Archive for September, 2012

“What do you get when you combine a mom who would die for her son, a man who would kill for his wife, a volatile kid who you don’t want to anger, and time travel?  Some seriously jacked up stuff.

If you’re the type of moviegoer who prefers light-hearted movies that allow you to check out of reality and disengage the brain for a couple of hours then Looper is not for you.  It’s dark.  It’s intense.  It’s disturbing.  And there’s rarely a moment that allows the viewer to just sit back and breathe.  Digesting and exhaling will have to wait until the credits roll.”

Read the full review…

“Allow me to propose a crazy idea.  I don’t expect this to be wildly popular with the movie studios, but I think it’s something that all moviegoers can rally around.

When you buy a movie ticket, I think you should also receive a notice of cancellation.  You know what I’m talking about.  If you’ve ever been talked into buying a “student discount” magazine subscription, then I know you’ve thanked the good Lord after seeing that beautiful notice of cancellation arrive in the mail.  I’ll never forget the time several years ago when I let two college girls traipse into my kitchen and proceed to charm me into buying some magazines.”

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“Clint Eastwood in a baseball film?  Put me in coach, I’m ready to play!  Keep in mind, as a lifelong fan of both Clint and baseball, there’s a lot that would’ve had to have gone wrong for me to not enjoy this film.  And in all honesty, there’s not a lot for me to say so I’m going to keep this short and sweet.”

Read the rest of the review…

“An ancestor of Oscar Mayer (Jan-Michael Vincent – playing John Mayer) becomes enraged when he reads a beloved and famous movie reviewer’s website where the famed reviewer refers to Frankfurters as Frankenfurters and comments on how appropriate the name is due to the fact that Frankfurters are indeed pieced together from various meat parts.  Hotdogs soon become known as the “Frankenstein of meat products” and Oscar Mayer’s sales begin to dwindle.

Mayer decides to seek vengeance and begins to raise an army of hot dogs by injecting them with human DNA.  He vows that anybody and everybody who has ever referred to hotdogs as “Frankenfurters” will rue the day…”

Read the rest of the exciting synopsis of Frankenfurter…

“If you have ever attended an advanced movie screening then you know that a pass is required to attend these screenings, and on the pass it clearly states to arrive at the theater at least an hour early because you are not guaranteed a seat.  Not all of the screenings are completely filled, but many of them come pretty close.  There is always the chance that you can arrive late and still find a couple of seats together, but if you want a good seat then you better show up early.

I fondly recall one screening…”

Continue reading The Early Bird Gets the Seat…

“I was sitting at work one day when the phone rang.  It was an acquaintance who called to give me his feedback on a movie screening that he had attended the previous night.  I was unable to attend the screening because I had a prior engagement, and since he noticed my absence he felt he should take it upon himself to share his thoughts regarding the film.It took all of about 3 minutes before he blurts out this considerate nugget…”

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“You know how the story goes.  You’re sitting in the theater, enjoying the movie, and then suddenly you hear the distinctive sound of a cell phone ringing.  You sigh, shake your head, and silently wish ill will upon the perpetrator (seeking the Lord’s forgiveness later, of course).  You figure common courtesy will rule the day and the guy will silence the cell phone and all will be well.  It takes approximately 2 seconds to realize that you should’ve brought a calculator because you figured wrong.”

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If you haven’t read Part 1 of the Johnny Betts vs. Fast Food Employees saga then go read it now so you can have the full context.  In Part 1 I detail a frustrating experience I had at a fast food establishment that could have likely been avoided if the employee had received a little more extensive training.  Welp, while my article mainly garnered worldwide praise and approval, there was at least one detractor.  We will call her “Kit Kat” which will be denoted as “KK.”

Continue reading to find out what upset her and what the resolution was…

“Becoming frustrated that their efforts to try to get humans to eat more chicken aren’t as successful as they hoped, the cows decide it’s time to go after what they feel is the source of the problem and eat more humans.  A deadly combination of this frustration and mad cow disease (which becomes more out of control than ever) turns the formerly docile bovines into savage killers.”

Continue reading…

Several years ago I therapeutically wrote an article detailing a frustrating experience that I had at a lovely fast food establishment.  The article garnered much praise and responses around the globe from innocent Big Mac consumers who have suffered similar experiences.  Well, I received one email from a fast food employee that wasn’t quite as laudatory.  Below is my original article.  The email exchange I had with the employee will follow next week.  Enjoy…

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