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May 9, 2008
First Look of Josh Brolin as Bush
 
You can read the full Entertainment Weekly article here.
How to Entertain Yourself This Weekend
My recommendation? Go see Iron Man. If you've already seen it and you're dying to go to the theater then just see it again.
Do you really want to risk $9+ a pop and 2+ hours on Speed Racer? Sure, it most likely possesses moments of entertainment, but the general consensus is that it's most
fitting for 10 year olds.
Well, how about What Happens in Vegas...? Hmm, how about NO?
"Have you seen the movie, Johnny?"
Well, I've been annoyed by Ashton Kutcher in other romantic comedies, so yes, in a way, I have seen this movie. It's called making an educated guess. You take the information
you have at hand, you weigh the pros and cons, and then you make a sound business decision.
Don't look for much relief with this week's DVD releases. I know my sister is excited that the weird Bob Dylan biopic I'm Not There was
released, but watching Cate Blanchett play Dylan might not be everybody's bottle of Dr. Pepper. And guys, if I were you I'd go straight to the new release section and
stand in front of the P.S. I Love You stand. Block it from your sweetie's view. If she notices that it's on DVD then she'll
likely want to rent it, and I assure you that your weekend will be ruined.
So where does this leave us? Well, you can look for a good old-fashioned classic, or you can tune in to the Sci Fi Channel on Saturday and watch what we all know will be
an instant classic - Aztec Rex!
Whew. Thank goodness we have Indiana Jones to rescue us next weekend!
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May 8, 2008
Nikki Cox Decides to Live Life as a Clown
I was watching a DVR'd episode of Ghost Whisperer last night when I saw a guest star who looked slightly familiar. "Hmm," I thought. "That girl reminds me of somebody.
Expect for those huge baboon lips." I pulled up ol' reliable IMDb and saw that the actress was Nikki Cox. I was shocked.
Ms. Cox used to look normal. I didn't watch Vegas, so I haven't seen much of her in the past couple of years, but at one time she was actually cute. Not anymore. Now
she just looks ridiculous.
Every time she was on screen I became distracted by these two bananas she has plastered on her face. I couldn't stop laughing. Seriously, her lips make Lisa Renna's look
normal. She looks like a live-action version of one of those caricature cartoons that every struggling artist draws at the city fair. Wow. The picture to the left, though
fairly bad, doesn't even do justice to how hideous she looked on TV. Watching her talk was even more hilarious. Her voice appears to be somewhat strained by the effort to
talk. Think about it. Her mouth has to work extra hard to move those gigantic flappers around. I imagine she can't carry on a conversation for more than 5 minutes without
being physically drained.
Unbelievable.
Somebody should try poking them with a pin to see if they deflate.
So ladies, if you're toying with the idea of a collagen injection then please take a close look at the picture to the left and drop the silly notion.
Josh Brolin a Mercedes Benz Commercial
Check it out here. Thanks to Australian Ann for providing me with the link.
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May 7, 2008
So What Changes Are Coming?
So, many of you are wondering exactly what changes the new and improved Movie Mark website will offer. Well, the thing you'll notice immediately is a sleeker, more
professional design. If TMM's standard of excellence is to continue to be above everybody else's then it's imperative that I keep up with today's technology. It has to
look like a site that I'd be proud to put on my resume as an example of my programming skills. TMM has always been about content and ease of use. That won't change, but
now I'm shifting a little more focus to creating a visually pleasing experience.
That does NOT mean there'll be scrolling marquees and dancing rabbits.
Another major change you'll notice is the flexibility to search for movie reviews. No longer will you only have the option of going to the page and looking at one
giant, alphabetical list of my reviews. I want you to have the ability to search by rating, genre, etc.
Also, I plan on adding the ability for you to register to the site. Registering will make sign-ups for contests and movie passes MUCH easier.
