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| "Johnny Betts is a rude 'abnoxious' jerk who needs to be 'punced' in the face."- A grammatically-challenged non-fan |
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MOVIE HORROR STORIESby Susanne D. The fifth time my friend and I went to see "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King," we thought it was gonna be as enjoyable an experience as the first four times................................WE WERE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had brought along my cuddly toy lobster as usual to sit next to me and keep me company. Ironically, the first thing I turned to say to my friend that evening was, "Gee, I hope no pesky kids turn up to annoy us." Lo and behold a group of 20 kids - all belonging to the same woman - came to occupy the row behind us. And these weren't just any kids people, oh no, these were midget NEDs! For all you Scottish guys out there I don't need to explain that NED stands for Non-Educated-Delinquent. Do I? Anywho, these young, mostly, chappies jabbered on the whole way through the adverts, prompting me to turn to my friend and give her an obvious, pointed look at them. Then, the father of all insults - one of the little darlings threw some TOFFEE popcorn in my hair! As I turned round to seek out the guilty party the "Mother Load" advised me to (and I quote) "Just smack them lassie, I won't say anythin'. Just give them a good, hard smack!" Well... we weren't gonna be following those loving instructions to such a degree but we sure considered it when the little blonde boy in the Glasgow Rangers strip yelled out, "Aw luk itz Legless hez missing a leg." To which the other little creatures (and to our horror the "Mother Load") roared with unabated laughter. Was this going to be continuous through the generation of Orlando's scenes? NOOOOO! But, justice was served. Halfway through the movie a laddie came along to inform the herd that they had indeed not paid for the privilege of the "Mighty Rings." So, after much wailing and complaining from the "Mother Load" they were gone, never to darken our cinemas again, but they live on in our blackest nightmares and will, undoubtedly, follow us to the grave. Johnny: You probably should've turned around and smacked the "Mother Load" instead of the kids. Or shall I say "chappies"? You could've followed that with a boot to the gut and a DDT. Oh, and thanks for spicing up the Movie Mark with a little Scottish lingo. It makes things a little more exotic. Moral of the Story: Don't be a NED. Send your stories to me and let the whole world know just how dangerous going to the movies can be. |
HOME PAGE  Hancock Get Smart The Incredible Hulk The Strangers Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Young at Heart Iron Man Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed The Forbidden Kingdom  Weekend Results: 1. Hancock($62,603,879) 2. Wall-E($32,509,203) 3. Wanted($20,050,070) 4. Get Smart($11,109,408) 5. Kung Fu Panda($7,318,635) |
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Copyright © 2004 The Movie Mark. All Rights Reserved. No reproduction of these reviews or any of the original material on this site is allowed without prior permission from Johnny Betts. Comply or suffer the consequences of Johnny's size 11 biker boot. Wanna be a Movie Mark? Send Johnny Betts an email (johnny_betts@hotmail.com) to be added to the list or complete: The Movie Mark Questionnaire.
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