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Frankenfurter - A Movie Mark Original

Tagline: He'll get all up in your grill.
Cast: Daniel Baldwin, Jan-Michael Vincent, Vanessa Angel

Frankenfurter    Frankenfurter2
An ancestor of Oscar Mayer (Jan-Michael Vincent – playing John Mayer) becomes enraged when he reads a beloved and famous movie reviewer’s website where the famed reviewer refers to Frankfurters as Frankenfurters and comments on how appropriate the name is due to the fact that Frankfurters are indeed pieced together from various meat parts.  Hotdogs soon become known as the “Frankenstein of meat products” and Oscar Mayer’s sales begin to dwindle.

Mayer decides to seek vengeance and begins to raise an army of hot dogs by injecting them with human DNA.  He vows that anybody and everybody who has ever referred to hotdogs as “Frankenfurters” will rue the day.

A down-and-out cop with drinking and obesity issues (Daniel Baldwin) is called in to stop the madman.  This is just the case he needs to get his career back on track. Wiener ensues.

Climactic Scene: Johnny Betts – the aforementioned beloved and famous movie reviewer, played by The Movie Mark – feels partly responsible for the hot dog mayhem.  He offers his help, knowing that his size 11 Biker Boots can effectively stomp some wiener.  Betts shows up at Baldwin’s office – flamethrower in hand – and asks, “You ready for a wiener roast?” Baldwin coolly replies, “I’m gonna RELISH it.”  Betts nods and adds, “I’ll bring the marshmallows.”

After the exciting battle with the army of hot dogs, where Betts and Baldwin roast the entire lot of ‘em, Betts taps his Biker Boots (size 11) with his flamethrower, turns to the camera, and replies, “That’s how you show a hot dog his mustard.”

But Mayer hasn’t conceded defeat just yet.  He has kidnapped Vanessa Angel, the woman he has always loved.  She can’t return his love mainly because she can’t bear to look at his stretched face – a face that has seen so many plastic surgeries that it appears he’s been pieced together from different people. Mayer – a truly sad and pitiful character – sings tragically how he wishes he were an Oscar Mayer wiener because then everybody would be in love with him.

Betts and Baldwin implore him to leave Vanessa alone and to face them like a man.  Mayer calmly sings, “My bologna has a first name, it’s D-E-A-T-H.  My bologna has a second name, it’s W-I-S-H,” as he mad rushes the two heroes, guns a’ blazing.  Will our heroes grant his wish? Or will they be left wishing they’d brought more condiments?

Rated R for cheesy acting, bad dialogue, and gratuitous and juvenile use of the word ‘weenie.’

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