As for content, the goal is to make it easier for me to update the site. Perhaps even having an admin page where a limited number of handpicked readers could add reviews
to a "Reader Review" section or something similar. I want a separate page for each Movie Mark Original, so it appears as if they're actual movies. The Movie Mark comic
will be more heavily featured. Seasonal previews of upcoming movies, and trailer reviews will be more frequent.
I need an op-ed piece each week as well.
So just stay tuned. My friend Side-Hug Sam and I are hammering through the design, and the Internet world will be rockin' very soon with The Movie Mark 2.0. Now, back to
work...
Johnny Betts Quote of the Day
Feel free to add this to your Facebook or Myspace page...
"I really need to write my autobiography so I'll have something hilarious to read." - Johnny Betts.
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May 5, 2008
New Dark Knight Trailer
If you haven't seen the new trailer for The Dark Knight then click here and watch it now.
As much as I enjoyed Iron Man, THIS is the movie event of the summer. The only way this film couldn't deliver is if Director
Christopher Nolan went insane and decided to intentionally sabotage it. Is it not July 18 yet???
Box Office Bonanza
Speaking of Iron Man...
"Who was speaking of Iron Man?"
I was, when I mentioned the new Dark Knight trailer.
"Oh. Sorry."
Yeah, you are. Anyway, the superhero film grossed over $100 million this weekend. Not too shabby. It usually takes me a couple of months to rake in that kind of dough, but
to do it in one single weekend? Guess I should've gone into filmmaking.
Ian Ziering Lives!
There are only two possible answers when you ask someone their opinion of Ian Ziering:
1) Who?
2) Who? Oh, was he that douchebag Steve Sanders on Beverly Hills 90210? He's still alive?
Oh he's alive folks, and he's gonna be rockin' your small screen this Saturday! That's right; I was watching The Twilight Zone on the Sci Fi Channel this weekend, and
what did I see? An ad for the upcoming Sci Fi Original Aztec Rex, starring Ian "Da Legend" Ziering.
This is a story, nay, a WARNING about why you should never, and I mean NEEEEEEVER, summon a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Even if you do need help fighting Conquistadors. It's just not
worth the trouble. Powerful stuff. It's more than just a lame Sci Fi Original with badly-rendered CGI and a cast of "actors" you've never heard of ... it's a social
commentary on those lines which we should never cross.
Aztec Rex.
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May 2, 2008
MOVIE REVIEW: Iron Man
"Iron Man was the most popular and well-known Marvel superhero remaining to not have a movie to call his own, and this was about as good of an origin story as his fictional
self could have desired. You want action? You got it. Cheer-inducing scenes of Iron Man taking down baddies? Check. Nearly flawless CGI? It's there. But,
for the uninitiated, the story thoroughly explains who Tony Stark is, what he's about, why he has a weird glowing thing stuck in his chest, and how his magical
suit of armor came to be."
Click here to read Johnny's review of Iron Man, starring Robert Downey Jr., Terrence
Howard, Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Leslie Bibb
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May 1, 2008
Coming Tomorrow
My Iron Man review!
Coming Soon...
I've got BloodRayne II: Deliverance resting comfortably on my DVR. A movie where Billy the Kid is a vampire? You better believe I'll be reviewing that turd burger!
The 80s Killer Cont'd
"Here you go, Detective." Sergeant Montana handed him a brown envelope. Not large by anybody's estimations, but not small either. Pretty much what one would expect from an
envelope containing sensitive documents.
"What's this?" the grizzled Detective asked.
"Let's call it an early Christmas gift," the Sergeant smirked. "Open it up."
Detective Dakota tore away at the envelope with the voracity of a Star Trek fan on his honeymoon. It seemed as if he was opening it in slow motion. Piece after piece of
the envelope pirouetted to the ground as he became more and more determined to reach his destination. Finally, he looked inside. It was the toxicology report.
More than a bit puzzled, he turned to the Sergeant. "I thought the turnaround on these things was a couple of weeks?"
