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	Movie Review - The Ice Harvest (2005)     (What this rating means)       Director: Harold Ramis Starring: John Cusack, Billy Bob Thornton, and Connie Nielsen Rated: R (for violence, language and sexuality/nudity) Length: 88 minutes Genre: Drama/Dark Comedy Tagline: Thick Thieves. Thin Ice. Studio: Universal Website: The Ice Harvest Release: November 23, 2005 PLOT John Cusack's a lawyer who steals $2 million from his boss. How? Not sure. Apparently the people involved in making the movie didn't feel this was a necessary detail to reveal to the audience. His sleazy partner (Billy Bob Thornton) might have an agenda of his own. Connie Nielsen owns a strip club or something and is somehow involved. She and John Cusack have some sort of past relationship and they smooch a little bit, but I really don't know how everybody ties in together because character development isn't exactly this movie's strong suit. Disappointment ensues. JOHNNY'S TAKE "If you looked up disappointment in the dictionary, do you know what you'd find?" "Let me guess, a poster of The Ice Harvest?" "No, you'd find the definition of 'disappointment' which is what The Ice Harvest is." "Wow, good job of ripping off Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang with that joke, Johnny." "Well, what could be more appropriate since this movie is nothing more than a pale wannabe of what Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is?" Go ahead and look up "gratuitous" while you've got the dictionary open because that's a fitting adjective also. You know things aren't going well when the writers realize they don't have much of a story to work with so they force characters to converse in strip clubs for inordinate amounts of time. I guess they figured naked chicks dancing in the background would distract most people from the fact that nothing much is going on. It's a shame because the movie starts off with a slight amount of promise. John Cusack's voiceover tells us why he disagrees with the sentiment that there is no perfect crime. This must be the setup to an elaborate crime that Cusack and Billy Bob (whose role amounts to little more than an extended cameo) are going to pull off, right? Nope. We're immediately informed that Cusack has already stolen the money. Billy Bob and Connie Nielsen get involved merely to necessitate faux tension. How does everybody know each other? I wish I knew. The relationships are vague. Character development is about as thin as an Olsen twin's wrist. Potential puzzles go nowhere. For example, a big to-do is made over a quote written in the bathroom. "As Wichita Falls, so falls Wichita Falls." Multiple characters read this quote, leading us to believe that it is the key to an intriguing mystery that will be unlocked as the movie progresses. WRONG! In the end it's pretty much meaningless. As is the rest of the movie. Did somebody receive The Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing a Screenplay for a Mystery for a gift? How else do you explain the predictably lame plot twists? Talk about cookie cutter. Come on, were we really not supposed to be able to see where everything was going and who was doing the double-crossing? Give me a break. Hey! Let's also have a bad guy point a gun at someone and monologue just long enough to allow somebody else to thwart his deadly plans! And is anybody less funny than Oliver Platt? If a drunken, slobbering Platt (playing one of the most annoying and disgusting characters of the year) lying on the ground and chanting "man down" over and over is supposed to be funny then it's certainly lost on me. At least the glamorous Connie Nielsen is lovely for the eyes to behold. Unfortunately, that's simply not enough to carry a 90-minute movie. If you're in the mood for a major disappointment then The Ice Harvest is the movie for you. However, if you want to see how a real mystery/dark comedy is supposed to be done then I recommend Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang instead. ODDS & ENDS Made a mere $3,740,799 its opening weekend. Based on a book by Scott Philips. Randy Quaid's head is almost as bloated as Ted Kennedy's. John Cusack was in The Thin Red Line with Travis Fine who was in The Young Riders with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon. MAMA'S APPROVAL Um, can you say "no way"? Yeah, I thought you could. Language is extreme with 85 "f" bombs and various other words that would cause you to have a heart attack if you heard your kids repeat them. Nudity is fairly gratuitous as well with plenty of time being spent in a strip club. There's also a needless scene where Oliver Platt sexually taunts a Christian girl. This is definitely a movie that does its best to offend a wide audience. TRAILER COMPARISON Much less entertaining than the trailer would lead you to believe. THE GIST I typically like John Cusack, and I had high hopes for The Ice Harvest, but its vague relationships, lack of character development, and lack of restraint in regard to all things gratuitous made this a little difficult to sit through.	RETURN TO HOME PAGE Eagle Eye Righteous Kill Tropic Thunder Traitor Death Race Star Wars: Clone Wars The Dark Knight Journey to the Center of the Earth Hancock Get Smart Weekend Results: 1. Eagle Eye($29,200,000) 2. Nights in Rodanthe($13,570,000) 3. Lakeview Terrace($7,000,000) 4. Fireproof($6,514,000) 5. Burn After Reading($6,169,000)

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