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Movie Review - Transformers (2007)
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Michael Bay |
| Starring: |
Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, and Jon Voight |
| Rated: |
PG-13 (for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, brief sexual humor, and language) |
| Length: |
144 minutes |
| Genre: |
Action/Adevnture/Sci-Fi |
| Tagline: |
Their war. Our world. |
| Studio: |
Paramount |
| Website: |
Transformers |
| Release: |
July 3, 2007 |
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PLOT
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For centuries, two races of robotic aliens - the Autobots and the Decepticons - have waged a war, with the fate of the universe at stake.
When the battle comes to Earth, all that stands between the evil Decepticons and ultimate power is a clue held by young Sam Witwicky (LaBeouf).
An average teenager, Sam is consumed with everyday worries about school, friends, cars, and girls. Unaware that he alone is mankind?s last
chance for survival, Sam and his friend Mikaela (Fox) find themselves in a tug of war between the Autobots and Decepticons. With the world
hanging in the balance, Sam comes to realize the true meaning behind the Witwicky family motto - 'No sacrifice, no victory!' Apparently the
Witwicky clan is not an original bunch. A whole lot of transformation ensues.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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I, Johnny Betts, do hereby solemnly swear that I will not insult the intelligence of the reader nor compromise the integrity of my writing
by using the famous Transformers tagline ("They're more than meets the eye") in an ill-advised pun. I have witnessed unsuccessful
efforts by other reviewers, and I refuse to take part in such laziness. The worst case involved a reviewer commenting that the Transformers were
"merde that meets the eye." My research revealed that "merde" means "crap" in French. That's pandering, at best, sloppy writing, at worst.
Said reviewer, who I will not give the dignity of naming, should be hunted down and beaten with a wet noodle.
Thankfully, dear readers, you have a reputable reviewer here who strives for something greater. You expect it, and I'm more than willing
to provide it. That being said, let's proceed.
*Johnny's Ultra-Hilarious and Amazingly Poignant Transformers Review - Take One*
Man, those Transformers, let me tell you - THEY'RE MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE! What? Oh yeah, right, sorry...
*Johnny's Ultra-Hilarious and Amazingly Poignant Transformers Review - Take Two*
Say what you will about director Michael Bay, and believe me, plenty has been said about the guy, but the man, in all his wispy-mulleted
wisdom, knows how to deliver action, and Transformers is no exception. In regard to delivering visceral thrills, the Michael Bolton
look-alike has outdone himself. However, before you work yourself up into too much of a fanboy lather; allow me to first caution you on some
of the lowlights...
While the film does deliver a good dose of humor, particularly at the sarcastic hands of Mr. Shia "Good Luck Pronouncing my Name Correctly"
LaBeouf, some of it is way too goofy. The Autobots stumbling around a front yard, stepping on flowers, and saying things like "my bad" is
cute for about, oh, two minutes. The problem is the scene is dragged out to close to ten and starts to wear as thin as Christian Slater's
hairline.
Adding to the awkward goofiness are several supplemental characters who are as unwanted as Leonard Nimoy at a Star Wars convention. Does
the movie really benefit from Anthony Anderson's banshee-like shrieking or an Autobot "peeing" on a character? And John Turturro's wannabe
tough guy Special Agent could have been eliminated completely. It's obvious that these are sophomoric attempts at appealing to seven year
olds who giggle at everything except 1982 Joke-A-Day books, but they all feel very out of place. It got to the point where I wouldn't have
been shocked had Optimus Prime asked someone to pull his finger.
My other complaint is once the action gets fast and furious, it is too hard to distinguish amongst some of the Autobots and Decepticons.
Several of them are a similar color, and their voices aren't very different, so figuring out who's who and what's what presents a
challenge. The action would have benefited greatly from pulling back, slowing down, and showing us what was happening.
But believe me when I say that these complaints can easily be ignored because overall the movie delivers, and it delivers big. There are
awesome car chases, top-notch CGI with seamless transformations, amazing battle sequences (the desert fight with Scorponok especially kicks
much rumpage), Megan Fox living up to her last name (speaking of rumpage), and enough chaotic action to satisfy any fan of popcorn
entertainment. Once the Transformers start crashing into Interstate bridges and slamming each other into buildings there is no way your
attention won't be fully engaged.
Should the movie have been a little edgier and darker? In my impeccable opinion, yes, it should have. But despite its flaws, Transformers
is a rare crowd pleaser that I will boldly proclaim must be seen on the big screen. It's worth a few extra dollars to let yourself
become fully immersed in its world.
All that remains to be said is that these Transformers, man, they are most definitely more than... *screen goes black*
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ODDS & ENDS
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- It took approximately 38 hours to render one frame of the CGI animation to portray the Transformers.
- It took approximately 38 hours to write one sentence of Johnny's expertly crafted review.
- The production budget was $150 million. That's at least $20 million CHEAPER than Evan Almighty's
bloated budget. Whoever is responsible for the Evan Almighty budget should never be allowed to budget
a movie again.
- Optimus Prime's line before facing off with Megatron "One shall stand, one shall fall" is the exact same line he said before facing
off with Megatron in 1986's The Transformers: The Movie.
- A Michael Bay hater will accuse Bay of being a hack in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...
- Hugo Weaving supplies the voice of Megatron. Peter Cullen, who was the original voice of Optimus Prime, reprises the role here and
is most likely thankful for the paycheck.
- Bumblebee's classic alternate mode was a Volkswagen Beetle, but this was changed to a Camaro. This was because Michael Bay wanted to
avoid comparisons with Herbie the Love Bug.
- Johnny, who drove a '69 Camaro during the formidable years of his youth, now wants a new 2008 Camaro. He doesn't want a yellow one
though. Like his women, he wants his blue with white racing stripes. Wait, what?
- Megan Fox was born in Memphis, TN, meaning she's at best the second hottest Memphian. I think we all know who tops that chart.
- Megan Fox was in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen with Carol Kane who was in D.C. Smalls with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow
Man with Kevin Bacon.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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I do believe there were one or two "s" bombs, and I think one character might have flipped someone the bird. Can't remember, and I left my notebook at
home so I didn't jot it down. Sorry. I do know that there is one uncomfortable scene where masturbation is discussed. It was HIGHLY out of place for
a film that has such a great desire to attract the pre-teen audience. Let's just say I was squirming in my seat a little considering my 12-year-old
brother was sitting two seats down. More than a few parents will be praying their wee ones don't ask them what the word means.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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The trailer promises action that will absolutely bring the house down, and the movie delivers on that promises. Folks, you can look at it this way -
the trailer wrote a check, and its butt cashed it. Wait, what? Don't blame me; blame the original quote that I reworked.
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THE GIST
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If you can get past some of the eye-rolling goofy attempts at humor then Transformers will take you on a thrill ride and send you
home a happy customer.
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