"Yeah, well, you'd be surprised how quickly requests are answered when it's made known that Detective Tuff Dakota is doing the asking."
Dakota chuckled. "Sounds like I need to drop my name the next time I order fast food."
Laughter filled the air.
"I don't know, Detective," replied a young officer, "Remember the effectiveness of that elbow you dropped on that poor Chucky's Burgers employee who mistakenly put pickle
on your burger?"
Dakota, amidst the backdrop of blue-suited guffaws, solemnly declared, "Hey now, I must reiterate that I did not RELISH doing that."
"You girls about to put on your pajamas?" A familiar, decidedly curmudgeonly voice echoed near the door, effectively ending the brief respite the boys in blue were
enjoying.
Captain Girardi waddled through the door, a permanent scowl etched on his face. The Captain was a breathing stereotype - short, balding, a little pudgy, and more
than slightly cantankerous. He reeked of cigarettes and Krispy Kreme. His gruff demeanor indicated there was something for which he was compensating.
"If you're through with your giggle party," he bellowed, "and making jokes at the expense of fast food chains, then you might be interested to know there's been another
murder."
Ever since his fast food chain - Captain G's - failed miserably, Girardi became overly sensitive when fun was had at the industry's expense. He was still bitter that
his idea of a police-themed fish restaurant never really dropped anchor. The food was of sufficient quality, but the general consensus was the onus of the Captain's
downfall lay heavily with his insistence to incorporate puns in his menu items. Not even his closest friends could deny that the Sar-geant-dines platter was a
horrendous idea.
Dakota was the one man in the department who never let the Captain rankle him.
"You know what you're problem is, Captain? You're a pocketful of pessimism in the jeans of life."
"And you, Dakota, are a glitch that'll take a dollar but not make any sense (cents) in the dollar bill generator of life."
"That was just dumb," replied Dakota.
Captain Girardi ignored the comment and handed him a piece of paper. "Go check it out. The victim was an employee at Chucky's Burgers. He was found behind the
cash register with the message 'Where's the beef?' carved on his chest. You still find the fast food industry to be a laughing matter, Detective?"
To be cont'd...
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April 30, 2008
The Sci Fi Channel's Got Guts
I never thought I'd see this happen, but I recently received a DVD copy of the Sci Fi Original Headless Horseman.
"That's cool, Johnny. A devoted fan sent you the DVD because he really wants you to review it?"
Nope. This came direct from their distribution company. That's right; they actually want me to watch and review it. I'll give 'em credit - they've got moxy. I remember
DVRing (and subsequently deleting) this when it first aired. I think I gave it about five minutes before declaring, "Well, that's enough of that." The DVD touts this as
the "director's cut," so I'll give it a watch and a review. In the meantime, please control your salivation.
Well played, Sci Fi. You could run in fear from the great Johnny Betts, but instead you unashamedly sent me a DVD for review. I just hope you don't think that's going to
inspire an insincerely positive review. Oh no. I'll play it fair, as always. Now if you'll just contact me about turning my Movie
Mark Originals into full-length features then we'll be in good shape.
Speaking of my MMOs, I've got a new idea. Check it out - Remorse Code. Most likely starring Chuck Norris and Lorenzo Lamas. That's nothing but
pure gold.
The 80s Killer
Looking down at the motionless body, Detective Dakota noticed a spilled bottle of Flintstones vitamins teetering delicately in the victim's right hand.
"What happened here, Sergeant?" asked Dakota, stroking his rugged, yet deceptively manicured beard.
"Looks like the 80s Killer has struck again, Detective," the young Sergeant replied. This wasn't his first murder case, but it was by far his most baffling. The 80s
Killer, as the media affectionately dubbed him months ago, had left a trail of at least six dead, each victim marked with a product or piece of memorabilia from the 80s.
This maniac was original, if a bit clichéd at times.
"And we know this because of the Flintstones vitamins?" inquired Dakota, hairs from his beard glistening in the sun.
