"Johnny Betts is a rude 'abnoxious' jerk who needs to be 'punced' in the face."- A grammatically-challenged non-fan  
Movie Review - Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005)  

ratings
 
(What this rating means)  
   
Director: Angela Robinson
Starring: Lindsay Lohan, Michael Keaton, Matt Dillon, Breckin Meyer, and Justin Long
Rated: PG
Length: 101 minutes
Genre: Family/Comedy
Tagline: He's back!
Studio: Disney
Website: Herbie: Fully Loaded
Release: June 22, 2005

PLOT

Maggie Peyton (Lohan) has just graduated from college, and for her graduation gift her dad (Keaton) takes her to the junkyard and tells her to pick out any car she wants. Herbie, a car that somehow has a mind of its own, is near the end of its racing days and has been sent to the junkyard. It manages to catch Maggie's eye, and she purchases it. Herbie finds its own "unique" ways to goad Maggie into fixing it up and getting it into racing condition again. Before you know it, and I'm trying to keep a straight face here, they're ready for NASCAR! Another "why was this necessary" sequel in the Herbie series ensues.

JOHNNY'S TAKE

Johnny Betts I suppose I could just really rake this movie over the coals if I wanted to, but what's the point? It'd be like beating a physically handicapped kid in arm wrestling - it's way easy, but you walk away without really accomplishing anything, and you feel kind of bad afterwards.

Plus, I'm not exactly part of the main demographic for this movie, and if you aren't part of the demographic, then why would you even consider paying money to see it? What are you expecting? This is a movie about a lifelike car that spits exhaust in the faces of bad guys, leaks oil on their bad guy shoes, and opens its trunk, doors, or glove compartment whenever something needs to be revealed or somebody needs to be strategically hit in a slapstick manner. If those types of shenanigans send you rolling down the aisles in apoplectic fits of laughter then you're in luck. However, if you're like me and aren't quite so easily amused then you might want to veer your hard-earned dollars in another direction.

Dillon Even though I've never been a fan of the Herbie series, and this movie did nothing to make me a convert, there are some positives. The most important being that Lindsay Lohan is looking very good and is in fine pre-anorexia, pre-fake blonde form. She claims her current look (Ode De Skeletal Olsen Twin) is for a movie she's doing in which she plays a fashion designer, and she promises to put her weight back on. I hope so because she definitely looks better with a little meat on them bones!

The second positive is that the entire cast is giving it their best. They're not given great material to work with, but at least they look like they're having a little fun. I'm quite sure Matt Dillon is well aware that this isn't exactly a step up from his previous movie, Crash, but he doesn't use that as an excuse to phone in his performance, so I have to give credit there.

Wonder twins I think they should've renamed the movie though. I would've suggested Herbie: Fully Loaded WITH MUSIC MONTAGES! Sheesh. I honestly don't think I've ever seen one movie with that many montages. At times I thought I was watching a series of Disney music videos. What in the world? Was this a prime example of avoiding dialogue?

Oh well. At times boring, and never threatening to entice riotous laughter, Herbie at least moves along at a decent pace and is never quite so stupid that it's intellectually insulting, so I won't be too harsh. I'm sure it's loads of fun for the really young (under 7). However, when I asked my 10-year-old brother what he thought of the movie he replied, "It was OK." When I asked if he thought it was funny he replied, "Kind of. I guess."

Not exactly a ringing endorsement but not a total condemnation either.

ODDS & ENDS

  • Test screenings revealed that some parents thought Lindsay Lohan looked a little too "raunchy" in the movie. As a result, Disney had artists digitally reduce her breasts by two sizes, especially in scenes where she was jumping up and down. Necklines were also digitally raised. I'm actually not making this up.


  • Johnny pledges to never digitally reduce the size of his biceps while writing reviews. No need to thank me, ladies.


  • Jeff Gordon has a cameo as himself, and we can only hope he has no plans to ever pursue acting as a full-time career.


  • How many of you remember Breckin Meyer in his guest role as Gary Cosey on The Wonder Years? He was the cigarette-smoking kid who Kevin and Paul thought was really cool.


  • Lindsay Lohan was in Mean Girls with Rachel McAdams who was in The Notebook with Ryan Gosling who was in Remember the Titans with Will Patton who was in Into the West with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
MAMA'S APPROVAL

This is safe for the whole family. Rest assured you can watch this one without worrying about mama squirming in her seat.

TRAILER COMPARISON

If you like the trailer then you just might like the movie. I didn't expect much after watching the trailer, and I didn't get much either.

THE GIST

Herbie: Fully Loaded didn't exactly have me scurrying to find a doctor to tend to my busted gut, but it's harmless and safe for the whole family. At least its heart's in the right place. This is for the youngsters and older people who just love cutesy fluff.

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