I know what you're thinking: "Now wait a minute, you're already offering us a chance to see The Muppets for free, now you're giving us an opportunity to win a free soundtrack?!?!  Come on, nobody is this generous, are they?"

What can I say.  I like making my readers happy.  Plus, the Star Wars Blu Ray set isn't the only thing I want for Christmas.  The PS3 version of the Metal Gear Solid HD Collection sure would be nice as well...

Head to the sign up page and follow the directions.

Who wants to see The Muppets for free?  All right, put your hands down.  You know what to do.  Head over to the sign up page and register. You'll get two "admit two" passes.

Don't worry; I'll let you know how exactly you can thank me when we get closer to Christmas time.  But y'all can go ahead and call dibs on who's gonna get me the Star Wars Blu-Ray set.

Everybody likes free stuff, right?  I know the majority of you readers do.  Well, good news!  I have TWO opportunities for you to win some REAL STEEL goods.  Check out the links below for more info on how to win a REAL STEEL soundtrack and a Royal Purple motor oil prize pack

Win a REAL STEEL soundtrack.

Win a ROYAL PURPLE prize pack.

Making my readers happy, it's what I do.

Breakout Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn (THE PUSHER Trilogy, BRONSON, VALHALLA RISING) throttles into the Hollywood fast lane with the precision-crafted action caper DRIVE.

Starring:  Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Christina Hendricks and Bryan Cranston
Rating: R
Official Website: http://www.drive-movie.com
Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/drivethemovie
YouTube page: www.youtube.com/drivethemovie
Twitter Account: @FilmDistrict

Synopsis

Ryan Gosling stars as a Los Angeles wheelman for hire, stunt driving for movie productions by day and steering getaway vehicles for armed heists by night. Though a loner by nature, Driver can’t help falling in love with his beautiful neighbor Irene (Carey Mulligan), a vulnerable young mother dragged into a dangerous underworld
by the return of her ex-convict husband Standard (Oscar Isaac).

DRIVE opens TODAY at a theater near you.

Yes, I'm still alive, and yes, The Movie Mark will soon reign supreme once again.  In an effort to make updating the site as pain-free as possible for me, the site's undergoing a few more behind-the-scenes renovations.  Once my master plan is complete I hope to post updates two or three times a day.

In the meantime, I know you readers have been starved for entertainment, and your cries have been heard.  But before I give you the gift of laughter, I would like to give you the gift of a free movie screening.  It's been a while, huh? 

Today's free screening is for Ryan Gosling's upcoming action caper DRIVE.  You know what to do.  Sign up here and wait patiently for your epass. Please make sure you enter your email address correctly. Otherwise, you won't get the epass.

Humans are very strange creatures.  What is it about a supermarket line or the Interstate that makes a person's IQ automatically drop by at least 50 points?  Do you ever witness people doing such outlandishly stupid things that you can't help but wonder how they actually manage to survive?

Every day I see people doing stuff that defies all levels of common sense.  Things that are so mind-numbingly inexplicable that you haven't a clue how to react.  Things that make you stare in disbelief and simply ask, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE?"

I may not have all of life's answers, but I sure have the ability to call out ignorance when I'm in its presence.  I am urging you, dear reader, to answer that call as well.  You're reading The Movie Mark, so I know your IQ level is higher than the average bear's.  Now you can either rest comfortably because of that or you can join me in my crusade to stamp out the plague of stupidity that is running rampant across this great nation.  Will you accept your responsibility?

My beef for today?  Audible yawning at the theater.  Join me as I philosophically explore this cinematic bewilderment in my article Is the Audible Yawning Necessary? (a "what's wrong with people?" pasquinade).

Shawn Paul Mathenia is back with yet another review of yet another movie that wasn't screened in Memphis and that I was too cheap to pay to see at the theater.  This time, Shawn brings you his review of Thor. 

"When I left that Blockbuster store that cold, fateful November day I'm pretty sure I heard somebody in the distant background say to another customer, 'You know who that was?  That was The Movie Mark.  If he writes an article about this then Blockbuster can start to count its days.'"

Here's an update to an old article regarding a conflict I had several years ago with Blockbuster.  This update proposes the theory that the original article started the ripple effect that led to Blockbuster's downfall.

"You're delusional!"

Maybe so, but controversy is sensational, and that's what grabs attention these days.  Go ahead and  read How The Movie Mark Brought About Blockbuster's Demise and tell me you don't appreciate having somebody so willing to fight on the side of the underdog.

"Again, you know how to spell 'delusional,' right?"

Yes, and if I had worked at Blockbuster I would've also known how to add $2.50 to a gift card.