"That's the assumption, sir."
"I want facts, not assumptions, Sergeant. I built my career on punches, not hunches, kid. So hit me hard or head back to the gym."
"Yes, sir." Sergeant Montana respected Detective Dakota, but the freshness of his gym and fighting metaphors had long gone sour. Everybody knew that he possessed a
roundhouse kick that could break the speed of sound; it was highly unnecessary that he reference it on a daily basis.
"Oh, and Sergeant ... get me a toxicology report."
"You got it. You think he was forced to OD on the vitamins?"
"Not necessarily," replied Dakota as he removed a CD from a nearby stereo. "Look what the cat dragged in," Dakota deadpanned as he held up the CD.
That's when it hit
the Sergeant. The Flintstones vitamins were a decoy. A clever attempt at throwing the authorities off track. Now he understood Dakota's request for the toxicology
report. There was a good chance that this victim had just succumbed to an overdose of ... Poison.
To be cont'd...
One Last Thing about Miley Cyrus
All right, so some people don't see the big deal about the Miley Cyrus photo shoot. The bottom line is she's 15 years old. If you walked into someone's home and their
15-year-old daughter was bare-backed, wrapped in a towel, and peering seductively over her shoulder at you, would you think it was appropriate? No, you wouldn't. So how
is it any different to have the photo sittin' on your coffee table?
What, pray tell, is the purpose of such a photograph? Are you using a 15-year-old girl to sexually entice, or are you merely stirring up controversy to sell more
magazines? I see no room for any other options.
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April 29, 2008
Poor, Poor Wesley Snipes
Wesley Snipes broke the law. He's a rich man who didn't file his taxes for five years. So what happened? It finally caught up to him, and he's now been sentenced
to a three-year jail term. We should celebrate this as an example of justice in action, right? Well, not if you ask Whoopi Goldberg. According to Whoopi, Mr. Snipes
is a poor victim of the justice system. She claims, "This is not unusual. With tax evasion, (the IRS) gets very, very agitated and if you're famous they are putting
you behind some kind of bar."
First of all, why is anybody asking Whoopi Goldberg for her opinion on this subject? Nobody cares. Second of all, if I had $5 million worth of taxes to avoid paying
then I guarantee you the IRS would be after my butt as well! Give me a break.
This is another example of Hollywood actors and actresses thinking they're above the law and everybody else. You know what, Whoopi? Snipes could have avoided jail time
BY PAYING HIS TAXES! And let's not play the poor "the U.S. is using celebrities as scapegoats" card. Y'all get away with far more than you get caught. Need I remind
you that O.J. Simpson murdered two people and yet is currently walking the streets? Score one for the celebs!
If you ask me I think they should throw Whoopi in prison to deter the American people from getting a hairdo like hers. There are some things about which you can never
be too careful.
Misinterpreted, Not Manipulated!
So let me get this straight, the 15-year-old Miley Cyrus appears half-naked on the June cover of Vanity Fair, and now we're being told by the photographer that the photos
are being "misinterpreted." Let's get serious for a moment. No one's free from blame here. Do I think Miley was, as she now claims, manipulated into taking the pictures?
I seriously doubt it. In the magazine's interview she states her opinion regarding the photo shoot, "I think it's really artsy ... It wasn't in a skanky way." Now she
says after viewing the photos and reading the story she's embarrassed and she "never intended" for this to happen.
Uh-huh. In other words, "I'm so sorry that everybody now sees what a huge skank I am. I hope and pray that this doesn't send my Disney fans screaming for the hills.
Pleeeeeeeease keep spending your money of my CDs and concerts!" If there had been no uproar then we'd hear nothing about her supposed embarrassment. Isn't it convenient
how so many people are "sorry" after they're caught?
So was Miley also "manipulated" into saying that Sex and the City is her favorite show? Why on earth is a 15-year-old being allowed to watch Sex and the
City????
