Movie Minutiae - 20th Century Fox Preview - Fall/Winter 2006
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Below is a list of upcoming releases through December for 20th Century Fox. The synopses come
straight from the studio - you know I'd never use such flowery language to describe these films. My expectations and
insights are included. Release dates are subject to change. My opinions are subject to be highly accurate.
IDIOCRACY - September 1
Synopsis: Writer-director Mike Judge’s (Office Space) unique brand of humor
examines an average guy (Luke Wilson) who volunteers to be the subject of a hibernation experiment that goes
awry. He wakes up 500 years in the future, discovering that he’s the smartest guy on the planet.
Johnny's Take: Mike Judge and Luke Wilson combine for an
offbeat comedy? I'm there! This is Judge's first big screen project since 1999's Office Space so I'm
expecting a lot. Anything less than laugh-out-loud, Johnny Betts movie review-esque hilarity will be a
disappointment.
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EVERYONE’S HERO - September 15
Synopsis: In EVERYONE’S HERO, a young boy (Jake T. Austin) finds himself at an
extraordinary crossroads: He has a chance to be a hero - and make a difference against incredible odds - or he
can play it safe. With faith in himself instilled by his family, he teams up with a sassy young girl
(Raven-Symone) and some off-the-wall sidekicks and embarks on a sometimes perilous, often funny, cross-country
quest. In the process, he restores his family’s honor, befriends the world’s biggest sports superstar, and
reveals the hero within. Christopher Reeve was the original director on this computer-generated animated feature,
the late actor-director’s dream project.
Johnny's Take: I saw the movie title and instinctively
assumed this was a biography of Josh Brolin. But then I read the synopsis and my
excitement immediately deadened.
Now my instincts tell me the title will just be another misnomer, along the lines of Everybody Loves Raymond.
Who is this "everybody" of which you speak? What about those of us who moderately tolerate him? Sorry, but an
animated film about "finding the hero within" that contains the voices of Whoopi Goldberg and Raven-Symone just
screams "save your money." We shall see. Unless there's not an advanced screening, then I guarantee we shall not
see. At least I won't see.
Could be worse - at least we don't have to contend with the FACES of Whoopi or Raven.
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THE MARINE - October 13
Synopsis: WWE wrestling champion John Cena makes his motion picture debut in this
rugged action thriller. Cena is John Titan, a heroic Marine who returns home after being discharged - against
his will - from the Iraq War. Stateside, he finds himself back in action, when his wife (Kelly Carlson) is
kidnapped by a murderous gang led by the merciless Rome (Robert Patrick). With everything on the line, the
Marine will stop at nothing to carry out his toughest and most important mission.
Johnny's Take: Oh dear goodness. Let's see, we've got a
first-time director, a writer whose only other credit is Strange Hearts (dunno), one of the more
generic titles you could come up with (What's next, Soldier? Oops, sorry Kurt Russell!), and
a lead actor who's a wrestler with no previous acting experience. Oh, and even better - his name is the
painfully silly "John Titan." No doubt named after the WWE's parent company Titan Sports.
Why not name Robert Patrick's bad guy character something like Sin S. Ter and he could have a henchwoman
named Eve L. Shrew. In all seriousness, why isn't this going straight to DVD? Ah, I guess I should be fair
and watch the trailer first before I totally tear it to shreds, so let me do that now...
Yep, looks ridiculous. Teenage boys should love it. On the plus side, Kelly Carlson is hot and it looks
like it could be "so stupid it's entertaining." Hey, you gotta feather your cap somehow.
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FLICKA - October 20
Synopsis: In this contemporary motion picture adaptation of Mary O’Hara’s beloved
novel My Friend Flicka, 16-year-old Katy McLaughlin (Alison Lohman) dreams of fulfilling her family
legacy by working on her father’s ranch in modern-day Wyoming. But Katy’s father (Tim "Baldy" McGraw) wants
more for her, insisting that Katy go to college. Katy finds a wild mustang, which she names Flicka, and sets
out to make her a riding horse. But Flicka and Katy are more alike than she could have imagined. Like Katy,
Flicka has a disdain for authority and is not about to give up her freedom without a fight.
Johnny's Take: I have a feeling this is a movie I'd flicka
off my finger like an unwanted booger. Man, I'm so funny. Not that I pick my nose or anything. *ahem* Anyway,
watch the trailer and if Tim McGraw's presence and the overuse of soaring, inspirational music doesn't scream
"sappy-di-do-da" to you then the Tim McGraw song at the end of the trailer should cinch it.
By the way, we know you're bald, Tim. You can stop wearing the hat and pretending differently. Nice hairpiece
in the trailer, by the way.
Oh well, I'm sure this will be a harmless little film that families will enjoy. Families that prefer sap
over substance, that is. I'm not saying I won't give it a chance if there's a free screening; I'm just
saying I don't give it much hope. Sorry, but it lost me at "beautiful baby from the outside
iiiiiiin!"
