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	Movie Review - Eurotrip     (What this rating means)       Director: Jeff Schaffer Starring: Scott Mechlowicz, Jacob Pitts, Kristin Kreuk, Travis Wester, and Michelle Trachtenberg Rated: R (sexuality, nudity, language and drug/alcohol content) Length: 92 minutes Genre: Comedy Website: Eurotrip PLOT Lana Lang dumps Scotty after high school graduation (you go girl). Scotty explains all this in an email to his German pen pal. The German pen pal wants to meet Scotty. Scotty freaks out because he thinks the pen pal is a guy. With the help of his little brother he realizes his pen pal is a gorgeous girl. Scotty and his David Spade wannabe friend head to Europe and *yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn* excuse me, meet up with a couple of friends. They head off in search of the German pen pal and proceed to try to shock and disgust the audience as much as possible. The screenplay is written by the same geniuses that brought us "The Cat in the Hat." 'Nuff said. A stretching of its R rating ensues. JOHNNY'S TAKE I've walked out of one movie in my whole life - "My Own Private Idaho." A friend of mine thought the movie was about gangsters or something. It took us less than 10 minutes to realize that it had absolutely NOTHING to do with gangsters. As soon as River Phoenix started undressing for some dude we ran for the hills. The only other movie I strongly considered walking out of was the original "Scary Movie." I forced myself to sit through it, and to this day consider that probably the worst $5 I've ever spent. Welp, I'm here to say that "Eurotrip" is a movie I could have easily walked out of. I sort of didn't want to write a review for this movie because I didn't want to have to admit that I saw it. But after much deliberation, I decided that it was my civic duty to warn you and let you know that your money is best spent on something else. The main problem with the movie is that, well, it's disgusting. I honestly can't believe that it's rated R rather than NC-17. There's actually male frontal nudity in this movie, and I'm not talking about just a little. What's up with that??? Fat, old guy nudity. I just don't need to see that. Nobody does. Especially the 5-year-old kid who was sitting in the front row of the theater. The mother couldn't find a babysitter for the night? Well, then maybe she should have STAYED AT HOME! Unbelievable. And the rest of the movie? Just one lame sex joke after another, followed by more nudity. So let's see, what else did I not like except the fact that the movie was merely an excuse to see how far the limits of bad taste could be pushed ... oh yeah, IT WASN'T FUNNY, and I couldn't have cared less about any of the characters. That sums it up pretty well. Don't bother trying to remember the lead character's name (Scott Mechlowicz) because his career won't be around long enough for it to matter. I wanted to punch the screen every time he mumbled one of his mush-mouthed lines. Rather than rooting for him to find the love of his life, I was hoping tragedy and despair would befall his character. I would've *preferred* that the character be maimed somehow, but I would've at least settled for somebody shaving his stupid eyebrows off. Ah well, we can all dream. Jacob Pitts fared a little better, but he was mainly trying his hardest to fool everyone into thinking he was David Spade's little brother. My favorite character in the whole movie was the one played by Kristin Kreuk (Lana Lang in "Smallville"). She had a very small part, but it included her dumping Scotty at the beginning of the new movie. She's my new hero! I only wish she had broken his heart even more severely than she did. The two funniest parts in the movie involved a clip of David Hasselhoff wearing a white vest with no shirt singing a German song and a cameo by Matt Damon. What in the world was he doing in this movie? Must've owed somebody a favor. I spent most of the movie looking away from the screen and checking my watch. You know it's pretty bad when *I* lose interest and start wondering about the results of the previous night's American Idol voting. I know there's an audience for this type of movie, but I'm not part of it. Personally, I don't see the humor in old, fat naked men. And call me crazy, but I don't exactly guffaw at the sight of a young girl peeing on the ground. This is a movie that's just desperate to shock people. "Hey, let's show a couple having sex in a Vatican confessional! Ohhhh, and let's throw in a little drunken incest too! That'll raise a few eyebrows!" Unfortunately, it doesn't raise any levels of taste or humor. Am I crazy for expecting something a little more tasteful? For expecting something a little more intelligent? I don't think so. I could go on, but I've wasted enough of my time already. This is a movie that belongs on Cinemax at about 3:00 AM, not in a movie theater where 15 and 16-year-olds can easily sneak in. Avoid "Eurocrap" at all costs. You've worked hard for your money and deserve to spend it on something more worthwhile. MAMA'S APPROVAL It should come as no shock that there's nothing about this movie my mom would approve of. I doubt *your* mom would grant her approval either. Heck, I don't even want my mom to find out that I saw this movie. Too embarrassing. TRAILER COMPARISON I didn't find the trailer to be all that hilarious, so I wasn't expecting this to be a great movie, but I certainly wasn't prepared for male frontal nudity or the extreme dependency on lame sex humor. THE GIST If you can imagine the kind of movie a couple of drunk, sex-crazed high school kids would make, then you've got an idea of what to expect from "Eurotrip." Consider yourself warned. I thought it would take a while for something to beat out "Torque" as the worst movie of the year, but "Eurotrip" has done it. Yes folks, I laughed more at "Torque" than I did "Eurotrip." And "Torque" isn't even a comedy! I didn't pay to see this movie, but I still feel like I got ripped off. In fact, does anybody know how to contact director Jeff Schaffer? He owes me some gas money.	RETURN TO HOME PAGE Ghouls Eagle Eye Righteous Kill Tropic Thunder Traitor Death Race Star Wars: Clone Wars The Dark Knight Journey to the Center of the Earth Hancock Weekend Results: 1. Beverly Hills Chihuahua($29,300,465) 2. Eagle Eye($17,709,817) 3. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist($11,311,751) 4. Nights in Rodanthe($7,368,259) 5. Appaloosa($5,050,310)

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