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Tagline: They're the Biggest Tools Around.
Cast: Mario Lopez, David Hasselhoff, Edward James Olmos
When strange and unexplained amorphous formations begin washing up on Miami beaches – formations that soon become known as “Michael Moores” – no one in the police department is willing to volunteer to investigate. Lieutenant Alfonso Riviera Soriano Rodriguez Y Vasquez (Olmos) decides to put two of his biggest headaches on the case – Sergeant James T. Black (Hasselhoff), a man who has a strange habit of calling everybody “Kit,” and Sergeant Slater Decker (Lopez), a young Latino cop who joins the Force in a desperate attempt to win back the love of his girlfriend Kelly who left him to be with an NYPD officer named Zach.
Black & Decker are a couple of hotshot prima donnas who seem to have no desire to get along with anybody else on the Force. Vasquez strongly believes that partnering them will adjust their attitudes.
But what good will attitude adjustments do them when they figure out that the amorphous formations are not of this world? Why are they here – and more specifically – why are they appearing on Miami beaches? Toolishness ensues.
Climactic Scene: During what will come to be known as a “climactic finale consisting of offensively bad CGI and laugh-out-loud-bad acting” Black & Decker engage in a lackluster shoot-out with the amorphous aliens. As the epic battle makes its way to a church, Black becomes trapped by one of the aliens, soon to meet his demise. Fortunately, Decker shows up just in time and fires off a few rounds at the church bell. The bell crashes down on the alien, saving Black’s life.
Decker turns to the camera, removes the cigar from his mouth, winks at the camera, and replies, “That’s what I call *pause a beat* saved by the bell.”
Fade to black and roll credits.