What do you get when you combine a 40-foot hound dog, Lorenzo Lamas, and a bunch of bad puns of Elvis lyrics?  A whole bunch of awesomeness, that’s what!

Read the rest of the details on this awesomely hilarious Movie Mark Original…

“I chuckled, I smiled, I rolled my eyes, and I shook my head in disbelief.  Is that range of emotions worth $10 a pop?  Not to me.  But I do applaud the film’s message, its dedication to family entertainment, and its heart.

It could’ve been worse.  It could’ve been called Here Comes the Honey Boom Boom and gone down a really dark path.”

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First off, you’ll have to excuse The Movie Mark’s one week break.  I know all seven of my readers suffered conniption fits as you daily checked the site, longing for a new post.  I also know that you struggled to sleep at night wondering if I had disappeared again.  Welp, never fear.  My wife and I were on a much needed vacation.  I simply chose not to give y’all a heads up.  There’s a couple of you who’d take it upon yourselves to camp out in my yard if you knew I was out of town so I figured I’d just bypass that risk.

OK, on to my thought of the day…

Regular man, Brad Pitt, recently commented on the sad state of actors’ salaries these days, stating that he believes the days of making more than $10 million per film are done.  At least for now.  “Yeah, that thing died,” the hand-to-mouth actor stated.  Reflecting on the negative impact that the economic downturn has had on Hollywood, Mr. Pitt has no choice but to resolve himself to finding a way to make ends meet.  How he’ll manage to do that – considering he only made $25 million last year – is anyone’s guess.  But it’s comforting to know that he’s in the same boat as everybody else.

“You take the roles for the roles,” he said. “And you’ve just got to balance economics like everyone does.”

While I think it’s ridiculous for Pitt to pretend he faces the same struggles as the average working man, I actually can’t criticize him for his “You take the roles for the roles” comment.  Looking at his resume, he actually hasn’t taken what would be considered ridiculously bad roles in the last few years.  Some of the movies he’s been in have been dreadfully boring (COUGH – babel – COUGH), but he’s managed to avoid stooping to roles just to make payments on a 4th boat house.

Val Kilmer on the other hand… now there’s a guy who can truly speak on the effects of our economic downturn.  When you’ve starred in not one, not two, but THREE straight-to-DVD movies with 50 Cent, well, it’s more than time for self-evaluation.

I think Val needs to stop using “I’m your huckleberry” as a response to every role he’s offered.  Please, Val, just say no!

“They’re the biggest tools around.”

What happens when you combine David Hasselhoff, Mario Lopez, and gratuitous Saved by the Bell references?  Another classic Movie Mark Original, of course!

Continue reading to find out all the juicy details of Black & Decker…

“What do you get when you combine a mom who would die for her son, a man who would kill for his wife, a volatile kid who you don’t want to anger, and time travel?  Some seriously jacked up stuff.

If you’re the type of moviegoer who prefers light-hearted movies that allow you to check out of reality and disengage the brain for a couple of hours then Looper is not for you.  It’s dark.  It’s intense.  It’s disturbing.  And there’s rarely a moment that allows the viewer to just sit back and breathe.  Digesting and exhaling will have to wait until the credits roll.”

Read the full review…

“Allow me to propose a crazy idea.  I don’t expect this to be wildly popular with the movie studios, but I think it’s something that all moviegoers can rally around.

When you buy a movie ticket, I think you should also receive a notice of cancellation.  You know what I’m talking about.  If you’ve ever been talked into buying a “student discount” magazine subscription, then I know you’ve thanked the good Lord after seeing that beautiful notice of cancellation arrive in the mail.  I’ll never forget the time several years ago when I let two college girls traipse into my kitchen and proceed to charm me into buying some magazines.”

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“Clint Eastwood in a baseball film?  Put me in coach, I’m ready to play!  Keep in mind, as a lifelong fan of both Clint and baseball, there’s a lot that would’ve had to have gone wrong for me to not enjoy this film.  And in all honesty, there’s not a lot for me to say so I’m going to keep this short and sweet.”

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“An ancestor of Oscar Mayer (Jan-Michael Vincent – playing John Mayer) becomes enraged when he reads a beloved and famous movie reviewer’s website where the famed reviewer refers to Frankfurters as Frankenfurters and comments on how appropriate the name is due to the fact that Frankfurters are indeed pieced together from various meat parts.  Hotdogs soon become known as the “Frankenstein of meat products” and Oscar Mayer’s sales begin to dwindle.

Mayer decides to seek vengeance and begins to raise an army of hot dogs by injecting them with human DNA.  He vows that anybody and everybody who has ever referred to hotdogs as “Frankenfurters” will rue the day…”

Read the rest of the exciting synopsis of Frankenfurter…

“If you have ever attended an advanced movie screening then you know that a pass is required to attend these screenings, and on the pass it clearly states to arrive at the theater at least an hour early because you are not guaranteed a seat.  Not all of the screenings are completely filled, but many of them come pretty close.  There is always the chance that you can arrive late and still find a couple of seats together, but if you want a good seat then you better show up early.

I fondly recall one screening…”

Continue reading The Early Bird Gets the Seat…

“I was sitting at work one day when the phone rang.  It was an acquaintance who called to give me his feedback on a movie screening that he had attended the previous night.  I was unable to attend the screening because I had a prior engagement, and since he noticed my absence he felt he should take it upon himself to share his thoughts regarding the film.It took all of about 3 minutes before he blurts out this considerate nugget…”

Continue reading…