September 19, 2006

• The Movie Mark would like to print a correction to a statement made in yesterday's journal entry. Rather than state that antiseptic should be placed on a dog's tongue, Mr. Rosie O'Donnell said that a dog's tongue contains a natural antiseptic and THAT is why it should be allowed to lick babies.
  
  The Movie Mark wishes to apologize for this grievous error and wants to make sure everybody is clear on the exact context of Mr. O'Donnell's ridiculous statement.
  
  The Movie Mark would like to further recommend that Mr. O'Donnell consider giving his career the "Old Yeller treatment" and exiting our airwaves.



• Saw Flyboys yesterday. Good stuff. You can expect my review on Friday. However, tomorrow you can look for a new What's Wrong with People? entry. It involves a person's inability to keep his yawns inaudible.



• That's not all the fun we'll be having tomorrow! I shall also treat everybody to a review of the low budget B-movie Hide and Creep. Rednecks with mullets fighting zombies? Oh yeah!

September 18, 2006

• Dear Movie Mark Journal, it's been a while since I've written to you. Seven months to be exact. I can't believe I forgot how quick and easy it is to make a post on The Movie Mark by slapping down some random thoughts and calling it a journal. I promise not to neglect you so long ever again.



• Can someone give me one good reason why Rosie O'Donnell (AKA the most revolting "woman" on the planet) is still allowed to litter our airwaves? I don't watch The Viewterus, but every now and then I'll watch one of those shows on VH1 or E! that recaps the news of the week, and they typically expose me to something stupid that Rosie somehow managed to blurt out despite the mouth blockage of donuts and other food items.
  
  The other day Rosie advocated putting antiseptic on a dog's tongue and letting it lick babies' in personal areas to cure rashes and the like. Uh. Hey Rosie, I know a little tradition that people sometimes do with dogs when they're past their prime. I like to refer to it as "the Old Yeller" treatment. I could show you how it's done. Would you care to meet me behind the barn?



• Don't you just love when foreign singers/actors think they can go to a country they've never lived in and tell its citizens how to vote? Hey, I know, how about you start going door-to-door and telling everybody how to raise their kids? Tools.



• I heard on the radio today that Martha Stewart is worried about competition from Rachael Ray's new daytime cooking show, going so far as to attempt to sneak four of her staffers into a taping of Ray's show. You should be worried, Martha. You've got the personality of Josh Hartnett and your K-Mart brand towels are pathetic! GO RACHAEL RAY!



• This is the week that the majority of the new TV shows begin. Unfortunately, there are about 48 new shows I'm interested in to go along with the 42 that are already on my schedule. I'm only partly exaggerating. The new shows of which I'll watch at least one episode are: Heroes, The Knights of Prosperity, Smith (Ray Liotta rules!), Jericho (has nothing to do with the wrestler Chris Jericho), The Nine, Six Degrees, and a couple of other shows that will be mid-season replacements.
  
  Someone please take away my TV.

February 14, 2006

• I would like to start off by thanking the Sci-Fi Channel for finalizing my Valentine's Day plans. While desperately trying to think of how to make this a special day for Stephanie, I was fortunate enough to take a look at the Sci-Fi Channel's website and see their advertisement for their special Valentine's Day Vampire Movie Marathon. According to them, "Necking takes on new meaning this Valentine's Day, when we air three vampire flicks in a row."
  
  Here's the best part - the first movie up to bat is a Sci-Fi Original! BOOYA! That's right, your lady will buckle at the knees when you tell her that you'll be starting the night off with a viewing of Out For Blood, starring Lance Henriksen, Kevin Dillon (yep, Matt's younger brother), and Vanessa Angel (Sci-Fi boasts that she was on the Weird Science TV show). What lady doesn't find romance in watching an L.A. cop clash with a secret cabal of vampires? Sci-Fi calls it an "action fest."
  
  Oh, not many of you know this, but I happen to own a copy of the Sci-Fi Channel Dictionary. Let's look up "action" and see what their definition is. Ah, in the Sci-Fi Dictionary it means "crap." That makes more sense.



• Ever have a "What's the meaning of life?" moment? Well, I've been having a few "What's the meaning of the Movie Mark?" moments lately. How far can I go with this little site? Will I ever compete with the big boys and gain millions of visitors a month? Or should I be content with slow, yet steady, growth? In other words, should I be happy that I've gone from seven to 10 readers over a two year span? But how long can I keep it up? Do I keep the site going for 10, 20 years, or do I hang up my keyboard sooner?
  
