Media Musings - Johnny Betts' 2004 ABC Primetime Preview
By Johnny Betts, Moviegoer Advocate
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All times are Central. Why? Because that's *my* time zone, chico.
SUNDAY
America's Funniest Home Videos (6:00 PM) - Holy Bob Saget, this show is STILL on?
Man, who cares? You've seen one kid puking in somebody's hair, you've seen 'em all. I'll pass. Premieres
9/26.
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (7:00 PM) - A cast of mostly attractive designers
have 7 days to repair a run-down house. Why isn't this on TLC right after Trading Spaces? I'm sure girls
will love this show, but I've seen enough Ty Pennington. Premieres 9/26.
Desperate Housewives (8:00 PM) - A primetime soap about the secret lives of housewives.
Looks like it's gonna have some elements of dark comedy. Normally, I'd make fun of a show like this,
but the cast includes Teri Hatcher, Brenda Strong, and Nicolette Sheridan, all women who I find
quite attractive. Still, I'll be surprised if it survives for very long. Premieres 10/3.
Boston Legal (9:00 PM) - A spin-off of The Practice. You know what, I'm
gonna give this one a shot. James Spader (who just won an Emmy for his role on The Practice is supposed
to be very good. Plus, I heard William Shatner is pretty funny in a self-mocking role. But the real kicker
is the gorgeous Rhona Mitra is in it. I'm there. Premieres 10/3.
MONDAY
The Benefactor (7:00 PM) - Billionaire Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks,
forces 16 contestants to go through a series of challenges and tests as they compete for $1 million. It
sounds like it could be interesting, especially since Cuban is an interesting character, but man, I'm tired
of reality shows, and this just doesn't have enough going for it to convince me to watch. Premiered 9/13.
Monday Night Football (8:00 PM) - I'm pretty sure no comment is necessary. Premiered 9/13.
TUESDAY
My Wife and Kids (7:00 PM) - Whoa, this is the FOURTH season of this Damon Wayans
family comedy? Unbelievable. I haven't watched a single episode, and I'm proud to report that the streak will
continue through the 4th season. Premieres 9/21.
George Lopez (7:30 PM) - I've watched a couple of episodes. Lopez is more annoying than
funny, so you can keep this show for yourself. I have some George Lopez bottled water that somebody gave me when I
was in LA. Anybody wanna buy it? Premieres 9/28.
According to Jim (8:00 PM) - According to Johnny, there are more important things to do
than spend time with Jim Belushi and his sitcom family. Premieres 9/21.
Rodney (8:30 PM) - Yet another standup comedian (Rodney Carrington) prepares himself for
a failed sitcom. According to ABC's website, Rodney is "not afraid to walk into a department store naked on a dare.
Not afraid to take credit for flowers someone else sent his wife." Wow. That sounds hilarious. Can't wait to not
watch it. If it survives an entire season I'll be floored. They should've added that Rodney is "not afraid to make
a crappy sounding show." Premieres 9/21.
NYPD Blue (9:00 PM) - This is still on the air? After 11 seasons, sagging ratings, and
Dennis Franz' sagging backside, you'd think it'd disappear already. Oh well, I'm hoping Mark-Paul Gosselaar will
get killed off and be replaced with Scott Baio. It's time for another unlikely actor not known for playing
dramatic roles to be called on to play a cop! Premieres 9/21.
WEDNESDAY
Lost (7:00 PM) - All right, finally a show I can get behind! A plane crashes on an island,
and a group of strangers have to survive harsh terrain, bad weather, and a strange creature. I'm actually looking
forward to checking this out. It stars Matthew Fox, who I've always liked. I've even been told that I bear a
resemblance to the guy, so you can watch the show and pretend you're rooting for Johnny Betts. Premieres 9/22.
The Bachelor (8:00 PM) - Why? Why is this show back for another season? And why does
one of the bachelors have a mullet? I refuse to watch this tripe. Premieres 9/22.
Wife Swap (9:00 PM) - Oh please. Wives from different sides of the tracks will swap
lives for two weeks. We need another "reality" show like Rosie O'Donnell needs to make another trip to the
buffet. Is Hollywood so bereft of fresh ideas? Premieres 9/29.
THURSDAY
Extreme Makeover (7:00 PM) - Either you like makeover shows or you don't. My advice - look
at the before picture and then fast forward to the after picture. Chances are, the person won't look much better and
you'll save yourself 58 minutes. Premieres 9/23.
life as we know it (8:00 PM) - Instinct tells me that this won't be a regular on my
viewing schedule. On the surface it looks like just another coming-of-age story with a mostly good looking cast.
And I really don't want to watch a series that includes Kelly Osbourne in its cast. However, the fact that it's
from the producers of Freaks and Geeks (GREAT show, check out the DVD) will get at least one viewing from
me. They better make it count. Premieres 10/7.
Primetime Live (9:00 PM) - Yawn. Sometimes it's interesting, sometimes it's not. I don't
usually go out of my way to find out.
FRIDAY
8 Simple Rules (7:00 PM) - I know David Spade is just happy to be working again, but come
on, can this last a full season without Ritter? Somebody tell the fat lady to start tuning up. Premieres 9/24.
Complete Savages (7:30 PM) - Apparently ABC was running low on ideas so someone thought,
"Hey, let's give Keith Carradine a show!" What we've got here is a single father raising 5 sons. In other words,
not the most original story in the world. ABC compares it to Clint Eastwood raising the Baldwin brothers. I MAY
give it a shot, but there's a good chance I'll be doing something else on Fridays. Don't expect this to last long.
Premieres 9/24.
Hope & Faith (8:00 PM) - Faith Ford and Kelly Ripa are a couple of sisters who run around
being cute. It's in its second season, but just like the first season, it'll go unwatched by me. Premieres 9/24.
Less Than Perfect (8:30 PM) - Never seen it. Will Sasso is in it, and he was funny on
MAD TV, but the fact that Andy Dick and some Star Jones look-alike are on the show is enough to keep me away.
Premieres 9/24.
20/20 (9:00 PM) - John Stossell is the man! I'll watch his segment if I happen to flip
by it, but Barbara Walters is annoying. She's leaving, but still, that's not enough to make me a regular
viewer.
SATURDAY
The Wonderful World of Disney (7:00 PM) - A gay Disney movie every Saturday? No thank
you. Premieres 9/25.
Welp, there you have it. Only TWO recommendations among the bunch: Boston Legal on Sunday and Lost on
Wednesday. And I might give life as we know it a shot, but it's pretty annoying that they don't capitalize
anything. It makes it seem like they're trying too hard to be hip. Pretty sad, folks. Hopefully the other stations
will have more to offer. And hey, if you disagree with my perceptions, then just remember that this is just my
opinion, you could be wrong.
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