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Movie Review - Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Dave Filoni |
| Starring: |
the voices of people you've never heard of except for Christopher Lee and Samuel L. Jackson |
| Rated: |
PG (for sci-fi action violence throughout, brief language and momentary smoking) |
| Length: |
98 minutes |
| Genre: |
Animation/Family/Sci-Fi |
| Tagline: |
None. |
| Studio: |
Warner Bros. |
| Website: |
Star Wars: The Clone Wars |
| Release: |
August 15, 2008 |
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PLOT
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As the Clone Wars sweep through the galaxy, the heroic Jedi Knights struggle to maintain order and restore peace. More and more systems are falling prey to the forces of the
dark side as the Galactic Republic slips further and further under the sway of the Separatists and their never-ending droid army. Anakin Skywalker and his Padawan learner
Ahsoka Tano find themselves on a mission with far-reaching consequences, one that brings them face-to-face with crime lord Jabba the Hutt. But Count Dooku and his sinister
agents, including the nefarious Asajj Ventress, will stop at nothing to ensure that Anakin and Ahsoka fail at their quest. Meanwhile, on the front lines of the Clone Wars,
Obi-Wan Kenobi and Master Yoda lead the massive clone army in a valiant effort to resist the forces of the dark side. More selling out of the Star Wars franchise ensues.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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Why? Why did George Lucas feel this film was necessary? I suppose, in all fairness, Star Wars: The Clone Wars is what it was originally intended to be: a 90-minute,
made-for-TV animated film that would kick off the forthcoming cartoon series. But the problem is, in continuing my fairness doctrine, what it was originally
intended to be (Saturday morning kids' cartoon pabulum) isn't fit for a theatrical release.
The film is watchable during the action sequences and whenever Obi-Wan Kenobi is talking strategy, but things get downright embarrassing whenever practically anybody else
opens his/her/its mouth. If George Lucas has any desire to maintain his last remnants of credibility (and I seriously doubt he does), he needs to hire at least one person
with veto power on his most asinine ideas. It's obvious that his employees are scared to death to dare question him. I picture a youngling bravely approaching Mr. Lucas
at his throne, nervously stating, "Um, Mr. Lucas? Perhaps a re-think is needed on the whole Jar Jar Binks idea," and then Lucas coldly replying, "Execute him immediately."
Perhaps Jabba the Hutt was modeled after the bearded one? After all, they have the same chin.
Lucas' latest faux pas is giving us Jabba the Hutt's gay uncle. Mr. Shade and I both thought it was supposed to be female at first, but nope, he's "male." I turned to Shade
and replied, "He sounds like Truman Capote's more effeminate brother." We burst out laughing every time he opened his mouth. Other than that horrid Christmas special, it just
might be the goofiest thing introduced in the Star Wars universe. I dare you to keep a straight face when Ziro the Hutt busts out, "Count Dooooooooo-kuuuuuuuuuuuu." I was
shocked, appalled, and dismayed at the realization that this is what Star Wars has come to.
Speaking of Dooku and what Star Wars has come to, I picture Lucas writing such lines as, "I smell Count Dooku," chuckling smugly to himself, and gently whispering, "Man, I'm
good."
Other roll-eyeing, head-shaking mistakes include the too-dumb-for-Nickelodeon Padawan Ahsoka Tano and her lame jokes, Anakin Skywalker's lame nickname of "Snips" for her, her
lame nickname of "sky guy" for him, Jabba the Hutt's lame son who looks like an oversized tadpole, Tano and Anakin lamely calling the baby Hutt "stinky," and ... and ... I'm
sorry, this is all too lame, and I can't go on.
Oh wait, yes I can! I'll be soul-baringly honest with you right now. I don't think it's cute that Jabba the Hutt refers to his son as "punky muffin." How in the world a
race of over-sized slugs became feared gangsters is beyond my comprehension. And let's not forget the "blasphemous" aspect of Lucas' soulless pimpery of the lifeblood of his
career. The moment I saw the words "In a galaxy far, far away," I geeked out and became a little nostalgic. Unfortunately, rather than John Williams' classic theme, we're given
a jazzed up, pale reworking by the composer of CSI: Miami.
There's no scrolling text either. Instead we hear a brief update of events from some dude who sounds like he's doing a 1950s cereal commercial on the radio. It was quite the
strange trip for this life-long Star Wars fan, and I can't recommend that you spend $9+ a pop to go on the same journey.
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ODDS & ENDS
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- Christopher Lee was in Revenge of the Sith with Ewan McGregor who was in Nightwatch with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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There's nothing here that will offend, but there is quite a lot of non-bloody gunfights and battle scenes. Parents who don't want 6-year-old little Samantha watching robots
get killed may want to use caution.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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The movie delivers exactly what the trailer leads you to expect: not much.
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THE GIST
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Completely unnecessary for and unwanted by nonfans, fine for kids, and moderately-entertaining-bordering-on-blasphemy for discerning adult Star Wars fans, Star Wars: The
Clone Wars fails to really add anything to the franchise's universe. Other than more complaints and cheesiness. This will be on the Cartoon Network before too long.
Just catch it then.
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