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BORAT - November 3
Synopsis: In BORAT Sacha Baron Cohen - star of HBO’s hit comedy Da Ali G Show
- takes his outrageous Kazakstani reporter character Borat to the big screen. In this hilariously offensive
movie, Borat travels from his primitive home in Kazakhstan to the U.S. to make a documentary. On his
cross-country road-trip, Borat meets real people in real situations with hysterical consequences.
Johnny's Take: I have a feeling we can rename this one
BORE-AT. I don't like Cohen (can't stand Ali G), and I particularly hate how he looks in the poster.
After being disgusted and nearly vomiting by the sight of Sacha in the yellow bikini thing he's wearing in
the trailer, I'm not so sure I'll even go see this one for free.
I've got standards, and this looks like it misses about every single one of 'em.
Borat heavily kisses some chick and then introduces her as his sister, and we're supposed to howl with
laughter? Somebody please tell me who's responsible for that scene because my Size 11s owe you a visit.
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A GOOD YEAR - November 10
Synopsis: Oscar-winner Russell Crowe reunites with Gladiator director Ridley Scott
in A GOOD YEAR. London-based Investment expert Max Skinner (Crowe) moves to Provence to sell a small vineyard he
has inherited from his late uncle. As Max reluctantly settles into what ultimately becomes an intoxicating new
chapter in his life, he encounters a beautiful California woman who also lays claim to the property.
Johnny's Take: I know there have been 326 animated movies
released this year, but amazingly this is not a story about a CGI tire (voiced by Will Ferrell) and his
adventures as part of a NASCAR vehicle. Nope, this appears to be some sort of romance movie starring
Russell Crowe.
I like the idea of Crowe and Scott teaming up again, but the romance and vineyard elements concern me.
Let's go take a look at the trailer...
Hmm, I'm still not completely sold on it. I'm sure it'll be well-acted, and I'll give it a chance, but
the Russell Crowe film that I'm really looking forward to is 2007's 3:10 to Yuma, a Western
co-starring Christian Bale.
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DECK THE HALLS - November 22
Synopsis: A family comedy about one-upsmanship, jealousy, clashing neighbors, home
decoration... and the true spirit of the holidays. Steve (Matthew Broderick), a suburban dad and Christmas
enthusiast, leads a well-ordered, well-planned, and well-organized life. His new neighbor, Danny (Danny
DeVito), is Steve’s polar opposite: a big personality with big dreams, which have yet to materialize. But
Danny’s latest dream - to create the biggest holiday light display in the world, visible from outer space -
is turning Steve’s disciplined world into a chaotic nightmare. As Danny’s home explodes with festive lights
of incredible design, increasing complexity, and exponentially-growing wattage, Steve becomes a man on a
mission. At any cost, he will thwart Danny - or top him.
Johnny's Take: Oh deary dear. I'm renaming this Deck the
Theaters with CRAP because I don't see how this can be anything other than that. Hello 2006, here is your
version of Surviving Christmas.
Come on, the plot revolves around a guy who wants his Christmas lights to be seen from outer space? HA. HA. HA.
THAT IS SO FUNNY! Yeah, not really. If I want to see Christmas light competition then I'll watch an old
episode of Home Improvement.
It's by the director responsible for Big Momma's House 2 and who has Cats & Dogs 2: Tinkles' Revenge
on his slate. Who greenlights this stuff??? Matthew Broderick's presence also serves as a major warning
sign. Has he had any appeal since the mid-80s? I haven't seen it.
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ERAGON - December 15
Synopsis: Based on the best-selling novel, this epic fantasy-adventure centers on a
young man named Eragon whose destiny is revealed with the help of a dragon. Eragon, now a Dragon Rider, is
swept into a world of magic and power, discovering that he alone has the power to save - or destroy - an
Empire.
Johnny's Take: This could be good. Or not. I'm completely
withholding judgment until I see a trailer because I simply don't have enough information to form any
expectations.
All I know is that it's not a Lord of the Rings spin-off starring Viggo Mortensen.
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NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM - December 22
Synopsis: NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM is an action-adventure-comedy that comes to life by
night. Good-hearted dreamer Larry Daley (Ben Stiller), despite being perpetually down on his luck, thinks
he’s destined for something big. But even he could never have imagined how "big," when he accepts what
appears to be a menial job as a graveyard-shift security guard at a museum of natural history. During
Larry’s watch, extraordinary things begin to occur: Mayans, Roman Gladiators, and cowboys emerge from their
diorama to wage epic battles; in his quest for fire, a Neanderthal burns down his own display; Attila the Hun
pillages his neighboring exhibits, and a T-Rex reminds everyone why he’s history’s fiercest predator. Amidst
the chaos, the only person Larry can turn to for advice is a wax figure of President Teddy Roosevelt
(Robin Williams), who helps our hero harness the bedlam, stop a nefarious plot, and save the museum.
Johnny's Take: I've watched the trailer, and this looks like
it could be fairly entertaining, but I'm a little concerned it may go the "cutesy" child-oriented route.
I'm all for good family films, particularly around Christmas, but just don't make it too silly. I expect to
enjoy it, but I'll keep my expectations tempered for now.
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