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Movie Review - Cellular (2004)
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
David R. Ellis |
| Starring: |
Kim Basinger, Chris Evans, Jason Statham, and William H. Macy |
| Rated: |
PG-13 (for violence, terror situations, language, and some sexual references) |
| Length: |
94 minutes |
| Genre: |
Action/Adventure |
| Tagline: |
If the signal dies so does she. |
| Studio: |
New Line Cinema |
| Website: |
New Line Cinema |
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PLOT
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A woman (Basinger) is kidnapped and taken to a room which, conveniently, has a phone in it. However, one of
the bad guys (Statham) smashes the phone. Lucky for the gal, she's able to click some wires together and
reaches a stranger (Evans) on his cell phone. She tells him she's been kidnapped and has no idea where she
is. Once the guy realizes she's telling the truth, he decides to take things into his own hands and help
her out. An entertaining, logic-challenged crowd pleaser ensues.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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Cellular doesn't waste much time getting down to business, as we're treated to Basinger's kidnapping
scene (with a murder included, free of charge) within the first 10 minutes. Then things go haywire when
Statham smashes the inexplicably placed phone, and Basinger starts clicking wires together and calls Evans.
To the movie's credit, Evans does a good job of mocking her and not believing her right away. But as he
stays on the phone and listens to what starts to happen in the background, he's sort of put into the position
of the movie audience. He's held in suspense and left wondering what's gonna happen next.
Rather than spelling everything out at the beginning, the movie offers revelations as it progresses.
This approach really works. Basinger doesn't know why she's been kidnapped or how her husband is
involved, and neither do we, thus putting us into the shoes of the ignorant characters. It's a nice touch.
And there are actually a couple of surprises in the movie. Nothing earth-shattering, but effective all
the same.
But before you enter the theater, you'll want to find yourself the biggest crane you can and go ahead
and suspend your disbelief as high as possible. Hoist that puppy up! Cellular is silly. It's
stupid. The holes in the plot are bigger than the craters on Seal's face. But the good thing is that it's
aware of that. At least I think it is. I laughed with the movie quite a bit, but I also did a whole lot of
laughing AT the movie.
For example, are we supposed to laugh at William H. Macy when he turns into Max Payne and somehow slides
across the floor in slow motion (despite not having anyway to propel himself) to shoot someone? Or was
that supposed to be a serious moment? Whatever the case, I was cracking up. The movie doesn't take
itself very seriously though, and that's what makes it such a fun ride.
This is just one of those movies that screams for audience participation. And the audience I saw the movie with
definitely participated. They were clapping, talking, yelling at the characters, etc. It plays out like a typical
slasher flick at times where the audience is smarter than the characters. Believe me, there are times when you want
to yell at the screen because a character bypasses a logical solution in order to keep the story going.
*You* know he's doing something wrong, and for some reason you think he'll listen to your advice if you scream
it. I have to admit I even yelled out once. But on the flip side, there were a number of times when one
of the protagonists did exactly what you want them to - punkin' out a jerk lawyer, wailing on a
bad guy, etc.
As for the acting, well, it's adequate. Except for Kim Basinger. Not only is she looking OLD, but her
acting job is pretty bad. I'm not sure what she was going for in this role. For the entire movie she sounds
like she's trying to be upset but restrained at the same time. Her breathy delivery makes her sound like she
works for a 1-900 number. "Where aaaaaare you? Are you all riiiiiiight?" I kept expecting her to say
something like, "I've been kidnapped. Is it because I'm a naughty giiiiiirl? Do you think I should be tied
up or handcuuuuuffed?"
Chris Evans does an all right job with what's asked of him (which isn't much), but he's pretty much your
typical pretty boy wearing a tight shirt immediately after doing a set of about 100 curls. I can't say
too much because it isn't anything I haven't done before leaving the house.
I've always liked Statham. He's usually a "tweener" (not really good, not really bad) in his movies, but
this was a role that allowed him to just be bad. The rest of the bad guys basically do bad guy stuff that
makes you anticipate their demise.
Cellular is just plain fun. It's a movie that's also fun to make fun of afterwards, except it's
really not all that bad! Is it perfect? Nah. Are there plot contrivances and logic problems? Sure.
But don't worry about it. If you're the least bit interested in it, then leave your "Movie Overanalyzation
Methods" book at home and go check it out.
Now to answer the question that's on everybody's mind - would Johnny Betts jump in his truck and start
careening all over the highway to try to save someone he'd never met? Not likely. I'd find a pay phone
and give 9-1-1 a call. But I guess that's why there are no movies based on my life yet.
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ODDS & ENDS
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- Jessica Biel has a cameo as the super-hot girlfriend of Chris Evans.
- Eric Christian Olsen (who has a bit part) played a young Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumberer.
- Chris Evans is set to play Johnny Storm (aka The Human Torch) in the new Fantastic Four movie. Fantastic
Four fans around the world weep.
- Johnny Betts thinks William H. Macy sports his silly-looking mustache so people won't think it's David
Caruso who's in the movie.
- When Evans asked Basinger what her kidnapper looked like she should've said, "Kind of like that guy in
The Sixth Sense."
- Kim Basinger was in The Natural with Robert Duvall who was in Gods and Generals with Stephen
Lang who was in Gang in Blue with Josh Brolin who was in The Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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Profanity isn't too bad, but there is a handful of uses of G-d**n, and there is one "f" word. No nudity, but we
do see a lot of girls in skimpy bikinis strutting around. There are enough sexual comments to make this
inappropriate for pre-teens. Mama would do best to wait for the edited-for-TV version.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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The trailer makes the movie seem like it's going to be more serious than it actually is. I was expecting it to
attempt to be a full-fledged thriller, but it's all about the comic relief. The trailer really gives no
indication that this is gonna be the case.
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THE GIST
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Cellular is the slacker class clown in school that wouldn't do his homework, made bad grades,
never went a day without waxing sarcastic, and loved taunting the teacher. The teacher (the critics)
hated him, but the rest of the class (the movie-going audience) laughed at his antics, even though they
were none-the-wiser after spending time with him. He didn't have much ambition other than entertaining
everybody, and at that he succeeded.
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