What's worse is that her parents gave the OK on the photos. Somebody needs to tell Bill Ray Cyrus' achy breaky mullet that he needs to learn how to watch out for his
kid. But hey, if the man can't even manage a decent haircut then how can we expect him to manage raising a show business child properly?
Now, the other side of this coin of blame, Ms. Annie Leibovitz, claims the photographs are "simple" and "beautiful." I'm sorry, Ms. Leibovitz, but what exactly is
simple and beautiful about a 15-year-old girl posing nearly topless for a magazine? Just in case her age isn't clear, let me reiterate - SHE'S FIFTEEN YEARS OLD!
Yes, Miley's parents should have been smart enough to turn down this photo shoot. Yes, her dad should have been man enough to say, "There's no way I'm gonna let my
little girl pose half naked and be ogled by dirty old men," but you, Ms. Leibovitz, should be ashamed for thinking a 15-year-old should be photographed in anything
but full clothing.
Seriously, who are you trying to titillate? Her pre-teen female fans don't care to see such photos. Mothers aren't going to look at a half-naked 15-year-old and
think, "Oh, how cute." So who in the world do you think this is going to appeal to? I'll tell you who - teenage boys with raging hormones
and pedophiles. Is that who Vanity Fair is selling magazines to nowadays? Congrats, Vanity Fair! Congratulations on drawing in the perverted teenage boy and
pedophile demographic! Hope you enjoy answering to God for that one.
*Johnny gives Vanity Fair a slow clap*
What is this world coming to?
Gary Coleman and Wife to Appear on TV Divorce Court
Unfortunately, an optimistic answer to my question above isn't found easily. You know why? Because divorce is entertaining! If man's going to put the institution
of marriage asunder then it might as well be on TV. Former Diff'rent Strokes star Gary Coleman doesn't have anything else to do these days, so he and his wife
will appear on reality legal show Divorce Court in an attempt to save their seven-month marriage. I better leave work right now and make sure to DVR that one!
Chances are good the couple should have never been married in the first place, but Coleman's wife says she can't put up with Coleman's temper anymore. "If he doesn't
get his way, he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does."
Well, that's probably because he's still the height of a five-year-old.
Coleman insists that his wife doesn't listen to him, and he has to do what it takes to get her attention, "If I have to throw something or break something, that's what's
going to happen."
A real class act, that guy. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying the wife's innocent. She could be a gold digger, for all I know. Why else would a 22-year-old marry a
40-year-old actor who looks like he never reached puberty? You tell me. I'm just asking questions, not making accusations.
For the most part, Hollywood's a joke, folks. Unfortunately, it's not a very funny one.
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April 28, 2008
Sign of the Times - The Box Office
It should come as no surprise that this weekend's box office winners were two films that probably require a total of 12 brain cells to appreciate - Baby Mama
($18.3 million) and the Harold and Kumar sequel ($14.6 million). Obviously, Iron Man will dominate this weekend, but don't be surprised if Made of Honor
lands firmly in second. The girls who don't willingly go see Iron Man with their guys will likely be suckered into watching Patrick Dempsey play a maid of honor.
Unbelievable. Don't do it, ladies. You're better than this!
Mr. Brooks
Well, it took me 11 months, but I finally watched Mr. Brooks. For those of you who don't remember, Mr. Brooks is a psychological thriller that portrays Kevin
Costner as a successful "man of the year" businessman by day and a murder-addicted psycho by night. One evening, Dane Cook spies Costner committing a double murder, and
he bribes him into taking him along on his next kill ride. As you can probably guess, mayhem ensues.
Mr. Brooks will never be mistaken for a light-hearted feel-good film (unless your name is Charles Manson), but it's intense and delivers a punch square to the gut.
One scene in particular, about five minutes prior to the closing credits, caught me completely off guard and nearly popped me out of my recliner. It's scary to think there
are probably psychos out on the streets right now, just driving around, looking for random victims. That frightening thought is exactly what might make Mr. Brooks a
little too hard to watch for the easily squeamish.
