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Movie Review - Fantastic Four (2005)
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Tim Story |
| Starring: |
Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, and Julian McMahon |
| Rated: |
PG-13 (for sequences of intense action, and some suggestive content) |
| Length: |
105 minutes |
| Genre: |
Action/Comic Book |
| Tagline: |
Prepare for the fantastic. |
| Studio: |
20th Century Fox |
| Website: |
Fantastic Four |
| Release: |
July 8, 2005 |
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PLOT
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Five people go into space, they're zapped with radiation, and they come back to earth and discover they have
super powers. Dr. Reed Richards (Gruffudd) tries to reverse the process while Victor Von Doom (McMahon)
decides to use his powers for evil. This goes on for the bulk of the movie, a lot of comic relief is
thrown in, and then we have about ten minutes of Dr. Doom in his cool mask during the movie's only real
special effects laden fight sequence. Roll credits. Nothing remarkable or all that fantastic ensues.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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Are you ready for a top-notch superhero "origin film" with a dark, charismatic lead, spot-on casting, high
quality directing, an excellent story, and grade A special effects? Well good news...
*pauses two beats for you to anticipate the obvious punchline*
Batman Begins is still playing at a theater near you! Zing! Man, I'm
good. Please send me an email with all your praise, and you can copy and paste this into the Subject field:
"Johnny Betts' obvious jokes aren't all that funny." That way, I'll easily know what it's in regard to.
But it's a true statement. Granted, Fantastic Four's stench is nowhere near as rancid as that of
Catwoman, Elektra, or Daredevil, but
it's really not all that fresh, and I don't know if back-handed compliments like that are really what the movie
was shooting for. But hey, looking at the reviews it's getting I think it should take what it can get.
The movie is actually a little more entertaining than I thought it would be, but my expectations were
lower than a Star Trek fan's on prom night, so that's not saying a lot. Yes, it provides a few laughs, and it
didn't send me into the stupor that Daredevil did, but there just isn't anything at all about the movie
that stands out. I can't pinpoint a specific thing about it that impressed me.
Shouldn't I be impressed on at least a small level? Am I supposed to be bowled over by Jessica Alba turning
invisible? Yeah, Claude Rains did it in an equally convincing fashion in 1933. Oh, I know, how about The
Thing? He's a big rock dude who should be able to do massive amounts of damage! Weeeeell, unfortunately
his foam rubber costume looks ridiculous. I know Chiklis fought hard against using CGI because he wanted to
bring the human element to the character, but he apparently forgot about the "laugh out loud at how ridiculously
fake the costume looks" element. Chiklis does a pretty good job, but come on. The main problem with the
character is that he spends most his time either lamenting his condition or being cute. Yeah, you're a big rock,
wah, get over it and DO SOMETHING!
And could someone please tell me who thought Ioan Gruffudd would make a good Richard Reed? This guy is supposed
to be the leader of the group? I guess he was close to being a convincing leader. All he lacked was charisma,
intensity, toughness, charm, emotion, and courage. Other than that... It also didn't help that most the
scenes where he was using his stretching ability looked like they came straight out of Looney Tunes.
At least they had a really cool bad guy, right? Surely you can't go wrong with Dr. Doom! Apparently
you can if Dr. Doom is in the hands of the guy who directed Taxi. Dr. Doom spends the entire movie looking
like an older Kerr Smith from Dawson's Creek, and then we get about 10 minutes of him in the mask?
Wow, thanks. And after the transformation he really isn't all the menacing or threatening. He sounds like he's
talking in a subway tunnel. Plus, his anger is understandable.
The guy has his entire business and livelihood stripped away from him, so naturally he's gonna be pretty ticked
off. Then the Fantastic Four get all the praise and glory for their new super powers? Bitter? Yeah, I think he
might be. He loses everything while they all become heroes. Let's face it, somebody with the name of Victor Von
Doom is destined to be a bad guy, there's really no way around that, so it would've been nice if he'd actually had
an edge to him. Where's the darkness? I'm more scared of Christian Bale as Batman, and he's a good guy! Doom
comes off as a bad guy for 6-year-olds to not be too scared of.
Another nitpick complaint is since this is supposed to be an origin movie, why aren't we given an explanation as
to why each person got the specific super powers he or she did? It's barely hinted at that the powers reflect the
personalities of each person, but why exactly does Jessica Alba gain the power of invisibility? Are they trying to
claim she has transparent acting ability? Speaking of which, she sure looks good in her Fantastic Four outfit, but
where is the emotion? Where is the conviction? I know she wasn't given much to work with, but put a little power
in your line delivery!
