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Movie Review - The Weather Man (2005)
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Gore Verbinski |
| Starring: |
Nicolas Cage and Michael Caine |
| Rated: |
R (for strong language and sexual content) |
| Length: |
102 minutes |
| Genre: |
Dramedy |
| Tagline: |
... bring an umbrella |
| Studio: |
Paramount Pictures |
| Website: |
The Weather Man |
| Release: |
October 28, 2005 |
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PLOT
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Nicolas Cage plays a Chicago weatherman who is enjoying professional success ($240,000 a year as a weatherman???),
but is a failure in his personal life. Cage sleepwalks through the entire movie just demonstrating the mundanity
that is his existence. Should he take a job as a weatherman for some stupid Bryant Gumbel show? Will the extra
money make his family life happier? Will I care? Will you care? WILL THIS MOVIE EVER END?!?!?!?! Boredom ensues.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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"How you spend your time is more important than how you spend your money. Money mistakes can be corrected, but
time is gone forever." -- David Norris
I don't know who David Norris is, but his quote sure hits home. After a week-long vacation in the mountains of
Arizona, walking the dusty Western streets of Mescal and Old Tucson Studios where so many classics have been filmed,
I come back and force myself to sit through tripe like this? If The Weather Man accomplished anything it was
to cause me to reevaluate what I waste my time on. I may have seen the movie for free, but it stripped me of 100
minutes of my life, and I'll never get it back. It's gone. Forever. I could cry.
The tagline for The Weather Man tries to be cute by playing on the weather theme and states, "bring
an umbrella." Well, allow me to be cute and suggest bringing a pillow instead. A blanket might also be nice. Or
better yet, save your time and money and skip this one completely. And believe me; the weather theme doesn't stop
with the tagline. Oh no, it must saturate (see what I did there?) the screen! I have no doubt that there will be
a few beatniks out there who'll drool over the sage parallels regarding life and weather and how both are equally
unpredictable and hard to control. To that I say balderdash. Balderdash, I say!
Sure, life comes with its share of surprises, but it's certainly easier to control than the weather. Regardless,
the movie doesn't even present these correlations in an interesting or compelling manner. Had it been able to do
that (or at least given me a likable lead character to root for) then I would have been more than happy to lend a
listening ear. Instead, it tries way too hard to sound more philosophical than it actually is and only made me
want to rest my previously mentioned ear on the cool under side of an eider down pillow.
For example, I'm sure Verbinski wanted us to stand up and applaud as Cage shrewdly analyzes the fast, easy,
non-nutritional qualities of fast food. Cage stating (in his mind), "I'm fast food," seems designed
to be a life-changing revelation, but it's nothing more than a chuckle-inducing awkward line. Sure thing Cage,
and my mother's a fish. You'll need to have read As I Lay Dying to get the reference. Don't worry; both
statements are of equal faux significance.
Despite a few funny moments (the montage of Cage having all sorts of fast food items thrown at him being the best),
I was as bored as Nicolas Cage looks the entire movie. Why should I invest much care into Cage's character when he
doesn't even seem to give a monkey nip about what's going on? Yeah, yeah, life's a big ol' piece of dog poop for
him, but COME ON! Show a little emotion.
I get it, this is a story about a man who walks around depressed, talks about his depression through narration,
uses the "f" word a lot, and basically makes the audience as depressed as he is. I suppose my detractors will
tell me his lack of emotion represents some sort of near-comatose state that he has been forced into due to his
lack of really knowing who he is and what it's like to be alive. Hey, if overanalyzing crap like that sounds
like your idea of a good time then you obviously have lower requirements for amusement than I do. Just excuse
me while I yawn in your face and say, "Yeah, whatever."
I have come to the conclusion that I have far better things to do with my time than to watch a movie where a
father has a disturbing conversation with his 12-year-old daughter about "camel toe." I also don't need to
be disgusted by watching this same 12-year-old accidentally walk in on an oral sex discussion between her
parents.
"But that's real life, Johnny! Those scenes were uncomfortable, but that's just because life is so
uncomfortable! This is deep stuff man, deep stuff!"
Uh-huh. Real life can be pretty boring also, so I guess the movie was trying to capture that aspect.
Good job! Success! It's too bad that the movie seats were as uncomfortable as some of the subject matter; that
prevented me from getting more sleep than I did.
Cage, obviously in no mood to endear himself to real weathermen, points out multiple times that there's
nothing to the weather - it's just wind blowing around. Sounds kind of like the movie's story, or
lack thereof. There really isn't anything to it, nothing to follow. Cage is just a man complaining
about life while trying to find exactly what his life should be about.
Trust me when I say that if you usually find yourself agreeing with my movie tastes then The Weather Man
is not one you will want to give either your time or money. As the end credits roll the only thing you're
likely to think about is how you were just stripped of 100 minutes of your life, and you'll never get it back.
It's gone. Forever. You just might cry.
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ODDS & ENDS
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- I have absolutely no desire to spend time, energy, and brain cells trying to find odds and ends for
this bore of a movie.
- The movie almost feels like an attempt to appeal to the small Lost in Translation fanbase (which I am
not part of). Perhaps it should have been called Lost in Precipitation instead? Hahaha, oh man, I'm good.
Actually, I apologize for that. Just thinking about this movie while writing this review has bored me and
forced me to find cheesy ways to entertain myself.
- Nicolas Cage was in Matchstick Men with Sam Rockwell who was in D.C. Smalls with Josh
Brolin who was in Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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Mama would hate this movie with a passion. Profanity is abundant (particularly ye olde "f" bomb), and
there is one brief scene of sexuality that involves female nudity. I have no idea why anybody would even
consider taking a child to this.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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If the trailer impressed you then you definitely have different movie tastes than I do. You might enjoy
this. However, I found the movie to be just as underwhelming to me as the trailer was.
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THE GIST
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I'm pretty easy going when it comes to movies. All I ask is to either be entertained or intellectually stimulated.
The Weather Man did neither. It did lull me into a peaceful slumber for a few minutes, so it's more than
welcome to take pride in that.
The bottom line is if you were as unimpressed with the trailer as I was, then let that serve as a warning. The
trailer nearly bored a tear out of my eye, and that was only a couple of minutes worth of footage. Imagine
stretching that out for about an hour and a half and prepare to recoil at the horror.
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