How to Be Hilarious
My main squeeze and I were out running and biking at Shelby Farms on Saturday, and we had discussed the possibility of a return trip on Sunday. "There's a 50% chance of
rain tomorrow," Steph said, leading us both to believe that Sunday would most likely be spent indoors, watching something like Mr. Brooks.
Sure enough, it rained. Quite a bit. Never one to miss the opportunity to make a bad joke, I commented, "It looks like the weatherman was 50% right." "Huh?" was Steph's
reply. "Well, they said there was a 50% chance of rain, and it rained, so they were 50% right." She just slowly shook her head. "It's not supposed to be a hilarious
comment," I offered in my defense. "It's more of a commentary on the guessing game that weathermen play. I understand that it may be over some people's heads."
Well, later in the day we decided to go to Old Navy to see if we might be able to take advantage of the tax-free weekend. As we approached the store, I read a sign on
the door that stated, "50% Off Sale." "Uh-oh," said Steph, "Does this mean you're going to make another 50% joke?"
Why of course that's exactly what it meant! So I cleared my throat, stretched a little bit, and delivered a little improvisational magic, "A 50% Off sale? Well it's 100%
ON!"
Folks, that's what producing hilarity is all about. Your mind has to always be working, looking for every opportunity to bring out your creativity. Next time you see a sign
advertising "[fill in the blank] percent off" then just use my above line and you'll be the envy of all your friends. If they respond with blank stares and dumbfounded looks,
well, that just means they don't get your sophisticated brand of humor. The fault lies with them ... not you.
It's a philosophy that has served me well these past few years. Sell it with conviction, and YOU will be the one that'll appear to be a little smarter, a little funnier,
and just a little more put together than everybody else.
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April 25, 2008
MOVIE REVIEW: Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed
"This isn't a documentary about Darwinism vs. ID. If you're a proponent of Creationism or Intelligent Design, and you're looking for some material to help bolster
your debating tactics then you'll need to look elsewhere. This is a documentary about freedom. Nothing could be more American than allowing ID to be discussed in
the classroom. Sadly, highly-credentialed teachers and scientists are losing their jobs for daring to speak up on their findings. How can you not be outraged? It's
unconstitutional."
Click here to read Johnny's review of Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, as
narrated by Ben Stein.
DVD REVIEW: Lars and the Real Girl
"Well. That was weird. Original? Sure. But ... very weird. There's no way to talk about this movie without somebody laughing as you get deeper into the plot points.
My plot summary is completely accurate - this is a story about a guy who orders a plastic doll off the Internet (not for sex, but for a deep, meaningful relationship),
acts like she's real, and the townsfolk accept this. Yep, told you it was strange...
The general theme is we should all treat people with mental illnesses with compassion and acceptance. I agree, but I don't think we should allow them to
call 9-1-1 and have an ambulance rush their plastic girlfriend to the hospital. Guess I'm cold-hearted like that."
Click here to read Johnny's review of Lars and the Real Girl, starring
Ryan Gosling, Emily Mortimer, Paul Schneider, Kelli Garner, and Patricia Clarkson.
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April 24, 2008
DVD REVIEW: Day of the Dead (the "remake")
"I honestly don't think you can pick up the Day of the Dead DVD, look at the cover with a zombie vomiting, make the choice
to rent it, and then be shocked by the film's content. THE FILM STARS NICK CANNON AND FEATURES A VOMITING ZOMBIE ON THE COVER! If those two elements don't dissuade you from
wanting to watch this then chances are high you'll be entertained."
Click here to read Johnny's review of Day of the Dead, starring
Mena Suvari, uber-annoying Nick Cannon, and Ving Rhames.
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April 23, 2008
Johnny Is Still Alive
"Hey Johnny, is everything all right? You didn't update TMM yesterday, and I'll be honest - my day was a disaster because of it. Your wit, intellect, and charm are
sustenance to my daily walk. Please let all your adoring fans know that you're all right!"
