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If you have ever attended an advanced movie screening then you know that a pass is required to attend these screenings, and on the pass it clearly states to arrive at the theater at least an hour early because you are not guaranteed a seat. Not all of the screenings are completely filled, but many of them come pretty close. There is always the chance that you can arrive late and still find a couple of seats together, but if you want a good seat then you better show up early.
I fondly recall one screening where a guy and his girlfriend sauntered into the theater about 10 minutes before show time. The theater was practically full at this point with just a few seats remaining up front. Rather than accept the consequences of his tardiness, do you know what he did? He strolled up the stairs (with his knuckles scraping the steps, of course) and started looking for two seats in the middle. I really don’t know what the point was because even Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles could see that the only seats available were in the first few rows. Did the guy hope everybody in the theater would clear a path for him and create two prime seats right in the center? Dude, you ain’t Moses, and this ain’t the Red Sea.
After failing to find any primo seats in the middle of the theater, he yelled out, “Are there two seats together in the middle anywhere?!?!?!?!” The guy – displaying an apparent phobia of patience – waited about TWO SECONDS for a response and then copped a little ‘tude. He sarcastically said, “Thanks a lot for helping me; I reeeeeeally appreciate it everybody.”
What followed was a truly hilarious moment in movie screening lore. A sweet little old lady yelled out, “There were plenty of good seats at 6:30!”
I laughed. The crowd chuckled. The dude shut up. God smiled. Atlas shrugged.
Hey man, you just got punked out by somebody’s grandmother; go enjoy your front row seats. Next time you’re welcome to get here early LIKE IT SAYS TO DO ON THE PASS! It’s a better alternative than yelling at everybody and acting like a citified jack-a-dandy. Is your name Josh Brolin? No? Then don’t expect me to give up my seat for you.
What’s wrong with people?