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| "Johnny Betts is a rude 'abnoxious' jerk who needs to be 'punced' in the face."- A grammatically-challenged non-fan |
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BREAKING NEWS - MAY 2004May 28, 2004
"'The Day After Tomorrow' is the kind of movie that might have scared me when I was 6 years old and uneducated. Now I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. But hey, if you like movies with overwrought dialogue, a lame attempt at a love story, a severe lack of tension, no emotional pull (other than laughter), less believability than 'Independence Day,' and one of the most anticlimactic endings I've ever seen in a Summer blockbuster, then this is the movie for you."Read Johnny Betts rip on "The Day After Tomorrow," starring Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal.Speaking of Gyllenhaal, according to IMDB he refused to say some of the lines in the movie, "There were a couple of instances where I said, 'No way am I saying that line!' and they rewrote it.'" He goes on to say, "Coming from a family where my mom is a writer, I just respond to how people speak. I thrive on the process of getting this stuff right. It drove them crazy, but it was fun." You know, dude, I've seen the movie and there are quite a few more lines you should've refused to say. In fact, you probably should've considered saying, "No way am I doing this movie!" May 27, 2004
"'Raising Helen' is truly a chick flick, and it should definitely please its intended female audience. But guys, if you like Kate Hudson, then it's not the worst movie to sit through if you wanna score some points by taking your lady to see this. If you're the type of person who can cry during a long-distance phone commercial then this is movie gold for you."Johnny Betts reviews "Raising Helen," which thankfully starred Kate Hudson. Otherwise, it would've premiered on Lifetime with Tracey Gold as the lead.May 25, 2004Only in Hollywood...
According to IMDB, Halle Berry was on Oprah recently and stated that
the role of Catwoman was some sort of therapy for her, "I so needed to be Catwoman in that moment. I so needed to
make some tough life decisions for myself, and putting on that suit made it a whole lot easier."You know, I'm so tired of people in Hollywood being the only ones who can do things like this. I'll never forget the time I wore a Spiderman outfit to work. My boss came up to me and asked me what in the world I thought I was doing. I slowly turned around and replied, "Look, I so need to be Spiderman in this moment. I've got a lot going on right now, and putting this suit on and sitting here in this cubicle acting like I have spider senses helps me deal with things a little easier." My boss paused for about 10 seconds and then said, "Tell you what, you head on home and change into something sensible right now, and you won't have to worry about having another problem in your life ... such as finding a new job." Well, I agreed to go home and change, but when he turned his back I acted like I shot a spider web at him. And you know, it really did make things just a little bit better. May 24, 2004Josh Brolin Update - Into the Blue
Everybody tells me that to be successful, I have to make the Movie Mark unique. Well, all the other websites
can keep their Tom Cruise updates. The Movie Mark is dedicated to bringing you the most up-to-date Josh
Brolin news on the net, and today I have an update on "Into the Blue," starring Josh Brolin with Paul Walker
and Jessica Alba in less important supporting roles. From Extra:"For Josh Brolin, who plays a treasure hunter, the toughest part about the three-month shoot was being apart from his fiancée, Diane Lane, who sometimes flew in for a visit. 'Just to have her down here and to have my family down here was an incredible thing,' he told us." You can read the full story, or watch the video, at Extra's website. May 21, 2004"If you're a huge fan of really bad dialog then 'Strip Search' is the movie you've been waiting for. Otherwise, even people who enjoy bad movies should stay away from this one. The most positive comment I can make is that at least Paré isn't playing some type of space cop on a desert planet.Mr. Shade and Johnny Betts tackle the incredibly overwrought and incredibly unwatchable "Strip Search."May 19, 2004Movie of the Week - Raising HelenMay 18, 2004Update on Upcoming Josh Brolin Movie
I know every single one of you depend on me to supply you with up-to-date information on Josh Brolin, and I don't
plan on letting you down. That's why I'm here today to give you the latest on Josh's "Coastlines." "Coastlines,"
directed by critically acclaimed Victor Nunez ("Ulee's Gold"), was originally screened at the 2002 Sundance Film
Festival. It received much praise, but for a reason that eludes my understanding, it has yet to be released. For an
example of the overwhelming praise it's receiving, John Cooper (presumably some sort of reviewer at Sundance) said
of the movie, "Nunez keeps the action driving forward: dangerous, sexy, and conflicted."Well, you know Johnny Betts is all about getting to the bottom of why Josh Brolin movies haven't been released, so I decided to research the issue. I found an article that said the movie had been picked up by the Independent Film Channel and was to be released in theaters in the spring of 2004 and then on DVD near the end of the year. Ever the industrious "journalist" I decided to contact the IFC and get to the bottom of this. Here is their response: "Thanks for contacting IFC. This film was produced by IFC Productions and is being distributed by Curb Entertainment. It's part of our IFC Television library but hasn't aired yet. I don't know when it's to be released on home video at this time. Again, thanks for your interest in IFC." If anybody from IFC is reading this let me just say you're welcome. Now I know this doesn't give us a final answer on when we can expect to see "Coastlines" sitting on our DVD shelf or gracing theater screens across the country, so my next step is to contact Curb Entertainment and see what sort of scoop I can get from them. I'll report back as soon as I hear from them. In the meantime, try to "curb" your excitement while waiting eagerly for my next update. Bwahahahahaha. I'm so sorry. May 13, 2004"'Troy' is an entertaining movie with very cool battle scenes between giant armies. It has good action, some impressive swordplay, and a couple of love stories to appease the girly girls. Brad Pitt delivers an adequate performance, Eric Bana does a fine job, and Orlando Bloom looks like a girl. You will find yourself rooting for the characters, but maybe not as much as some other war movies."That's Stephanie's gist of "Troy." Make her happy and go check out her review RIGHT NOW! As Peterman might say, thank you Stephanie for a job ... done.May 11, 2004Movie of the Week - TroyI have to point out that the trailer park peach fuzz that was growing above Orlando Bloom's lip looked pretty ridiculous. My guess is they forced him to attempt to grow a mustache so that everybody would know that he was a GUY and not a lesbian that was in love with Helen of Troy. Maybe once he goes through puberty he'll fare a little better in the facial hair department. Anyway, Stephanie and Mr. and Mrs. Shade all enjoyed the movie. Stephanie is currently working on the review. That's right, Stephanie's first ever review on the Movie Mark. Understandably, she's a little intimidated at the prospect of following in the footsteps of the legend that is Johnny Betts, but I have faith in her. May 10, 2004Van Helsing Dominates the Box OfficeMay 6, 2004Van Helsing/Kate Beckinsale