Yes, dear readers, I'm quite fine. Just busy. Overhauling a 4-year-old website is NOT an overnight task, you know? Tell you what; I'll have a little free time tonight,
so I'll work on finishing three reviews before this week is over - Day of the Dead, Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, and Lars and the Real Girl.
That's right; I received a DVD copy of Lars and the Real Girl, and I'll probably watch it tonight. If I recall correctly, the storyline revolves around Ryan
Gosling having a relationship with a blow-up doll? It sounds very weird, so I'm interested to see how it compares to what I'm expecting.
It was released on DVD yesterday, so I'll let you know if it's one you should consider renting this weekend.
Johnny Declares for the NBA Draft
Movie Mark webmaster and Internet legend Johnny Betts was in the process of filing paperwork Tuesday to enter the NBA draft, based on the fact that everybody on the Memphis
Tigers seems to be doing the same thing, despite the impossibility of some of them being drafted.
Betts will not hire an agent, thus retaining his NCAA eligibility. In the meantime, he will be able to work out for NBA teams, participate in the pre-draft camp, and get
feedback from pro personnel about his strengths and weaknesses.
Despite the fact that Betts graduated college a few years ago, he's hoping to take advantage of a new rule that allows underclassmen to work out for NBA teams and have
their travel expenses paid while still retaining their amateur status. "I never played basketball while I was in college, so technically I still have all my eligibility.
Chances are none of the NBA teams will pay for my travel or ask me to come try out for them, but I figured it's worth a shot. I'm currently putting together a video
package of all my church league highlights, including many great moments from a game a couple of weeks ago where I scored 14 points. Unfortunately, I've been told the
NBA doesn't have much use for a 6'2" white guy who never played college ball and who doesn't shoot 95% from the free throw line."
When reached for comment about Betts' decision to test the draft waters, Memphis Tigers head coach John Calipari asked, "Who?"
Liquid Plumr Gel Rules!
After about three straight days of showering ankle deep in water, I decided it was time to get some Draino and fix the problem. As most of you know, I have long, luxurious
locks, and sometimes that hair can get in the pipes and clog things up. I was skeptical that Draino would do the trick, but it was certainly my first recourse before
exploring a more expensive solution.
So I headed to Wal-Mart and went straight to the cleaning aisle. That's when I saw a product called Liquid Plumr Gel. It claimed to clean pipes quicker than Draino, and it
was almost half the price! I'm a savvy shopper, so I know that a lot of times we're paying for brand names rather than higher quality. The more commercialized a product;
the more expensive it's going to be. Its effectiveness isn't necessarily an element of the price. I figured I'd risk the $3+ on the Liquid Plumr Gel and run with it.
Got home, poured half the bottle down the shower drain, waited 15 minutes, flushed it with hot water, and VOILA! No more showering in ankle deep water! Draino may be the
better-known clog-eliminating product, but Liquid Plumr Gel worked perfectly and saved me at least two bucks. It must be black magic or something.
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April 21, 2008
Coming This Week
Unfortunately, none of this week's releases are being screened in the good ol' Memphis area. I did get invited to a Nashville screening of Baby Mama,
but I'm thinking I'll skip that 3-hour drive. I like Amy Poehler, but I really don't get the appeal of Tina Fey, and the trailers for the movie are less than spectacular.
In fact, some might go so far as to say craptacular.
I was hoping for a screening of the Hugh Jackman/Ewan McGregor thriller Deception. Oh well, at least I'll be screening Iron
Man next week, suckas!
So what am I gonna do this week? Just slack off and not post much? Well, that's pretty much what I do every week. But since I feel obligated to post something then
be on the lookout for reviews of Day of the Dead and Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed. Other than that, I'll be doing a lot of behind-the-scenes work on the
site upgrades.
You'll thank me when it's all done.
"Really?"
