Movie Minutiae - The Five Worst, Most Overused Chick Flick Clichés
By Johnny Betts, Moviegoer Advocate
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You know you're watching a bad chick flick when it's resorting to every single unoriginal cliché that you have seen
in approximately 78 similar movies. There are more than five, and I reserve the right to add to this list at any
time, but these are the five that are bugging me the most at the moment:
1. Stereotypical Throwaway Characters. These are the characters that our lead
actor/actress briefly dates just to show us how desperate his/her situation is. For example, a gal might be forced
to go out on a date with a guy who picks his nose at dinner, sneezes all over her, has zits the size of Rosie
O'Donnell, and makes Andrew Dice Clay look like a gentleman.
He might as well scream, "Look at me! I eat boogers at the table!" Watching the poor girl go through such dilemmas
is all a set-up to make us immediately feel sorry for her and eagerly await the arrival of Prince Charming.
2. The Boyfriend Discrepancy. Boyfriend A is rich, good-looking, and seemingly the
perfect guy. However, he possesses some sort of major character flaw. He's either a complete jerk, puts his
work ahead of his relationships, or he just doesn't know how to appreciate the small things.
Boyfriend B, however, is the true romantic. He might not have as much money as Boyfriend A, and he may be a little
rougher around the edges, but what he lacks in refinement and material goods, he makes up for in matters of the
heart.
On the surface, Boyfriend A looks like he'd make the best husband, and that's usually who the character's mother is
rooting for, but the audience can tell within 10 seconds that Boyfriend B is truly the one who is perfect for our
female lead.
Anybody over the age of three can predict who she'll end up with.
3. Exaggerated, Over-the-Top Reactions to Every Day Circumstances. What happens when an
older woman is on the computer and accidentally comes across a dirty website? She panics and starts hitting the
computer, of course! Plus, it is inevitable that a family member will call her at the most inopportune time and
overhear moaning sounds coming from the computer.
For some reason, the character loses all ability to function like a normal human being and becomes incapable of
turning the volume down or turning off the computer.
4. The Pre-Closing Credit Declaration of Love. Every bad chick flick has to contain a
scene prior to the closing credits where the guy finally comes to his senses and makes a huge profession of love.
The dialogue is usually filled with eye-rolling lines such as "You complete me" or "you had me at hello."
Things get really bad when the guy starts comparing the love of his life to God's creations. Drawing parallels
between her smell and that of a dew-covered flower in the morning, or explaining how the main course of a dinner
in Heaven would taste like a mere appetizer when compared to the taste of her lips are some examples you
might expect.
A strange combination of sounds can be heard throughout the theater during such moments. A mixture of women
aww-ing and guys vomiting is the best way to describe it.
5. Pets with Human, Emotional Reactions and the Cameras that Love Them. I really hate
this one. You know a screenwriter is scraping the bottom of the barrel when the script calls for the camera to
pan over to an animal making an emotional response to human interaction. Multiple times.
For example, a guy and a girl will start smoochin' and makin' out, and the camera will hurriedly pan over to a
dog putting its paws on its eyes and making an embarrassed noise. Or, in an effort to show us how a dog can be
just as confused as a human regarding a specific situation, the camera may showcase the dog raising an eyebrow and
making a little doggy "Huuuuh?" sound.
Audiences usually howl with laughter and discuss how cute the animal is, but I typically look at my watch and start
praying that the reels will screw up and force the movie to end early.
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