"'Van Helsing' isn't all I was hoping it would be, but I quickly accepted that and enjoyed it for what it is - an adrenaline-fueled, CGI monster ride with lots and lots of eye candy. Critics will hate it, and if you're looking for a serious exposition regarding the complex vampire/werewolf world (ala 'Underworld') then guess what, you ain't gettin' it. But if you like your summer blockbuster to be a roller coaster ride with lots of unbelievable, in-your-face action and you can laugh off the silly stuff, then you can have fun with 'Van Helsing.' I did."Steph: Yeah, plus there's Hugh Jackman, and you know, he's kind of hot.Mr. Shade: Kate Beckinsale too! Johnny Betts reviews "Van Helsing," starring Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale. May 5, 2004Upcoming Movies - The Chronicles of RiddickI've gotta say if they have a screening that conflicts with my softball game, then I might have to reevaluate just how firm I am to that whole commitment thing. If we keep losing by 15 runs, then sorry, but the movie screenings will get top priority in case of a conflict. After all, my FIRST commitment is to the Movie Mark and all you fine readers, right? Right. May 4, 2004When Life Throws You a Curve Ball...
...whine about it on your website. Welp, my softball season is already messing up my free movie screenings. It's
bad enough that I had to miss last night's screening of the soon-to-be-cult-classic "New York Minute," but things
have just gotten worse. I was all excited when I got home yesterday to find a nice little piece of mail waiting
for me. I hurriedly opened the envelope to find a pass for a screening of "Troy." YES! I pumped my arm a few
times and started doing the running man dance until my eyes scanned the pass and saw that the screening is on Monday,
May 10. And yes, you guessed it, I have a softball game that night."Skip the softball game!" you're likely to say. Believe me, it's a temptation. But my parents had to go and instill a bunch of values in me when I was a kid, and one of those values is commitment. I made a commitment to the team, and I feel I should stick with it. I'm hoping there'll be another screening during the week, but if not, then I graciously told Stephanie that she can go to the screening and write a review. Could I be a greater guy? Granted, a lot of you probably wouldn't be able to sacrifice seeing me in all my softball glory just to see a silly little movie, but Stephanie is willing to do it. One thing that I don't understand is she acted all happy when I said she should still go to the movie. I personally assumed she was gonna break into tears over the prospect of missing my softball game. I'll ask questions later and try to find out what's going on. My game isn't until 9:00, so I'm planning on going and then heading out around 8:30 because I want to at least be able to make fun of Orlando Bloom totally looking like a girl. I don't know why God insists on playing these little jokes on me. Get this, yesterday we went to Krystal's (basically the same thing as White Castle) yesterday and when the dude gave me my change he gave me one cent more than he was supposed to. ONE CENT! What did I do? I gave the guy the penny back. Yeah, that's right, that's just how honest I am. And how does God repay me? By having the screening of "Troy" on the same night as my softball game. THANKS A LOT! So I'm asking all readers that believe in prayer, to please pray for a little rain in Memphis on May 10. I really wanna see the entire screening of "Troy." Yeah, yeah, God's got more important things to do than to make it rain so I can see a movie screening. And I'm sure plenty of you will say God probably didn't have much to do with what day the screening is on, but come on, will it hurt you to humor me a little? If it rains on Monday, then you WILL hear about it right here on the Movie Mark. Imagine how good my review will be if I actually see it through divine intervention. May 3, 2004The Movie of the Week - Van HelsingAnd anybody who has seen "Underworld" will understand why I'm happy that Kate Beckinsale is in this movie. I'm not expecting the most intelligent script to ever grace the cinema here; I'm just looking for a nice, fast-paced action movie that'll kick me in the pants and leave a boot mark in the process. I'll let you know in just a few days if that's what I get. I'm not a fan of Jay Leno, but Hugh Jackman is on there tonight if you want to check him out. Unfortunately, I have some rather sad news. Thanks to my softball game I will not be able to attend tonight's screening of ... *DEEP BREATH* ... "New York Minute." I know, I know. So many of you were eagerly awaiting my review of the Olson twins' big theatrical release, and I apologize. And no, I will not pay to see the movie and review it later. Absolutely not! |
HOME PAGE  Journey to the Center of the Earth Hancock Get Smart The Incredible Hulk The Strangers Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Young at Heart Iron Man Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed  Weekend Results: 1. The Dark Knight($158,411,483) 2. Mamma Mia!($27,751,240) 3. Hancock($14,040,178) 4. Journey to the Center of the Earth($12,340,435) 5. Hellboy 2($10,117,815) |
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Copyright © 2004 The Movie Mark. All Rights Reserved. No reproduction of these reviews or any of the original material on this site is allowed without prior permission from Johnny Betts. Comply or suffer the consequences of Johnny's size 11 biker boot. Wanna be a Movie Mark? Send Johnny Betts an email (johnny_betts@hotmail.com) to be added to the list or complete: The Movie Mark Questionnaire.
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