FS&R - The Hardest Part About Writing Reviews
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People often approach me and ask, "Johnny, how do you find the time and energy to write such funny,
intellectually stimulating reviews on a consistent basis? What's the hardest part of keeping up the level
of excellence you have set?"
Perhaps I've exaggerated in regard to the exact verbiage, but the meaning is still there. I'll admit it; when
I'm writing movie reviews it's not always easy to be the witty, charming, and highly intelligent guy you've
come to know and love. There are times when it's after midnight on a week night and all I want to do is go to
bed, play video games, or scan the TV looking for anything with Kate Beckinsale in it.
Sometimes I just sit there and think, "I already wasted nearly two hours of my life being bored to death by
Zathura, why should I waste another two or three hours writing
about it? Especially when I'm not getting paid?"
Excellent questions. But somehow I am able to summon all my energy and motivation and force myself to trudge
through. When I finally finish and read the completed product, my laughter tells me it's all worth it. Yes,
I laugh at my own reviews. Why should you readers have all the fun?
All humility aside, the absolute hardest part about writing movie reviews is doing so while being deathly
scared that I'm going to offend readers that I have come to know. Back in the days when no one at the screenings
knew me I could write with reckless abandon, even poking fun at individual moviegoers. But now that I'm easily
recognized at screenings as "that moron with the second-rate movie site who thinks he's funny, but at least he
gives out free movie passes sometimes," it's easy to fall into a rut of second-guessing myself.
What am I supposed to do after surviving 100 minutes of A
Sound of Thunder craptitude and a kindly 75-year-old man pats me on the shoulder and says, "Good movie,
huh Johnny? Can't wait to read your review!" Good movie? No, it was quite possibly the worst movie of the
year. But now I'm faced with the moral dilemma of how to thoroughly enjoy tearing the movie to shreds knowing
that someone who reminds me of my grandfather will be reading.
Do I now have to worry that at the next screening the old man will give me a look that I haven't
experienced since the days of my youth when my mom would give me the same glare of disappointment? Will I be
forced to feel like the time I tricked my sister into eating crayons? Or will Grandpa Jones laugh at my
review and recognize that my opinion can't always match his?
Honestly, anybody who laughs hysterically at Yours, Mine,
and Ours has inferior taste to mine, but how do I express that without offending the person? It's a
fine line; a line that's very hard to walk.
But the bottom line is that for this site to be the best it can be, for the reviews to be as funny and as
effective as possible, and for my writing to be at the level you readers deserve, I have to be completely
honest and not hold anything back, regardless of how much you're going to disagree. So allow me to go ahead
and apologize in advance for any future offenses.
If I question the taste and sanity of anybody who would welcome a sequel to
The Prince and Me, and you happen to be one of the
misguided souls clamoring for such a sequel, well, don't take it personally. I'm merely speaking the truth,
and I'm trying to do it in an entertaining manner. Truth is like salt to a wound sometimes, but it's
necessary. If you're the extra sensitive type, then you probably wouldn't last long around here anyway.
Of course, this is just my opinion. You could be wrong.
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