the drawings are
great.
Brent is drawing sets of eyes and mouths so that different facial expressions can be used in the Movie Mark comic.
Those will be coming soon. In the meantime, I've got some ideas to use for the comic strip. I'll try to debut it
next week using old action figures for the bodies. It'll be cheesy, but that'll be its charm.
Last Night's Episode of Lost
So Hurley won the lottery, and the "curse" associated with the numbers could be the reason everybody's on the island?
Interesting. The mystery deepens, and more questions arise: What do the numbers mean? What exactly is in the hatch?
Why are the numbers on the hatch? Why was there a tower on the island? Did a government experiment go wrong? Are
aliens involved? Could Kate possibly be any cuter? In case you missed it, here are the numbers:
4 8 15 16 23 42
Do those mean anything to anybody? I know that according to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that 42 is
the meaning to life. Not that that means anything here. I can't believe we have to wait over a month for the next
new episode. Sigh.
March 2, 2005
Review: Man of the House
"There are movies that come out of nowhere, completely enrapture us, and have us singing their praises to anybody
who will listen. Movies that will stand the test of time and be added to most DVD collections. Other movies
(Alone in the Dark) appear in our theaters only briefly, and
much like Funyon-induced flatulence, they stink up the joint and then disappear as quickly as they came. Then there
are movies like Man of the House. They come, they moderately entertain, but they really don't add anything
fresh or new to the industry. They simply manage to keep you smiling for an hour and a half before making their
way to the Wal-Mart bargain bin."
Johnny Betts reviews Tommy Lee Jones' cheerleader comedy Man of the House.
March 1, 2005
New on DVD This Week: Exorcist: The Beginning
"As you can probably surmise, unless reading comprehension's got you down, there is quite a bit of gore. But
thankfully, that's not where all the scares come from. I thought some of the creepiest moments in the movie
came from what I like to call 'snapshots.' Little things that happen quickly, and you have to be paying
attention to catch 'em - a shadow flys by the top of the camera, a face materializes in the dark but then
vanishes, Fran Drescher's laugh emanates from the back right speaker, small details of that nature that are
very subtle but really add a lot to the atmosphere."
Special Features:
- Commentary by director Renny Harlin
- Behind-the-scenes featurette
- Theatrical trailer
This isn't for everybody, but check out Johnny's review of
Exorcist: The Beginning to see if it might be worth
a rental.
New on DVD This Week: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
"This is a movie about an animated sponge that wears square cardboard pants. So there you go, you can't go to
the movie and claim you didn't know what kind of humor to expect. It's goofy, it's silly, and it can be
downright strange. But I can't call those negative attributes considering the fact that all of the above
can also be used to describe me at times."
Special Features:
- The Absorbing Tale behind the movie
- Animatic featuring the writers and creator Stephen Hillenburg
- "Saving the Surf" Featurette
- "Case of the Spongebob" - Special "undersea" featurette
- Submarine Teaser Trailer
- THQ game preview
If you have children, then there's a very good chance they will drive you crazy until you agree to buy or rent
the DVD for them. I'm sorry, but there's really no way around it. But you can check out my review of
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie to know what to expect.
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