They didn't screen Fast Five in Memphis.  You know what that means, right?  Of course you do.  It means I didn't shell out the big bucks to go see it at the theater.  That's what Redbox is for.  My buddy Shawn Mathenia, however, is a lot more willing to contribute to a film's box office. 

You know what else that means?  You get treated to Shawn's review of Fast Five.  Now, for all of those emailing me, calling me, and camping on my front lawn begging for me to write another review, well, good news!  I will be screening Something Borrowed tonight, and I assure you it'll get the full-fledged MovieMark treatment.  Hold your applause until Friday.

Am I back in full swing?  Well, close.  When my laptop died I lost my copy of Photoshop CS.  I'm not about to spend $700 to buy a new copy, so I've been searching for a free, open source alternative.  I found one that's pretty good, but I'm still learning the software.  So please, excuse the temporary imperfection of the graphics.

Without further ado, I present to you Shawn Mathenia's review of Hanna. 

Tune in tomorrow when I share with you how I'm partially responsible for Blockbuster's collapse.

What up, all seven of my readers?  Oh wait, I think I finally reached eight.  My apologies for my lack of posting during the last two weeks, but my hard drive died, and I'm slowly recovering.  My good buddy Shawn Mathenia saw Source Code last weekend, and he was kind enough to send me a review.  Unfortunately, I don't have my graphics software properly installed, and I'll spare you the full report, so I'll just say that for right now I need to post his review right here on the front page.  Don't worry; things will be back to normal soon (whatever "normal" is) and Source Code will soon reside within its own review page.  As for now, I give you Shawn Mathenia's review...

***

Hey everybody, nope, this isn't Adam.  It is your friendly, neighborhood fill-in reviewer, Shawn Mathenia.  I am reviewing SOURCE CODE today.  Why did Adam not do it?   His wife made him watch a Lifetime channel movie marathon on Saturday.  Poor guy was waste deep in man-hating estrogen all weekend.  He needs your prayers.

I am going to start a little bit differently this time.  I am going to give you my rating first: I give it 4 out of 5 boots.  I loved it and wanted to give it 5, but there were a few flaws with the story.

Here is the movie premise from IMDB: An action thriller centered on a soldier who wakes up in the body of an unknown man and discovers he's part of a mission to find the bomber of a Chicago commuter train.

I am a HUUUUUUGE sci-fi fan.  I don't think my wife realized how much of a nerd she was marrying.  My fellow comedians knew I was a nerd.  But it wasn't until I did a joke about the 4th Law of Robotics, that they realized that I was a 110% sci-fi nerd.

As a sci-fi nerd, I have seen my share of sucky sci-fi misfires.  Source Code is a successful mix of action and brains and sci-fi.  It is a rarity that you find a smart sci-fi that keeps you on the edge of your seat.  This movie did just that.

Now, I can't go much into detail here.  It is too much fun to watch the movie unfold on your own, and every detail would screw that up.  I knew nothing about the movie going in, and that is the best kind of movie experience.  I compare it to seeing 6th Sense for the first time.  

My only problem was this: They borrowed a little bit of the story from Quantum Leap.  Many of the other reviewers said that Source Code was "so original" ... I disagree.  You can't borrow from other ideas and be "original".  In Quantum Leap, Dr. Sam Beckett leaps into other peoples' bodies.  They in turn leap into his.  Then, when he has righted the wrong, they leap back into their own bodies.  Source Code never goes into detail about what happens to the guy's "essence" that our hero jumps into.  It is a big elephant deuce in the middle of the room for the entire movie.  It leaves you feeling a little dirty.

But if you erase Dr. Sam Beckett from your memories, while watching the movie, it is a great film to lose yourself for 93 minutes.   But it is impossible to erase Dr. Beckett completely; stay for the credits and you will see why.

It is well worth the time and the money.  Putting such a solid movie into a 93-minute package is unheard of these days, but they pull it off.

It is PG-13 for a reason: intense and a little language.

Next on my agenda will be HANNA, so be looking for that review this weekend.  Then soon, very soon is THOR....I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!

First of all, thanks to my buddy Shawn M. for alerting me to this.  Now, here's the story, as I've read it - Rebecca Black is a 13-year-old 8th grader from Orange County, CA who grew up doing musical theater, talent shows, etc.  A friend told her about a record label in Los Angeles called ARK Music Factory, she had an audition, and she was given the opportunity to record one of two pre-written songs.  Her mother paid $2000 for a video package and all rights to the song that she chose - Friday.

The fruits of her labor are below.  Watch and then I'll discuss.

