5. Mer-Man

Due to his ability to control sea life and little else, Mer-man boasts the distinction of being as useless in the MOTU franchise as Aquaman is in the DC universe. Not only does he look like a green bush baby monkey permanently in a state of shock, but what’s up with modifying a name usually reserved for a mythical female creature? Why not introduce a character called Fair-He who is a cute male fairy that travels across Eternia, finding out valuable secrets for He-Man?

Look at the thing. If you were approached by this freak would you be able to do anything other than laugh hysterically?

4. Man-E-Faces

What we have here is a character who can change to one of three greatly varied faces – human, beast, or robot. The problem is that he wears completely recognizable armor with a gigantic blue helmet complete with a purple dial on top. Real inconspicuous. Who does he think he’s fooling? You can barely see any of his faces because they sink so far into his enormous helmet.

He also takes on the abilities of the face he puts on, but what’s the point when he wears the exact same outfit? It’s the equivalent of Hulk Hogan being defeated in a loser-leaves-town wrestling match yet showing up the following week wearing a mask.

3. Moss Man

There are two main reasons Moss Man makes this list:

1. His special abilities are reviving dead plants and manipulating moss. I’m not joking. I wouldn’t accept those “powers” if somebody gave them to me. In what possible circumstance could the ability to manipulate moss ever come in handy?  I’ve certainly never been in a situation where I thought, “Man, if I could just figure out how to manipulate some moss.”
2. HIS NAME IS MOSS MAN!

How creative. Let’s take the Beast Man figure, cover him in Moss, and call him Moss Man! That must have taken all of about two minutes to come up with. Had the show continued there’s no doubt we would have seen Bark Man (a humanoid covered in bark), Snow Man (a humanoid covered in snow), and Upholstery Man (a humanoid often mistaken for a sofa).

2. Fisto

Fisto? Come on.  More like Lame-o. Why not Fistor?  The prominent limb is there; you would think the creators would have completed the combo and added “or” to the end of the name.  Oh well.

Let’s get inside the minds of the creators for a minute…

“Hey guys, we’re low on ideas and Mattel needs a new action figure. Quick!”

“Hmm, how about another one with an enlarged body part?”

“Oooooh, I know! A guy with an iron leg who possesses a deadly roundhouse kick!”

“Won’t work. ‘Lego’ is already copyrighted.”

“He could have an iron lung.”

“Too clever. Look, this has taken 30 seconds longer than the two minute time limit we were allotted. How about a dude with an iron fist named Fisto?”

“Sounds like a name with the least amount of effort and intellectual input. Go for it!”

1. Stinkor

Who could possibly be intimidated by somebody named Stinkor? This is the name a kid gets bullied with all through high school because he forgot to wear deodorant on the first day of school, not the name of an evil warrior.

Robert Lamb, one of the show’s writers, describes it best: “I remember Stinkor. I was part of the writing staff when Arthur Nadel and crew took a field trip to Hawthorne, California to Mattel headquarters. The She-Ra toy line was introduced to us by women designers who displayed how capes could be used as skirts on the dolls. It was kind of a ‘Barbie Goes Barbarian’ thing. Then it was the guys’ turn and we got our first look at the Horde. The male designers introduced each character with great excitement, relishing every nasty attribute they could name. The only hitch came when Stinkor was introduced. Arthur immediately vetoed a character that was basically a walking fart joke. Only two skunk characters have worked in cartoons to my knowledge; Pepe Le Pew and Flower from Bambi.”

To top it all off this action figure actually smelled! The plastic used in the mold was mixed with patchouli oil, and would you believe that my Stinkor still retains its scent 20+ years later? I guess that’s an accomplishment, but it’s the only one for this character who was so lame that his appearance in the cartoon was vetoed after the action figure came out. He did, however, appear in one of the comics – The Stench of Evil.

No matter how you slice it, folks, this is one lame bad guy who simply couldn’t cut the cheese.  Oh wait…

BONUS: Cometroid

Cometroid?  This is probably the least known character on this list, but Mattel went to the trouble to make an action figure of him, so I’m including him as a bonus.

Cometroid is part of the “Meteorbs” who are members of the Rock People.  The Rock People can transform from meteors into animal forms.  All that’s really known about Cometroid is he can transform from a meteorb to a robot.  No one in Eternia can explain how or why this is useful.

His name sounds more like a condition that the Rock People suffer from that only Preparation H can help, and judging by his inflamed midsection, I would assume he’s suffering from the condition as well.

QUESTION

Which He-Man characters do you think deserve to be on the list?

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