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	Movie Review - Hellboy     (What this rating means)       Director: Guillermo del Toro Starring: Ron Perlman and Selma Blair Rated: PG-13 (sci-fi action violence and frightening images) Length: 122 minutes Genre: Sci-Fi/Comic Book Website: Hellboy PLOT If you can follow this plot, then more power to you. All I could gather is that during WWII, the Nazis had an ability to open some sort of portal, and I assume they wanted to use demonic power to aid their cause. The allies raid the Nazi camp and destroy the portal, but not before a demon slips through the cracks. Well, I guess we're supposed to assume it's half demon/half man, but the movie never fully explains. The demon, called Hellboy, grows up to fight against evil forces. A cure for insomnia ensues. JOHNNY'S TAKE Looking for a fast-paced, comic book action movie consisting of the good guy beating up a wide variety of super cool bad guys? Weeeeeell, you better just keep on lookin'. "Hellboy" doesn't provide any of that. Oh, Hellboy does beat up a predator-looking creature called Sammael about 7 times, but surprisingly there is a severe lack of monsters in this movie. And you know a movie is in trouble when the main hero looks like a sunburned Ted Danson with table legs sticking out of his head. "Shut up, Johnny! I'm a 'Hellboy' fanboy, and I loved the movie! Did you ever read the comic??" No. "Ah ha! That's why you don't like it then!" Well, you know, maybe this movie is easier to enjoy if you're a huge fan of the comic book, I don't know, but I don't need to read the comic to know this movie caused me to nearly fall asleep. When you're trying to attract a broad audience, you should at least try to develop a story that a person with no knowledge of the source material can follow. We're never told what exactly the baby Hellboy is, other than an embarrassingly cartoonish depiction of CGI. And once Hellboy is grown up, all we're told is, "He's a monster who fights monsters for the cause of good." But he comes off as just a weird-looking human with a lobster claw for a forearm. If he's half demon, wouldn't he have internal struggles about fighting for the forces of good? Dunno, the movie doesn't dare give us an idea. And the secondary characters either lack depth or are plain boring: FBI Agent Myers is one of the biggest wuss agents I've seen portrayed on film. He makes Luke Skywalker look like an absolute stud. Selma Blair whispers her way through her role as Liz Sherman, some sort of fire starter whose origin is never really explained. Abe Sapien looks like a badly rendered version of the Creature from the Black Lagoon, and he sounds a lot like C3P0. And that's not a good thing. Rasputin is one of the least intimidating, shallow villains of any comic book movie I've ever seen. The blade-wielding, Destro-looking Kroenen is actually pretty cool. Too bad his character isn't given much depth. I would've liked to have known exactly what he is. Prior to seeing the movie, I assumed it would be pretty cheesy, but I at least thought it was going to be fast-paced and action-packed. Thought wrong. The movie's first hour is pretty slow. There are a couple of good action scenes, but after about an hour I was still waiting for it to kick things into high gear. I just knew that the second hour was gonna be non-stop action and monster fighting mayhem! Nope. Things just get even slower. At that point I started checking my watch frequently and was fighting really hard to stay awake. The insertion of a love story into the proceedings didn't help matters either. I'll admit that it was funny when Hellboy got a little jealous of Liz and Agent Myers, but at the end of the movie when Hellboy and Liz are surrounded in blue fire and sharing a "Dawson's Creek" moment was just bad. Ron Perlman as Hellboy is the highlight of the movie. He does a good job, and although the character is silly looking, he's still charming. He had some funny lines, but he also had some really cheesy ones that you'd expect to come from Van Damme's mouth. If you're hoping "Hellboy" is a comic book adaptation in the same vein as X-Men, then you have truly misplaced your hope. What we have here is a comic book adaptation that somehow manages to move at a much slower pace than "Daredevil" and actually gives "Spawn" a run for its money in it's ability to not meet expectations. And folks, my expectations weren't that high in the first place. Steph: I would like to add my own comments, but I fell asleep early and missed most of the movie. MAMA'S APPROVAL There's nothing too offensive here. There are some mild profanities, and 1 not-so-mild "G-d**n." The main reason this isn't for younger kids is that I doubt it'd keep their attention. TRAILER COMPARISON The trailer led me to believe that I was in store for an action-fest. I didn't expect cinematic art, but I was hoping for something along the lines of "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen." I didn't even get that! If you watch the trailer then you've pretty much watched all the action that is actually in the movie. THE GIST If you like slow-paced comic book movies that lack any sort of depth, action, or character development, then "Hellboy" might be the movie for you. I'm sure the fanboys will find something to like in the movie, but those unfamiliar with the comic book (i.e. most everybody) should save their money for something else. If you insist on going, then take a pillow and I dare you to get the image of "Ted Danson as Hellboy" out of your head.	RETURN TO HOME PAGE Ghouls Eagle Eye Righteous Kill Tropic Thunder Traitor Death Race Star Wars: Clone Wars The Dark Knight Journey to the Center of the Earth Hancock Weekend Results: 1. Beverly Hills Chihuahua($29,300,465) 2. Eagle Eye($17,709,817) 3. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist($11,311,751) 4. Nights in Rodanthe($7,368,259) 5. Appaloosa($5,050,310)

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