BREAKING NEWS - NOVEMBER 2004

November 30, 2004

November 29, 2004

November 24, 2004

"I'm really not sure how this is possible, but I think I knew even less about Alexander the Great AFTER the movie than I did going in. If you're interested in finding out about the life and accomplishments of Alexander the Great, then try to find a documentary on the History Channel. All you'll get from this movie is a deep resentment for Alexander. 'If Alexander had never existed,' you'll think to yourself, 'then this movie wouldn't have been made, and those three hours of my life would've been used more wisely.'

I can't even recommend this to history buffs. At best it's a rental, and that's only if you're efficient with your remote control's fast forward button."

November 23, 2004

November 22, 2004

"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is the type of movie I probably would've enjoyed a LOT more when I was young, and especially if I had read the books. I think my biggest hang-up is the characters. My type of fantasy movie is Star Wars. I like a tough guy hero (or anti-hero) like Han Solo, and I want a vicious, unmerciful bad guy like Darth Vader. Harry Potter, as a hero, just doesn't do it for me. Radcliffe doesn't do a bad job, but the fact that he looks like SNL's Rachel Dratch really doesn't pump me up to root for him."

• "Creating the Vision" interview with J.K. Rowling and the filmmakers
• Interviews with the cast lead by Johnny Vaughan and the Shrunken Head
• Three challenge games
• "Conjuring a Scene" making-of featurette
• "Care of Magical Creatures" animal trainer featurette
• Self-guided iPIX tours into Honeydukes and Professor Lupin's classroom
• Choir Practice: sing-along with the Hogwarts choir
• Hogwarts Portrait Gallery
• Hogwarts Timeline
• Electronic Arts game preview
• DVD ROM Features: Wizard Trading Cards
• Theatrical Trailers

November 19, 2004

"National Treasure serves as a reminder of why I used to be a big Nicolas Cage fan. A reminder of why Face/Off, Con Air, and The Rock adorn my DVD shelf. Cage is at his sarcastic and charismatic best. And Bartha does a great job as Cage's sidekick. Not only is he funny, but he also makes himself an honest and believable character by questioning Cage and some of his outlandish theories and ideas. I'm just sad there wasn't a scene where he questioned him about the whole Lisa Marie Presley fiasco. Perhaps the clues can be found in the Jungle Room? *Johnny pats himself on the back for this clever reference to Graceland while readers not familiar with Elvis just shake their heads*"

November 18, 2004

"Have you ever dreamed of a movie with a hero who uses a deadly combination of gymnastics and ninja skills to fight the forces of evil? Yeah, me neither. But that didn't keep Gymkata from being made. Someone gave the green light on this turd burger, thus giving hope to amateur filmmakers everywhere.

Did anybody, at any point, think this was a good idea? Everybody involved in this disaster is obviously taking it seriously. But why? Is there some sort of evil act that Kurt Thomas did in life, and thus God punished him with attaching Gymkata to his permanent resume? There's absolutely no indication that this is just a big joke. But that's the beauty of it. The unintentional comedy is what makes it a bad movie classic, and I don't think the viewing audience would want it any other way."

November 17, 2004

November 16, 2004

November 15, 2004

"The children at the screening loved the movie, singing along to songs and everything. One of the funniest things was when Patrick the starfish first appeared on screen and the kids erupted in applause. It was like watching an episode of Seinfeld when Kramer makes his first appearance of an episode and the studio audience goes crazy. I briefly thought about booing just for the fun of it, but the thought of a bunch of tiny little hands pattering me upon my face didn't sound too fun."

November 12, 2004

"I'll give the cast credit, it looks like they had fun filming the movie because there are some funny scenes, especially between Brosnan and Woody, but a lot of the humor falls flat. And boy is the ending gay. Bring a big yellow bucket with you because you'll need something to puke in when the sappy music hits and Brosnan starts telling Salma how he wants 'a life full of sunsets' with her. I'm sure 50-year-old women who are in love with the Irish-accented one will gush over this, but I rolled my eyes so far that one of them detached and came out of the socket."

"I do feel the need to send out a big 'thank you.' I was extremely tired during the screening, and I had a headache. About halfway through the movie things started to drag, and this managed to put me right to sleep. It was a nice nap, and it was somewhat satisfying to wake up and realize I hadn't really missed much in regard to the story. In fact, upon questioning my cousin, he informed me that I hadn't missed anything at all. Similarly, if you're not a huge fan of the Chucky series, then you can just go ahead and skip this and rest comfortably knowing that you're not really missing anything at all."

November 11, 2004

"One of the main points in The Polar Express, as the conductor tells the little boy, is 'it doesn't matter where the train is going. What matters is deciding to get on.' I don't know that I agree with that. What if the train is going to Detroit's inner-city? Or even worse, what if the train is actually on its way to Hell? What small child is gonna want to take that trip? If you decide to get on then you're in trouble, and you've got the conductor to thank. Quite the disturbing message, don't you think, Mr. Zemeckis? Oh well, it's all right to look past this and enjoy this visually stunning film."

November 9, 2004

November 8, 2004

"Unbelievable. This movie does nothing but leave me with several questions: Why was it made? Seriously, what is the point of the movie? Social commentary? Let me see, there's no such thing as a perfect world, right? There, I just summed it up for you and saved you the price of a movie ticket. No need to thank me.

...

Story wise, The Stepford Wives is all over the place. Does it want to be a comedy? Well, it fails because I refuse to laugh at Bette Midler wearing fake antlers. I heard it was supposed to be somewhat of a dark comedy, but it's nowhere near edgy enough to qualify. In fact, it's nowhere near the edge of anything. It's resting comfortably in a barcalounger in Topeka, KS. Sorry, but mocking reality television just doesn't cut it anymore."

• Commentary by director Frank Oz
• Five featurettes
• Six deleted scenes (There were actually scenes that cut from this crapfest? Wow, they must be BAD!)
• Gag reel (I think this must refer to the actual movie.)

November 5, 2004

"In summary, and I know this is a bold statement, but it's one I'm willing to make, The Incredibles is the most entertaining 'general audience' movie of the year. Yes, it's even better than Spider-Man 2 because I didn't have to suffer through Kirtsen Dunst and her woeful 'go get 'em Tiger' dialogue. If you're looking for pure entertainment that the entire family can enjoy, then The Incredibles is worth your hard-earned dinero."

November 4, 2004

November 3, 2004

November 2, 2004

November 1, 2004

"I really didn't even want to see this movie, because I absolutely hated Shrek. But that's what the group wanted to do that night, and if my group jumped off a cliff, I'd probably do it too (I'd just let them all go first to make the fall shorter). So go to Shrek 2 I did. And I liked it! I really liked it. The movie is actually funny! By far, the best is Pooss. Eeen. Boots., brilliantly played by Antonio Banderas. He stole the movie with his cute little accent, his adorable 'puppy' eyes, and his hysterical coughing up of the hairball.

• Commentary by the filmmakers
• Technical Goofs
• Meet Puss in Boots
• Meet the Cast of Shrek 2
• The Tech of Shrek 2
• Over 20 Games and Activities
• Shrek's Music Room, and More