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	Movie Review - Closer (2004)     (What this rating means)       Director: Mike Nichols Starring: Jude Law, Natalie Portman, Clive Owen, and Julia Roberts Rated: R (for sequences of graphic sexual dialogue, nudity/sexuality and language) Length: 98 minutes Genre: Drama/Romance Tagline: If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking. Studio: Sony Pictures Website: Closer PLOT Four folks in London (Law, Portman, Owen, Roberts) become connected in relationships of attraction, lust, betrayal, and jealousy. A sexually explicit look at dysfunctional relationships ensues. STEPH'S TAKE I'm pretty sure I heard some reviewer say this movie is about how relationships really are. I, and everyone I know, must be freaks of nature then. Dan (Law), an obituary writer, meets stripper Alice (Portman) after she is hit by a car crossing the mean streets of London. He goes with her in a cab to the hospital, and their romance begins. However, soon enough Dan begins having feelings for Anna (Roberts), the photographer who is to take his picture for the book he has written. "Come here," he seductively requests during the photo shoot, and Anna of course obliges and they have a little kiss-fest. (I thought Jude was going to crush Julia's skull the way he had his hands on her head.) She stops because Dan freely admits he has a girlfriend. Dan manages to hook Anna up with Larry (Owen) via a very sexually explicit online chat in which he (Dan) uses Anna's name. I don't know if he intended for them to get together. All I know is I was glad when the chat was over. When Larry meets the unsuspecting real Anna, with visions of naughty internet sex in his mind, and then asks, "Why do I feel like a pervert?", I had to answer BECAUSE YOU ARE! But Dan still has feelings for Anna and dumps stripper Alice who goes back to her stripping ways. Of course, she is working in a club not unknown to dejected and dumped perv Larry, and he sees Alice there. No complete Natalie Nudity here, but still some graphic stuff as she entertains him in a private room. This is the point where some people in the theater walked out. So is all happy now? Dan and Anna are together, Alice strips for Larry, all's well, right? Of course not. Dan still has feelings for Alice. Larry doesn't like being bested by Dan. So how will things play out? Will there be a happy ending for all? Do you care? I kinda did, but not all that much. The acting is fine, and I wouldn't say I got really bored. But I certainly wasn't enthralled. I didn't feel any great sympathy for any of the characters. Some of the dialog sounded overly sophisticated, especially coming from the likes of a stripper. But maybe it's wrong of me to assume a stripper would not have such a beautiful grasp of the English language. I'm not a Jude Law or Clive Owen mark, so that didn't help me any. Plus, graphic sex talk is not my thing. ODDS & ENDS The movie is based on a play of the same name that started in London and made its way to Broadway. Cate Blanchett was originally supposed to play Anna, but her pregnancy caused her to drop out. Too bad. Cory Branan is probably mad that his song Closer was not in this movie but some soundalike (Damien Rice) sings the main song. Natalie Portman refers to Julie Roberts as a bird in the movie. The pants Julia Roberts wears when she is taking pictures of Jude Law and Natalie Portman look like crap. Natalie Portman needs to do something about her Spock eyebrows. Jude Law gave props to Roger Clyne by referring to Natalie Portman as "Americano." Steph experienced migraine aura (bright flashing lights, flickering, colored zigzag lines, blind spots) in the theater before the movie began. The theater was dark, so she just remained still and kept her eyes closed until the aura went away. Thankfully, she suffered no migraine pain. Natalie Portman was in Star Wars Episode I - The Phantom Menace with Ewan McGregor who was in Nightwatch with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon. MAMA'S APPROVAL Oh I don't think so. Sexually graphic language? Check. Topless nudity in a strip club? Check. Natalie Portman sashaying her thonged booty around? Check. No kids or teens allowed anywhere near here. TRAILER COMPARISON The trailer gives a good impression of the intertwined "love" story that you will get, but it only hints at how explicit some of the scenes will get. THE GIST Closer is a tangled love story about people who don't seem to be too interested in commitment and who have no qualms about using vulgar language. If that sounds like your cup of tea, then drink up. Otherwise, quench your thirst somewhere else.	RETURN TO HOME PAGE The Dark Knight Journey to the Center of the Earth Hancock Get Smart The Incredible Hulk The Strangers Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Young at Heart Iron Man Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed Weekend Results: 1. The Dark Knight($158,411,483) 2. Mamma Mia!($27,751,240) 3. Hancock($14,040,178) 4. Journey to the Center of the Earth($12,340,435) 5. Hellboy 2($10,117,815)

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