This certainly didn't help fuel the romantic angle between her and Dr. Reed. Whew, that didn't pan out, now did
it? I saw more spark in my 10-year-old brother's eye when he watched Dakota Fanning in Uptown Girls than
I did between these two. You'd think two scientists would know at least a little something about chemistry.
*rim shot* Thank you, thank you.
I do have to give Chris Evans some credit though. He actually seemed to be having fun with the role, and his
character actually has a personality. While the others were whining and moaning about their new, cool
super powers, he was genuinely excited about it. That's how I'd be. I'd just shrug my shoulders, ask myself how
much fame and money I could make off my little DNA alteration, and run with it.
I'm not too fond of his "flame on" catchphrase though. Sure, it's in the comic, but let's be honest - the saying
has a totally different connotation than it did years ago and merely opens itself up to mockery, as evidenced
by the guy in the audience who yelled out, "Where's Elton John?" And while we're being honest, we all have to
admit that the words, "Wow, Chris Evans really carried the movie," don't speak well for the movie as a whole.
As a superhero movie, this just isn't that good, folks. The best way for me to describe Fantastic Four is
that it felt like a pilot for a TV show. As a "Chris Evans at the Apollo" showcase it works, but as a comic book
translation? Nah. It comes off as more of a "sitcomic book translation." BA DA BING! Man, I'm just full of 'em
today.
Everything seemed to be slapped together and rushed in an effort to get a syndication deal. I wouldn't be at all
surprised to find out that 10 minute chunks of footage were cut out for "time purposes." For example, once Chiklis
turns into The Thing he goes to visit his wife, and what does she do? Takes one look at him and runs screaming for
the hills. Please. Personally, I think her first reaction would've been to ask, "What's with the foam rubber
costume? Is this some sort of joke?" But I guess it was easier to have her run off and then hook The Thing up
with a blind hottie at the bar. Why tell a story or bother with character development when you can fast forward
to the end result, huh?
Let me leave you with a public service announcement: if you're a Fantastic Four fanboy, and you end up
really enjoying this movie, then I'm truly happy for you. But please, under no circumstances ever refer to this
as "funtastic." You deserve to be punched if you do.
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ODDS & ENDS
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- I DARE you not to follow up a Michael Chiklis one liner with, "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk," or "soitenly." You may
recall that Chiklis played Curly in 2000's The Three Stooges, and the fact that they used The Thing as a
big element of comic relief really didn't make me forget that image.
- Possible directors included Chris Columbus, Raja Gosnell, and Peyton Reed.
- A Fantastic Four movie was made in 1994, but it has never been officially released. It was only made because
the studio who owned the Fantastic Four movie rights had to make it by a certain date to retain those rights.
Bootleg copies exist, and by most accounts it's not very good.
- Steven Soderbergh and Sean Astin showed interest in directing. Sean Astin? Weird.
- George Clooney and Brendan Fraser were considered for the part of Reed Richards. I can't believe I'm saying
this, but Clooney probably would've been better for the role.
- Paul Walker was considered for the part of Johnny Storm. Well, that would've killed the one spark of life
that the movie had.
- Elisha Cuthbert, Julia Stiles, Kate Bosworth, Rachel McAdams, Elizabeth Banks, and KaDee Strickland were
all reportedly considered for the role of Susan Storm. Rachel McAdams would've been my first choice.
- Tim Robbins was considered for Dr. Doom. Um, yeah, I don't think so.
- Recently, Michael Chiklis appeared on Conan O'Brien and claimed that it took over three hours to get into The
Thing suit and over 2 hours to get out of it. Why? How hard can it be?
- Jessica Alba is in the upcoming Into the Blue with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin
Bacon.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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There is one G-d**n (which seemed really out of place), but other than that there's not much for mama to object
to.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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The movie is slightly better than the trailer indicated it'd be, but that's not saying much.
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THE GIST
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Fantastic Four isn't the absolute chore to sit through that it could've been, and it does offer a couple
of decent action scenes and a few good laughs, but it's nothing more than a so-so comic book adaptation that
fails to reach its most basic potential. At best it's a rental. Do you really want to spend over $8 a pop for
a movie you'll forget within a week?
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