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Movie Review - Smokin' Aces (2007)
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Joe Carnahan |
| Starring: |
Ryan Reynolds, Jeremy Piven, Ray Liotta, and Alicia Keys |
| Rated: |
R (for strong bloody violence, pervasive language, some nudity, and drug use) |
| Length: |
108 minutes |
| Genre: |
Action/Comedy |
| Tagline: |
May the best hitman win. |
| Studio: |
Universal Pictures |
| Website: |
Smokin' Aces |
| Release: |
January 25, 2007 |
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PLOT
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Mob boss Primo Sparazza has placed a $1 million bounty on Buddy "Aces" Israel (Piven) - a sleazy magician who has
agreed to turn state's evidence against the Vegas mob. When word of the price on Aces' head spreads, all sorts
of weird and quirky bounty hunters join the chase, while two FBI agents (Liotta and Reynolds) try to protect
him. Murder, mayhem, and massive audience indifference ensue.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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Boasting an eclectic cast, a visceral edge, and more mayhem than a Manson Family reunion, Smokin' Aces
ultimately fails due to its inability to offer audiences a legitimate reason to care about anything other than
the body count's final tally.
The "Anything with Lots of Bullets and Deaths is AWESOME" Teenage male demographic will likely look past all of
the film's shortcomings and declare it "pretty sweet." I, on the other hand, found it to be nothing more than
annoying. Well, I take that back - it was also obnoxious. Sure, there is a wide variety of "quirky" characters
sauntering from scene to scene, but what good are a bunch of caricatures when you can't stand any of
them?
There was not a single character's fate that I cared about, and as a result, I simply had no interest invested
in the film's story or its resolution. That made the last-second, tacked-on plot twist so exhausting. Andy
Garcia, through a haze of accent, crams a convoluted explanation into the proceedings in an obvious attempt
to convince audiences that the film is smart and clever, but the only reaction I could muster was, "So?"
Another one of the film's problems is that it makes no distinction between "quirky" and "plain stupid." Take
the little karate kid, for example. He is perhaps the most annoying character of any movie I've seen in the
past five years. Maybe even more. Chris Kattan is Josh Brolin compared to this brat. He is involved in an
embarrassingly long scene where he half-heartedly speaks in Ebonics and does a bunch of karate moves in Martin
Henderson's face. The heck? It has a good chance to be the worst scene of any movie I see this year.
Was everything deemed too sacred for the cutting room floor? Sheesh.
Non sequiturs like this just made me think the filmmakers were throwing in a bunch of weird stuff that they knew
made no sense with the hope that people would mistake it for being original and unconventional (one of the
Tremor brothers rapidly eating a couple of baby carrots being another fine example). I'm sure it'll come
across that way to a few teenagers out there. I, however, just shook my head and started thinking about how my
401(k) stock was doing.
The coolest thing about the movie is the 50-caliber sniper rifle that Alicia Keys' extremely annoying
partner uses. And by "extremely annoying" I mean "rejected American Idol contestant" annoying. Anyway, you
can't help but be impressed with its firepower when the bullets start flying, but even that scene is marred
by the stupidity of the FBI agents randomly firing their pistols out the window in the general direction of
the building across the street.
They have no idea of the exact location of the sniper but they're just going to shoot their HANDGUNS haphazardly
and hope for the best? Riiiiiiiight. I'm gonna write a sequel where a citizen was killed in the crossfire and
his family successfully sues the FBI.
At the end of this ballgame, Smokin' Aces, despite its attempt to create a style of its own, fails to
engage in any manner outside of its visuals. It introduces way too many underdeveloped characters with very
little to do amidst the backdrop of a story we're not given any reason to follow.
The movie desperately wants to be the coolest cat in school but it tries way too hard. It wants to be
different. Like all of its friends. Screaming "look at me! look at me!" may indeed get people to glance your
way, but the problem is that upon closer inspection we can see beneath the surface, and that's when we recognize
that what we're looking at just ain't all that pretty.
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ODDS & ENDS
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- Jeremy Piven's self-important smug has always annoyed me, but he takes unlikability to an art form with his
portrayal of Buddy Israel.
- Chris Pine does his best scuzzy Brad Pitt impersonation.
- Keeping an eye out for cameos is the most engaging aspect of the film. But when Ben Affleck is your best
character, well, where does that leave you?
- Jason Bateman is funny in his cameo, until somebody decided it was a good idea to show him in a thong.
I vomited in my mouth a little.
- The use of "dead" as a verb grated on my nerves. "I don't wanna dead everybody in the hotel." The worst
is one sentence where Alicia Keys' annoying partner decides to go a non-intellectual step too far and use
the past tense of its grammatically incorrect verb form - deaded. Sigh.
- You might remember Martin Henderson from Torque. Or you may have
successfully erased every memory of that film from your mind.
- While leaving the theater I overheard a girl say, "It was kind of like The Usual Suspects." A
DVD copy of The Usual Suspects showed up out of nowhere and slapped her in the face.
- Jeremy Piven was in Old School with Will Ferrell who was in Melinda and Melinda with Josh
Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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There's pretty much nothing about this movie that would meet mama's approval. It's loaded with profanity ("f"
bombs galore), nudity (including an extended shot of some chick lying topless on the ground), drug usage, and
graphic violence. If you can't find a babysitter and decide just to take your kid to the movie with you then
I'll be honest - I hope someone calls social services.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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The trailer made the movie look cooler and cleverer than it actually is.
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THE GIST
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Smokin' Aces will find its fair share of supporters, but I ain't one of 'em and I have no problem
admitting it. I didn't even think it succeeded in a "mindless action" sort of way. Your best bet is to
save your money and catch it on cable one day.
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