Are you done laughing yet?  As you can imagine, this video has gotten quite a bit of negative backlash.  Let's be honest - the song features some of the most abysmally vapid lyrics put to record.  When I first heard this I - rightfully so - thought Ms. Black must have written them.  "OK, this is pretty bad, but I can understand it coming from the mind of a 13-year-old," I thought to myself.  I was shocked to find out that it was actually written by two grown men - Clarence Jey and Patrice Wilson.

But let's ignore that for a moment and look at the gems to be found here...

• This is a song about making the tough choices in life.  Put yourself in her shoes.  It's early in the morning, and she needs to get to school.  All of a sudden her friends drive up and she's hit with a major decision.  Some are kickin' in the front seat, and others are si'in' in the back seat.  Tell me, which seat could YOU taaaaaaaaaaaake?
• A girl and her friends who couldn't be whiter if they were at an Earnhardt, Jr. rally are trying hard to be ghetto.  Don't you just love that she's "gi'in' down on Fry-day" and "si'in' in the back seat"?
• Party-ing.  Party-ing.  Yeah!  Party-ing.  Party-ing.  Yeah!  Fun.  Fun.  Fun.  Fun.
• We we we so excited.

I'm thankful for the bridge that comes a little more than halfway through the song.  Some may wince in pain and recoil in sheer horror at such lyrics as "Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwaaaaaards,"  but this instructional piece regarding the days of the week is instrumental in making listeners aware that this song is about FRIDAY and not "Fry Day."

Ms. Black's unique enunciation could lead listeners to believe that she's simply singing about her excitement in regard to a day at school in which the cafeteria serves French fries.

After the bridge, however, the video takes a turn for the extremely creepy.  See the 30-something black man who shows up out of nowhere, attempting some sort of rap?  That's Patrice Wilson, co-writer of the song.  Not only is his appearance completely out of place in a video saturated with junior high schoolers looking forward to their weekend, but why does he seem overly excited by a school bus passing by him?  And why does it make him want to scream?  What exactly is this guy cruising for?

Somebody please call Dateline's Chris Hansen and ask him to investigate.

I feel sorry for Ms. Black, considering the negativity she has had to endure.  She's a teenager who's simply chasing her dream.  Nothing wrong with that, and she certainly hasn't warranted the vitriolic statements that she's been bombarded with.  Even Ms. Black and her mother considered the quality of the lyrics to be questionable.

The "songwriters" of Friday, on the other hand?  They've delivered the so-bad-it's-good music video equivalent of Troll 2, and they should be mature enough to understand there's really no defending a song that feels compelled to rhyme "bowl" and "cereal" and to inform us that Thursday comes before Friday.

Gone are the days of hard work, determination, and persistence; enter the era of the power of social media and a couple grand.  This may be how things are "trending," but I don't know that I like the trend.

"What exactly was I just subjected to?  I was willing to buy into the potential wrapped within the concept of a dark version of the Little Red Riding Hood story.  And when I saw that Gary Oldman was on board as a werewolf hunter I naively thought to myself, 'OK, this could work.'  Then I watched the movie..."

Dear readers, that was just awful.  Do yourself a favor and read my review.  You'll be thankful.

I also saw Battle: Los Angeles this week.  If all you're looking for is an alien invasion movie featuring gunfire, explosions, and the U.S. military kicking alien rump then you'll be entertained.  Full review on Monday.

You're likely all too familiar with the scenario.  You're sitting in the theater, enraptured by yet another Josh Brolin performance, when out of nowhere it happens.  The silence within the crowd is disrupted by the distinctive sound of a cell phone ringing.  You sigh, shake your head, and silently wish ill will upon the perpetrator.  Oh well, you figure the guy will silence the cell phone and all will be well within a couple of seconds.  Next time, bring your calculator, because you most likely have figured wrong.

Tommy McTexter is in the building, and not only does he answer his phone, but he proceeds to have a conversation.  In his regular speaking voice.  This citified jack-a-dandy doesn't even have the courtesy to whisper.  Sure, it would be nice to actually hear the dialogue in the movie, but Mr. McTexter apparently has an important phone conversation to attend to.

"Hey! ... I'm at the movies ... The Dark Knight ... Yeah, it's pretty good ... All right ... OK ... Sounds cool ... Yeah man ... works for me ..."

Yep.  Obviously a dire emergency.  Two minutes later he's done with the call, but he exacerbates the situation as he launches into an all-out texting assault.  The blue glow from his phone lights up the area around him like Christmas, and his finger-tapping might as well be tiny machine gun fire in your ears.  You start to look around the theater for anything you can transform into a make-shift weapon.

McTexter is a dangerous beast.  Possessing a calloused soul and not an ounce of self-awareness or shame,  shouts of, "Shut up, you jerk!" are impervious to him.  Hearing neither voices of reason nor those of dissent, this villain cannot be overcome with mere words.

