Frank Martin (Jason Statham) has been pressured into transporting Valentina (Natalya Rudakova), the kidnapped daughter of Leonid Vasilev, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency for the Ukraine, from Marseilles through Stuttgart and Budapest until he ends up in Odessa on the Black Sea. What's the necessity of kidnapping her? Not really sure. But along the way, Frank has to contend with the people who strong armed him to take the job (in particular, T-bag from Prison Break (Robert Knepper)), agents sent by Vasilev to intercept him, and Valentina's lack of cooperation. Naturally, Jason Statham proceeds to take off his shirt a whole bunch and he and Valentina can't help but eventually fall for each other. Statham's attempt to compete with Matthew McConaughey for most shirtless scenes in a career ensues.

Come on, folks; let's not make the decision process on this one any harder than it needs to be. If you've never seen a Transporter movie then you certainly don't want to start with this one. However, if you paid to see the second one and are determined to return for a third helping despite the disarming-the-bomb-under-the-car sequence (read about that in my review of Transporter 2) then more power to you. Have a blast.

This is 100+ minutes of Jason Statham finding excuses to remove his shirt and kick copious amounts of bad guy buttock. It's completely ridiculous, absolutely unbelievable, yet the fight scenes are highly entertaining.

"Aw Johnny, how unbelievable can it be?"

I'm glad you asked. One of the plot elements that is intended to drive the tension is that Statham and his freckle-faced companion have bomb devices strapped to their wrists that will explode if they get 75 feet or further from Statham's car. One scene involves a baddie stealing the car and Statham managing to keep up with him via foot and bicycle. By the time he's bike-surfin' down stair wells and leaping through warehouse windows and perfectly flying through his car window and kicking dude out of the passenger door, I was laughing out loud with incredulity. Was it stupid? Yes! Was I entertained by it? You bet. However, would I have been upset had I paid to see such a thing? I likely would've punched somebody in the face.

If you think that's something, just wait until Statham turns into a Duke of Hazzard, swerves the steering wheel a tad, pops the car on two wheels, and then drives like so until he's able to slide through a narrow space between two big rigs. I'm pretty sure I've given you all the information you need to make your decision.

I will warn you not to overthink the plot. And by "overthink," I mean don't put more than three seconds of brain power into it. Statham's transportation of chicky is absolutely pointless. The guys who kidnapped her could have just hidden her away until they got what they wanted from her father. What happens is Statham just drives around and rips his shirt off for 100 minutes until giving the girl right back to the villains. No reason is given for the necessity of Frank "Transporter" Martin's involvement.

But these are things of which we must not speak. Everybody involved in this production obviously realizes that if you have seen the first two films and willingly pay to see a third then you'll get either exactly what you want or exactly what you deserve.

• Jason Statham has never beaten up Johnny Betts in a movie. Think about it.



• Johnny Betts tried to turn his truck up on two wheels just by giving the steering wheel a sharp jerk, but all he did was swerve a little bit into the lane next to him. Someone then honked at him.



• Johnny Betts is determined to find excuses in everyday life to use his shirt to solve a problem, thus necessitating the removal of said shirt. "Why sure, I'll help you unload the groceries from your car. Let me remove my shirt first so that we can use it as a pulley device..."



• Jason Statham was in Death Race with Joan Allen who was in It's the Rage with Josh Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.

Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence, some sexual content and drug material, Transporter 3 is best-suited for teenage boys who merely want to see cool fight scenes and ridiculous stunt sequences. Profanity isn't abundant, but there is one G-d**n, an "s" bomb or two, and one written "f" bomb. There's no nudity other than Jason Statham finding every excuse possible to be shirtless. Have I pointed that out yet? He has a makeout scene with the Russian chick that is rather tame.

All of the trailers I saw were pretty action-packed. There was a little more focus on the faux romance than I was expecting.

This is strictly for fans of the Transporter series or males who simply can't get enough of action films where the good guy can beat up 10 bad guys at once with nary a scratch.