  Could my time and efforts be better spent, or am I actually making a difference? Is anybody out there actually edified in any way because in reference to Freedomland I say absolutely meaningless fluff like "It's a thriller, so I want to like it." ?? Is the Movie Mark a vital part of your daily Internet experience? Do you value my opinions, or are you just waiting around for some free stuff?
  
  I know that there are plenty of other sites out there where you can get info regarding what movies and DVDs are being released, so is it totally pointless for me to discuss such things in detail? I want to cut out the extraneous. I don't want to regurgitate a bunch of info that you can find elsewhere, especially if you are indeed getting that info from somewhere else. That doesn't mean I can't find an original way to discuss it, but I have to know if it's worth it.
  
  If viewing the Movie Mark is a daily ritual for you then what do you want to see more of? What really keeps your interest? What keeps you coming back? What would threaten to lose your interest? What needs to be done to really light a fire under your buttocks and convince you to tell every single family member and friend to check out the site?
  
  The site has to have meaning, and I'm interested in what means the most to you readers. I have other writing goals and aspirations, but I want to keep the Movie Mark going as long as it's serving a purpose. Let me know. Send me an email. Give me meaning.

February 13, 2006

• So The Pink Panther was #1, huh? Who knew so many people wanted to see Steve Martin mispronounce "hamburger." Ms. Cali enjoyed it, but I'm not convinced to give it my hard-earned money.
  
  Poor Harrison Ford. Firewall finished a disappointing 4th. Expect him to slip into the Sylvester Stallone stage of his career now. Not only will he crank up his petitioning for Indiana Jones 4, but I wouldn't be surprised if he gave Tom Clancy a call.



• Thanks to everybody who sent me birthday wishes, except those whose wishes included my dismemberment and/or contacting of a deadly disease. Come on, just because you're mad that I lambasted When a Stranger Calls doesn't mean I really deserve for my "family to be eaten by locusts" does it?
  
  I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm a little hesitant to give my address to complete strangers who "would like to send [me] something." I learned a LOT from last year's stalking incident. But in my defense, Jennifer Love Hewitt willingly gave me her address. Plus, I think "stalking" needs to be a little more well-defined. I'm just saying.



• Josh Brolin celebrated his 38th birthday yesterday. Entertainment Tonight did indeed mention it. Oh, and this is a complete tangent, but allow me to reiterate the need for a more clear definition of "stalking."
  
  Yesterday was also Joanna Kerns' birthday. If you don't remember her, she was the hot mom on Growing Pains. When I was a kid I used to think, "Man, Jason Seaver is a lucky man." Still do, actually. Hey, it's not my fault - Stephanie's the one who got me the Season 1 DVD for my birthday.



• It has been reported that an Indian director has contacted Paris Hilton about potentially starring as the lead role in an upcoming Mother Teresa biopic. The Movie Mark reports that snow flurries have been spotted in Hell this morning.



• Tomorrow's Valentine's Day. Just a quick note to all the guys out there - treat your lady right. She takes care of your fat lazy butt every day, so it won't hurt you to do the same for her. Will it hurt you to not be a jerk for one day? A couple of quick tips:
  
  1) Don't ever ask somebody what they're getting their wife or girlfriend for "VD Day." It just sounds wrong.
  
  2) If your lady asks you what she's getting for Valentine's Day, the most effective answer is NOT to point to yourself and reply, "A little thing called all this."



• I'll be seeing Freedomland on Wednesday. The trailer looks good, but you never know with Samuel L. Jackson these days. It's a thriller, so I want to like it. We'll see. Date Movie is on Thursday. Will it be another case of all the funny stuff is crammed into the trailer, or will it be a full 90 minutes of check-your-brain-at-the-door entertainment? My guess is the former. Memphis is not getting a screening of Paul Walker's Eight Below. That may be for the best.



• Bon Jovi's Wanted Dead or Alive still rocks the house and rocks it hard. I'VE SEEN A MILLION FACES ... AND I'VE ROCKED THEM ALL! *dair nair nair nair nair* Let me check ... BOOYA! I have my CD compilation that includes both it and Blaze of Glory. It's gonna be a good day at work.



• Don't forget to check out my best of 2005 and worst of 2005 lists. You won't be disappointed. Well, you probably will be, but if I said that then it wouldn't be as much of an enticement to check out the lists now would it?



• Later, Bett-heads, I've got a Rider Review to write.

