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	Movie Review - A History of Violence (2005)     (What this rating means)       Director: David Cronenberg Starring: Viggo Mortensen, Maria Bello, Ed Harris, and William Hurt Rated: R (for strong brutal violence, graphic sexuality, nudity, language and some drug use) Length: 96 minutes Genre: Crime/Drama/Thriller Tagline: Tom Stall had the perfect life... until he became a hero. Studio: New Line Cinema Website: A History of Violence Release: September 30, 2005 PLOT Tom Stall (Viggo) is a simple man, living a simple life, with an average family, in a small town. This quaint little life gets all shook up (Mm mm oh, oh, yeah, yeah!) when he kills a couple of bad guys who come to his diner and try to start trouble. The attention comes to the notice of Ed Harris and his gang of black suit wearing baddies. Harris shows up at the diner and refers to Viggo as Joey and starts talking about things that went down in Philadelphia. Viggo acts like he has no idea what Harris is talking about. Does he have amnesia? Is he living a double life? Or is this a bad case of mistaken identity? An extremely disappointing movie ensues. JOHNNY'S TAKE Are you in the mood for a fast-paced, action-packed thriller? Well, so was I. Unfortunately, you won't find it here. However, if you were extremely interested in A History of Violence after watching the trailer and you're in the mood to be disappointed, then by all means, knock yourself out with this one! I simply don't understand why everybody is praising this one to the high heavens. I was looking forward to it, and I hate to say that it's simply the biggest disappointment of the year. It starts off on a promising note when Viggo takes care of the bad guys who enter his diner. For a few brief moments it looks like it's trying to be a well-crafted mystery/thriller. But once it starts inducing unintentional laughter thanks to scenes that look like they came out of a bad after school special or a soft core made-for-late-night-Cinemax film we realize that this is just a complete mess. The sex scenes? Gratuitous and completely out of place. I have to believe that Cronenberg's desired reaction from the audience was NOT chuckling and shouts of, "Someone fast forward please!" And the acting of the secondary characters? Laughable. What was up with the high school bully? This Randy Travis/Patrick Swayze hybrid sashays onto the screen sportin' a nice 80s mullet and a flipped up jacket collar looking like he just tried out for a rejected pilot called Son of Fonzi. Viggo's son isn't much better, spitting out completely ridiculous lines like, "Hey dad, they want to interview you because of what you just did!" Thank you, Captain Obvious. The lion's share of the bad dialogue goes to this cue card reader, and I sure wish I could expose more of it to you. Unfortunately, doing so would reveal too many spoilers, and I refuse to do that no matter how much of a letdown the movie is. I dare you to try to avoid erupting into laughter when William Hurt's mob character appears and plays the cliché card so close to the vest that you're left waiting for him to say something like, "Youse wants I should trows youse a beatin'?" Were these supposed to be caricatures? The movie takes itself way too seriously for me to believe that's the case. I started to lose all hope once the mystery that was crafted at the beginning produced an unfortunately predictable payoff, but I thought there was a chance we'd be served a nice big slice of knockout ending. Thought wrong. Viggo's fighting at the end is pretty cool, but it only occupied maybe 5 minutes of screen time. So what do we get rather than a slam dunk finale? Well, the closing scene of the movie might as well be called "The History of Silence" (thanks, Shade!) because the audience is forced to sit there and watch Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello just stare at each other for what feels like about half an hour. I'm sure plenty of turtleneck-wearing movie critics will find some sort of hidden meaning in their glares, but had I been at home I would've been trying to find the remote so I could make use of the friendly fast forward button. ODDS & ENDS Don't listen to the critics claiming this is one of the best movies of the year. They're the types who like to look for social commentary and subtext that just isn't there. I saw this movie with 6 other people and every single one commented on how disappointed and unimpressed they were. The fact that this movie is at over 85% on Rottentomatoes shows that most mainstream critics are clearly out of touch with mainstream audiences. Viggo Mortensen was in The Lord of the Rings with Sean Astin who was in The Goonies with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon. MAMA'S APPROVAL Oooooooh no. There's profanity, graphic violence, and male and female (including full frontal) nudity. The gratuitous sex scenes feel completely odd and out of place, especially considering their length. Leave mama, grandmama, the kids, and the pets at home for this one. TRAILER COMPARISON This boasts one of the most misleading trailers of the year. I expected a good mystery combined with some fast-paced action and quite frankly, I got neither. THE GIST I was looking forward to this one, and so far it's my biggest disappointment of the year.	RETURN TO HOME PAGE Ghouls Eagle Eye Righteous Kill Tropic Thunder Traitor Death Race Star Wars: Clone Wars The Dark Knight Journey to the Center of the Earth Hancock Weekend Results: 1. Beverly Hills Chihuahua($29,300,465) 2. Eagle Eye($17,709,817) 3. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist($11,311,751) 4. Nights in Rodanthe($7,368,259) 5. Appaloosa($5,050,310)

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