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Movie Review - Elektra (2005)
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Rob Bowman |
| Starring: |
Jennifer Garner and Goran Visnjic |
| Rated: |
PG-13 (for action violence and some language) |
| Length: |
97 minutes |
| Genre: |
Action/Comic Book |
| Tagline: |
Looks can kill. |
| Studio: |
20th Century Fox |
| Website: |
Elektra |
| Release: |
January 14, 2005 |
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PLOT
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See Elektra. See Elektra rise from the dead. See Elektra detach herself from society and become an
assassin. See Elektra fight some bad guys in order to keep "the chosen one" from being kidnapped and
used for evil. See Johnny be less than impressed. See another lackluster comic book movie ensue.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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You know what? If Elektra's screenwriters couldn't be bothered to put forth much effort in providing
us with an entertaining, well thought out story, then I won't be bothered to put forth too much effort in
this review. Why should I? Here, check out this plot:
Elektra is a brooding assassin who lives for nothing but to do her job. But one day her
job requires her to take out a couple of targets who she develops a liking for. As it turns out, one of the
targets (a young girl) is "the chosen one" and a group of bad guys called "The Hand" want to kidnap her and
nurture her inner bad girl. It's Elektra's job to prevent this.
You may think that's just a summary, but it's actually about as fleshed out as I can make it. It's just an
average, ordinary, every day story about good vs. evil, balance in the world, and destiny. You've seen it
all before, and the problem is you've seen it in extremely more interesting and original ways. I guess the
people responsible for Elektra failed to notice that movies like Spider-Man and X-men have raised the
bar for comic book adaptations.
I did learn a few things about Elektra though:
- She loves to purse her lips a lot.
- She's the queen of pout.
- She looks really good in tight red leather.
- She can barely talk above a breathy whisper.
- She loves to tell us her background in many, many ineffective flashbacks.
- She does just about everything in slow motion.
I'm not joking about the slow motion. I thought I was watching a shampoo commercial whenever Elektra's
long, shiny hair would gently blow in her face ... ALL IN SLOW MOTION! My assumption is the director
thought that was artistic. Or it was just his excuse to make Jennifer Garner look all sexy and stuff.
Or using slow motion was his way of taking up time that couldn't otherwise be filled because of
the shallow story.
Not only was there no depth to the story, but the bad guys were about as complex as a conversation with
a Hilton sister. Let's see, the ringleader is a pretty boy Chinese guy whose longish hair sways in the
breeze. Rumor has it that he's only the leader when he can get time off from his day job as a model for
the Gap. And I'm pretty sure I saw him in a Suave for Men shampoo commercial, but don't hold me to
that.
His cohorts include a dude with tattoos that materialize and fly off his body, a big dude (Bob
Sapp) who is apparently made out of some sort of indestructible material, and a girl who has a kiss of
death. Those are all cool attributes, but why in the world is it not explained HOW they got these
powers??? I want to know WHY dude's wolf tattoo can formulate and start flying through the woods at
warp speed. Unfortunately, we're left in the dark scratching our heads, just waiting for Elektra to
shake a little more booty.
Some of the action scenes are pretty cool, albeit not overly original. I think the final fight between
Elektra and Chinese Hair Boy is the best. Sheets are flying around in the air in slow motion, getting in
their way, and well, at least it looks pretty cool. But overall, this is more drama than action. Maybe
it's just the guy in me, but I wasn't interested in Elektra bonding with the little girl who has been
deemed "the chosen one." Nor was I interested in the little girl crying or Elektra crying or Elektra
smooching the dude from ER or... OK, you get the idea.
Elektra does manage to be better than the snoozefest that was Daredevil. But I wouldn't
take that as a great compliment and pat myself on the back if I were Elektra. After all, the parody
video my friends and I made in high school was better than Daredevil.
Maybe I was expecting too much. You see, I was hoping for a fast-paced comic book movie that would keep
me glued to the screen, but I got a female bonding (not what you think, Guy) drama with a few comic book
sprinkles on top that caused me to drift off a couple times.
Did any of you ever see the "Lowered Expectations" skit on Mad TV? At one point in the movie I caught
myself humming the "loooooowered expectaaaaaaaations" tune in my head. If you're familiar with the song,
then you'll likely find yourself humming it as you walk out of the theater. Better yet, if you insist
on seeing this at the theater, then hum it BEFORE the movie starts. Disappointment tastes a little
less bitter if you're expecting it.
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ODDS & ENDS
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- Elektra is a spin-off of Daredevil. I hope you already knew that.
- Johnny preferred Garner in 13 Going on 30, but he admits
she did look pretty good in Elektra.
- Johnny likes to refer to Goran Visnjic as a "foreign George Clooney wannabe."
- Jennifer Garner was in Felicity with Keri Russell who is in Into the West with Josh
Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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Parents may think that since this is based on a comic book that it must be fun for the whole
family. That's not exactly the case. Along with a handful of profanities (including one
G-d**n), there are quite a few violent scenes. It's PG-13 enough to warrant a warning
for the wee lads and lasses.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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The movie isn't nearly as action-packed as the trailer led me to believe it would be.
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THE GIST
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Elektra is not a movie I would recommend paying a lot to see at the theater. I suggest you
wait to rent the DVD if you're interested in it. Maybe it'll contain some deleted scenes that flesh out
the story and explain how all the bad guy's got their cool powers. Jennifer Garner is in great
shape and looks really good, but is that alone worth the full price of admission? It wouldn't have been
for me.
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