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Movie Review - The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Alexandre Aja |
| Starring: |
Aaron Stanford, Kathleen Quinlan, Vinessa Shaw, Emilie de Ravin, Dan Byrd, and Ted Levine |
| Rated: |
R (for strong gruesome violence and terror throughout, and for language) |
| Length: |
107 minutes |
| Genre: |
Horror/Thriller |
| Tagline: |
The lucky ones die first. |
| Studio: |
Fox Searchlight |
| Website: |
The Hills Have Eyes |
| Release: |
March 10, 2006 |
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PLOT
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The Carters are a regular American family (well, one sister is played by an Australian displaying an American accent,
but that's beside the point) who are traveling to California in a huge trailer. Of course, the father (Levine)
wants to see the desert, thus he re-routes the trip through New Mexico.
Within the context of a horror movie we all know that's a huge mistake. That's proven when they unwisely take
the creepy gas station attendant's suggestion of turning off the main road to take a "shortcut." Yeah, A SHORTCUT
TO DEATH! The trap is set, the vehicle wrecks, and the family is stranded.
Unfortunately for them, they're stranded in an area that was originally used by the U.S. government for nuclear
testing. You see, the area isn't completely uninhabited. There are some genetically-mutated freaks living in
the area who have been affected by the radiation, and they seem to have a passion for killing any and all tourists
who travel through their hills. The Carter is the next family that must attempt to survive the massacre. Hmm, I
guess you could say all HILLS breaks loose? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry. The most brutal movie I've seen in quite a
while ensues.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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Shocking. Disturbing. At times hard to watch. All words to describe the horror of being forced to watch Michael
Moore take his shirt off. But these terms also accurately describe this brutally vicious upgrade on Wes Craven's
1977 low-budget horror classic.
What would you do if you were traveling through the desert and became stranded amongst a group of
genetically-mutated freaks who were intent on killing you? You'd probably die. Granted, I would kick all
sorts of genetically-mutated butt (not an easy accomplishment when said butt has a foot growing out of it kicking
right back), but the average human would be in some major trouble, just like the Carter family.
The father looks like he could handle himself in a fair fight, after all he is a detective, but what are three girls,
a boy, a cell phone-selling geek, and a pizza place (maybe two of you will get that lame joke) going to do against
a bunch of unnaturally strong psychos? How will they survive? Will it be through might or strategy?
You'll have to watch the movie to find out. And if you're squeamish then you'll most likely find yourself cringing
in your seat and watching with your hands over your eyes. The Hills Have Eyes is a movie that knows exactly
what it needs to do to satisfy its target audience, and it does it well.
Case in point... I'm not very vocal during movies. I usually don't clap and scream and hoot and holler like most
the dorks sitting around me, but there were a couple of scenes where I literally said aloud, "Ooooooooooh, crap!"
Of course, one of those instances was during a trailer for Phat Girlz, but one scene of violence left my
mouth hanging open for about 30 seconds. Then I realized that my mouth was agape like some buffoon, so I quickly
closed it.
It takes a lot to shock and disturb me these days, so congrats go to The Hills Have Eyes for accomplishing
that. It comes at you fast and hard and isn't interested in sugar-coating the violence it's about to serve up.
The intensity level starts high and never gives you an opportunity to take a bathroom break. I highly recommend
you address any and all bladder issues before the movie begins.
For me, the main drawback of the movie was the "hero." You can argue that he was more of a "regular guy" and not a
typical macho hero, but I felt he transitioned a little too quickly from a gun-hating wuss to an ax-wielding
killing machine. My hat's off to the dog though; that canine rocked! Easily the coolest dog in a movie
since the German Shepherd in The Lost Boys.
"I like horror movies, Johnny, but I liked to be creeped out more than being subjected to a lot of gore. Would
I like this?"
It's very doubtful. I'll make this as blunt as possible: this is a movie that contains severed body parts,
brutal shootings, axes to the head, a person biting off a bird's head and drinking its blood, and disturbing
violence to helpless women.
If that description turns you off then you know to save your money. However, if that fits your style then the
movie will succeed in giving you exactly what you want. But I have to say that if you think this sounds like
fun for the entire family then I'll have to decline any invitations to sit down with you for a family
dinner.
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ODDS & ENDS
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- Based on Wes Craven's 1977 film of the same name.
- Craven wrote the script for the original after being inspired by the true story of Scotland's 17th Century
Sawny Beane family. The family ambushed travelers on lonely village roads, killed them, and then cannibalized
them.
- The original movie was filmed on a $325,000 budget.
- In my opinion, this is an improvement over Director Aja's previous effort - High
Tension. The brutality is on a similar level, but Hills doesn't have a lame, cop-out
ending.
- I knew it! Ted Levine, who plays the father in this movie, was the voice of Rusty Nail in Joy Ride.
I quickly realized this and took the opportunity to make plenty of Rusty Nail and Candy Cane jokes. Armed with
this knowledge you will most likely do the same.
- Levine also sounds a little like the old guy from Blazing Saddles who said such things as "The sheriff
is a ni-DING-er" and "cracker croaker." If you have no clue what I'm talking about then you really need
to watch Blazing Saddles, now don't you?
- Good job by the special effects department! I wouldn't be at all surprised if I found out that some of the
actors were actually people with genetic deformities. Or maybe just residents of Little Rock, Arkansas. Thank
you, thank you.
- The blonde sister with all the adorable facial expressions is indeed Claire (Ravin) from Lost.
- I have bad news for those of you who will get excited when you see Billy Drago's name in the opening credits.
He has a very small role with no dialogue. Granted, some people might consider that a good thing. Since only
about five people know who Drago is, I feel obligated to point out that he's starred alongside Michael Paré in
such box office stalwarts as Deadly Heroes and Solar
Force. At least the last one gave me the material for a hilarious review.
- Billy Drago was in Cyborg 2 with Angelina Jolie who was in Gone in Sixty Seconds with
Timothy Olyphant who was in Coastlines with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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Let's see - loads of blood and gore, brutal deaths, and sprinklings of "f" bombs and other unpleasantries? Nope,
there's no way mama would ever sit through this one, and neither should your young child.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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The trailer is pretty straight forward and representative of what to expect.
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THE GIST
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This is easy. Fans of horror movies that place an emphasis on in-your-face brutality will dig The Hills Have
Eyes. Those of you who can't stomach it have been warned.
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