September 21, 2005

August 29, 2005

• I'm a bit of a Vince Vaughn fan, so recently I've been keeping an eye on the TV schedule for movies of his that I haven't seen. We watched one this weekend called A Cool, Dry Place. Vaughn plays a single father whose wife ran out on him and his son 18 months prior to the start of the movie. Vaughn struggles with his job as an attorney all while trying to take care of his son. Just when he meets a new girl (Joey "I'm not Renee Zellweger" Lauren Adams), Vaughn's wife (Monica "I'm a Better Looking, Less Annoying Version of Julia Roberts" Potter) shows up to complicate everything. This is more of a dramatic role for Vaughn, but there are moments of humor. I really enjoyed the movie and recommend checking it out on TV sometime. Hey guys, don't let the fact that it frequently airs on the WE (Women's Entertainment) channel detract you.



• It finally happened. For the first time in my life I accidentally rented the wrong movie. I had a "Rent One, Get One Free" coupon for Blockbuster, so I decided to take advantage of it this weekend. Stephanie was busy, so I went by myself. I already had strict instructions to rent Undertow (since Stephanie thinks Josh Lucas is hot), but she said she didn't care what else I rented.
  
  So my eyes are perusing all the new rentals when they landed on Shallow Ground. "Hey, I've wanted to see this for a while," I thought. As I looked at the back of the case something seemed a little remiss. "Hmm, I thought for sure Ewan McGregor was in this. I must've been mistaken. And why is it a new release? It's probably at least 10 years old. Oh well, maybe it's a special edition DVD or something." The DVD case had plenty of positive quotes about the movie, so I picked it up and went about my merry way.
  
  Weeeeeeell, it turns out that Shallow GRAVE is the Ewan McGregor movie I was thinking about. Shallow GROUND is a B-grade horror movie made on a $72,000 budget. It's not all that bad considering the budget, and it did keep my interest, but it wasn't exactly what I was hoping for. It could've been worse, but let this be a lesson in paying close attention to what you're actually renting.

July 26, 2005

July 25, 2005

• The first time anybody ever told me I resembled John Cusack was at Burger King. As soon as I started to place my order, the kid behind the cash register yelled out, "Grosse Pointe Blank!" I eloquently responded with, "Huh?" To which he replied, "John Cusack! Has anybody ever told you that you look like him?" I believe I responded with, "No, I don't think so. I'll take the Whopper Meal Deal please." Stephanie always gets annoyed when I say "Whopper Meal Deal" rather than "Number 1" (since it's meal #1). Po-tay-toes, po-tah-toes.



• I might as well go ahead and dedicate today to Must Love Dogs, and as a result, I suppose I should admit that I had a dream last night involving Diane Lane. Please get your minds out of the gutter! In a nutshell Diane and Stephanie were supposed to meet me at a movie, they didn't show, I questioned them about it later, Diane yelled that I don't dictate what she does, I said it's the polite thing to do to keep your commitments, Diane cried a little and apologized, and that's all I remember. I know - I'm strange sometimes.



• I bought a DVD Recorder this weekend! Who's interested in the "Best of Josh Brolin" DVD that I'll be working on very soon? Hmm, I should probably make it a contest due to the abnormally high demand I'm expecting.

July 18, 2005

• Well, I'm proud to say that since its conception, The Movie Mark has shown considerable growth every single month. I'm getting more readers, I'm being added to press lists, I'm receiving press kits and other promo materials, and now I've been given the chance to sponsor a couple of screenings of The Island. So when I went running to Mama Betts to give her an update and let her know how much my site was growing, just knowing she'd be proud of her little boy, do you know what response I got? "So when are you going to start making money off this?" was her unimpressed reply. "Well, I'm getting some cool free stuff, and the screenings are great publicity," I stammered. "You need to start trying to make some money from it," was her rebuttal.
  
  Her point isn't without merit, but ouch! Leave it to parents to always have a wet blanket handy.



• OK, so I admit it - I didn't exactly do everything on my site last week that I wanted to. But I got so swamped with The Island stuff that I kind of just lost my way. I still haven't found the inspiration to do a full review of Wedding Crashers - not that that's hurting its box office or anything. But I WILL start to chip away at everything else this week. I promise.



• Look for reviews of The Island and Bad News Bears this week. I need to watch a really bad movie sometime soon to spark some motivation. Chopping Mall is still on the DVR, waiting to be thoroughly enjoyed like the horrible movie it is, but we have to wait until the Shades can come watch it with us. I've got another Movie Mark Original to throw your way, and I just might unveil the Movie Mark Comic Strip this week. Stay tuned.

