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Movie Review - The Grudge 2
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Takashi Shimizu |
| Starring: |
Sarah Michelle Gellar, Amber Tamblyn, Edison Chen, Arielle Kebbel, and Jennifer Beals |
| Rated: |
PG-13 (for mature thematic material, disturbing images/terror/violence, and some sensuality) |
| Length: |
95 minutes |
| Genre: |
Horror/Mystery/Thriller |
| Tagline: |
What Was Once Trapped, Will Now Be Unleashed |
| Studio: |
Sony Pictures |
| Website: |
The Grudge 2 |
| Release: |
October 13, 2006 |
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PLOT
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Amber Tamblyn travels to Tokyo to find out what happened to her sister (Sarah Michelle Gellar) in
The Grudge. She meets a journalist and they attempt to unwrap the mystery
surrounding the house where Gellar served as a caretaker. They don't try very hard though because we really
don't see much mystery solving. A very non-scary "scary" movie ensues.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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Hey! The Grudge 2! What up, man? I have a friend I would like you to meet. The Grudge 2 meet
Johnny's Worst of 2006 list. Johnny's Worst of 2006 list meet The Grudge 2.
What's going on here? I was under the impression that this was supposed to be a sequel to
The Grudge rather than a remake. If that's the case then why does it do
nothing but rehash the original? This floater doesn't even feel like a movie. It's just a 90-minute soundtrack
of the weird contortionist chick making that annoying croaking sound.
A sound on which I'd recommend you not get me started. It was kind of creepy the first time I heard it,
but I've heard it about 12,367 times since 2004, so it's pretty much run its course. And it's made even
more annoying by the 20 people in the audience who thought it'd be funny to imitate the sound whenever there was
a quiet spot in the movie. Sigh.
Folks, YOU'RE NOT FUNNY SO JUST SHUT UP! I promise you, EVERY SINGLE TIME that a character was walking slowly
through an empty room (which is approximately 97% of the movie), somebody in the audience would start it up,
"Uhhhhkkkkkkuuuuuhhhhhkkkkkk." Yes, I know that's a horrible way to replicate the sound with letters,
but you get the gist. So then some dude in the audience would giggle, and not to be outdone, deliver
his own rendition. I was very close to just walking through the audience and punching random people.
I told you not to get me started.
There's absolutely nothing about The Grudge 2 that I can recommend. There's not a single original
scare or idea in the entire film. There's not one memorable acting performance. Are you a Sarah Michelle Gellar
fan? Welp, enjoy her two minutes of screen time and one line of dialogue. Are you an Amber Tamblyn fan? I hope
you can deal with the fact that she's given nothing more to do than walk around looking like she's suffering from a
pinched nerve. Can you believe the story (if you can call it that) is even worse than
The Grudge's?
At least the original was fairly creepy and boasted a few effective jump scenes. I didn't jump once during
this lametrosity (yeah, I made the word up, deal with it). That's right. Not a single time. The "scares" are
so manufactured and they are so blatantly telegraphed that there is absolutely no shock value once the "gotcha"
moment arrives. Watching this movie is like playing a good game of chess - you're always four or five scenes
ahead.
There are also some weird scenes thrown in that make no sense whatsoever. One that immediately comes to
mind is a scene where a girl drinks a gallon of milk and then begins to regurgitate it back into the jug.
Huh? I say HUH?!?! The audience laughed. I shook my head and sighed. There was a lot of that during the
movie. Laughing. Sighing. Head shaking. Falling asleep (I did twice).
The movie even makes a 1/5th-hearted attempt at a plot "twist." Wow. It's so bad that I don't think we should
even dignify it by labeling it a twist. Did they really think anybody would be surprised at the revelation of
who was hiding under the hoodie? Please. It was as shocking as Elton John coming out of the closet.
And of course the ending goes the whole non-closure "look, we might have another sequel" route. As soon as the
credits rolled the audience booed. My sentiments exactly. Had the audience paid money for this turd burger then
things would have most likely gotten violent, and I would've gladly led the charge.
We learned from The Grudge that there's a Japanese belief that when someone dies
in a powerful grip of rage, then a curse is left behind. Much like a Ben Affleck movie, it's a "stain" that forever
becomes a part of the place where the death occurred. Well, in The Grudge 2 we learn that when a horror
movie covers its budget during its opening weekend then its sequel will be rushed out, and more often than not it
will be as bad as this and will leave a stain on any theater where the movie shows.
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ODDS & ENDS
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- This sequel was green-lighted just three days after 2004's The Grudge
was released. The Grudge made $39,128,715 its opening weekend.
- The Grudge made $110,175,871 in the U.S. against a $10 million budget.
It should come as a shock to approximately zero of you that the sequel wheels were immediately put in
motion.
- Johnny made exactly $0 for his review of The Grudge.
- Oh wait, scratch that. The true value of my review cannot be determined because the joy all my readers
derived from reading it is priceless.
- If you'd like a piece of that priceless entertainment then please read my review of
The Grudge.
- Amber Tamblyn appeared in an episode of Sarah Michelle Gellar's Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
- I could be lame and use the same Sarah Michelle connection that I used in my The
Grudge review, but I'm not gonna do that to you. Let's make an Amber Tamblyn connection. And I'm
gonna make the connections through horror movies again. *ahem* *cracks knuckles* *stretches neck*
Amber Tamblyn was in The Ring with David Dorfman who was in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre with
R. Lee Ermey who was in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning with Jordana Brewster who was in
The Faculty with Piper Laurie who is in the upcoming The Dead Girl with Josh Brolin who was in
Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
Also, Robert Rodriguez directed The Faculty and is also directing the Planet Terror segment of
Grind House, starring Josh Brolin.
*places imaginary toothpick into mouth* Man, I'm good.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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Folks, do not let your pre-teens anywhere near this movie! After all, it contains THEMATIC MATERIAL!!!!
In all seriousness, this is fairly safe for the whole family. Obviously, I wouldn't recommend it for 5-year-olds
who scare easily, but there was a kid who looked to be about 10 years old sitting next to me that was laughing
the entire movie and calling it stupid. When a 10-year-old has the jones to mock you, you know you're not an
effective horror film.
There's no profanity, and there's no nudity. However, there is one scene in a girl's locker room where we see
some gals walking around in towels and bras and panties. Just cover your boy's eyes for a couple of minutes and
all will be well.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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The trailer looked OK, but I was definitely concerned this would be nothing but "more of the same." My concerns
were legit. The trailer also reveals a pretty big spoiler, but considering how bad the rest of the movie is, I
wouldn't worry about it.
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THE GIST
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If you're a total wimp and never saw The Grudge then this might provide a few
cheap scares. But I strongly recommend saving your money, otherwise, there's a good chance you'll be the one walking
out of the theater with a grudge.
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