|
Movie Review - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
|
|
|
|
|
(What this rating means)
|
|
| |
|
| Director: |
Steven Spielberg |
| Starring: |
Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, Shia LaBeouf, and Ray Winstone |
| Rated: |
PG-13 (for adventure violence and scary images) |
| Length: |
124 minutes |
| Genre: |
Action/Adventure |
| Tagline: |
None. |
| Studio: |
Paramount Pictures |
| Website: |
Indiana Jones 4 |
| Release: |
May 22, 2008 |
|
PLOT
|
It's 1957, and the Cold War is going strong. The commie Soviets are interested in uncovering the secrets behind some mysterious artifacts known as the Crystal Skulls.
Who better to force to help you than the famed archaeologist Indiana Jones? Indy gets entangled in a brand new adventure, this time amidst the jungle and much hokum,
and mixed feelings ensue.
|
|
JOHNNY'S TAKE
|
"Our job really is to serve up a huge helping not only of what Indiana Jones means to audiences who grew up with it," says Steven Spielberg, "but to introduce the
character to those who haven't. This new film is for the fans."
With all due respect, Mr. Spielberg, I'm a fan. You, Ford, and Lucas can ignore critics all you want, but when I sit down to watch an Indiana Jones movie, I'm
sitting down to watch it as an Indiana Jones fan - not a critic. And this fan walked out of the theater disappointed. So if this film was for me then I have the
right, nay - the responsibility, to inform you that you didn't exactly give me what I want.
Look, I entered the theater with a clear understanding that a tolerance for implausibility, and an expectation of close shaves and near misses, would be necessary, but
come on; Indy survives a nuclear blast by climbing inside a lead-based refrigerator? Dear readers, you must ask yourself, how far are you willing to suspend disbelief?
Let me paint the picture for you...
Indy realizes he's smack dab in the middle of a nuclear blast site, so he climbs inside the refrigerator. The blast totally levels everything in sight, including a jeep
driven by the Russkies. The camera shows a long range view of the explosion's mushroom cloud. And then what comes hurtling out of the sky? Yep, the fridge. It bumps along
the desert ground a couple of times and then Jones pops out, suffering nary a scratch. A CGI gopher looks on in disbelief. I slowly shook my head. If you can watch that bit
of tomfoolery without rolling your eyes then perhaps you possess a heart willing to forgive the film's many shortcomings.
Keep that heart strong, friends, because the silliness continues to flow. If I were a pre-teen then I might be able to watch Indy and his gang survive three huge waterfall
drops and think, "Cool!" But nowadays my reaction is, "C'mon! Seriously?"
Was I entertained? Sure. But was I let down? Even more so. The action, when not bordering on the absurd, is great fun and fairly imaginative, but too often the film appears
content hitting all the correct formulaic points without taking any risks. Why be bothered to raise the stakes when you can stay in your comfort zone and still load up
at the box office? The humor is hit-and-miss. Some one-liners soar high; others fall flat. As a result, the old Indy magic's not quite there.
My biggest disappointment rests firmly with the story. Gone is the search for ancient religious artifacts, now replaced with weird new age alien crap. I was with 'em
while they dealt with speculation and Indy expressed skepticism, but the last 15 minutes totally lost me. Aliens? Flippin' aliens?!?! The climax is just laugh-out-loud
ridiculous.
Knowing what I now know, would I pay to see it at the theater? At $9+ a pop, the short answer is no. A home theater system will suit it just fine. And that hurts to say.
This is the type of movie you want to walk out of declaring, "Man, that was AWESOME!" and then proceed to tell all your friends to pre-order tickets online. When you have
to caution your buddies instead, and warn them to lower their expectations then has the movie done its job? No, it hasn't. It's dropped the ball. Some might say it's
failed in what it should have accomplished.
Frank Darabont, who wrote the screenplays for and directed The Green Mile and The Shawshank Redemption, wrote a script in 2004 that Spielberg called, "the best
draft of anything since Raiders of the Lost Ark," but Lucas didn't like it. So on what did the bearded one insist? Aliens. Thanks, George. You really sullied the
franchise with that boneheaded decision.
Well, Mr. Spielberg, you said "this new film is for the fans." So, as a fan, I must ask you why, instead of leaving the theater still buzzin' from an awesome experience
I'm left to ask, "Nineteen years, and this is the best you could come up with?"
|
|
ODDS & ENDS
|
- A number of crystal skulls have surfaced in real life, some of which found their way into museums around the world, while others have remained in private ownership. To this
day, speculation about the origins of these artifacts ranges far and wide. Some say the skulls are relics of Atlantis and may have been wrought by space aliens. Believers
maintain they are matrices of radiant psychic energy with the power to cast spells, conjure spirits, cure illness and foretell the future.
- Johnny surmises they're an example of fine craftsmanship being used to perpetuate a hoax.
- "It was a tremendous disappointment and a waste of a year," Frank Darabont told MTV about writing his Indy 4 script. "It showed me how badly things can go. I spent a year
of very determined effort on something I was very excited about, working very closely with Steven Spielberg and coming up with a result that I and he felt was terrific. He
wanted to direct it as his next movie, and then suddenly the whole thing goes down in flames because George Lucas doesn't like the script."
"I told him he was crazy. I said, 'You have a fantastic script. I think you're insane, George.' You can say things like that to George, and he doesn't even blink. He's one of
the most stubborn men I know."
- Sean Connery was asked to reprise his role as Indy's father but he declined because he's enjoying retirement too much. Or maybe he read the script and couldn't stop
laughing at the climax.
- Harrison Ford was in Patriot Games with Sean Bean who was in North Country with Charlize Theron who was in In the Valley of Elah with Josh Brolin who
was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
|
|
MAMA'S APPROVAL
|
Well, mama attended the screening, but she didn't walk away overly enthused. She wasn't really offended either. However, a couple of "s" bombs and SOBs are dropped. They're
highly unnecessary, especially since Lucas and Spielberg know good and well how many kids are gonna see this. The violence isn't all that rough, but there are a couple of
"scary" scenes that parents might want to consider when deciding whether to take the wee ones - giant ants attack and kill a couple of guys, soldiers are gunned down
off-screen, and a few commies are burned alive.
|
|
TRAILER COMPARISON
|
The trailer actually raised my expectations, so it's not exactly an accurate judge.
|
|
THE GIST
|
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull contains several moments of action-packed entertainment and overall makes for a fairly enjoyable theater
experience. Unfortunately, the silly story and reliance on absurdity makes it an inevitable disappointment and will likely leave die-hard fans wondering the same
thing as I, "After nineteen years, was that really the best they could do?"
|
|
