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Movie Reviews Movie Mark Originals Exciting Editorials! Lists of Awesomeness Movie Horror Stories

Cell Phones + Quiet Theater = Don’t Mix

Tommy McTexter

“You know how the story goes.  You’re sitting in the theater, enjoying the movie, and then suddenly you hear the distinctive sound of a cell phone ringing.  You sigh, shake your head, and silently wish ill will upon the perpetrator (seeking the Lord’s forgiveness later, of course).  You figure common courtesy will rule the day and the guy will silence the cell phone and all will be well.  It takes approximately 2 seconds to realize that you should’ve brought a calculator because you figured wrong.”

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Johnny Betts vs. Fast Food Employees Part 2

Angry Fast Food Employees

If you haven’t read Part 1 of the Johnny Betts vs. Fast Food Employees saga then go read it now so you can have the full context.  In Part 1 I detail a frustrating experience I had at a fast food establishment that could have likely been avoided if the employee had received a little more extensive training.  Welp, while my article mainly garnered worldwide praise and approval, there was at least one detractor.  We will call her “Kit Kat” which will be denoted as “KK.”

Continue reading to find out what upset her and what the resolution was…

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Movie Mark Original – Human Fillet

Human Fillet

“Becoming frustrated that their efforts to try to get humans to eat more chicken aren’t as successful as they hoped, the cows decide it’s time to go after what they feel is the source of the problem and eat more humans.  A deadly combination of this frustration and mad cow disease (which becomes more out of control than ever) turns the formerly docile bovines into savage killers.”

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Johnny Betts vs. Fast Food Employees Part 1

Fast Food Employee

Several years ago I therapeutically wrote an article detailing a frustrating experience that I had at a lovely fast food establishment.  The article garnered much praise and responses around the globe from innocent Big Mac consumers who have suffered similar experiences.  Well, I received one email from a fast food employee that wasn’t quite as laudatory.  Below is my original article.  The email exchange I had with the employee will follow next week.  Enjoy…

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Moviegoers: The Chairkicker

The Chairkicker

Inspired by True Events

“Equipped with a misguided sense of entitlement, The Chairkicker views the seat in front of him as a foot rest, regardless of whether it’s occupied or not.  Never one to consider proper movie etiquette, he spends the entire movie ramming his knees or feet into the back of your chair, and no amount of nasty glares will slow down his chairkickin’ abilities.”

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Movie Review: Neil Young Journeys

Neil Young Journeys

“With a music and songwriting career spanning 40 years and 34 studio albums, Neil Young has – as Eddie Vedder once said – ‘consistently demonstrated the unbridled passion of an artist who understands that self-renewal is the only way to avoid burning out.’  This self-renewal is a creative driving force that has produced two Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions for Mr. Young, and his passion underscores his performance at Massey Hall, providing the framework for Neil Young Journeys.

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Movie Mark Original: Tres-Pastor

Trespastor

“Sinnis Turr (Gary Busey) arrives in a small Southern town, presenting himself as a pastor with the intention of winning souls to his flock.  Believing his assertion that he is not of this world, the town soon learns just how accurate that statement is – he’s a demon sent to earth to gather recruits for an upcoming battle between good and evil – a showdown of Biblical proportions!”

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Movie Review: Premium Rush

Premium Rush

“I’ll be honest – when I first saw the trailer for Premium Rush I was a bit skeptical.  I scoffed at the idea of a thriller built around the premise of a bike messenger delivering an important envelope on time.  But you know what?  This is one of those rare late summer releases that comes out of nowhere and entertains you way more than you could have expected.”

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Movie Mark Original: Chalupacabra

Chalupacabra

“Camino Esperanzo (Trejo) has been a fast food employee his entire life, never reaching for greater heights.  After a string of gruesome deaths puts the entire community in a state of unease, Camino becomes suspicious when it’s discovered that one thing all of the victims have in common is that each one had eaten at his place of employment – Grande Taco – just prior to death.”

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Movie Mark Original: Twombstone AKA 2wombstone

Twombstone

I must say, this is one of my most inspired Movie Mark Originals.  Act mortified if you must, Tombstone fans, but you know that if you saw this at Redbox you wouldn’t be able to resist getting it.

If you thought The Return of Josey Wales WITHOUT Clint Eastwood was the worst idea for a Western sequel ever…”

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