The temptation to use his teeth as a speed bag will be great and can only be overcome by the most calm and collected of us.

Tommy McTexter could avoid his potential downfall by turning off the ringer or leaving the phone in the car, effectively keeping the temptation out of sight.  In all honesty, if he knows of a potential life emergency that requires him to be near his cell phone then he probably shouldn't be at the movies in the first place.

However, if McTexter must have quick and easy access to the phone then he should sit in an aisle seat and take any and all phone or texting conversations outside.  Once somebody has gone full McTexter then there's a great likelihood that The Movie Mark will be called in and the situation will be dealt with swiftly.

Tommy McTexter... I know you're out there.  I have seen the damage you've left in your wake, and your continued persecution of movie-goers must stop.  I'm issuing the warning now.  The next time you're talking on your cell phone or texting your buddies during a movie don't be surprised if a tall, dark, and handsome hero calmly removes the phone from your hand, launches it toward the front of the theater, and then delivers his best Schwarzenegger impersonation: 

Turning to you, he flicks a toothpick in your general direction and deadpans, "Looks like your minutes are up."

Please see The Complete Guide to People-Watching at the Theater for descriptions of more characters you might run into at your local theater.

CULVER CITY, Calif., February 24, 2011 - Today marks the 69th anniversary of The Battle of Los Angeles, which remains one of the strangest events of WWII and is still a mystery to this day.  The event took place during the night between February 24-25, 1942.  Never fully explained, these events remain shrouded in mystery and the subject of intense speculation.

Beginning shortly after 2 am on February 25, and throughout the night, unidentified objects were reported over Los Angeles and the threat was so unusual that air raid sirens were sounded, and a total blackout was ordered.   At 3:16 am, the 37th Coast Artillery Brigade began firing 12.8-pound antiaircraft shells at the objects – more than 1,400 shells were fired over the next 58 minutes as the objects moved south, from Santa Monica to Long Beach.  

“The obvious thought was that these were Japanese bombers come to attack the United States,” says UFO expert Bill Birnes, publisher of UFO magazine.  “But it wasn’t.  They were flying too high.  And the astounding thing was, not one artillery shell could hit the craft – out of all the hundreds of shells that were fired.  People outside that night swore that it was neither a plane nor a balloon – it was a UFO.  It floated, it glided.  And to this day, nobody can explain what that craft was, why our anti-aircraft guns couldn’t hit it – it’s a mystery that’s never been resolved.” 

Descriptions of the UFOs varied widely.  General George C. Marshall, in his initial memo to President Roosevelt regarding the event, wrote that the “unidentified airplanes… [traveled at speeds ranging from] ‘very slow’ to as much as 200 mph and from elevations of 9000 to 18,000 feet.” (The memo may be viewed at http://www.militarymuseum.org/BattleofLA.html.)  The number of craft reported by observers ranged from 9 to 15 to 25.

At first, officials offered a very vague explanation. According to the Los Angeles Times (February 26, 1942), the secretary of the Navy, Frank Knox, dismissed the event as a “false alarm” due to “jittery nerves,” but when this failed to satisfy the press and the public, the Army responded with a definitive answer that the craft and the battle were real, and the next day, Secretary of War Henry L. Stimson confirmed that.  Santa Monica’s US Representative, Leland Ford, was quoted in the Times on February 27 calling for a Congressional investigation into the incident, but this went nowhere.  In the years since, various explanations have been offered – from Japanese planes to German craft launched from secret bases in Mexico to unidentified aircraft to weather balloons to sky lanterns to blimps. 

However, it is also alleged that General Marshall reported that the Army had recovered an unidentified aircraft off the coast of California that indicated that the “mystery airplanes are in fact not earthly and according to secret intelligence sources they are in all probability of interplanetary origin.”   

What was this event – just a sighting?  Or could it have been something else – a scouting mission, reconnaissance for a coming invasion?  For years, there have been documented cases of UFO sightings around the world, like the one in Los Angeles in 1942, but in Columbia Pictures’ Battle: Los Angeles, what were once just sightings will become a terrifying reality when Earth is attacked by unknown forces.  As people everywhere watch the world’s great cities fall, Los Angeles becomes one of the last stands for mankind in a battle no one expected. It’s up to a Marine staff sergeant (Aaron Eckhart) and his new platoon to draw a line in the sand as they take on an enemy unlike any they’ve ever encountered before.  The film is directed by Jonathan Liebesman, written by Chris Bertolini, and produced by Neal H. Moritz and Ori Marmur. The film will be released on March 11, 2011.