|
Movie Review - Casanova (2006)
|
|
|
|
|
(What this rating means)
|
|
| |
|
| Director: |
Lasse Hallström |
| Starring: |
Heath Ledger, Sienna Miller, Jeremy Irons, Oliver Platt, and Lena Olin |
| Rated: |
R (for some sexual content) |
| Length: |
108 minutes |
| Genre: |
Romance/Comedy/Drama |
| Tagline: |
A partially true story about lies told, virtue lost and love found. |
| Studio: |
Touchstone Pictures |
| Website: |
Casanova |
| Release: |
January 6, 2006 |
|
PLOT
|
Casanova is a notorious lover. In fact, he's said to have the longest list of female conquests ever. Well, by
the 18th century, that is. That's all fine and dandy until his appetite for female flesh lands him in major
trouble. When he's found at a Convent, and he's not exactly visiting the nuns for spiritual consultation, he
faces the possibility of execution. His life is spared, but a Bishop informs him that he must either find a
respectable wife or be expelled from Venice. His search for a wife leads him on an ultimate discovery for the
real meaning of love. Heath Ledger's attempt to convince everybody that he really and truly likes girls ensues.
|
|
JOHNNY'S TAKE
|
Dumbfounded. Casanova left me absolutely dumbfounded.
"Wow. It was so good and unconventional that it surprised a seasoned, savvy moviegoer such as you?"
Nope. I'm dumbfounded by the amount of laughter that I heard coming from the rest of the theater while I sat
there, stone-faced, doing my best impersonation of Josh Hartnett trying to emote. A hapless character falls
down and knocks something over? The theater fills with the sound of laughter. Heath Ledger gets hit in the
face by a tree limb? The guy beside me throws his head back so fast in a fit of laughter that I got whip lash.
Oliver Platt takes a bath and treats us to some fart bubbles? I slowly shook my head and prayed for a sign that
this torture was almost over while the guy behind me started clapping and laughing in such a way that my hope for
humanity almost completely vanished in that instant.
Speaking of Oliver Platt, I have to give him credit. He continues his streak of failing to elicit a single
laugh from me. Ever. That's not easy to do. The moment I saw his bloated face I sighed and realized that my
hope that the movie would improve was dashed. The moment I saw his bloated, shirtless stomach I gagged and
realized that the only hope I had left was that I'd someday be able to get that image out of my head.
I just don't get it. This movie blows Ted Kennedy-sized chunks, folks. It's bad enough that the humor resorts
to forced, poorly executed juvenile slapstick, but it's even worse that the film never settles on an identity.
Is it a comedy? A romance? It has elements of both, but I wouldn't label it one or the other. Nor would I call
it a Romantic Comedy. So we'll just go with "a disjointed mess."
I'm not even sure what the point of calling it Casanova is. Casanova was a real person, but his memoirs
(in which he claims to have got it on with over 100 women) are thought to be highly fictionalized. The movie
spends very little time on the womanizing aspect of Casanova. Sure, within the first five minutes of the film
Ledger beds a married woman and a nun, desperately trying to avoid being typecast by his role in
Brokeback Mountain, but the majority of the movie revolves around him falling in love with Jude Law's
ex-fiancée and trying to convince her to fall in love with him. Does this have anything to do with the real Casanova
or his memoirs? I have no idea. Nor do I care.
As for the romance side of things, this is replete with one eye-rolling quote after another. When one young lady
asks Casanova what he seeks, if not glory, Ledger somehow summons enough lack of shame to reply, "A moment that
lasts a lifetime." I almost summoned my already digested dinner. I had to keep my yellow plastic bucket
handy thanks to the onslaught of gag-inducers such as "Love is weather being good every day because wind and rain
are just another kind of good weather." Good luck controlling your gag reflex. Who writes this stuff? A
15-year-old kid with acne and greasy hair trying to impress his girlfriend? If you're one of those overly sappy
gals who faints and swoons over stuff like this then more power to you. Plus, here's a special treat for you:
"Love is a walk on the clouds because what good is love if you allow it to be constrained by the laws of gravity?"
I just made that up. You can pick yourself up and wipe away the sweat now. And please, control the quivering.
Fans of movies that have people in period dress dancing to period music might also find some enjoyment here.
But watching people dance around in Victorian dresses bores me to tears. Literally. At one point I stringed three
yawns together that brought tears out of both eyes. Fellow moviegoers checked my pulse twice during the course of
the film. One person said they only saw me crack a smile twice so they were concerned I had slipped into a coma.
If only.
Oh, and guys, try to avoid this, but if your lady forces you to go then I highly recommend bringing ear plugs.
I haven't heard this many violins since watching John Travolta squeeze out a few fake tears on Oprah. I have no
problem listening to Charlie Daniels throw down on the fiddle, but 100 minutes of constant 18th century violin
music? Just beat me in the head with a rubber chicken. Same result.
I'll admit that one part near the end of the movie is fairly clever, but by this point I couldn't have cared
less. I was still in shock at how much this was playing out like an episode of Three's Company, especially
when Casanova jumps back and forth between two women at a ball. They should've just had the ball at the Regal
Beagle and let Don Knotts make a cameo.
The movie tries. It tries to be funny. It tries to be sentimental. It tries to remind everybody that Heath
Ledger is a manly man. But remember the wise words of Yoda, "Do or do not. There is no try." I suggest you
take this advice. Be wise and do not spend your money on this one. I admit there were plenty of people enjoying
it on a level I can't comprehend, but do you want to take a risk and possibly be part of the group who is dumbfounded
as to why it's generating laughs? A DVD rental would be a safer, cheaper risk.
|
|
ODDS & ENDS
|
- The film was shot entirely in Venice.
- I almost shot myself after sitting through the entire film.
- Sienna Miller was in Layer Cake with Tom Hardy who was in Band of Brothers with Matthew Settle
who was in Into the West with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
|
|
MAMA'S APPROVAL
|
This is a very soft R rating. You won't hear any profanity that can't be heard on network TV. At least I don't
remember any. There are sexual jokes and sexual situations, but there is no nudity. Why even go for the R rating?
A couple of minor edits would have easily made this PG-13. Still, I wouldn't recommend it for children.
|
|
TRAILER COMPARISON
|
To be honest, I wasn't exactly sure what to expect after watching the trailer. I wasn't too excited about
watching the movie, but the trailer led me to believe it'd be a little more engaging that it actually is.
|
|
THE GIST
|
Well, the good news is that it's been less than a week and I've almost completely forgotten everything about
Casanova. It did not get 2006 off to a good start. If you're looking for a prime example of a movie
that makes you stop and ask, "What's the point?" then you need look no further than right here.
|
|
