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Movie Review - Fool's Gold (2008)
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Andy Tennant |
| Starring: |
Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, Donald Sutherland, Alexis Dziena, Kevin Hart, and Ray Winstone |
| Rated: |
PG-13 (for action violence, some sexual material, brief nudity and language) |
| Length: |
113 minutes |
| Genre: |
Action/Romantic Comedy |
| Tagline: |
This February True Love Takes a Dive. |
| Studio: |
Warner Bros. |
| Website: |
Fool's Gold |
| Release: |
February 8, 2008 |
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PLOT
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Matthew McConaughey is a shirtless, modern-day treasure hunter obsessed with finding the legendary 18th century Queen's Dowry - 40 chests of priceless treasure that were lost at sea in
1715. McConaughey has risked everything, including his marriage with Kate Hudson, to find what would be the pinnacle of his salvaging career. Unfortunately, Kate is fed up and has
decided to pull the ol' divorce trigger.
But wait! The bare-chested McConaughey has roguishly found a clue that could lead to the treasure's whereabouts! Matthew uses his southern charm and ruggedly handsome five o'clock
shadow to convince Kate's employer, the ever-aging Donald Sutherland as a billionaire yacht owner, and his deer-in-the-headlights daughter (Dziena) to join him on his little treasure hunt.
Naturally, Kate can't resist tagging along for the search. Alas and alack, a few unscrupulous hooligans are intent on beating them to the prize.
Whatever on this green earth will happen?!?!?! Will our heroes get to the treasure first??? Will Matthew and Kate fall in love all over again and get together in the end??? Or will Kevin
"I Wannabe Chris Tucker" Hart and the rest of his rapscallions prevail, kill all the good guys, and send the mostly female audience home despondent and full of ire? Good luck cracking this
nut. An action/comedy you've seen at least 48 times ensues.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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Have you ever sat at home, deep in thought, lost in your own mind, pondering the age old question, "What in the world are the current cinematic explorations of the dynamic screenwriting
duo of that magnum opus of the serpentine genre Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid"? If so then you are way too overdramatic in your thoughts
about that little turd bomb of a movie. But lucky for you, John Claflin and Daniel Zelman are responsible for penning Fool's Gold, answering your question with a
resounding, "Not honing and fine-tuning their writing skills."
Closely examining the brazen fat rolls of the open-shirted Malcolm-Jamal Warner, my sister perplexedly asked, "Is that the guy from The Cosby Show?" "Yeah," I confidently
responded, "plus an extra 100 pounds." I sat smugly in my seat, basking in the knowledge that we would most likely not be subjected to anything more adroit for the rest of the movie.
I was correct.
Fool's Gold is a film, while not as mind-alteringly unwatchable as a typical Cedric the Entertainer movie, that offers nothing more intellectually-engaging than a post-closing credits
discussion of whether or not Theo Huxtable has a thyroid problem. It tenders little in the way of suspense, other than the speculation regarding just how quickly Matthew McConaughey will
prance around with nary a shirt to be seen. I didn't have a stopwatch handy, but this big twist was revealed in less than 10 minutes.
But you know what? That's all some moviegoers want - Matthew being shirtless Matthew, Kate Hudson being quirkily cute Kate, and enough silly shenanigans to fill three episodes worth
of Gilligan's Island. I mean, come on, there's a scene where the wind blows some chick's hat into the air, McConaughey races over to it on a boat, and then he dives into the air
and heroically saves it from salt water damage. The audience roared with laughter. My stomach roared with indigestion. Too much cheese, I guess.
So here's the deal - for me this is something to catch on an upcoming Saturday afternoon TBS "Matt and Kate Marathon." It's a combination of silly, stupid, corny, cutesy, tedious, and
intermittently funny. I prefer my laughs a little more clever and hard-earned, but if you're easily amused and don't require much substance then this is the film for you. McConaughey
and Hudson have solid on-screen chemistry, though not as strong as in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and this main selling point is
unashamedly exploited. The film knows its audience, panders to it, and the audience I saw this with loved it.
Once the third act hijinks ensued - replete with jet skis, blow holes, and bad guys falling out of planes - most everybody seemed willing to forgive the fact that the first half drags
about as badly as pre-face lift Joan Rivers. I would've preferred a fast forward button to being smothered with unnecessarily convoluted explanations regarding the lost treasure. I
have no idea why it tried to act like there was a story to tell. After all, there was a certain level of estrogen in the air indicating that no one was there to listen to Matt
prattle on about the Queen's Dowry. Unless he did it shirtless, of course.
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ODDS & ENDS
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- I didn't even recognize Ray Winstone. Man, he probably should've requested that his CGI-sculpted muscles from Beowulf be transferred over
to this movie.
- Matthew McConaughey has long claimed that he doesn't wear cologne or deodorant because he smells naturally fresh. Kate Hudson disagrees. She begged him to wear deodorant
for their love scenes because apparently he be smellin' funky!
- Hudson, however, has issued absolutely no complaints regarding Johnny Betts' naturally fresh scent.
- McConaughey has bigger boobs than Kate. I'm not being mean! Just look at the picture to the right for proof.
- Kate Hudson was in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with Matthew McConaughey who was in Two for the
Money with Armand Assante who was in American Gangster with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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It's not the filthiest PG-13 movie in the world, but it's not quite as family friendly as you might think. There are about 3 G-d**ns, plenty of "s" bombs, Matthew and Kate having sex
in a church basement, a brief shot of Matt's backside, and a quick flash of a girl's boobs. Does that sound like something you want to take your child to? If you answer 'yes' then
please give me your cell phone number so that I can call social services.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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The trailer is about as awful as having Richard Simmons as a bunkmate at Summer Camp. I watched it and failed to laugh once. Now, the movie ain't exactly steak and potatoes, but it's
nowhere near as awful as the trailer indicated it would be. Still, if you hate the trailer then you're not likely gonna fall in love with the movie. At best you'll summon a
lackluster, "Eh, it wasn't as horrendous as I expected."
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THE GIST
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I didn't hate it, but I sure am glad I saw it for free. If you love Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, and/or the combination of the two, and all you're looking for is some
silly popcorn fun then it might be worth a matinee to you.
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