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A group of archaeological students travel back in time to 14th century France in order to rescue their
professor. Things go terribly wrong, and they soon find themselves trapped in a land long ago, and they
must do everything they can to survive until they can be saved. A bad movie ensues.
Ironically, the plot of "Timeline" reads like the plot of anybody seeing this movie: A group
of moviegoers head to the theater to see a movie based on a Michael Crichton book. Things go
horribly wrong, and they soon find themselves trapped in a theater showing a really, really
bad movie. They must do everything they can to manage to sit through nearly two hours of this
stink bomb.
Folks, that is quite possibly the overstatement of the century. I'm a huge "Braveheart" fan, and I can
honestly say that the only way to compare it to "Timeline" in such a way is this: if Taco Bell were to
invent a meal called the "21st Century Twist," and "Braveheart" somehow materialized, ate the meal, got
sick, ran to the bathroom, didn't flush, and you saw the aftermath, then you'd see a copy of "Timeline"
floating in the toilet and might jokingly say, "That's 'Braveheart' with a 21st Century Twist!"
The thing that annoyed me most about "Timeline" (even more so than it's bad costumes, bad acting, negligible
plot, etc.) is the sheer inanity of it all. This is a movie that consists of stupid characters constantly
saying or doing stupid things. Or the situations around them are just plain laughable. There's one scene
where the students are already trapped in time and they're assessing their situation. Paul Walker, looking
absolutely ridiculous in those brown pajamas/14th century clothes he's wearing, eloquently states, "We have
650 years of technology on them. If we put our minds together, we should be out of here in 20 minutes."
Oh, one comment on the negligible plot, could somebody take a look at Crichton's novel and see if there's a
story in there? Thanks, because there sure wasn't much of one in the movie. There was some slight discussion
within the movie about wormholes. Production meetings probably should've centered on PLOTHOLES instead because
those were abundant. If you're expecting an interesting discussion on the issue of time travel then do
yourself a favor and lower your expectations RIGHT NOW! Much like Michael Moore around women, the subject
is barely touched. Most of the movie is concerned with Paul Walker and co. running around trying to
survive. I will say that this movie does take the time travel position that there are alternate universes,
so if somebody were to travel back in time and change something, then we'd automatically see the change in
real time. But just watch "Frequency" for a much better look at the issue.
There are some elements to "Timeline" that are so bad that they're funny, so if you and your friends
have nothing better to do than rent period-based Paul Walker movies to make fun of, then this might suit
you for a few laughs. It's not a "classic" bad movie though, and you'll be bored quite often. Everybody
else should just stay away.|
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