Well, probably not, but I like to pretend. Hey, at least I'm serious about finally bringing the Movie Mark merchandise to fruition!
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April 18, 2008
MOVIE REVIEW: The Forbidden Kingdom
"If you can get past the initial Karate Kid comparisons, Morgan Benoit's horrific acting (which is mercifully limited), and Michael Angarano's Shia LaBeouf impersonation
then you should have a blast. The audience that was fortunate enough to attend the screening with me absolutely loved it. As I was exiting the theater, I saw a
co-worker and his wife. He commented, 'Man, that was great! We agreed that we would've gladly paid to see it at the theater.' Another co-worker ran up to me, tears in
his eyes, thanking me profusely for the pass, and excitedly commented, 'If I had another hand I'd give it THREE thumbs up!' OK, so the 'tears in his eyes' crack may be
pushing it a bit, but his comment is legit. It's a crowd pleaser."
Click here to read Johnny's review of The Forbidden Kingdom, starring
Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Michael Angarano, and Yifei Liu.
"Bless you."
Thanks.
Check for my Day of the Dead DVD review on Monday.
"I thought you were going to review that today."
Well, I was, but I fell asleep watching the special features and didn't get it finished.
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April 17, 2008
Made of Honor - Seriously?
After returning home from last night's screening of The Forbidden Kingdom, I simply had to crash out in my recliner, in front of the TV, and catch up on a few of my
DVR'd shows. After all, my hands were tired from signing a couple hundred 8X10s, so I needed a rest. I usually fast forward through commercials, but there was a moment where
I was briefly distracted (I think I caught my reflection in the TV), and a trailer for a hideously ridiculous movie came on. Just like lead foots driving past a car crash, I
couldn't turn away.
Have you seen the trailer for Made of Honor? Yes, that is spelled correctly - Made of Honor. This delectable little bite of cinema gourmet stars Patrick
Dempsey as a guy in love with an engaged woman who asks him to be her maid of honor. That's easily one of the stupidest premises ever. Don't even bother arguing the point
with me because you would lose, and it would be embarrassing. And hey, why not follow that up with one of the stupidest taglines ever - An unbridaled comedy. Yeah.
That's clever.
A movie about a guy who's going to be a maid of honor. This is the type of film someone like Patrick Dempsey takes when he's decided to make the statement, "Hey guys, I
don't want to be taken seriously as an actor ever again! Thanks!" Unbelievable. Dempsey should be straight-up Betts-slapped for starring in this. Not that I expect
more from him. The bad thing is my girlfriend likes the guy. She watches Grey's Anatomy, and she thinks he's cute. So you know what this means? If there's a
screening then I'll be attending. I must admit there's a positive to that - I'm gonna need entries for my "Worst of 2008" list. Johnny Betts - always looking for silver
linings.
Now, if there is no free screening, then I'll have to insist this be a "girl's night out" flick. I wasn't forced to go see 27 Dresses, so I'm sure my sweetie will
understand if I collapse onto the floor, and beat my hands and feet on the ground crying, "I don't want to go! I don't want to go!"
Can anybody NOT figure out how this movie will end? Come on. I'm calling it right now - Dempsey agrees to be the maid of honor (because, I guess, he's MADE of honor *rolls
eyes*) and wants to impress chickie. He bungles a whole lot of stuff, gets involved in several pratfalls, and then wins her over. They fall in love, she calls off the
wedding, and she and McDreamy live happily ever after. There. I just saved you $9+ a pop. You're welcome.
Made of Honor. Wow. As if the "bad wedding movie" genre wasn't saturated enough. What's really sad is I know a whole bunch of girls who'll go see this, talk about
how cute it was, and I'll lose respect for every single one of them. See how really bad movies can put dents in friendships? It's tragic.
Coming Tomorrow
Reviews of The Forbidden Kingdom and Day of the Dead.
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Interested in old breaking news? It can all be found, dating back to January
2004, in the Movie Mark Archive.
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