July 15, 2005

• I saw The Island last night, and it's very good. I'm predicting it to be the sleeper hit of the Summer.



• I've tried twice to sit down and write a review of Wedding Crashers but for some reason I just can't do it. I just can't find an angle I want to run with. It's a weird feeling, as if I have mental constipation or something. I enjoyed the movie. So if you want to know what to expect then here you go: Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn being hilarious, plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, a handful of be-embarrassed-and-hope-nobody-from-church-sees-you-at-this-movie moments, and Jane Seymour shedding her wholesome Dr. Quinn image.
  
  I guess I'm just burned out from watching three screenings this week and working out the details to sponsor yet another screening of The Island. I'll try to put together my review when things are clicking. Just please don't take mama, the kids, or the easily offended.



• I have a message for all my male readers out there - stop making excuses when you're caught listening to Kelly Clarkson. I'm sorry, but radio is not a visual experience and therefore, "I think she's hot!" or "She has a nice booty!" do NOT explain why you're getting your Miss Independent groove on via the radio. Just roll the windows up, rock out to Since You've Been Gone, and accept it. Not that any of this applies to *me*, I just know how some guys are. You know?

July 13, 2005

• I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory last night. It's a'ight. Probably nothing I'll ever feel the need to watch again, but most the people at the screening loved it. I hope to post my review by tomorrow. Depends on how I fare in my battle against laziness. I'll be screening Wedding Crashers tonight, and I'll be shocked if a comedy starring Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn doesn't have my sides hurting at some point.



• I heard on the radio this morning that Chris Kattan has been hired by Fox to produce, direct, and star in his own TV show. Please allow me to quote Jesus, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" For those of you not as well-versed in Aramaic (or is that Hebrew?) as I, that translates to, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" I'll go ahead and predict that the show will reek beyond all belief. That's assuming it'll ever actually air.



• I don't know how many of you have actually heard of Robot Chicken, so if you haven't then let me briefly explain that it's a stop motion animation show by Seth Green and his friends. They take different action figures and use stop motion to animate them within different satirical backdrops. For example, the latest episode featured a skit in which Freddy, Jason, Leatherface, Pinhead, and Michael Myers were on an episode of Big Brother. Near the end of the skit they revealed who was being eliminated from the show - Michael Myers. The Michael Myers action figure hugged everybody, grabbed his bags, and slowly walked out of the house with his head hanging low and sad music playing. Amber, my 18-year-old sister, came over to watch it and during this scene she actually responded with a very sad-sounding, "Awwwwww."
  
  Note to Amber: I'm not really sure what was actually sad about this. It's a satirical skit. With an action figure. OF A HOMICIDAL MANIAC!!!!



• Over on the Movie Mark Message Board (cheap plug alert) we've been complaining about the AFI's latest lame Top 100 list. This time they've come up with their opinions on the Top 100 quotes of all time. Well, seeing how far off the mark they are with some of their choices, we've come up with some notable exclusions. I was watching Liar Liar the other night, and I just have to bring attention to Jim Carrey's line, "Where would Tina Turner be today if she rolled on the floor and yelled, 'Hit me again Ike, and put some stank on it!'" Cracks me up every single time.

July 12, 2005

• I've started to get noticed by a few people at the movie screenings (note to the ladies: take a picture; it'll last longer), but it's time I develop some serious star power. I need to really stand out. I want to get to the point where I'm arriving at the screenings in a limo with fans lined up seeking autographs. I figure a wardrobe change might be effective in drawing attention, so I was thinking something along the lines of a purple suit may work. Throw in some snakeskin boots and a man-fur stole and I'm bound to be noticed. Don't worry, I wouldn't wear this outfit everywhere - it'd just be my "movie screening" outfit. I have to preserve my dignity, you know?



• Welp, I'm seeing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory tonight, and to be honest, "the jury is still out" is the best cliché I can come up with to describe my opinion of what I can expect. But why does everybody have to act so shocked that I've never seen the original - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? By the looks on their faces you'd think I was eating a bowl of cancer cells in front of them. Granted, I've never eaten a bowl of cancer cells in front of anybody, so I don't know precisely what kind of face that would influence on a person, but I can imagine that a look of shock would be involved.
  
  My sister, who is 12 years younger than I, actually had the nerve to call me "deprived" because I've never watched it. I'm not sure how deprived I am considering I can go to the video store and rent the movie any time I like. I'm not exactly curled up on the couch, clutching my knees, rocking back and forth, chanting gibberish over and over because I've been kept from seeing the movie. Ah well, I just hope the screening gives out free candy or something. I loves me some candy.



