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Movie Review - The Gingerdead Man (2005)
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Charles Band |
| Starring: |
Gary Busey, and um, that's about it for the "stars" |
| Rated: |
NR |
| Length: |
70 minutes |
| Genre: |
Sci Fi/Bad Movie |
| Tagline: |
Evil Never Tasted So Good |
| Studio: |
Full Moon Features |
| Website: |
The Gingerdead Man |
| Release: |
November 8, 2005 |
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PLOT
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OK, the best way for me to keep a straight face is to tell you the "official" plot summary: An evil Gingerbread man
comes to life with the soul of a *snicker* convicted killer. This real life "cookie monster" *stifles laughter*
wreaks havoc on the girl who sent the killer to the electric chair. Did you get that? Ok, excuse me for a second -
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Please head to JOHNNY'S TAKE for even more plot analysis. The death of the last remnants
of Gary Busey's integrity ensues.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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"No pun intended, but what possessed you to rent that?" a co-worker asked upon my disclosure that
Mr. Shade and I had rented the instant classic The Gingerdead Man over the weekend. No doubt, it's the same
question swimming through your head right now.
I'm sorry, but do you not see that cheesy picture of the Gingerdead Man on the box? Did you not catch that this
is called The GingerDEAD Man, and that it stars Oscar-nominated Gary Busey?? If that doesn't have
"do-it-yourself Mystery Science Theater" written all over it then I don't know what does.
Mr. Shade and I were at the video store desperately looking for something really cheesy to rent when my eyes,
perhaps by divine intervention, happened upon this little gem. Mr. Shade struggled to catch his breath as I
read the plot summary - a man (Oscar-nominated Gary Busey) kills a family during his robbery of a deli, but he
lets the daughter live. Bad move on his part! The daughter testifies at Oscar-nominated Busey's trial, and her
testimony leads to his conviction.
Flash forward two years later and he takes a ride on ol' Sparky. His ashes are sent to his mother who, get this,
puts them into a gingerbread mix and sends them to the daughter whose family, conveniently, owns a bakery! Well,
she decides to use this gingerbread mix, despite not knowing who it came from, and one of the bakery workers (some
bad actor who moonlights as a wrestler named Butcher Baker) accidentally cuts himself and bleeds into the mix.
Inexplicably, no one notices that the mix now has some nasty red stuff in it. But apparently the blood is the
final ingredient that allows the Gingerdead Man to come to life once his mold is thrown into the oven. He then
attempts to get his revenge and kill everybody in sight. And no, I am NOT making any of this up. And YES
Oscar-nominated Busey also provides the voice of the Gingerdead Man. That's a little thing I like to call Jack.
Freakin'. Pot.
As if Mr. Shade wasn't laughing hard enough at this point, I showed him the picture on the back of the DVD cover
of the really bad Gingerdead Man puppet holding a gun. That sealed the deal. "All right, I'll go ahead and say
we're not going to top this one," Mr. Shade replied as he eagerly grabbed the DVD and headed towards the
counter.
And I probably don't have to tell you this, but the movie proceeded to be every bit as bad as we expected it to be.
Cheesy puns? Yep, they were thrown all over the place. "Shut your pie hole." "I always said you were a smart
cookie." "Save room for dessert cause I'm coming after you." And of course, somebody used the term "Killsbury dough
boy."
Bad acting? Do you really have to ask? What we have here is the worst group of fake Southern accents that I have
seen in quite a long time (it even gives The Firm a run for its money). And a really bad Southern accent
mixed with wooden cue card reading makes for quite an awkward, yet laughable, combination.
If you're ever interested in literally watching a person lose his or her dignity before your very eyes then pick
this movie up. How someone can utter the line, "We have homicidal baked goods assaulting us" or how someone can
fall on the ground, wrestle a puppet, bite its head off, and then somehow manage to look people in the face the
next day is beyond my understanding.
But the fun doesn't end with the movie! There are actually special features on this puppy. The movie proper
runs 60 minutes - one of the shortest movies I have ever seen, and that includes about 10 minutes of opening credits
(AKA filler) that you should definitely fast forward through. The official runtime is 70 minutes, but that's
because they're cheating and also counting the SLOWEST CLOSING CREDITS OF ALL TIME! Seriously, we fast forwarded
at 8X speed and it just started to look normal. But never fear, the "special" features make up for this.
The best smelling turd in this litter box is the Making of The Gingerdead Man feature. Folks, if you
look closely enough you can actually see Oscar-nominated Gary Busey's soul leave his body when he says, with
all the heart-felt conviction he can muster, that Charles Band has the most unique vision of any director he's
worked with in his 34 years in the business. Well, it's definitely unique. So that statement might technically
be true.
At one point Mr. Shade, amidst a fit of laughter, paused the DVD and said, "I would have NEVER thought I'd be
watching something called The Making of The Gingerdead Man," to which I replied, "I would have NEVER thought
somebody would actually make something called The Making of The Gingerdead Man!"
This rivaled our discussion regarding how in the world the Gingerdead Man was able to drive a car into somebody when
he couldn't see over the steering wheel. Mr. Shade brought reasoning back into the discussion when he asked, "Why in
the world are we talking about the implausibilities in a movie called The Gingerdead Man?" Good
question.
Up next was the Blooper Reel. I figured this was footage of Oscar-nominated Gary Busey signing the contract to do
this movie or footage of the studio greenlighting a budget for this, but it's pretty much the "actors" trying their
best to keep a straight face while delivering some of the horrible lines they have no choice but to utter.
And I usually don't consider "trailers" to be a special feature, but I'll make an exception with this DVD. We're
treated to a cornucopia of crap as we get to see what other really bad movies Full Moon is preparing to dump on
us in the future. Monsters Gone Wild, Petrified, Doll Graveyard - yep, go ahead and make your
rental list now.
As we finished watching all that this cinematic feast had to offer us, I commented on how I couldn't believe it
was so short. Mr. Shade then made one of the most unbelievable statements I've ever heard, "Well, I'd rather them
keep it short than add a bunch of stupid stuff."
Mr. Shade almost immediately realized what he had just said. "Stupid stuff?" I asked. "Please show me something
in the movie that can't be labeled stupid stuff!" Mr. Shade laughed, nodded, and looked down at the ground, "Good
point," he replied, "but you know what I mean."
Yes, sadly, I did.
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ODDS & ENDS
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- Oscar-nominated Gary Busey was in Slap Shot 2: Breaking the Ice with Stephen Baldwin who was in
The Young Riders with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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Nope, not for mama. "F" bombs and other profanities (no nudity though) abound.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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The trailer let's you know right away that this is a really bad, really stupid movie. It'll immediately convince
you one way or the other if this is worth your time.
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THE GIST
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If you can't appreciate the laughs that can come at the expense of completely stupid movies like this then you'll
be left scratching your head and asking what kind of illegal drug was ingested when somebody gave the go-ahead
on this film. However, if you and your friends love to watch movies that are so bad that they encourage you to
take a stab at making it in Hollywood then The Gingerdead Man will provide plenty of self-made
humor.
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