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Tagline: They spend 10 hours a day sleeping. The other 14 are spent eating... HUMANS.
Cast: C. Thomas Howell, Bruce Campbell
With fewer than 1000 left living in the wild, the Giant Panda is one of the most critically endangered species in the world. Approximately 140 pandas live in zoos and breeding centers around the world, but most of them are in China.
In what is seen as a goodwill effort, the Chinese government authorizes a massive breeding plan to help get pandas off the endangered list, and furthermore, they are willing to donate their pandas to zoos across the entire United States.
Everything seems great until one day a small-town zookeeper (C. Thomas Howell) notices something is strange with the two pandas that his zoo received. He starts to question his own sanity when he thinks he overhears the pandas talking in what seems to be a Chinese dialect. He starts observing them closely and soon realizes that they are indeed talking, and they’re talking about slowly indoctrinating the United States with communist doctrine.
As Howell digs deep into the history of China’s new panda breeding program he comes across a startling discovery – the Chinese are injecting pandas with human DNA and creating talking communist pandas. Matters worsen when the pandas decide that 20 to 40 pounds of bamboo just aren’t enough to satisfy their insatiable appetites. They quickly develop a taste for American flesh and all PANDA-MONIUM breaks out!
The U.S. government has a difficult time deciding how to contain the situation. The President wants to send in the military to rid the country of its panda problem, but he faces huge opposition from fringe animal rights groups. They claim that the panda is still endangered, and their appetite for human flesh and their plans for spreading a communist agenda don’t justify their elimination.
The government finally decides to bring in the one man they know can solve the crisis: Chin McGraw (Bruce Campbell) – a former Navy SEAL-turned-mercenary.
Climactic Scene: As Chin prepares to take matters into his own hands he is confronted by the animal rights extremists who claim they won’t let him proceed with his plans. He stands up slowly, removes the cool guy toothpick from his mouth, and calmly replies, “Sorry, but I don’t PANDA to special interest groups.” He winks at the camera and then embarks on his mission to save the country.