• Australian Ann still loves me, and as a result she is the Movie Mark of the week. She practically begged and pleaded with me to continue to post updates on my softball team. Well, "begged" and "pleaded" may be a little strong. "P.S. Good job on softball" is probably a little more accurate.
  
  Anyway, I'm a little worried because the tournament was supposed to be next week but because of rain last night that cancelled some remaining games, it's possible that the tournament will be pushed back to Monday, June 25th. The bad thing about this is the Must Love Dogs screening is on that night. It's a romantic comedy starring Diane Lane and John Cusack, and since I've had some people tell me I resemble John Cusack I was going to pretend I was in the movie with her. Stephanie couldn't get mad at the kissing scenes either because "it's part o' da job." This was also going to give me the opportunity to pretend that Josh Brolin came on set (since he is married to Lane) and we played a game of basketball or something. We'll see what happens.



• Have you ever noticed that the lyrics to Alannah "What in the World Happened to Me?" Myles' Black Velvet would make great narration for a graphic novel? Some strategically placed punctuation makes it perfect. I think I may run with this idea. How many graphic novels out there have a female lead? This is gonna rock. Check it out (lyrics slightly altered for full effect):
  
  Mississippi. Middle of a dry spell.
  Jimmy Rogers was playing on the victrola up high.
  Mama's dancing with baby on her shoulder.
  The sun is setting like molasses in the sky.
  The boy could sing. Knew how to move. Everything.
  
  And then...
  
  Up in Memphis. Music's like a heat wave.
  White lightning. Bound to drive you wild.
  Mama's baby's in the heart of every school girl.
  "Love me tender" leaves 'em cryin' in the aisle.
  The way he moved. It was a sin. So sweet and true.
  
  Man, you find the right girl who knows how to deliver these lines with pauses in all the right places and this is huge. Come on, a graphic novel based on Black Velvet (Copyright © 2005 The Movie Mark. All Rights Reserved)? Watch out, Hollywood, I'm on my way.

July 11, 2005

• What's George Clooney's problem? The guy comes off as a smarmy jack-a-dandy with an ego to rival mine, but doggone it; the guy keeps making movies I enjoy! This irritates me to no end - just let me hate you! I watched Out of Sight for the first time this weekend. I used to avoid movies Clooney was in just because I didn't like him, but the positive reviews for this one got my attention, and I have to admit it's a solid flick. Jennifer Lopez is definitely at her hottest. I'm gonna watch The Peacemaker next. I'm sure I'll enjoy it as well. Sigh. He's still the worst Batman though! So there!



• Still no word from the Sci Fi Channel regarding Queen Bee: Breakin' Out in Hives (see below). I'm sittin' on gold here. All they have to do is ask if they can mine it. *note to self - be sure and use that line in the script* Just wait until I reveal the details on my second Movie Mark Original this week - Fireants: It's Picnic Time! I may be willing to work out a package deal with them.



• Still no confirmation on whether any of my movie reviews or articles have saved lives or made any sort of quantifiable impact. But laughter is the best medicine, right? For now I'll just assume that the humor I spread acts as preventive medicine, and that's just something that's hard to gauge.



• On the way to work today I saw what I thought was "Stiller" on the back of somebody's vehicle. I immediately thought to myself, "Has Ben Stiller reached the point where he's only referred to as 'Stiller' and people are actually putting stickers with his name on their cars? I like the guy, but come on." Upon closer inspection I realized it said, "Stillen." A quick Google search revealed that "Stillen" is a manufacturer of aftermarket car merchandise. Oh well. If I EVER see a commercial for Stillen and it contains the line, "I'm Stillen like a villain," I pledge to punch somebody. I don't care if it has to be Mr. Shade serving as a stand-in.
  
  Strangely enough, I now feel the urge to find a sticker that says "Stiller" and put it on my truck. If nothing else, it'd at least be a funny parody of the "Stillen" sticker. Folks, these are the things that run through my mind on a daily basis.



• My sponsoring of this Thursday's screening of The Island has been a huge success. My allotment of 50 passes was increased to 75 in a dazzling display of economics after it was realized that demand exceeded supply, and all 75 passes were given away in just a few days. It remains to be seen if a lot of the people who signed up for a pass will continue to check out my site or if they just wanted to see a free movie. My guess is I'll gain maybe one or two new readers from this positive experience. That's cool because that'll bring my total number of readers to about 8. Of course, that's counting me.